Buzz #12 30 декабря 1997

Юмор

Jokes - 22 joke ...

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  Well-known professor in ophthalmology birthday colleagues
presented a specially made souvenir: a metallic
rod with one end attached to a heavy marble
basis, you have a large eye in the eye picture of professor,
by iris inscription: "Dear Ivan Petrovich day 50 years".

  The professor looked a gift, he sighed and
said, "Well, I'm not a gynecologist." :)

                        *
Two drugs soar driver.
"Three to the station in good faith?
"Why three? As for you two!"
"And you Che not go?"

                        *
Drug stops wheelbarrow:
"Hey .. you free?"
"Yes."
"Shall We Dance?"

                        *
The class came to a new teacher-addict, he sat down, something 
thoughtful, feels - neprobor, and have nothing to add, all 
tensed up and asks:  A lot of fish is that?

 Student: cannot!
 At Mademoiselle, blissfully smiling: Cannot? -Good!
 A lot of birds?
 Y-to: Cannot!
 Y-l: Cannot? Good!
 A lot of horses?
 Y-to: Tabun.
 Y-l: Herd? Bad.
 And what is your name?
 Y-to: jambs.
 Y-l: Kosyakov? Excellent! Sit down, five frames.
 Y-to: Five stocks! Okay!

                        *
STONED addicts and decided to go home
Well, one betrayal
"The Fellowship lets catch the car, but Visti behave properly, 
so carrier not spotted, "Well caught a wheelbarrow ride, and 
the driver asks," You Th kurnuli guys? "schego you took?", "and 
four on the horseradish front seat climbed? "


                        *
 Comes a teacher (Y) in the class, and children (D) for all 
udolbany etc. (Y) taaaak that tomorrow everyone in the jamb 
without me not to start and then all of a couple

for by the following day (Y) comes to class (D) sit fresh bouncy
such (NU kids they are)
(Y) puff (D) also
(Y) zatinuvshis and looking out the window "ducks fly (R) 
shoals" (Y) again zatyak "gusiii fly" (D) pyhnuv 
"koosyayayakaamiiii" (Y) to achieve and quite been so 
thoughtfully, "sssloonyyy fly" (D) (k to k 
koooossssyayayakkamiii) when one gets Comrade teacher because 
elephants do not fly (Y) Petrooov berrri their disorder 
disorder bespantovku and conclude on the stairs all the buzz 
lomaesh. 

                        *
-Go () ARC on Red Square and pulls on the lead goose.
-Suitable for him (M) ilitsioner and says:
- Citizen, it's a Red Square and you are to a goose walk,

  Suddenly he sdes shit!
() - Yes, you look around, there are so many pigeons, so they

    crap, and you have stuck with me and my goose.
(M) - because of the pigeons is a bird of peace ....
() - Bl! I will, my goose does not want war.

                        *
Is () Arik down the street and leads the wing of a penguin, to 
meet him (II) rohozhy.

(II) - What do you penguin city craving led to him to the zoo.
and the next day the same situation.
(R) - Are you a penguin and neotvel the zoo?
() - Why, we were already at the zoo, and now in CINEMA 
gathered. 

                        *
 Vypolzaet Snake from zarosley anashi (marihuany)
- Meow! - No, not really.
- Gav! - No, it is also wrong.
- Moo-oo! - And it is also wrong.
- Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh! Oh! Something I zamykayu!

                        *
Wakes up once hare utretsa, familiar smells in the woods
flavor is ... Well, most wanted to blow ... =:) Goes
looks - a wolf under a tree is dead vusmert, hare to him:
- Hey, Wolf!
- Wow, a beaver! %-)/~~~~
- Wolf, what I'll beaver away in my ears long, there's tail

  small jump can ...
- All the same beaver =)
- Well, go ask someone thread:)
Go see - the bear under the snag lies with smoking in an oblique
paw around the heels nemeryannom promptly inserted, sees a 
rabbit with a wolf: - Hey, Wolf! Hello, beaver! %-)))/~~~~~~

- Yes, damn it, Mike, what I'll still beaver, so my ears are 
long, 

  etc.
- Yes persecute you all, beaver! %)
- Well, go ask an owl, it is the most intelligent in the woods:)
Suited to the hollow of owls around the tree a lot of heels, 
the thresholds sketched. There appear remarks from a hollow owl:

- Health, BEAVER! :)

                        *
Costs mean bro (just about kurnul).
Approaches him and asks a passerby to smoke.
He begins to feel neponyatkah in pockets, some, others
fifth .....
A minute later - (schupaya pockets in the abdomen) makes awful
surprised face and said: "Oh, I have # I lost weight!" .8 - []

                        *
Rides Narkosha (H) in avtobyse. Standing near the door. At the 
same time ABSOLUTELY scythe. And so a passenger (P) and it asks:


  A: You go to sledyyuschey stop?

  H (with otsytstvyyuschim view): Do not e $ 't. ..

  A: You do not lychshe hamite and answer my question!

  H: Do not e '% t. ..

  P: And you do any nibyd more words you know?

  H: Scuba ...

  A: 8-( 0) What does scuba gear??

  H: Do not f $ # t. ..

                        *
Eagle sitting on a rock. Looked to the right:

    -Oh, b. .., some rock ...
Looked to the left:

    -And then some rocks ...
Looked directly:

    -A x% n, a peck - hurts ...

                        *

  Gene decided to (F) Cheburashka (W) to teach seize. Gives the 
joint, Cheburashka delayed.


  D: - So what?

  H: - Nothing ...
Gives a more prolonged:

  D: - Well?

  H: - Yes No ...
And:

  ...
Cheburashka raises its head here:

     - Oh, crocodile!

                        *
Rides obdolbany upyhtysh (Y) in AGC. Behind him stands
Girl (E) and asks:

  D - Uncle, you go out?
I think - now I will answer and I will redeem, keep silent!

  D again asks - Uncle, you go out?
I think - now, and I will answer the end, say nothing!

  D for the third time asks - Uncle you go?
I think - now I just keep silent, and redeemed, must be answered
something clever!

  Y - A girl, what's the difference, I'm out or not, the 
important thing to you the school was a good student!


                        *
Torch caught a goldfish, and she told him three wishes in 
exchange for life offers.

Torch thought and says: First - let run through a herd of 
elephants! Clatter, roar, pylischa - ran a herd of elephants.

Torch has thought and said: The second - let run through a herd 
of Elephants!

Elephants probezhali.Ostalos one wish.
Torch thought another five minutes and says: And okay, let's 
herd Elephants, like big party!


                        *
Drug is on the ties. In the board obdolbany. Behind the train 
travels: 

  -Uuuuuuuuu ....
Drug zero emotion. He was run over. It lies in a hospital, all
tied up, resting. Cured, came to visit a friend.
They sit in the kitchen, ate. At this time the kettle boils:

  -Uuuuuuuuuu ...
Drug jumps, grabs the kettle and on the floor with his "Raaazz, 
and well, it trample. A friend asked him: "Che is it you?" 
"Strangle them all necessary, yet small, "he responds to it.


                        *
Drug waiting friends that would co-pribaldet.
A thought-until they priydut I kosyachok a pyhnu, and on paper
privetvie write. Popyhtel.
A knock at the door. Reaching for the paper reads (relaksno so):
 - Who's pt.
 - That we are your friends PTA pt uncover the exclamation mark.

                        *
Commissar cops chasing runs, he sees the sculpture on the square
three naked men bystoro undresses and is attached to them
occupying a picturesque position. Voice of the side - Remove 
the socks and then all of a goat popalish.


                        *

  Caught somehow HP goldfish and let her order the 600
Mercedes hundreds, villas in all the seas, oceans, Beauties
cars, trucks, Bucks ... Vobschem ordering, order -
slay. Thinks that more order? And he said:
 - Well fish do I still have everything and a hero!
 - Okay! But the desire is still in what sequence
perform? - Go ahead as you wish! Only on pyromu!

  And HP was one in an open field with a grenade in the
center tank attack.

                        *
Soviet tourists lost in LA, naturally, panic, rushes through
their cities, looking for ..., can not find. Pass under the red
lantern, it hailed (pimp).
- Hey, mister, can I help you?
- I think so ...
- What do you want?
- Well, sorry, my english so bad ...
- Ok. I'll help you ... Do you want a girl?
- Not !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 -]
- Do you want a boy?
- Not !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 -]
- So, what do you want?
- (Long dig in PhraseBook) I want a soviet consul!
- Possible, possible, but very expensive!!! 8-|

                        *

  Director takes on the case pensiyu.Peredaet new director (ND).
Yes! And more! If want to sex - something in the waiting room 
(C) ekretarsha, it is not against it, and if feel free to ask, 
then say simply, you need to make an annual report.


  It's been awhile. (ND) remembered the promised sex.
Causes a secretary.
(ND) - It is necessary to make an annual report!
(C) - I was not even a month! but I can retroactively or
orally!
(NR) No, better myself as anything in haste ...
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   I hope you like it, remains to say thank you Dark Lion'u
for the text.