Nicron #10 05 декабря 1996

Юмор     Самиздат

Humor - jokes and stories from life.

(C) Maxim Kuzmin.

       Small History "Do not ride on the rails!"

                Hi, All!
I have a very honorable friends - Dima and Alex. Both once
worked in Petersburg "Arsenalle" and now, after a few
years, periodically recall various stories from his factory
life.

             Bike first. Dima.
We had a factory staircase leading into a basement.
Ladder, as a ladder. Long, straight, with smooth,
polished wooden banisters. The men, naturally,
loved to go down only on the rails, rather than the stairs.
All of a sudden emergency: one of those fans came to the 
hospital with a fractured head. The fact that the ladder is 
nearly finished in the basement and lower beam is literally 
hanging over the railing. Therefore, during the descent should 
be in time to duck or jump off. The Administration has taken 
measures, and hung a sign on this ill-fated beam "not skate On 
the rails! ". After some time, PE was repeated. On his forehead 
is the victim manifested part of the inscription. The 
administration has restored any bad prevent and avoid further 
damage to public property outweighed the tablet on the wall. 
Statistics on the broken foreheads all increased. The 
administration, which keep on the hospital so many people were 
not profitable in the end, under the auspices of the health 
care and recreation workers arrived at the ravine ... pillow.



    I wonder if hanging still, this legendary pillow?

                Lyricist - Maxim Kuzmin.
                 Obrabotka in WORD - mdf hacker.



            The doctor said the morgue - so, in the morgue ...



  (C) Boris Savin (FIDO mail, published in Computerra)

  (C) restored SPIDER


   Obscheizvestno that the entire population of Earth is 
divided into normal people and those involved in the computer. 
And the first with Every year it becomes less and less. 
Therefore, as just a normal person sits down at the Computer 
literacy, boldly call nurses, because it will save only early 
prevention. 


   Consider the stages of the disease and give them the 
symptoms and Methods lechniya.



   The first stage (light)

   Symptoms of: A man sits at the Computer literacy, including 
his works and goes home at the end of the day, after which no

recalls the computer until the next morning. Appetite and sleep
normal. Headaches and diarrhea are not available.

   Recommended treatment: The treatment is temporarily not 
needed. 


   The second stage (featherweight)

   Symptoms: The patient, an increased of interest in
computer that is expressed in unhealthy excitement, covering
it at a specified object. Appetite is normal. Sleep
restless, with cries and outcry. Delayed
at work for 2-3 hours and tochet button.

   Recommended Treatment: Remove from the computer, and take
inside rubbing alcohol 3 times a day for 0.5 tablespoons.
Computer books away in inaccessible places. With work
vskrechat.


   The third stage (moderate)

   Symptoms: The patient lingers on the work of more than 4-5 
hours after working hours and saves money for your home

computer. In everyday life begins to use a computer
terminology and not responding to expand the eyes of others.
Increased appetite. Sleep restless, with vykrikivnaniem jargon
and causeless laughter. Comes in a dramatic stimulation in the 
form of computer or vsterche with patients in stage 3 and 
above. In this If the disease can pass the 4-th stage.


    Recommended treatment: Patients izolirivat from obschesrva 
and despite his resistance, to remove from your computer, money

select, to marry. If violent behavior and refusal of treatment
introduced intragastrically 2.1 bucket of vodka with port "777",
mixed in a 1:2 ratio. Basin does not give.


   The fourth stage (severe)

   Symptoms: The patient buys a computer and modem. Speech
Replete with various computer words and their combinations.
Inventing new words, and saves money on a dedicated line. Eats
any food at any time in the presence of food. Sleeps 3-4 hours
day, as night calls on the modem and for each connection
publishes screams, described in the third volume of the book 
"Animal Life" (Chapter 11, the behavior of male rhesus monkeys 
in the mating season). On others respond poorly. Libido 
decreased. Vomiting work, delirium, and diarrhea are not 
available. 

   Recommended treatment: Treatment is subject only to the 
hospital. 


   Fifth stage (hopeless)

   Symptoms: The diseased plants themselves BBS, which pays all
free calls and programming time. Slurred speech,
consisting of 80 percent or more of computer slang
mixed with the special terminology. Appetite and sleep are 
absent. Eats only that which falls in line of sight, regardless

the type and quality of the product. Has a strong scattering -
For example, lights up a box of matches and more. Libido
missing since periodically undergoes deep feelings for
satisfaction of the line on the screen "Connect 19200 ..." 
Holds the Computer nightly bowl and a pack of tea, which 
forgets to dissolve in water.


   Recommended treatment: Treatment of non-refundable.