Interview with Cuchulainn

Interview with Cuchulainn

ZX-WOOT: It gives me great pleasure to be in Sal's cafe in Rhyll, with none other than CUCHULAINN, or rather Jim Halfpenny, the man that played him in Tir Na Nog & Dun Darach.

JH: Thanks. I haven't got long by the way.

ZXW: Okay. Tell us about how you got the gig.

JH: I saw the scribbled advert in a newsagent's window in Birmingham: "WANTED: tall man that looks a bit celtic, must like wanking." It looked right up my street, so I applied and quickly got an interview. Gregg Follis said that my stride "looked about right" and, as long as I could provide my own wellies, the job was mine. I asked what the 'wanking' was all about, and he got annoyed and said "Bloody hell, you're the 3rd person to say that - IT SAYS WALKING!!!" Even still, I started the week after.

ZXW: What was a standard day like?

JH: It was just lots of walking against a PAPER 4 screen, and recording a few lines of mystic bollocks; you know the kind of thing: Callum's shaft and the Pot of Magda or whatever. The team were a great bunch though, loads of practical jokes and boozing, so it was a blast... until the Sidhe turned up.

ZXW: Ah. Your on-screen nemesis. What was the problem?

JH: His hairy little body and sinister aura may have been perfect for the role, but he just creeped everybody out on set. It spoiled the crack. Not only that but we shared a trailer, and totally rubbed each other up the wrong way. The mutual dislike kept building until one wet afternoon we were consigned to barracks, and I snapped. Sidhe was noisily eating a Pot Noodle - something he knew annoyed me - and he spilt a drop of the sauce on my trousers. I went berserk and called him "A creepy little ****er that belongs in a zoo". It turned out that I'd hit a particularly raw nerve, as he was mistaken for a chimp the previous week and impounded. He never forgot that.

ZXW: Oof. We'd best move on. What are you up to these days?

JH: I struggled for work after Dun Darach. After several years on the dole, I decided to put my long stride to good use and started my own dog walking business - Tir Na Dog. It's not so glamorous, but at least I'm out in the open air. The only problem is that the Sidhe bears a grudge - the git won't leave me alone. He follows me everywhere and when he catches up, I reappear back in my living room without my possessions. It wouldn't be so bad but I've lost 2 spaniels and a pug over the past 6 months because of it. It's ruining my busin- ... Shit. Here we go again, sorry, gotta dash.