From a conversation between Gerasim and Mumu - a humorous article.

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 ║FROM GERASIM'S CONVERSATION WITH MUMU║ 
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 In this section we will publish
forge various humorous
articles on any topic.           
 In the first issue of our magazine
la you can read first
chapters from the novel"SCHOOL", as well as
get acquainted with the certification of one-
a great company commander, who
goes to study at the Academy
                                
 ATTENTION!The publishers of the magazine do not  
are responsible for the content
Zhanie articles.                   
                                
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  NOVEL "SCHOOL".        
  CHAPTER I.           
  "HAPPY" DAY OF MY LIFE. 
                                
 Autumn. September.    
Autumn time -      
The charm of the eyes.    
Beautiful!            
 I would even continue:
            "Autumn time-      
The charm of the eyes.    
And 9 months, puffing, 
 You will sit in schoolin vain!"
                                
  A.B.PYCY.
                                
 Gloomy and cold morning of the 1st
September 1993.  To school N9,
with their heads bowed, slowly
the students are reaching out. Near school
a bunch of people have already gathered: parents
bodies, onlookers, students and a couple of
tographers.                       
 On the porch of the school in full swing
preparations are underway for the so-called
this "celebratory ceremony" (but
only the so-called one. I would-
in general, mourning was announced on September 1st
fork).                           
Class teachers do
happy faces pretend that
they are happy to see the group again
pu students who brought
a lot of troubles during
the entire previous year. Students
they also smile and say they are beautiful
words, but not with such polished
exactly like their teachers.         
 The ceremony has begun. Pal Niko-
Laevich (military instructor of the school) bass co-
Mandira shouts something for
calm the entire group of students.
The students calm down a little,
but they continue to hum. They need it
so much to tell: a couple
fresh jokes,For example. Du-
crayfish!  So many more lessons bnepe-
di... Teachers say long,
boring speeches, memorized most
zust, bringing in small pops
due to the changed political
ical situation.                
 Finally, some redneck is given
a tiny girl, and he tried
barks back and forth a couple of times
along the porch with her in his arms. that
you have to move your hand so that
this bell rang, managing
don’t fall on the as-
false.   There is a ringing sound.  cuts
ears, many wrinkle.           
 Something ctpekaet, can be heard
words of confusion, something
include.    Funeral plays
march.  Everyone straightens up and sits down
honky are drawn to the entrance and scatter-
are given by "camera"...          
                                
                                
                                
                                
ROMAN SCHOLA.          
 CHAPTER II.            
MORNING.              
                                
 School... So many good things
     And even more bad...    
 A.B.PYCY.
                                
 Morning... To school, dragging my
bags, half-asleep students trudge
nicks and their teachers. Having changed clothes
quick "cmehky", students with
have difficulty moving to the schedule
nyu, where they are trying to find the family
no "cab".                      
 First lesson... Algebra in 9th
"B".  The class is sleeping peacefully: half asleep -
dark eyes, sleep-deprived faces,
yawns and heads propped up with hands.
The teacher tries unsuccessfully
hammer something into a half-asleep person
class.                         
 Alexey Koshkin was lucky: the package
with a few books
served as an excellent pillow for him. 
 Two excellent students on the first desk
pretend (as always) that they don’t
are sleeping, as can be seen from the closed
eyes.                         
 In "Kamchatka" and "Chukotka"
tire Very strange...          
 Sometimes, in a dream, you can hear
the voice of a teacher trying
cheer up the class with a stupid joke -
mi. They hit the sleepy classroom
like peas hitting a wall and flying off into
teacher's authority.              
 Tatyana Mikhailovna also wants
sleep.  She tries to smile
but instead of a smile on her face,
it turns out that something is not quite right
tectbehoe for a person (although
person after the "couple" for
I wouldn’t call it a control room). 
 Finally, the long-awaited bell
but... For many, it served as an excellent
alarm clock. quietly folded
                                
putting textbooks into bags, still
move more quietly towards the exit.        
                                
All characters in the novel      
 are real, any match    
naturally.          
The novel is based on real ones    
events at school No. 9         
city of Vologda 1993.    
                                
 To avoid teachers' revenge  
the author wished to stay     
 unknown.          
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
 A T T E S T A T I O       
 ======================     
 He loves military service because...
no longer strives for anything.   
 Systematically works on
eliminating shortcomings that
allows more and more often.      
 Even today we love military uniforms.
until completely worn out.         
 Systematically works on
studying new technology, but
Roy doesn't know.  Can ride on
all brands of cars... in ka-
as a senior, sometimes - in school
call, only tied.       
Pays a lot of attention to the study
Research Institute of Foreign Organizations     
armies, however, the states are subdivided
commanded, committed
really doesn’t know.                 
 He doesn’t remember the old regulations, but the new ones
studies, but has difficulty remembering.
  Doesn't study military topography
but he loves and knows cards, caught
minor catches without recording. System-
theoretically studies foreign literature
tepatypy, but Russian newspapers are chi-
melts syllable by syllable and reluctantly.      
Drinks withdisgust, but a lot
often, without eating because of the ulcer  
stomach.                        
 Previously noted facts of po-
howling debauchery is entirely due to
lived due to inability to ee
continuation.  Currently
prone to careerism - in
position of company commander for 15 years.
  Well developed physically. Maybe
stand on skis in the windless
the weather is out of the blue. Healthy,
but tormented by sclerosis - he forgets
sometimes come to work, especially
especially on Mondays. Vision
bad, but in the money sheet
signs without glasses.        
 He knows how to keep military secrets,
because knows nothing.           
 Ideologically consistent, poly-
technically literate, on cemuhapckux
classes, as a rule, is silent;
I became so lazy during my service,
that he stopped arguing with us
boss.                      
                                
B S B O D : position
            matches, but   
because for        
 long service life
            completely dumbfounded  
appropriate       
 send to the Academy
            for studies with subsequent
            general extension to  
highest position.   
                                
                                
 Resolution directly
No boss: I agree.      
I add that he owns three
languages - command, obscene and
Russian (with dictionary).          
                                
Conclusion of the senior chief:
NOT three, but two, because co- 
mand and obscene - the essence is the same
the same.                          
                                
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