ZX-News #14 12 ноября 1996

Юмор

Humor - Fidoshny humor - funny 1 & 2.

                   Humor



                Ilya Fomin



          SELECT FIDOSHNY HUMOR


            (Before reading smoke ...)


                Funny N1.


  Everyone knows that Earth's population is divided into normal 
people and those involved in the computer. And the first with 
each year is becoming less and less. Therefore, once a normal 
man willingly sits at the computer safely

call the nurses, because it can save
only early prevention.


  Consider the stages of the disease and give
their Stt (symptoms) and treatment methods.


  The first stage (light).

 Stt - a man sits down at the computer, turns it on, works and 
goes home at the end working days, after which no recalls

computer until the next morning. Appetite and
normal sleep. Headaches are not available.

 Recommended treatment: the treatment is temporarily
does not need.


  SECOND STAGE (featherweight).

 Stt - the patient, an increased
interest to the computer that is expressed in unhealthy 
excitement, covering it with a specified object. Appetite is 
normal. Sleep restless, with cries and outcry. Delayed by work 
on 2-3 hours.


 Recommended treatment: remove the patient
from the computer, take into rubbing alcohol 3 times a day on 
0,5 dining spoons. Computer books put into the

inaccessible places. From work to meet.


  The third stage (moderate).

 Stt - the patient is delayed by the work of more than 4-5 
hours after the end of the day and saving money on your home 
computer. In everyday life begins to use a computer

terminology and does not respond to enhanced
eyes of others. Increased appetite. Sleep
restless, shouting with jargon
catchwords and causeless laughter. Comes in
sudden excitement at the sight of a computer or
when dealing with patients in stage three and above. In this 
case, the disease can pass in the fourth stage. 

 Recommended treatment: the patient isolated from society and, 
despite his resistance, to remove from your computer, money 
away, with violent behavior and refusal to treatment of type 
intragastrically 2.1 Bucket vodka with port "777", mixed in

1:2 ratio. Basin does not give.


  The fourth stage (severe).

 Stt - patient buys a computer and
modem. It is replete with various computer words and their 
combinations. Inventing new words, and saves money on a 
dedicated telephone line. Appetite is greatly increased. Eat 
any food at any time in the presence of food. Sleeps 3-4 hours 
a day, so as night calls on the modem and at each

compound produces howls described in the second volume of the 
book "Animal Life" (Chapter 11, Behavior of male rhesus monkeys 
in the marriage period). On others respond poorly.

Libido decreased. Vomiting, delirium and
No diarrhea.

 Recommended treatment: treatment to be
only in a hospital.


  Fifth stage (hopeless).

 Stt - diseased plants in their own BBS, which spends all his 
free calls and programming time, slurred speech,

consisting of 80% or more of the computer
jargon, mixed with spices. terms.
Appetite and sleep are absent. Eat only what
that falls within the line of sight,
regardless of the type and quality of product.
Has a strong scattering - for example,
lights a box of matches, etc. In others drew attention only if 
they utter phrases related with the computer. Sexual desire is 
absent, as from time to time of deep satisfaction from the line 
on screen, "Connect 14400 ...". Holds about

PC pack of tea, which forgets
dissolve in water.

 Recommended treatment: treatment of non-refundable.


                FUN N2.


  There is one great song - about a hundred young men. Everyone 
heard it, many singing, but in the deeper meaning of this 
masterpiece, IMHO, penetrated only by me. 


  I quote from memory, so if a bit
mistaken - not hurt kick.


  So:


     There, far across the river flashed lights

     In the clear dawn sky was flaring up.

     One hundred young men

     From Budenovsky troops

     The exploration of the field galloped.


  Until, like, okay, the truth
my idea of ​​a reconnaissance hundred (ie,
platoon), do not walk, but oh well, as anyone
like.


  For the future, just in case, remember,
that this squadron galloped in the fields.


     They rode in silence in the stillness of the night

     On a wide Ukrainian steppes.

     Suddenly, away from the river

     Bayonets flashed -

     This whiteguard chain.


  And here begins the most amazing thing. Well
Okay, jumped into the field, and drove the steppe -
happens, it is lost on the road, whether
to fields still nedoskakali.


  Imagine the scene: late at night, the desert for many miles 
around the steppe. AND in this void, with bayonets at the 
ready, a chain to attack (and where to go circuit, if not in 
attack), the rod some idiots! And only highlights of bayonets 
visible, but in the mat stumbling dark guys sound.



  Try to imagine yourself in the place of young
fighters. It would seem logical at full speed
jump to the location of his unit and report to the commander: 
"Comrade. commander, task Intelligence is made! There away from 
the river some idiots are going to attack, and where they are 
going - unclear. What can ill conceived! "



  However, the red soldiers acted differently:


     And the team rode fearlessly to the enemy,

     Bloody battle ensued.

     And a young soldier

     Suddenly bowed his head -

     Komsomolsk heart punched.


  Well, the battle, say, the carnage called
difficult - racing with his sword unsheathed in the bristling 
bayonets trehlineek chain, rather resembles the case of mass 
suicide ... 


  However, everything is logical. I suppose you guys were 
singing before the attack: "... and as a die in struggle for 
this ... " 


  Outcome of battle is quite predictable. And although
author of poems as it takes for the camera
close-up, it is clear that the remaining fighters His fate is 
not passed. 


     He fell near the feet of a black horse

     And closed his brown eyes.

     "You skate crow

     Tell, my dear,

     I honestly had died for the workers. "


  Well, this is a direct violation of the oath. If he has got a 
horse, talkative, needed in addition to the last "farewell" more

transmit and razveddonesenie, ie for the sake of
what, in fact, a hundred and galloped off.


     There, far across the river so the lights go out,

     In the clear dawn sky dogarala.

     Drop of blood is thick

     From breast young

     On the green grass dripping.


  Sadly it all ...



    Continued necessarily follow!


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