Maximum #46 31 октября 1997

Юмор

This is fresh - do not forget to cross!

      This is fresh - do not forget to cross!


 (C) Yurok Merkulov
 (R) Re-Animator 'KOLOVRAT

        Yesterday I had a dream ...

On a sunny day, busy city street was a huge, crepe
cue man. All called him "PISYUK" I do not know for chto.On 
carried on their backs Vindovoz and carried a bouquet of 
applications. All regarded him as very intelligent, at times 
even overly, but still happy plants with him friendship. 
Yesterday, when he was late returning home, he was attacked by 
some sort of a tomboy, presented "Speck ki ", and stated that 
he has a direct relationship to the Pentagon. Pisyuka running 
into a pile of sharp quotes from the ZX-Format-a, he had 
disappeared, saying that has another roof - Amigo.


    "Who is the Amiga? - Thought Pisyuk. "The next b.% 'qb, 
like Lisa, Computer Apple's second daughter? Or maybe a friend 
Alpha? God forbid ... " 

    Pisyuk got excited because that was almost frozen. He sat 
and strengthened but svopiroval thought, glancing at his watch, 
is not it time to make the obvious anterior upgrade. But the 
stars swept over the sky and plunged into Pisyuk deep sleep ...


    He walked and walked, remembering the last rendering, while 
the case but not wandered into the park where his friends often 
reloaded. In the distance He saw a beautiful feminine 
silhouette. 

    "Nothing platform with mind ..." - He thought and he got it 
bye max twenty. The girl answered the counter look and cute 
smile 4096-color images. Pisyuk, barely caught the SVGA-shny 
driver, mentally rebooting, smiled at all the 16-million. 

    - Oh, hello, Pisi, everything about you say, everything 
they write - stes nyayas started to talk a girl.


    - Yes, come on .. What is your name?

    The girl assumed a somewhat embarrassed expression on his 
face and tee Ho replied:


    - And you did not hear about me?

    - No, in my world like you, unfortunately, no.

    - My name is Amigo.

    - Amiga? - Pisyuk disappointment came in text mode.

    - What is it, I hurt you?

    - Do you have a son and, I suppose, my husband ...

    - How did you get? - Cried for 4 channel Amiga.

    - What you have to Speccy?

    - Nobody, he's my little friend, yet a brother - the 
Macintosh. 

    - Arrogant you have it, though, just like you - beautiful.

    - Spisibo.

    - Can you go to?

    - Uh-huh - cheerfully replied Amiga and they went to Fido's 
Restaurant. It was hot everywhere Bekashki flying in the sky 
shining SUN. Pisyuk off his Vindovoz and stayed in one of 
Norton Commander, from under which is displayed for all to see 
the command line. 

    The evening promised to be exciting, but Amiga increasingly 
grusnela. Suffered from hops in the head of the dose of 
drivers. She sat in confusion, holding the tears at the ready.


    - Amiga - began Pisyuk - come to you konnektnemsya?

    - As we are not compatible, and why I'll need? Do you have
all you can wish for a bright future ahead, and I ... I'm afraid
... My house sold, I will soon get old ...

    - You're beautiful, you have a cute little hard drive in 
the 2.5-inch nice 4 kanlny voice.


    - Thanks, you're such a great and funny. Can I proemuliro
vat ...

    - Really? I'm happy.

    Adopting holdnuyu reboot, a light throwing on a pair of 
drivers Pisyuk reached the very executable. Carefully download 
emulator He slowly emulated Amiga, turning in my head dozens of 
megabytes. He knew her architecture and could not understand 
where in 14 MHz girl so much beauty and elegance. 

    They became friends. Pisyuk inode suggest to Amiga company 
Beal LA Gates and Philippe Kahn, but the Amiga said she was 
closer to Andrew ha Isaev, yes Max Iwamoto. Pisyuk it did not 
know she was his, too, CPA were processed hardware 
incompatibility. Often tired, hung Pisyuka Amiga pleasing 
simple demos, but muzykalkami, one in from wet girlfriend 
entertained clever multimedia - applications. She laughed smile 
Dizzy, he threw the gold of the harvesters ... 

    I woke up and realized with sadness that this is a dream. 
Vypyv kofya, I sat down for his Pisyuk.


    "Hey Pentium, where your Amiga? What did you not pay 
attention to such beauty? All shumish worldwide hit RED ALERT, 
not giving sleeping neighbors. Well, shipping, gruzic, there 
are already calls Tale, it's time include a modem, have 
suffered! " 

     Or maybe she Amiga does not want to be loved? All the 
flirting exists, but makes fun, "Intel Outside" screams. 
Suffice thee to scold Xia, smile, you look and your smile will 
shine in every home. 

                    03.97 U p on K L M

            Another dream


    Autumn came. Pisyuku was the miss of RAM, to express
all that he had downloaded to the Amiga. He made a series of 
upgrades in hopes to install new feelings, but they still 
buggy. Becoming quite monochrome, he sadly went to side BiBieS 
on its axis. 

    On the road, voted the young boy. Pisyuk began to pause and 
wasps tanovilsya.


    - Where? - He asked a text menus.

    - In the shadow ROM - briskly replied.

    - It's where? - Asked Pisyuk.

    - With a zero address.

    - Do not lie, there is an interrupt vector.

    - I do not lie, you know who I am?

    - What is not compatible computer, right?

    - Guess I Speccy, well traveled.

    Pisyuk secretly downloaded the emulator, and sex hung.

    - Well, that'll have to wait until the reboot ... - Annoyed
growled Pisyuk.

    He missed his girlfriend who had gone to meet his
Brother - Mack. He promised in an email to introduce
it with one powerful guy, in his words is the namesake Pisyuku
but with the prefix Power. Pisyuku been hurt by this, and he 
sboil not connect with anyone. Speccy same until Pisyuk 
reloaded, ho Tel boast some demulkoy, but it does not boot, 
saying he wanted to see a very Scorpio. 

    - Problems? - Threw a couple of bytes Pisyuk.

    - Yes, it is so internal - proskrolliroval Speccy.

    Pisyuku getting worse, he lost cluster, barely reacting
the surrounding world. Suddenly he felt someone climb to
circulated Booth sector.

    - WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - He shouted 
hysterically, but the pain has not subsided. A few minutes 
later it freezes completely. 

    Night. Faint rustle screw woke Pisyuka. VEB drip, can
cure exists, but I really became bytes forget the old has 
become, it's time upgrade, it's time ... "He stopped again ...


    He just woke up the next morning and saw in his scar in the 
form of inscriptions "Kuredu. Lazily dressed in Norton, he 
looked around and froze! She stood before him.


    - Amiga, my dear, hello! You're prettier!

    - AGA! - She replied.

    - Wow, lit 256,000 th thousands of colors, I just Visna
for you.

    - Nice Pisenka, I am to you upgrade chips, processor razo
drove ...

    But Pisyuk saw in the distance the two men a strong 
constitution and excitement began svopirovat.Odin of them was 
strikingly similar on the Amiga, the other adorned with the 
words POWER. Pisyuk once all of nyal.On sad on the text and 
looked into the eyes of his beloved Noah and saw in them a 
murderous AGA, talking about this. 

    Pisyuk went into DOS and slowly trudged into GoldEdit, to 
express zit the mood in flames against the two monsters.


    Time passed. Answers did not come. Finally, after the tragic
days waiting for him came straight from the tin bar of soap. On 
the cover was written:


From: Amiga
To: PC
Subj: Reconciliation

            Hi, Pisyuk!
I understand all your problems! I'm yours, and if you want 
sabzh, we arrive at di me!


                                   Gently konnekchus, your Amiga

Origin * AGA I whisper in your ear, gently rustling the memory 
... 


  Pisyuk, trembling, neatly typed ATDP and flew to the Amiga. 
She is awaiting la his naked body was lying somewhere under the 
couch. Pisyuk akkurat but walked about the memory areas friend, 
gently touching the most secret sites. Its modem, which raised 
TsePeeS 3000, eagerly pouring information into the Amiga port 
of the host sweet, good lines 

    And since then they have ever loved each other. They 
married man with a booming echo - En Amigovich moderators, and 
flew plus ki, but the stars in the sky, burning up there and 
before they reach the temporal zemli.Mnogo people came to the 
wedding, oh how up in the city traf fixed, as congratulations 
poured, filling all the files and soap ... 

    At the end of the tale, and, friends, ALT + H. ..

            04.97 Yurok LM

            And another dream ..


  Night ... Living ... In the darkness there was a sad woman 
... Some gave her 60, some under 80, and one even said that is 
near the hour when she would be 500 ... Amiga knew all too 
quickly, which left those early years, when she was 14 year old 
girl flirted with Pisyukom, the words "Aha!" She did not notice 
her already 2:00 frolicked small worms, arranging the brutal 
massacre with weapons of mass destruction. Behind the Magic 
crept up and start shooting the Amiga with a video camera and 
saying, "Oh, Symbol .." 

  Their marriage with Pisyukom was heavy, they barely got along 
together. From Connect them were born small affectionate 
letters that screamed and laughed, but in turn have sown 
confusion in the family. Their Speccy friend, calling from the 
Pentagon boasted that he had settled home Skorpionchik that has 
already found many friends, and everyone lives happily ever 
after. But one day there was a horrible ...  Pisyuk returned 
home drunk, booze-mail from the flames and began to screaming 
at his wife, calling her a three-day traffic. Amiga is not 
distinguished ate, and answered:


  - Sleaze, a calculator! You're ready to sell to everyone from
chehlit you some 500-700 bucks!

  - Shut up, fool nerusifitsirovannaya!

  - You're up a stump, switch to one position, you brought me 
from the cross BOJ, I'm leaving!


  - Come and go, so I have not seen you on your propeller!

  And she left abruptly pressing alt + h, cutting off all the 
wires that their so- has long been associated ...



  Today, she was lonely .. She wanted someone to ponazhi
small for her keys, the memories haunted .. Suddenly, someone
gently touched her port .. Amiga started, its palette
warmer ..

  - Hey Amigo, I Speccy! - Swept through the DMA directly into 
the brain. 

  - And, you, hello, how are you?

  - Oh! I'm not a boy! I know what a Digital Love!

  Y Amiga appeared on the screen tear ...

  - Pisyuk offended, and beauty?

  - Yeah, - she whispered, remembering his youth.

  - Did you know ... - He said so slyly, and paused at 100
cycles.

  - Well? - Hurried Amiga. For her, it was an eternity:)

  - Pisyuk wants to make friends with you! He has all day with 
sorrow crushed in a window metayas koniguratsii from one to 
another! 

  Amiga blushed and straightened his jumper.

  - It just was not reposed reset to the temple!

  Y Amiga render disturbing thoughts ... Knocking keyboard, she
rushed to Pisyuku, with the utmost speed, and only from afar 
was sly Shen voice Speccy:


  - Bon konnekta you! hee-hee ...

  By screaming "ATDP!" Amiga burst into the house. Pisyuk with 
the excitement of Bethulia ATA and poslmotrev in nelp said 
quill voice: 

  - I've just been told that you're with me really want to 
reconcile It turns out that you feel bad without me - the 
excitement of his CPF trembled - I .. ready .. Well ...


  Amiga shifted the problem:

  - Who told you that? You yourself want to make peace with me?

  Pisyuk excitement almost lost cluster.

  - Said ... Speccy I said it .. Why?

  After a few seconds Amiga burst into loud laughter 14 bit, 
the nose Yas the room and accidentally stepped on Pisyuku modem.


  - Honey, are you available to me, - she began - Speccy Ribbed
us ..

  - Similarly, the format of your mother!

  - He told me that you want to make peace, but you, I'm ... -
y Amiga with laughter in his eyes ran dancing silhouettes.

  - Well, now sort of like quarrel is not to face .. Our 
children -Fidoshniki not understand us ..


  - Ah-ah-ah-ah! - Shouted the old Amiga and clung to SOMportu 
Pisyuka. He kissed her right in the screw, saw there an 
inscription "Television."


  At this point in the room ran out of breath Speccy with a 
friend a little girl.


  - Oh! And who is this? Do bye-bye .. - Began to make fun of 
Pisyuk. 

  - I Bekashka! - She replied, and gave Pisyuku treasure.

  - Wow! Thanks, I moved, oh, I now delight you Wing
Commander 4 whole show!

  - Ah! - Scared urchins and ran off somewhere, probably eat 
charms Tsyfrovoy Love. 


  The night was stormy, the DSP was huge ... and somewhere near 
their kids cheered, sitting on his lap at the Golden Grandpa in 
the old Kyo in text mode telling children stories ...


  And the story he told you he heard it from me. :)

Epilogue: And best of all, we are all heroes of this story. We
Children Pisyuka, Amiga, Speccy, and as kids love when their 
parents love, understanding, and we like our platform live

world and how you can be more compatible. :)