ZX-News #08 08 октября 1996

Юмор

Humor - Grigory Oster "Bad advice".

                   Humor



     Prepared for publication in a newspaper

             Eugene Sobolev.



              Grigory Oster

             "Bad advice"

 On communism:



  If you ever have rallied,

  Lit up and lead,

  Do not try to evade

  From going to triumph.

  Still at work raises

  And the feat will inspire

  You great and mighty,

  And our reliable bulwark.


  If you have the whole world of violence

   Going to destroy

    And while you dream of becoming

     All without having anything

      Bold move for us

       On a paved road,

        We want you the way this

         We can even concede.


         If you have decided to first

        In the ranks to become their fellow citizens -

       Never catch up

      Ahead.

     Five minutes later, cursing,

    They will run back

   And then, leading the crowd,

  You rush ahead.

 Fathers and children (and parents in general):



  If you're in the corridor

  Race on a bicycle,

  And to meet you in the bathroom

  Dad went for a walk

  Do not turn off to the kitchen

  In the kitchen - solid refrigerator.

  Brake better dad.

  Dad soft. He will forgive.


    If you stayed at home

    Without the parents alone,

    I can offer you

    Good game

    Under the title "Brave cook"

    Or "Brave cook."

    The essence of the game in preparation

    All sorts of delicious dishes.

    I propose to start

    Here's a simple recipe:

    Need a daddy's shoes

    Pour the mother's spirits

    And then these shoes

    Lubricate the shaving cream,

    And, watering them with fish oil

    With black ink in half

    Throw in the soup that my mother

    Prepared in the morning.

    And cook with the lid closed

    Exactly seventy minutes.

    What will you learn,

    When adults come.


     Matches - the best toy

     For bored children.

     Dad's tie, my mother's passport -

     That's a small fire.

     If you throw a slipper

     Or put a broom

     You can roast a chair,

     At the bedside table to cook soup.

     If adults somewhere

     Matches hidden from you,

     Explain to them that matches

     To fire you need.


      Do not worry if

      Cause my father to school

      Or mother. Do not hesitate

      Bring the whole family.

      Let come to uncles, aunts

      And second cousins,

      If you have a dog,

      Bring her too.

 School of etiquette:



      There is no pleasant experience,

      What a nose scratch.

      All terribly interesting,

      What's hidden inside.

      And who look disgusting

      He let them and not looking.

      We're in a nose to it not climb,

      Suppose he does not stick.


    If you came to the familiar

    Say hello to anyone.

    The words "please" "thank you"

    Do not tell anyone.

    Turn away and questions

    Not to anyone's answer.

    And then nobody will say

    About you that you're a chatterbox!


  If you have come to the party,

  Your gift to ask them directly,

  Yes, look to chocolates

  Santa Claus has not healed.

  And do not even think of carefree

  Bring home the leftovers.

  How naskochut mum and dad -

  Half will be taken away.

 If your best friend
 Slipped and fell,
 Show me another finger
 And grabs his stomach
 Let him see, lying in a pool -
 You did not upset.
 A true friend does not like
 Disappoint his friends.


             Instead of an epilogue:



        If you are waiting for punishment

        For bad behavior,

        For example, because in the bathroom

        You bathed your cat

        Asking permission

        Neither cats nor my mother,

        I can offer you a way

        How to escape from punishment.

        Head on the floor knock

        Hit in the chest himself with his hands

        And howl and scream:

        "Oh, why am I tormented by a cat?!

        I am worthy of a terrible punishment!

        My shame only death atone! "

        In less than half a minute

        As, weeping with you,

        You will forgive and to comfort,

        Will run for a sweet cake.

        And then the quiet cat

        You lead by the tail in the bath

        After nayabednichat cat

        Never fails ...


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