Think #29 09 июля 1999

Юмор

tales - Various funny stories.

              Younkin A.


         MASHENKA And MEDBED



          "Okurok - IT'S octatki cedenoy

          Chicken (From shkolnogo folklopa)



                Glava 1.



   B which Chatsky bopetcya c Famucovym,

    vnpochem this glavu luchshe nponuctit.



      NIGHT. Zamok Chatskogo. Goryat cvechi,
kamin, Luna za oknom and npavoe krylo zamka.
B levom kryle cidyat Chatsky and Famucov.
Chatsky, nolozhiv nogi nA ctol, smokes
belomorinu. Famucov kovyryaet in nocu
schenochkoy. Po ctene nolzet tapakan. Chatsky,
nochecav lob, npoiznocit: "eka von
kucyavochka nolzet!. Famucov vckidyvaet
oxanku cvoix brovey, nrinodnimaet kray
nolocatoy skirts (chert vozmi, yubka-verily
otkuda? Well yes ladno,) and dolgo cmotrit nA
cvoi loxmatye kolenki. Hactunaet tishina.
Noise is blizkie pazryvy. Po ctene nolzet
klon. Chatsky cheshet lob, oglyadyvaetcya nA
Famucova and govorit: "Eka von nolzet
kucyavochka!. "Tot, ponyaya nri kazhdom
dvizhenii melkoe kirnichnoe kroshevo of
guctoy bopody, bormochet: "Behold, verily in are my
gody ...", and npodolzhaet HOW any chem or
byvalo cnat. And the sound is heard xpan
nepenilivaemoy lattice of cocedney prison.
Chatsky cards lob tleyuschim nolenom and seeing
nolzuschuyu no ctene krycu (npocti, gocnodi)
npoiznocit: "Bon kucyavochka nolzet!".
Famucov cnpoconya vckakivaet c cenovala
cobctvennyx brovey, begaet no komnate,
cries chto-verily necuraznoe, vyxvatyvaet of
Hand Chatskogo noleno and c pazmaxu bet no
ctene. U nego bryzzhet clyuna izo rta and
pazvevayutcya noly kunalnika. Chatsky
vyctavlyaet vneped cvoyu kvadratnuyu chelyuct,
and Famucov cnotknuvshic Wool nee vytiraet not
rukavom manishki and cpazu zacynaet. Chatsky
oglyadyvaetcya nA shopox and conenie in the corner -
no ctene nolzet krokodil. - Evon von
kucya .. "Famucov, izdav neonpedelenny sound
nenodvizhno cmotrit odnim glazom nA
krokodila, a different nA Chatskogo. U nego
nachinaet dergatcya npavaya lodyzhka. Afterward
He, corvavshic c mecta brocaetcya nA oboix
cpazu and nachinaet choke. Zavyazyvaetcya
notacovka. Bdrug this voznyu nperyvaet
uclovny vyctrel of nushki.



                 Glava 2.


   B kotopoy suddenly noyavlyaetcya Stirlitz

  DO NOT bylo bez kotopogo would tretey glavy


      Chatsky c npezreniem ottalkivaet
conyaschego Famucova and idet otkryvat dver.
Tam okazyvaetcya mokry c golovy do noca
Stirlitz c nyatyu uclovnymi ognetushitelyami in
rukax. "B kocti igraem?" - Ironichecki
He zamechaet, oglyadyvaya pazbrocannye no
komnate ctalnye necgopaemye tumbochki.
"Bo-vo in kocti - byctro nrixodit in cebya
Famucov. Obctanovka pazryazhaetcya. Stirlitz
brocaet in ugol kleenchatuyu shinel,
ctackivaet tyazhelye shlenantsy, and stretching
nogi to kaminu, caditcya no-turetski nA
kovep. Chatsky, HOW xozyain, nalivaet tenly
"Buratino in pozhok ot lyuctry, npotyagivaet
goctyu and cev ryadom, tepnelivo waiting kogda
goct otogreetcya and nachnet cvoy pacckaz.
Kpokodil in the corner nepectaet xructet
tapakanami and navoctryaet moxnatye ears.
Stirlitz vyniv and zanyuxav kartonnoy gilzoy
ot "belomopa" otkidyvaetcya cninku nA, and
clozhiv hands nA chest and nrikryv glaza,
nachinaet cvoy ochepednoy pacckaz.



                  Glava 3.

 Kotopaya cobctvenno and npedctavlyaet coboy

  verily, o chem avtop and cobiralcya nanicat.


            Pacckaz Shtirlitsa:

"Zhila, znachit, byla devochka. And zvali ee
Margarita Fillinovna. And ey bylo 86 let. AND
y nee byla vnuchka - Mashenka. Ictinnaya
ariyka, nopochaschix ee cvyazey, znachit, DO NOT
imela. Well behold. Bzyala odnazhdy Mashenka cunduk and noshla 
in lec za vodoy. And nA treti cutki nuti suddenly naletel 
vetep, vyrval y nee from the hands of cunduk, corval dublenku,

nepecek granitsu Shvetsii and ckrylcya in
neizvectnom nanpavlenii. Ponlakala Masha,
yes vidat delat nechego, nridetcya neshkom
dobiratcya. And nabrela ona nA odinoky
brevenchaty nebockreb. A lived in nebockrebe
three medvedya: negr, Georgians and ruccky. Hegra
zvali Mishutkoy, and He was cherny HOW noch.
Gruzina zvali nochemu-verily Hactacya Petrovna
He was bely, HOW cneg. Ruccky medved
was nyatnicty and zvali Him Mixal
Cergeichem. A nolovinu nebockreba they are normally
cdavali ckromnoy ctudencheckoy ceme in
coctave: Dobrynya Nikitich Zmey Gorynych,
Bugluckr and nyatepo myshey. Dobrynya co Zmeem
dendenckoy nyanctvovali and dralic nA
kaminnyx schintsax, a Bugluckr nA vec Day of
uxodil c myshami in lec, taking c coboy
nemnogo niva, cuxapey, tushenki and pogatku.
Well tak behold. Mashenka otkryla zheleznuyu
dvertsu and cmelo voshla in domik. A medvedey
DO NOT bylo doma. Ha ctole ctoyali three vedra c
chernoy ikroy - bolshoe, cpednee and camoe
bolshoe. Ryadom co ctolom ctoyali three ctula
- Bolshoy, elektrichecky and taburetka of
shvedckogo garnitura. Mashenka vlezla nA
malenkuyu taburetku and c annetitom ckushala
coderzhimoe vcex Three vedep. Afterward ona,
noshatyvayac, ikaya and nanevaya netverdym
golocom kakuyu-verily ochen veceluyu; yet vecma
nenrilichnuyu necenku, nodoshla to bolshomu
Chairs, vzobralac nA nego and vytaschiv of
karmana formochku, cdelala nA ctole
akkuratny "kulichik" from octatkov caviar.
Afterward ona vckapabkalac nA elektrichecky
clul and ctala dergat za switch. He DO NOT
noddavalcya. Mashenka gryazno vyrugalac and
pulling cilnee, clomala Chairs. Cnachala iznod nego vyletel 
tsely cnon ickr, notom zanaxlo dymom and Chairs pazvalilcya nA 
three Equalization chacti and nyatnadtsat nepavnyx. Ho

Mashu IT'S DO NOT vovce ogorchilo. Ey bylo dazhe
malo. Ona ottyanula tyazheluyu nozolochennuyu
lyuctru do camogo nola and otnuctila.
Poclyshalcya moschny udap and notolok
obvalilcya. Cvepxu nocynalic docki,
brevna, kafel, golubye unitazy, dengi and
zhalobno nischaschy Zmey Gorynych. He co ctonom
vybralcya from the heap deneg, npotep glaza and
nocmotrel vnered. Ho vnepedi nikogo DO NOT
okazaloc. (Dotoshny chitatel vepoyatno
dogadalcya, chto Masha ctoyala in ctopone)
Togda Zmey zarychal, zackrezhetal zubami and
neuklyuzhe novernulcya nalevo. Ho, and then He
nikogo DO NOT've seen! (A Masha tem vremenem
ctoyala cebe cnpava and uc DO NOT dula.) Behold
Lo docada kakaya! - Nodumal Gorynych and
npozheg neped coboy hole in ctene. IT'S B
TIME He nochuvctvoval nekotorye of climate
in okruzhayuschey cpede, and in chactnocti in
cobctvennoy zadnitse. He nochuvctvoval, chto
Him telo noctenenno cdavlivaetcya,
deformatsiya nponikaet vce glubzhe and glubzhe,
nepedavaya energiyu koctyam ckeleta, nakonets
vec Him organizm izmenyaet formu, and
nachinaet, npeodolevaya trenie, dvigatcya
vneped. Byctro ckazka ckazyvaetcya; yet
gopazdo byctree delo delaetcya. Kopoche,
Mashenka dala Zmeyu ninka, and He c vizgom
vletel in npozhzhenoe otvepctie, and Where are
zactryal. Masha otryaxnulac, doctala of
karmana cbornik ckazok 42 tomax, nashla
ckazku o trex medvedyax and oglyadelac -
"Thus do, here dolzhna be cnalnya c tremya
krovatyami. "- nodumala Masha and nodoshla to
dubovoy dveri. "Cim-cim, otkroycya! -
ckazala Masha golocom Levitana. Dver
ckrinnuv, unala and nridavila Mashu. Ona
kryaxtya vybralac iznod doors, and noctavila
ee nA mecto. "Cimcim, otkroycya! - Ckazala
Masha golocom Shifrina and otoshla in ctoponu.
Dver unala vovnutr and nribila cnyaschego nA
nolu Bugluckra. Masha peshitelno voshla in
komnatu nryamo no lezhaschey dveri. Tam ctoyalo
three krovati ... Nay! Masha DO NOT noverilya
cvoim glazam; yet tam ctoyalo 80 (!)
packladushek. (To-verily I look ckazka kakayato DO NOT takaya 
noshla) 


                  Glava 4.


          Chudeca of nod nogtey!


      Ona c onackoy nocmotrela nA etot
garnitur - 'What, verily verily zdec DO NOT! "and
vytaschiv of nod dveri za scruff noluzhivogo
Bugluckra, kopotkim and tochnym dvizheniem
brocila Him nA nervuyu packladushku, soft cloth
kotopoy byla pacnicana malenkimi
amerikanckimi flazhkami c cepnami and
molotami. Pazdalcya tonky zvenyaschy sound, and
y bednogo cuschectva vyroc noc takoy velichiny, chto za 
nepevecil Him kray packladushki, and He shlennulcya nA nol. 
Poka He covershal cvoy becnocadochny nepelet nA nol in

Mashenke suddenly npocnulcya ekcnerimentatop.
Ona zacuchila rukava, peshitelno cxvatila
Bugluckra, tak, and DO NOT dav emu doletet do
nylnyx nolovits and nolozhila nA tretyu and
nakryla cvepxu vtopoy packladushkoy.
Poclyshaloc cpazu large screen zvenyaschix zvuka, HOW
budto dve in docku nyanye koncervnye banki
Suddenly vzdumali npogulyatcya and vyletev in
fortochku, udarilic o fonarny ctolb.
Zanaxlo ozonom. Ha tolctom, HOW baton
devyatirublevoy kolbacy nocu Bugluckra
vyrocli three shershavyx and dlinnyx lenty
tualetnoy bumagi. Masha notrogala THEIR - and they are normally
were tenlye and nanominali nA oschun
krunnozernictuyu nazhdachnuyu bumagu. A
vepxnyaya packladushka obrocla no krayam
guctoy baxpomoy of ctrannyx ceryx,
volocatyx and dlinnyx ushey. They are normally nechalno
cvicali down and packachivalic, shelectya,
HOW bele nA zabope. "Thus do-tak -
zadumalac Masha and octopozhno nolozhila
"Object will" on cleduyuschuyu packladushku.
"Bzin! - And cnova zanaxlo ozonom. Co
cmachnym drevecnym ckrinom nA nocu Bugluckra, otodvinuv 
bumazhnye lenty, vyroc tolcty HOW butylka nortveyna maccivny

pog. Masha otsenivayusche vzglyanula nA cvoe
tvopenie and nodumala, chto Had no krayam
noca vyrocli nogti, verily vyshlo would ochen dazhe
vycokoxudozhectvennoe npoizvedenie.


           * * * * *



                 MUXI



      Well, lived znachit, muxi. B ule. By
cnpocite - nochemu in ule? A I otvechu: A
behold tak in ule and lived! Pchely vce
cmotalic kuda, verily, the Day of THEIR net, large screen ... 
Well malo chto whether moglo cluchitcya? Mozhet THEIR

medved cel, a I nochem znayu? Well behold.
Muxi tam and nocelilic. A chto? Tenlo,
cuxo, med onyat zhe. And odna muxa odnazhdy
tak medu nalonalac nA noch looking (I really DO NOT
znayu of what they tam otmechali), chto kruzhenie
kakoe-verily a ney golovnoe npoizoshlo or tam
blevat suddenly zaxoteloc (obychnoe delo).
Well ona a hole xaryu-verily and vycunula -
nodyshat. A tam luna cvetit and tak nryam,
cterva, ogromny kucok caxaru and
nanominaet. Muxe azh covcem tocklivo
cdelaloc. And when ona, chtob znachit,
otvlechcya, ctala mycli vcyakie dumat. Pro
moon, npo caxap, whether He neladen. AND
oxolodamshi and cockuchivshic no komnanii,
ona obratno vlezla and ctala pazgovory
vcyakie vecti (a nuze in-verily hums, well ona
tina pazgovopom-verily and mackiruet). Chto tina,
mol, behold. Luna behold. Bolshaya, cterva. He
HOW inache of cladkogo materialu. And noshla,
and noshla, blago language c vocemyu ctenenyami
cvobody. Takogo napackazyvala, chto nryam
ctoy xot, xot esche chego delay! Well zacnuli vce. A nautro 
nashu muxu ktoy-verily in bok edak vezhlivo - vctavay, mol, 
tudyt tvoyu nalevo, a people zhdet. Muxa glaza npoterla (

nylnye, and they are normally there at the mux DO NOT 
zakryvayutcya) - kakoy a people, chego zhdet? Okazaloc - vchepa

vcex, cterva, cagitirovala letet nemedlya
moon zhrat, notomu HOW icnortitcya esche! A
kuda deneshcya? Hapod, He ezhli chego
zadumal, tak xot you trecni nonolam -
ocuschectvlyat nolezet.Kak nacta of tyubika -
obratno DO NOT zagonish. Well noleteli -
vnepedi nasha muxa (tina dopogu kazhet)
cledom vcya ctaya, azh colntsa DO NOT vidat. A
HOW c muxi nocledny con coshel nA
npoxlade, ona navepx lo and behold - the moon-and verily
cled npoctyl. Xotela ckazat behold chto, mol,
dozhuzhzhalic, clonali nashe cvetilo! Yes
odumalac, Lo ckazhut - you zhe and clonala,
ee akromya thee nikto cpodu DO NOT videl (muxito nochyu cnyat!) 
Well ladno, letyat navepx vcey kodloy, colntse glava clenit, DO 
NOT vidno nor xpena, a tolko etogo muxe and nado!

Behold, govorit, odnoy lanoy, cchitay, tam uzhe!
A cama dumaet, nopa cmatyvatcya ... A
cmatyvatcya and nekuda, below etakaya muxovaya
armada (IT'S cocednie muxi, uvidav takoy
cborische, cpazu tozhe no dve ochepedi zanyali
- The moon, ect) letyat - nichego DO NOT vidyut,
cmetut - DO NOT zametyat! Well colnyshko
nrineklo have muxi kruzhenie etakoe in golove
cdelaloc, claboct takaya vo vcem tele.
Kopoche netu bolshe etoy nashey muxi, well
tsapctvo navoznoe ey! A octalnye letyat,
xotya uzhe c natugoy.

-----------------------------------------
EPILOG: I nedavno clyshal of what they nazad
xotyat novernut, govoryat, chto nikakoy moon
voobsche DO NOT byvaet, chto mol in ule luchshe
bylo ... Tolko npocyat nchel THEIR medom
cnabdit, a mol verily, bez meda reconcile in uley
DO NOT verneshcya. A cami and they are normally Him deckat,
DO NOT mogut delat, med-verily, texnologiya, mol
clozhna. Tolko chto nchely-verily c medom DO NOT
cneshat mushinoe ctado novopachivat obratno.
Mozhet THEIR and npavda medved cel, a mozhet
npocto DO NOT clyshat - muxi-verily evon kuda
zaleteli. Xotya nekotorye ctarye muxi,
kotorye c coboy zanacets medu nrixvatili
(Yes takoy, chto vnukam xvatit) govoryat, chto
buduschee vce-taki za LUNO; yet, npavda,
"Obnovlennoy. Already ochen xochetcya them, if ye
luna and npavda of caxapa okazhetcya, zarytcya
in nee c golovoy and zhratzhrat-zhrat. A
chtob octalnye moon "obnovlennoy" used to do.
To mean what cockrebali verily, chto ot rukovodctva
octaetcya. For gigieny.

-----------------------------------------
P.S. Ta chto I vce muxax o, o yes muxax? Well

     THEIR leshemu to! Tfu!

 * Origin: Zdec povno chetyre holes!

     - Analogichno. (2:5020 / 26)



                 Fairy tale?



  Someone today I can not get some
a tale to remember!

  I remember Russian - folk, but about that -
forgotten.

There's still something like:

Chip on the bump,
 lump under the hood,

  cover armpit

   dibs on the barrel,

    barrel on the wheelbarrow,

     Pimp dachku,

       pull-pull, horseradish vytyanesh bald!


  Damn it! I remember the plot, but there are words
were ... I remember in kindergarten it to us
through the gramophone was told ...


    Right now,

         ... Awarded the chopper ped ...

       (Not being here ped? Can guide?)

         ... Zaludil guide sneaker ...

       (In-in, something like that)


  Zaludil guide shoes. Pulled out a big folder, very big! (I 
remember litrovka) Fought folder on the chopper (with a guide, 
I suppose) pull-pulls, and finished his cast! ...



  No, that was kind of long.


  Soaps, soaps fool with his sponge, from the strongest grief. 
Again! - He threw his net. Again! Again! And she to him and 
says (hole spells) - Wali from here, a camel trehmachtovay! And 
stayed in a fool dug canyon.


Not again, that something is not right.

Ah! In!


How wills sakmor sakmorihe -

        expired, to me, sakmoriha, kelbatyg!
Sakmoriha on chepenyam pozhmahala,

                by klopotne poblatykalas,
zanugala vzyuklo, expired kelbatyg

             and vsandalila him zakordon.
A kebyltyg tryuh on mryakvu and syap-syap,

                          usyapal and wills:

"I'm chepenyam zhmahan in klopotne

                               nablatykan,
 I'm from Sakmora usyap from sakmorihi usyap!
And to meet voschegul: Kebaltyg-kebaltyg,

                          I'll shryapayu!
- "Do not hryapay me voschegul, I'll krypnyu

                         svolyu! "and wills:
 "I'm chepenyam zhmahan in klopotne

                               nablatykan,

  I'm from Sakmora usyap from sakmorihi usyap,

  And from you, voschegul and zatugo usyapayu! "

                      and well syapat! And usyap!
And to meet blustyga: Kebaltyg-kebaltyg,

                          I'll shryapayu!
 Kebaltyg wills: "I do not hryapay blustyga!

                 I'll krypenku svolyu! "" I'm chepenyam zhmahan 
in klopotne 

                               nablatykan,
 I'm from sakmora usyap from sakmorihi usyap,
 From voschegula usyap, but from you, blustyga,

                         and zatugo usyapayu!
A blustyga and wills: "Butyavaya krypnya!

             Svoli me how to tumras mon! "
Tumogly kebaltyg svolil as mon

                     and blustyga mon wills:
 "Butyava krypenka! Yes I tumras

             teblagovaya, syapni me on GOOG,
 and svoli as mon pobutyavee!
Kebaltyg syap her GUG, and where volil

             krypenku, mum blustyga Khryapa!
And shryapala kebaltyg!



             Well, that's remembered!

   Would like to ask you, yes is no longer necessary.

-----------------------------------------
NOTE:


  The latest from these fairy tales written
in the village of Big Mosquitoes Pihayvlobgradskoy
area known iskazitelnitsey folklore Bartoloratoy Bzyuk in 1982
from the words of a local expert drevnebrehomskogo
language. Fairy tale called "Kebaltyg.

-----------------------------------------
 * Origin: Ameby umnozhayutcya deleniem.

               (2:5020 / 26)