Energy #02 26 марта 1997

Юмор

Tales from the Crypt - Lady Gamelton. Eddie Murphy, Fyodor ate the bear.

             Tales from the Crypt



                          (C) Sergey STORM


     Well-format me once more, Lady
Hamilton, softly moaning.

     -Enough - cut Betment buttoning
fly. Well-head has worn off.

     "Well darling, do not upryamsya - a woman smiled kindly 
peasant and pulled out ... miniature gun.


     -Wow! - Surprised guy .- As soon as
will he fit there?

     Woman sent to Betmenta gun and fired.

     -Heh, heh - man opened his left palm
and poured onto the bed yellowish patrony.Ty
what was thinking that I'll wonder potrekovaya
formatted. Betment predatory smile. Now get ready for cutie 
turboformatirovaniyu. In the hands of a peasant militia came 
with rubber truncheons. 

     No, not that, - Lady Hamilton
horror stared at the approaching man. I also assume that nobody 
else can not! 

     -Too late, baby, too late - a healthy carcass Betmenta 
leaned over the woman. 

     -Nettt ...,- it were the last words
said Lady Hamilton in this life, because
Betmenta one hand covered her mouth in order to
neighbors komunalke not heard her cries,
and the second with a stick jammed in it ...


     Thus ended his life an American
agentka CIA.

     An hour later, satisfied that
neutralized the dangerous bourgeois spy,
Betment out of his house and
Behind the wheel 'Goat' (Brand police
car) sped to the administration.


                  X X X


     -Eddie Murphy, respond. You're concerned
management.

     -Ou ... I'm here. Proizvozhu arrest particularly
Dangerous retsedevistov, Robozhop with obvious relish fired 
from his "Mauser." Because of the garbage can was answered throw

brick. Now with the obvious anger, brick sder him paint on the 
right cheek, Robozhop snapped a long queue. There was a jingle 
of broken glass and muffled cry two girls fall out of the 
window. "Third Floor" - thought Murphy. Apparently shot down by 
the sight. 

     Sergeant Robozhop that the devil you take it, you get up 
there? - Manager snorted angrily - The administration is 
urgently you in control.


     Well-fly - Robozhop spent
view flight girls at the same time
adjusting the sight.

     -Who is it you traveling? - Manager spit out words faster 
than a machine gun. Ducks chtoli. 

     -Do not ... That's not a duck, then the legs are flying.

     Shmyak. Girls gently landed right on the criminals. "On" - 
thought Murphy. The sight is not brought down.


     -What are the legs - it was evident that
Manager furious. Do you know where you're standing
go? Probably do not know. I'll explain.
Fuck you, to such a mother. After these
words dispatcher immediately became easier to
soul, because then he has continued for more than
calm tone. But first, you go down into the control, and only 
then go to where I'll sent.


     -There are sir. Catch criminals and
heading to fulfill your order:
go into management, and then ... Excuse me
did not understand. By whose mother go?

     -I'm not sir. It's there for you, in your selling America 
will call all cheeses. And we have here adopted the expression 
comrade. 

     Robozhop confident movements confiscated
Dead criminals weapons: four catapults, two otkryvachki bottle 
and went into administration. 


                  X X X


     The door creaked control has fallen off and tumbled into a 
small desk man with a disfigured face. Dirty sweater in red and 
yellow stripes hung to the floor, as well as two crooked hands 
as one of whom wore a leather glove with

four acute-sharpened knives.

     -Hi, - a man in the clown took off
his wide-brimmed hat and waved it
in the air.

     -Special Agent in cases involving minors - Freddy Krueger 
- Colonel Isaev presented logged all those gathered. The most 
efficient worker in his department. 

     Kruger demonstratively bowed.

     -And here it is - Isaev looked at his team and decided not 
to represent everyone in separately. This is our opera-group. It

The best collection of ... The colonel stood not
finishing what the phrase to the end. On the board with
photos razyskivaemmyh criminals
was scratched and curves underscores written: Isaiah - MASTDAY! 
And signed by an unsteady B. Mednonogov hand. "Spies" - thought

Colonel. "Scout" - corrected a spy.

     -Fyodor, who could do this? - Isaev
was angry. Angry at himself. How, he directly
under the nose, could write such.

     Kruger guiltily looked away.

     "Well, certainly not me.

     -Who then? "- A view of Colonel
rested against his broad chest Betmenta.

     -All the time I was on a mission, and there
Subscribe now someone made - Betment offended pozhevyval lip 
Lady Hamilton. 

     Isaev carefully examined the inscription and
next saw another one.

     -Freddy, here and there about you
slightly, Colonel smiled happily
read the inscription:


            Fyodor ATE BEAR!

                       Beard.


     -U ... bastards - said Kruger, and the
thought to myself: "spies."

     "Yes, I do not spy and scout, a spy was offended.

     All present went laughing when
colonel and a special agent Freddy Krueger became hard to erase 
from the board with obscene graffiti. 

     Fyodor diligently worked his sleeve
sweaters, not regretting it, because he
was dirty, and in some places burnt-
shoals. But the neat little jacket, Colonel,
cry out for compassion.


                  X X X


     -So, Colonel - sadly looked at
hole in the sleeve of his jacket. We have
the enemy and have the job. We are required to: Read the job 
and fuck the enemy. 

     Just like team opened the folder with
secret order.

     -Read carefully the contents and destroy after reading .- 
Isaev put your middle finger all on display and

beckoned them passing by sekretarshu.Marya Darmidontovna, 
please bring me a file on a certain B. Mednonogova and look at 
our documentation material lamer named "Beard".


     -Yes, Comrade Isaev.

     Meanwhile, camera-studied group of vengeance secret 
mission. Sitting in a soft, tattered chair Betment lightly 
picking his nose. His face was hard to understand, wondered 
whether his job. Folder with classified as 'Secret' was opened 
on the first page.


     Quest: Return coder Alexis Ivy (underground name ALEX 
PLUSOV or simply +) on spekrumovskuyu platform. After the 
assignment to destroy all the evidence and all witnesses. Venue 
operations mountains of Pennsylvania, Count Dracula's Castle. 

     Betment loudly slammed the folder and
spat loudly on the floor. Work
he did not relish. Return above zero at the Spectrum was 
absolutely hopeless - if Pisyuki recruiting anyone then do it 
professionally. 

     Another case was with Indiana Jones.
Inverted hard to reach
his consciousness. Holy Grail healed
all wounds, but did not provide the ability to read upside-down 
folders. 

     -I would say a few words to the person who wrote it - 
Indiana rashly threw folder on standing in the corner of Noah's 
ark. 

     Eureka - "he exclaimed. Now he
saw a folder in a different perspective.

     Quest: escape from the clutches of the enemies of a slave
Izauru and pass into the hands of the director's Belarusfilm to 
continue filming the series "Slave Izaura Position number two". 
Venue operations the city of Moscow Kremlin. Additional task: 
to send well-deserved rest Boris Nikolayevich

Yeltsin.


         To be continued ...