Micro #20 13 июня 1999

Юмор

Humor from Fido - A friend from Australia told me.

             Humor from Fido



     How hard did the foreign
citizens to study the great and mighty
Russian language. This is by way of introduction. A
here is the story. One young man
recently got a job
(Lucky guy). The office in which he
now works, has been producing
high-voltage cables in German
technology. But his chief
direct the real German.
So, once this most German and
a number of Russian experts
was discussing the problem of breakdown
isolation produced by their cables. Debate
were long and tedious. And then one man
expressed a scientific hypothesis:
- Probably - he says - when the hard workers
cable is laid, they hammered on it
accidentally ebnuli (directly and said). Here
Isolation and corrupted.
German immediately perked up:
- How, how, with a hammer made? -
asks. A guy that embarrassed, but
others begin to explain, saying that it
untranslatable Russian folklore.
- No, - respond with a German. - I have a word
I know. I just thought it might do so
only current. And it turns out, hammer it
also possible.

Serge des_104@hotmail.com

-----------------------------------------

      A friend from Australia told me.

They have the Melbourne Institute of
Aboriginal Culture. "Papuans are studying.
Traditions, customs and way of life. And the Papuans
such as live on reservations. Preserve
this way. And now a professor of
Institute went on an expedition. Lives in
Aboriginal few months, the book says.
All the way through. But this ugorazdilo
Miklukho-Maclay in love with the wife of the leader. Yes
so that he decided it with you to Melbourne
pick up. And the beauty is like averse. But
Professor - a decent man. "Chief -
think - to me as a friend and I had
'm taking my wife. Not good. I must go and honestly
confess everything. At the same time and Papuan
divorce proceedings have studied. "He comes to
leader and sculpts him the truth: we are with your
his wife without the other can not live, ready
I have to pay any ransom, and generally do
under the laws of your tribe. A, - says
leader - is what a wife? Here is this?
Take, as someone else. You know, the
my wife has ten pieces, and me I
them often. No ransom is not necessary. But there is
we have a custom of the tribe. When his wife
give the old man has a new husband
beat. So it should be. Sorry, they say, -
tradition. "-" Well, - answers
heroic professor - I for my
Love ready for anything. Bay. "Well, and made him
fizdyuley leader in full.
Broke six ribs, kidneys, rescued, and so
on. In short, took Professor
helicopter, and then three months in hospital
othazhivali. And his wife, the leader did not
given.

That he was joking SO.

Here and tell me afterwards: one of them
Papuan? And anyone who has to learn?

November 22, 1998

And again about paging company%)

That was long ago. Some new Russian
(HP) called us to the terminal a few times
running throughout the day. Messages fraternization
passed, probably%) and all got on
the same operator. It every time
lifted the receiver and said:
 - Continental, the second listening.
And then again on the fifth in response to such
Welcomes the HP utters:
 - Listen you two. Are you there alone
work, or what? Go on, have a rest!

November 21, 1998


     One my friend apenditsit
removed. And before that do wash
intestine - ie put an enema. Comes
nurse, says: "Get ready, I
now .. "and went for the" equipment ".

     He gets up, gathers in the mouth
water, takes off his pants and lay down on the couch.
Comes a nurse and seeing that "the patient
matured, shall commence its
direct responsibility ...

     At the very moment when its tender
fingers are pressed on this rubber bulb,
"Patient" with the cry: "Poostorooozhney !!!!"
spits out the water ... :-)

     PS: The next day he came up with
flowers and asked for forgiveness.

     And after they were married.

     Moral: Jokes on vrachom to no good
adjusted. ;)

November 20, 1998


     Almost on a song. It happened in
last month. Was once someone's out there
birthday. And there was a girl, and name
its in my opinion - Dasha. At the time of the universal
fun and thunderous music, its calling
girlfriend:
- Dash! Da-aa-sh!

     Another friend, located closer
picks:
- Give?

     Standing next to calm down ... And then this
Girl-vision, encircling around the eyes,
utters:
- Custom.

November 19, 1998


     I was sitting, then in the evening on November 17,
News zyryu ... As always, any nonsense:
about how the FSB wanted to kill Berezovsky,
self-immolation of the Kurds, about meteorites
etc. ... Next is receiving calls from
audience (the program Vremechko ")... Tolls
man some ... And so the conversation they have
with the lead ensued not weak ... Here
chat, chat and came to the topic
Meteorites (I can not vouch for the accuracy, but
meaning preserved).

  Facilitator: Tell me you'll look at
meteor rain at 6 am?

  Man: Of course! After all, they say, is
Only 33 years will again!

  Moderator: Are not you afraid that because of
Snow is nothing you will not see?

  Man: Oh I see, though thunder
Listen ...


November 17, 1998


     The city of Rostov-on-Don. Last week,
District Department of the Interior. Gloomy
Monday morning. In the investigator's office
- The victim. Investigator -
victim (holding his hands behind his head,
tired voice): "In a statement write -
it was thus and thus ... "

     The victim (loudly): "Well, you do not
so it was! "

     At this time the door opens, is
Head with a headache in his eyes, he
hear the last sentence of the victim.
"So, do not want to confess?" Well, well ...",
he says, and briefly bet-stricken
face. He drops his chair ... In
Cabinet - silence.

     Investigator: "Uh ... It's kind of like
victim !..." Again silence ...

     Chief: "I will go - a lot of cases,
work ... "


     P.S. The victim thought, and took
his statement ...

November 15, 1998


   Where are you my darling? ..


     This story I heard many years ago;
I do not know if this is true, but it seems that
Yes. Was in those times such intimate
a song about the city of Vologda: "Where are you, my
Beloved, where? .. - The house where the carved
palisade ...", etc. And everywhere this song
very fond of, that's only in the Vologda
each of its performance caused
simply is hysterical laughter. And the thing
that the old houses with palisades in
Vologda is almost gone, but one
a house that stood in the center of the city, was
residents of Vologda is well known, and
It was placed in local
kozhnovenerichesky clinic ... So
lyrics: "Where are you, my darling,
where? .. - The house where the carved palisade ... "-
acquired several different meanings,
than to invest in them the author of the text, never,
apparently, in the Vologda never been before.

November 11, 1998


     Then recently there was a decrease in prices for
"Svyatogor. Machine exists ... Was familiar
witness the scene in the showroom: Buyer
asked how much it costs "Svyatogor. He
say that 52 million.

     Buyer - "Draw me two
machine. "

     Seller instantly reply - "Take
three - they often break down "

November 10, 1998


     The story is told by my friend -
health professionals working in their time on emergency
assistance. Once he delivered one
patient in the psychosomatic department.
They passed him, but until the documents are designed,
heard - in the corridor with equal
intervamami reported:
- Oo-oo-hoo
Pause. And again:
- Oo-oo-hoo

     It became interesting. Asked local
medic. - Oh, it's a watchman in Gorky Park
once with two cops on duty vodka
drank, and they itch on U.S.
roller coaster ride. Well, got into the guard with
cop in the booth, and another element switch
included, so yes there and fell asleep. Only in the morning
removed them from there. So, instant young
oklemalsya immediately, and the grandfather of the third day
We skate.

November 8, 1998


     This story takes place in glorious 80-s
in one well, very closed Biological
SRI in the near suburbs. In the laboratory
to tables supplied water, and the tube
go under the table. And then one
day in one place clogged system.
Caused Uncle Vasya. Vasya went screwy,
crawled under the table. Fumbling running. Here from
under the table there is a hand fumbles on the table,
finds the stove disappears with it, through
30 sec spiritlamp appears already empty, and
There were 100 grams of alcohol ... What
Next? Half an hour passes, Vasya works.
Chef lab looks under the table: Vasya
lying on his back on the floor and your hands up
(Seems like something mends). On the question
<Work?> Meets <Yeah>. Goes even
Half an hour's time to go for lunch. A laboratory
terrible secret, for lunch
sealed and shall be an ensign of the guard.
Well Prapor came, and Vasya everything works.
Prapor along with the boss looks under
table, the picture is the same Vasya on the back of your hands
at the top that does - not visible. <Vasya
work?> - <Yeah> - <Let's get out, dinner>
- <Um> ... Do nothing to solve Prapor with
Vasya boss pull start to pull the
feet, but he would not come out !!!!!!!!!!!
Dragged, pulled, finally, Vasya revived,
fumbled a bit and got out. It turned out that
Having alcohol Uncle Vasya decided to sleep well
but what if different authorities lacked,
hands tied with wire to the pipes, so that
from the illusion that a person
works:).
This is how ......

November 6, 1998


     Years of stagnation. Country is actively
sells oil, gas and weapons. For
Delivery of the (arms) good active
used military transport aircraft
(Who saw "Antey", understand what I mean - in
hold can safely play in football). There
are the same boxes with the mooring
chains. So, the crew returned after
flight in a hot African countries, where
for souvenirs bought dried
crocodiles, but knowing that our customs
do not miss such goods, hides them in
the above boxes. Before that had never
Customs did not look at them. Airport AK.
Inspection. A young customs officer,
showing initiative, climbs in all holes and
finds the contraband cargo. Calling
superiors and the commander. Commander
making wooden face. Autopsy cases and
question: "What have you got?" Commander, seeing
crocodiles, exclaims: "Throw them to the
hell ponalazili in this Africa! "Laughter,
noise, but 7 crocodiles reaches the family
troops.

November 4, 1998


     I've got a friend .. Lesch.
Fireman. Interesting small (even when
sober). So he calls me once a story
said. In principle, it is much
told, but here's one with a peculiar
remember .. Painfully funny ..
In short, they all go native on the team
challenge. Arrived - there was already open
figachit. Flat. Burn two windows. Well all
Sure thing, according to the instructions .. Unrolled there
their hoses, jet allowed .. Trampled,
shorter fire. Entrance to the apartment -
watch now - almost all burned out,
Only one door is closed. Burned, but
intact. Knock ... Next unfolds
before their eyes the picture .. Stop!

     I'm just going to describe how it looks from
parties to fully present. Night.
Do not see a damn, except in the ray
flashlight (and they are they powerful, infection .. well
smoke - need to punch, but it is not clear
nothing). So, in the dark, with their
lanterns, spotlights, in helmets, with all
This oxygen behind, wearing masks - well
natural team hatches from Skywalker
Star Wars in full ammo ...

     And in this way, they collapse into
room and see the big picture: the two
bedding two young couples at all
make love, but with such fervor that
nothing around him do not notice .. Here
Imagine yourself in their place: lying, love
each other .. Suddenly, bam! Door - in
side .. In opening a lot of spotlights, smoke,
People in masks with tanks on their backs ..
First published landlady screaming: "YOU
Who?? "What should be restrained response:
"Astronauts YATIT!

-----------------------------------------
             The people of Fido


  Lyrics courtesy of Y. Grushko