Micro #19 28 мая 1999

Юмор

Humor from fido - Skateptyu dopozhka.

             Humor from Fido



Alexei Andreev, "Moskovsky Komsomolets"

Good riddance.


     Former fashion model Lisa worked
salesman in the showroom, "Tablecloth
track "a few days. During this time, it
learned that clients need to smile
talk to them politely, not irritated by
their stupid questions and complaints,
show them their long legs
(For which proper but her and took) and
generally do their utmost so that the client
away from the cabin on the new machine, but not gone
on foot. That's only brands of machines
it was never taught to understand. Therefore,
when the cabin became a person openly
Caucasian ethnicity, and with difficulty
Choosing his words, said:

"The girls I Passat hachu"


     Lisa knew it was not in the sense that
Behold, the man set out to buy
car "Volkswagen - Passat, and quite
another. That is just completely
another. She shuddered and, still
demonstrate a broad Hollywood
grin, asked:
- What's that you want?
- Passat sichas hachu - repeated Caucasian
and patted his front pocket of his trousers,
hinting that money when it is. However,
Lisa once again saw his expression and gesture incorrectly. She 
realized the man-so unbearable, that he was ready to celebrate 
their need directly here in the middle of the cabin. And now!

- It can not - she said quickly.
- Pachemu nelzya? - Surprised Caucasian .- Zdes Nat?
- There - Lisa warmly waved to the door
capital letters in the far-WC
the end of the saloon - there is.

     Person of Caucasian nationality
turned in the direction indicated,
detect the distance the familiar letter W,
decorating is usually cooler machines, the first
part of the name which he did because he could
remember, and not hastily headed for the
door. Lisa followed him busy
gaze, lest misfortune
happened on the road. Only when a Caucasian
reached the desired location, it is lightweight
breath.
- Passat hachu - open the door and saw
sitting at a table an elderly woman
said Caucasian.
- It is possible - also quite clearly understood
it allowed the aunt and the Schur, fast something
Keeping in mind, described explicitly overcharge
price of the service:
- Ten.

     Caucasian goggled eyes. Such
big car for ten thousand dollars
- It was incredibly cheap.
"Oh, too far" - saw his reaction,
thought Aunt Shura and have wanted to reduce
price, but Caucasians her ahead.
- Pachemu so deshevo? - Suspected
he asked.

     Aunt Shura nearly jumped from
joy in his chair. Pretending to dig in
papers on the table, she hastily said:
- Oh, I made a mistake, it seems ... Well, exactly
sorry ... Twenty.
- And kandytsyoner eat? - Decided to clarify
of the car Caucasian.
- What? - Did not understand Aunt Shura.
- From kandytsyoner trades hachu - explained
Caucasian.

     Now is the time Aunt Shura
vytaraschivat eyes. During the long years of work
in such a particular kind of service does not
met people with many eccentricities.
But what would someone for this business
It took the air conditioner with shampoo
one bottle, about which her every night
trendeli from TV - with this she
faced for the first time. Well, paper, well, soap,
Well, the condom - is if the two of us went, but
air conditioner with shampoo then why?

     Lord! - The next moment it dawned on
it .- But does he wash his head here
met! ... Surely there is nowhere more? Remembering
state and type of subordinated
pottery, she looked in amazement at the
waiting for a person of Caucasian nationality
and, throwing up his hands, with pity said:

     - No air conditioner, my dear, I can not ...
Yesterday ended ... - For some reason
She lied and uncertain proposed:
- Maybe myltse fit?
- Baz kandytsyoner ne be - proudly refused Caucasian, realizing 
that under myltsem here implies, evidently very much poor 
complete set of machines, something like "Eared" plows, "and 
slammed the door, leaving Aunt Shura regret the loss of profits.


     When Lisa again suddenly saw before
are all the same person Caucasian
nationality, she started and the first
case involuntarily looked at his
pants. And after making sure that all
order, looked down on by the individual.
His face was already clearly angry.

- Passat nakanets MNE das? - Irritation
it inquired.
- And you ... Is there ... No? .. - She waved helplessly toward 
the institution's aunt Shura.

- There kandytsyoner Nat - contemptuously
said a Caucasian - Baz kandytsyoner ne
hachu. Lisa moaned softly. Of course, she
knew that Aunt Shura cleaning themselves especially
does not burden, so was the atmosphere in
her institution that has, in some dysenteric elephant breathe 
for sure easier, but that it so strongly prevented?

Especially in great need.

     - Here! - Suddenly shouted, Caucasian,
Finally the identifier among the challenges in
saloon cars that, behind which came and
recall the first part of its name.

     - Falksvagen trades hachu!

     Lisa became ill. Use
expensive car for that!?

     - Kandytsyoner eat? - Jabbing at
car with his finger excitedly asked
Caucasian.
Lisa nodded gloomily.

     - Music is eating?

     Lisa has been shattered. Him to do more and
Bring music!

     - Hachu - summed up the Caucasian and
resolutely strode to the car. - No! - Of
last effort exclaimed Lisa
barred his way. - No way!

     Here on his luck, saw
Basil guard entering the room, and
start a heart-rending to wave to him, shouting:
- Over here! Here! Hurry!

     Basil was a big hangover, all
his body craved rest, and beer
Therefore, after Lisa indignantly
whispered in his ear that this man
breaks celebrate small need for expensive
car, no other versions
about the behavior of Caucasians have it already
did not arise.

     - Are you really oborzel? - Measured the
Caucasian frail figure, darkly
asked Basil. - MNE trades nada -
continued to insist Caucasian. - A ne analysis
yields.

     - A pasrat tzbe ne nada? -
mimicked him Basil.

     - Falksvagen pasrat MNE ne nada -
resolutely refused to Caucasian
completely unknown to him a model car.
- MNE nada interpretation trades.

     - Yep - almost gently nod
Basil - just ... But this -
brought it to the person imposing Caucasian
fist - you do not need?

     Caucasian finally figured out what to sell
here's why his car - that stubbornly refuses
wish. Probably the latter, and has remained
someone promised. But go easy
he also did not like, so he carefully
drew on his own behalf fist and judgmental
tone said:

     - Neharasho.

     Then left for good
inhospitable showroom. Basil,
recovered beer, about the incident
quickly forgotten, but then another Liza long with
indignantly told her friends,
which still meet perverts
among men. Especially the eastern ones.
-----------------------------------------

     MN> :-) I once saw a man
_In bought palatke_ _yaschik_ whiskey Black'a.

     MN> maniac some ... ;)


     Surprise! Yesterday, my friend at
minute ran into the pharmacy and in front of
ohrenevshey crowd bought THOUSAND
condoms. I humbly stood in
Hoping to hear the cry of some grandmother
"More than three hundred in one hand - not
let go! "But all bezmolstvovala.
Even when Mary solemnly
handed me four huge package and
theatrical voice is well supplied
gasped: "Hold, tireless!"


        .........................


     We then packed up for an hour, these
condoms in a gift box with a
labeled "8 th Festival of Advertising. Souvenir."

;))

-----------------------------------------

     History byla passkazana my acquaintances
telefonschikom, nazovem his Egor. Case
was tak. He walked phones avtomaty
tested. And here it itch POSS ...
popisat, a round looking for.
Urine tolerate either. Zahodit, znachit, he
the first popavshiysya house and calls in the first
kvartiru. Door otkryvaet zhenschina.
- Zdravstvuyte.
- Zdravstvuyte, unto you who?
- I come from a telephone kompanii, check the telephone line 
(pokazyvaet license). - Well, pass ... Yegor zahodit and

sprashivaet:
- Tak, where there vas tualet?
Zhenschina pokazyvaet him, he zahodit,
zapiraetsya, and here it is, dolgozhdannoe
relief. Leaves and sprashivaet:
- Well, pokazyvayte where the phone.
Zhenschina puzzled:
- But there nas no telefona.
- Aa, well, nothing, soon postavim. -
said Yegor schastlivy goes ...

>.............( C) www.anekdot.ru ..........

September 23, 1998


     Served in our regiment one pilot,
famous was the one that sat on
forced a jet to
zaglohshim engine four times.
The fourth time was the most fun, and the case
was. The airfield was located on the Lena River.
Take off normally, but at 600 meters
engine stalled. I must say that
Jets fly without propulsion engine
like a brick, thrown from a window. So
do? Underneath the city, and in front straight
rate - Lena, straight as an arrow, ice
thick, the winter in the yard, he takes
aircraft in the dive and rushing river. Must
add that he was flying to the landfill under
wings, bombs, rockets navesheny, in general,
view zashib. In short, sits on his belly and
slides on the ice, well slides -
rate of a hoo. Slid km
two, stopped, opened the lantern
cab and sees that literally meters
five from him a man a fish catches, wrapped
with his head in a sheepskin, and naturally, nothing
not to hear. Then our gallant flyer
unfasten the oxygen mask and yells:
"Hey, pal, you took my hole!"
Little man turns and when
considered to what Comrade fishing
arrived, asked that heels, that
According to the pilot and his afterburner would
not catch up. Here's a story takes place in
our glorious air force, when kerosene was
bulk.


              Story sent by (a) Maverick

                  (BlackElf22@hotmail.com)

-----------------------------------------

     Told me the other day, one story
swear that's true. Returned once
guy from the party home. Drunk to
ugliness, of course. It takes place over
city, and he lives in the city. Late
Fall, the rain comes the wall, slippery and
ugly. Lateness of the hour, the buses are not
walk. He came out on the track and became
vote. All to no avail: car a little,
Nobody wants to stop. Muzhik
almost resigned to the fact that his karma -
okolet have this damn road, as
Suddenly a cage with a good sedtsem
stopped near him. Not trusting his
Fortunately, the man jumped into the car,
muttered words of thanks and
instantly fell asleep. It took some time,
man came to his senses and began to look around. Here
was then opened and hell: the wheel
There was no one! Meanwhile, the machine
calmly rode, though very slowly.
A man tried to break out of the damned
machine, but his hands were shaking after the party and
refused to obey. Throwing torment
door, the man looked at the road and realized
that the worst is yet to come. Machine
drove to the cemetery, the gate is at least
approached him slowly
open ... A man was desperately
recall any prayer, but in
head climbed some reason "God Save the Tsar."
When in his head flashed already as
put his whole life, a miracle happened:
from rain, from the unknown darkness of the window
thrust black ruka.Ona last
moment turned the wheel and then disappeared.
The car turned on to spasitelnyypovorot
city. At this moment the world was
one a Christian anymore. Meanwhile
car continued slowly on its own
closer to the city. Ahead appeared
lights of a roadside diner. Here
desires and passenger cars match: they
stopped near her. After collecting the last
forces, the man opened the door and fell out
out. Then got up and ran toward the light,
to people. In the bar, in general. After drinking one gulp
100gr., The man thought that life is not so
and bad. Here in the bar came a very
wet and very dirty man. With grim
countenance, he also ordered a vodka, drank it and
intricately cursed. Our friend suddenly
craving felt something lift
the mood of this man. He ordered him to
vodka and sympathetically asked why he
so gloomy. In response, he heard the following:
"#&^$&**@#!!!! Engine knocked on
entrance to the city. All night the car push
himself had! ":-( (Raschuvstvovashiysya
man ordered him another 200g.

     Who the hell ... copyright forgot
posohranyat. : (In short (c) someone from Fido.


     Serge des_104@hotmail.com

-----------------------------------------

    Told (a) Prof


     Firm migrated to the new location.
Staff unpacked and computers.
Here is one of the officers coming to his boss and
happily reports:

    - We brought an extra monitor!

     Chef some time looking around and
grim says:

    - Idiot! System unit stolen!


    Serge des_104@hotmail.com

-----------------------------------------
              The people of Fido


  Lyrics courtesy of Y. Grushko