Body #0B 24 сентября 1997

Юмор

Smile - Fresh anecdotes.

                          SMILE!

(C) BAZOFT MDM 270-95-12

I do not know about you, but personally I like these jokes, and 
I pleased to offer the following anecdote pack ...


                *
A conversation between two BiBiSisnikov the subway:
- How's life?
- From pisyukom problem: (
- A Jo a problem?
- Lies are often ...
- Maybe a virus?
- Checks, sterile: (
- A dead bear?
- Three-finger can not lift: (
Agreed they were half-empty train.
                *
Go Gritsko and Mitko on a country road, suddenly Mitko
says:
- Listen, Gritsko, whisper something in his stomach mene 
pryhvatylo, writing in the bushes peep, eh?

- Hi, the ideal "- is responsible Gritsko.
After some time, Mitko screams from the bushes:
- Gritsko! In your paper there, eh?
Mitko him:
- What a greedy you are! Yes, why it is you, hi is currently in 
the bushes!                 *

Stirlitz not like to travel by car with the brakes. Brakes, he
despised, and loved to inhibit himself.
                *
Stirlitz sat on a magnetic drum and melancholy chewed
punched tape. "Another 25 meters left ..." - Mechanically 
stressed Stirlitz. Chew on punched tape was tasteless and 
uncomfortable, but another ways to destroy information obtained 
from Shtirlitsa was not.                 *


  There are two friends, and one of them asks for advice: -
Listen, friend, what do you think it is better to marry or to 
buy car? - If you marry, it is complete ass. If you buy

machine, then you have two options: 1ty smash car
2razobeshesya himself. If you smash the car, it is - a complete 
asshole if you break it yourself, you have two options: you are 
buried, and prorastesh you either grass or wood. If the grass - 
it's complete ass, if a tree, you have two options: Wood

make a dressing, or writing paper. If the sheets of - it
complete ass if tuletnuyu, you have two options: you
will enter either a male or a female toilet. If a male,
a complete ass if female ..... Listen, my friend, and the 
horseradish if you get married?

                *
Comes a man in a crowded bus in the hands - a package of eggs.
Girl (sitting): "Let me put your eggs hold it!" Man: "No,
thanks, I'm tickled I am afraid ... "
                *
BELARUS trains - most poezdatye trains in the world!
                *
Little boy playing with a toy paravozikom. Mom is
in the kitchen and watching her son. Here paravozik suited to 
station and son declares: "So, the train does not go further. 
All of the females the first carriage sweep to the right, bl% 
CI of the second carriage - left. The earlier seb%% ect, the 
better! "Mom is in shock. Naturally, my son punished. The next 
day the boy again played with paravozikom. Mom was watching him 
closely. Here train approaches the station, and the son of a 
pleasant voice announces: "Ladies and gentlemen! Sorry for the 
inconvenience, but the train does not go further. Please all 
the people of the first car to go to the right, from the second 
wagon - left. During this courteous request blagodarit BC% dL 
at kitchen ... "

                *
Hence, as was the case: Elk Runs through the swamp, and 
suddenly, hrayas, failed. Sticking out of the water only a 
head. Suddenly .... from under bump ..... Hare jumps and attach 
comfortably, begins fucking moose in the nostril. Elk:

- Hare, bitch, I'll kill you!
Hare (surprised looking at his feet):
- YES Where are you FROM THESE _LAPISCH-TO_ get away?
                *
Vasilisa the Wise led the white sleeves, turned themselves 
round the three times, banged against the ground ........ and 
even been killed by x **.                 *

A man calls a waiter in a bar:
- Me, please, a sandwich and 19 bottles of beer!
- And that is not a box?
- What am I, an elephant, or what? "
                *
There are three mamonta.Odin:
- That I like mammoths thick to be on than ... frolic
Second:
- And I love the hairy mammoth, so that was a hold on ...
Third:
- And I love monkeys.
But why?
- Yes, I've finished, they burst! ..
                *
Is a guy with a girlfriend to visit her, and suddenly just 
before the most home spun him in the stomach, forces simply do 
not. Go, means to her apartment.

Girl:
- You're located here, come into the room, and I'm now in the 
toilet I'll go and come again.

Well, the guy seems to be uncomfortable in front of her to ask, 
has decided to patient. Goes into the room, and there exists a 
large dog sitting. Picked up, piled in a room and thinks that 
all the blame on the dog, and he went into the kitchen and 
sitting. The girl came out and said:

- What are you sitting here?
A: - Yes there is a large dog sitting in a room, I'm afraid of 
her. D: - Why be afraid of it, it is plush!

                *
Moving around the city army convoy ... From the first
machine matyukalnikom heard a voice: "A Streetcar 331! Accept
Right - skip a column! "
                *
man came to Georgia by car. entered the city, perched in
tail columns and rides. and the whole convoy together rushing 
through a red light, in spite of standing behind a crossroads 
ment. man with all passed through a red light, and for the 
crossroads of his element and brakes:

- What are you doing on the red svet poehal?
- Yes, behold, all rode well and I too ...
- Slyushay, daragoy, you're right you know?
- Of course I know!
- And Ana ne know!
                *
Some good title for a dissertation:
"Non nesmychkovyh instruments faces the clergy"
(What popular accordion)

"Problems of transportation of liquids in containers with 
variable structure of the density "(how to carry water in a 
sieve) 

"The influence of scattered nonmonochromaticity izlycheniya 
range wavelengths ... low intensity on yglerodistye steel grades

... "(Impact lynnogo light rail)

"Investigation tyrbylentnyh fluid flows in a ceramic
sosyda x ... "- in short, creating ynitaz with ylychshennoy 
Washout 

"The problems of increasing melkodispersionnosti oxide diatomic
hydrogen by mechanical means (water it down)

"The problems of separation of complex organic mixtures on 
calorie" (To separate the wheat from the chaff, or chops from 
the flies)                 *

Stands, therefore, a drug addict at the machine, and pushes 
back already probably the one hundredth penny, rakes up a bunch 
of dimes in his pocket ... Frantically looking for a further 20 
kopecks, and again ... Voice behind him:

-What are you, man, was stunned! Queue yet ...
"Do not # $% ^ arm! I will play until the luck!