Think #23 30 декабря 1998

Юмор

Jokes - Humor.

                JOKES



  In the House comes to a doctor:
 - Patient, I have two news for you:
good and bad. I'll start with the bad. You yesterday cut off 
the wrong foot, but do not worry today employs experienced team 
of professionals and I am sure, now cut off that necessary.

 - Well and good! Which is good news!
 - A neighbor in the ward agrees to buy your
shoes.

                 *


  Landing aircraft. People go
the ramp. One fall down his pants.
 - Zadolbal Aeroflot: fasten seat belts,
rastegnite belts ...


                 *

  Aircraft engines stalled, he promptly banked. Immediately out 
of the cab pilot with a parachute.

 - Do not worry, gentlemen passengers! I'm going to land for 
the help! 


                 *


  At the dog market is noisy, committed
transaction. Buyer inspects on all
sides of the dog, who came to his liking.
 - He has a family tree? -
he asks the seller.
 - Why? He enjoyed by anyone.


                 *


  Worker fell from scaffolding
falls down. The foreman shouted to him from below:
 - Pull devil, Vasya! For you brick flies!


                 *


  The doctor asks the patient:
 - What do you have?
 - Pain in the groin.
 - Take off your coat.

  The patient is undressed, the doctor stared at him:
 - Why do you iron shorts?
 - Protect from AIDS.
 - Why do my toes do not?
 - Yes, a rubber band snapped.


                 *


  Accountant audit the accounts, which brought the employee 
from a business trip.  - What sort of astronomical sum?

 - The bill for the hotel.
 - Who authorized you to buy the hotel?


                 *



  Malchik found a tin can, is coming to a policeman.
 - Uncle policeman, go!

  The policeman knocked at the bank and said:
 - Open up, police!


                 *


  Police stopped a car on the road.
The driver, a charming woman, exceeded
speed. She tries to soften the heart
guardian of order:
 - God! How do you like Alain Delon!
 - So you like movies?
 - Madly! - Meets the queen, rejoicing that
Shifting the conversation.
 - Excellent! Consider yourself lucky.
The judge before whom you stand, like Jean Gabena.


                 *

  Podbigaet child to his mother and asks:
 - Mom, is sobering burn?
 - What are you, sonny, no.
 - And why dad walking down the street and sings:
<Enemies have burnt native hut>>.


                 *


  One of the participants in the collision on the road 
stretches out another bottle:  - Have a sip. It will support 
you in our common misfortune.

 - Thank you. And you do not drink?
 - No, I'll wait for the police ...


                 *


  Caught once the new Russian gold
fish and asks:
 - What do you want a goldfish?


                 *

  The daughter of police commissioner returned home at night 
and says:  - Dad, I'm pregnant.


  Then, pulling from her bag a few sheets of paper, adds:
 - And here's a list of suspects.


                  *

 - You know, Mom, I will not marry nikoga
the person who snores at night.
 - It is very reasonable, my daughter - Endorses
mother .- Just be please careful
during testing.


                  *

 - Mamochka is Robert.
 - And where did you meet?
 - In bed.


                  *
 - Mom, do you remember you told me that the way to a man's 
heart is through his stomach? Asked over dinner a young 
daughter.  - Yes. So what?

 - Nothing. Just last night I found
a completely different way!


                  *

"He forced me to undress and began to threaten.
- Knife? Gun?
- Worse! Said that otherwise, with me not getting married ...

                  *


  Vosemnadtsateletnyaya girl returns
home at dawn. At the threshold of her encounters
Mother:
- For God's sake, where have you been? Yes, I was your age.
- In "My Years," Mom, I was already half a year.

                  *

 - I never went to bed with a man until then, until she married
tvego father - said his strict mother
rebellious daughter .- Can you say
the same thing to his daughter?
 - Will, Mom, but not so honest
expression on his face like yours - smiled
daughter.


                  *



  Abdomen with Catherine has grown significantly, to conceal
sin no longer be there, and she admitted the mother was 
pregnant.  - Oh God! - Wailed the mother .- And who is the 
father?  - How do I know? - Daughter whimpered. -

After all, you said that to me early to get married!


                  *

  In love with a young man tells the girl is looked after by:
 - Your brother excellent villain! Today
morning, he said he saw me about
your bed. And threatened to report
this to your father. What should I do?
 - Here's a scoundrel! Usually he is satisfied
five crowns.

                  *


  Parents are allowed to meet with Giselle
Lucien, but hews to their
relationship nezashli too far. Once
morning, the father asks his daughter:
 - And do not you think that Lucien was too long delayed for us?
 - What are you, Dad! I'll treat you to coffee, and
he leaves.
 - In that case, ask him to not
fasten with a my morning paper.


                  *
 - Tell me, Johnny, you peep through the keyhole, when we with 
your sister locked in her room?

 - Yes, it happens. But only if you do not look for my father 
or my sister Betty. 

                  *


  Young people invited to his home
girl. He was very modest and shy, always afraid that she might 
not have thought wrong, even a bottle of wine is not purchased. 
She she came with a bundle under his arm.

 -What is this?
 -Alarm to not oversleep in the morning.

                  *

 - My daughter, I bring up a very strict!
No gulyanok! Not yet married, she
should be home no later than eight. I
does not intend to in the evenings instead of bathe
little son!

                  *



  The lady, having a daughter is not quite solid
ethical principles that once made
attack on another suitor:
 - That you do not like my daughter?
 - I like, but I'd like to marry
girl clean and serious.
 - But my Lily is just so true. You know, she spends all his 
evenings alone in a society only his parrot. Come along and you 
see for yourself. 

  And she led the boy into a room of his innocent daughter. 
There's pride on the crossbar sat magnificent parrot. Seeing a 
young man, he said:  - Hello, my treasure! Just be quiet, 
because the number of mom ...