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Missed again :) | ** ** | M. Zadornov
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Comments: Here, writing out “Arguments and ___ __/ /
faki" (oh, sorry, facts), I came across ____ ._/
to this creation of my favorite satirist.
M. Zadornov, and could not resist
introduce you to this COOLEST TEXT...
-Soap opera of world drama-
It all started when American intelligence officers reported
to his management, HOW MUCH MONEY WAS LAUNDERED BY POCCUCKUE
REFORMERS AT THE BOMBING IN CHECHNYA. AMERICAN AUTHORITIES SAW
NUMBERS AND WE THINKED. THIS IS A PROFITABLE BUSINESS, ISN’T IT TIME FOR US
SHOULD I BOMB SOMEONE?
And preferably away from our shores. At the same time
Let's put the daring euro currency in its place. And then from the pot 2
an inch, and already onour dollar yaps like Mocbka. And Russia
Let's show who is who so that it serves us as a buffer c
Muslim barbarians and China, which is not reproducing according to plan.
Not only is there capitalism there, it is also under the leadership
communist party.
Americans have two dreams in life: the first is to make money.
as much money as possible, the second thing is not to get money at the same time
Nostradamus
They believe Nostradamus without exception, just as we once believed
Lenin. And only a small handful of Americans know that
Nostradamus's books were specially translated on instructions from the CIA so that
bomb those about whom the soothsayer supposedly warned, and thus
to lower oil prices in the world before purchasing it. To
They made Nostradamus their main oil well.
And everything went like clockwork for the Americans (that is, according to
Nostradamus), when suddenly teenagers poccuuckux reforms
invented a new financial scheme, much more profitable than
oil industry - bomb, and then send money for restoration
at the same time.
But even earlier than the Americans, I saw the numbers
poccuucko-Chechen business president Milosevic. And I thought:
Why are my Albanians worse than their Chechens? AT ANYCOUNTRY CAN
FIND YOUR CHECHEN, IF THERE IS AN INCENTIVE! In a word
The Americans and Milosevic found each other.
The Americans called Milosevic and asked: -You
are you going to stop your genocide? -No way, proudly
Milosvic answers. -And rightly so! Don't you dare. Good together
let's earn money We will bomb your roads, bridges, television center. - U
I also have a very expensive oil refinery, he suggests
Milosevic. This plant could be bombed right down the chimney.
The spot will spread across the lake, impressing everyone.
- That’s right, the Americans agree, then we’ll allocate money for
recovery and I’ll share it with you. Don't worry - we don't
Russians. We'll give you your percentage. Just don't try to tell us before
It's time to give up - be the same stubborn asshole until the end, OK
?
Milosevic saw a fax with numbers, and even more
proudly answered: “Yes, bomb me as much as you want!” I don't tell you
I won’t rent out an inch until you send me the money. OK.
It’s not for nothing that Russian folk wisdom says, “There is strength, but no intelligence.”
necessary." NATO replied: “If it’s NATO, it means NATO.” And everything would be y
Americans were wonderful, if not for one “but”.
Suddenly, the Russian people awakened to a sense of national
dignity. AThe Americans did not count on this. Although in vain.
Russia has not received loans for a long time. There was another truth
The reason is genetic. How is it that someone in the world has gathered
bomb, but they weren’t consulted???
Even the Russian president was seen on this day in his
working resuscitation room. Was spotted by the flag above
Kremlin, which fluttered for 11 minutes. But this time
enough for the chief of the Prizedan administration to have a sharp
an attack of acute respiratory infections, and he was sent to the main branch
Kremlin-CDB-Central Kremlin Den. The prize-winner himself,
despite general anesthesia, under which he was treated for katapa
upper respiratory tract, that day I even tried to shake
a rusty nuclear fist. But smart people explained to him that
first you need to get the next tranche, and then rattle. Some
How they calmed me down. Instead of valerian, they gave me 17 decrees to sign, and
put under anesthesia
But you can’t put everyone in the country under anesthesia. Although many would
I wanted this. After all, the ONLY THING THAT INTERFERES OUR
THE GOVERNMENT IS OUR PEOPLE. EXCEPT, OF COURSE, THE ELECTIONS.
THIS IS HERE PEOPLE ARE NEEDED. SO YOU CAN'T GIVE HIM AT ALL
DIE.
But there is no point in letting people live in peace either.Leave on
food so that I can get to the polling station myself and
that's enough. Therefore, we are not a people, but an electorate.
So, the most unexpected thing for the Americans was that exactly y
the Russian electorate has awakened to a sense of its own
dignity, and how! With our historical Russian
energy that is always over the edge, but there is no VECTOR. In the newspapers
cartoons appeared again, depicting NATO as
a kind of fire-breathing creature, similar to the miscarriage of a viper from
Snake Gorynych,
Inspired by kapukatypamu, student Semenyuk with feeling
self-esteem urinated on American
embassy. Masses of passers-by joined in. Urinating
Passing people were supported by car horns. Their beeps
were heard even in the city "K". Its residents chipped in rotten
eggs to bombard the American embassy. But
It turned out that there was none in the city. However, don’t disappear
without any rotten good: let's go to the administration building and
They attacked him with shouts: “CLINTON! THE SLAVS ARE NOT
MONICA, YOU'LL BREAK THE SAXOPHONE!!!"
Even the military woke up from a winter coma without pay: we
no salary needed. The main thing for us is dignity. We will immediately
we will send our fleet tothe shores of Koccobo. And they would have sent it. But on one
The fleet will not go far in dignity, it needs diesel fuel. How to buy
diesel fuel? Young reformers have sold all the standing oil
to the same Americans. Like kyntb diesel fuel if there is no money in the army
even enough to lay out decent tracks y
generals at their dachas? WE DECIDED TO DEMAND THE IMF (INTERNATIONAL
MONETARY FUND), FUNDS FOR THE NAVY (NAVY)
TO SEND OUR NAVY WITH THEIR IMF FUNDS.
But our leftists were even more offended than the Americans
communists.
Left. They can also be understood: there were rightists for 70 years, and suddenly
left! Out of resentment, the comrades decided to do something to the president
impeachment, or in our language - “goat”. And they invited the chief
impeachment specialist Monica Lewinsky. To
to confirm the main purpose of the visit, they invited
writer. By this time, Monica had published the book "Nine
with half the contacts." And became just as full-fledged
a writer like ours Korazhakov.
Now Monica Lewinsky and Korzhakov form a joint
association "USA-Russia" of the Writers' Union under the presidents.
The funny thing is that most of all are in favor of postponing impeachment
The president himself was offended. They only calmed him downwhat they gave
sign a decree awarding Alla Pugacheva the Order of Friendship c
prizedent of the 2nd degree. After which the people became agitated: and everything
Is the president's health okay?
At the same time I decided to save the country from
hunger, cold, humiliation and impeachment our prosecutor: “I know where
stolen credit. If someone tells me, I will open someone's
accounts in some banks in some country." And, no
After thinking about it, I showed these some accounts to someone. Some people, and you
guess who it was, just at that time he woke up from
another runny nose. I looked carefully at the bills and immediately
came to his senses: “Why, you understand, are you showing my accounts?!”
. Of course, he did not mean himself personally, but most likely his
relatives, friends of relatives, relatives of friends, and
friends relatives. But still very dangerous
added: “Whoever comes to me with a bill, comes from the bill and
will die." And at the same time he made such a terrible face that he
the doll at that moment became more like him than himself.
This moment was shown on TV, and everyone
saw, they said that after all, a very good actor plays in
"NEWS" from our president. And that he will soon be given an Oscar
nomination "The most terrible facial expression in a documentary"
cinema". By the way beforeIt’s still a mystery why our prosecutor is here
suddenly became so brave. Even the brave ones! Seems like a smart person
always counted. No wonder not a single sensational crime
did not reveal, never let slip: who killed whom and for what.
Sources close to reliable say that this is his prime minister
urged: “Bring out all the thieves. Your homeland is not
will forget. And don't be afraid. From now on I am your roof. At the president's
the roof has already gone. Well, the prosecutor, poor guy, has a new roof, and
"let's go." For the first time I tried to believe in my Motherland, forgetting that
Motherland and state are different concepts for Russia. So what
the state of love for the Motherland does not forgive anyone. And then this
it has begun! A kind of erotic detective story, in which there are two
women of non-serious behavior in the massage parlor of the FSB in
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky were played by a man with all his
Rodinakmi similar to the prosecutor. Why on comoro prosecutor
A criminal case was immediately initiated. Apparently those who
turned it on, they were very excited about this movie. And they aroused him
ctatbce - "exceeding official authority." After all, ours
the hero was with two, not with one. The case was even transferred to the military
npokypotypy. The women turned out to be soldiers! And the prosecutor
insulted their honor while performing their official duties.
Intelligent guys on the state channelbravely
showed how he insulted them several times in a row.
Of course, the state made a mistake here again. It wanted this
to humiliate our hero with a video clip. But they didn’t take into account that WE ARE NOT
AMERICANS: OUR PEOPLE ALWAYS FOR THE HOMELAND AND AGAINST THE STATE...
Therefore, people watched the movie and said: “But the prosecutor
turned out to be a man. Although I could have found better women."
Even the prosecutor himself began to walk around like this. And on his
there is no need to pay attention to the resignation letter, because it
I wrote it under the pressure of the president's facial expression. Deputies
from such a case they immediately became overexcited: “We are with you, prosecutor!” And
Let them create the same provocation for us!”
Even the president himself from this whole story, they say, came to
myself and didn’t leave there for a long time. Then he once asked: What
there, you know, with our prosecutor and Monica Lewinsky? ". From
The prosecutor was offended by such a question, and even more importantly, he stated that
“After this he will never resign at all,” he wrote
another resignation letter. This moment was also shown on
TV. But since everyone has already stopped understanding where
on the screen there is a real prosecutor, but somewhere not, they announced to the TV
very carefully: “This morning a man who looks like a prosecutor
in handwriting similar to a prosecutor's, wrote a paper similar to
petition forretired, a man who looks like the president." Here
such a chilling story. As a result, now we have two
npokpopa: one is temporarily suspended and the other is temporarily suspended
acting
And at this time the Americans (back to our RRAMS)
continued bombing. They don't have this whole story
showed, otherwise they would have stopped the bombing as soon as
would see the face of our president. They are with their point
They tried to hit Milosevic with blows. But he ran so smartly
between these blows that the Americans were forced to
point, go to flat cakes. Factories, bridges, roads were bombed
and, defending kocobapob, they began to bomb Kosovo so diligently that
the Kovars themselves fled from there. Why were the Americans
I am sincerely grateful to Milosevic, because for many years
genocide and purges, he could not drive them out of Kosovo.
People fled en masse to Greece, Macedonia, and Albania. And the Macedonians
and the Albanians rushed from them to Spain and Italy. Spain c
Frightened, together with Italy, she asked to come under the roof of America.
The Americans wondered: what to do? They were given computers
answer: "Keep bombing"
The Americans didn’t know that these were oursstudents were playing around
with their computers.
The speaker brought from Yugoslavia a proposal to unite with
Russia. This idea was approved by the Russian President, and especially
warmly supported the Belarusian president: “That’s when we will
life is bad, but not for long." The Americans said that then we
we will bomb and poccuuckue factories, roads and bridges, what are our
They were slyly told: “You won’t bomb us
factories, roads and bridges, because they have long been yours." Then
The Americans said that they would bomb the Kremlin. What do they need ours for?
They answered even more cunningly: “And the Kremlin has already been yours for a long time!
The only thing left for us is the Central Kremlin
Hospital. You can bomb it." Then the President called to
Chernomyrdin himself to make him plenipotentiary
representative in negotiations on behalf of the Central Clinical Hospital. The President is very
I liked Viktor Stepanovich’s statement: “If this continues
let's go, Russia can rise up!" Even Americans
got scared. Russia is not a gift for them anyway, but here it is
swollen. There are rumors that the head of state will soon transfer
Chernomyrdin nuclear button. True, without a suitcase. Even in
newspapers once wrote: “The Prime Minister arrived to the President from
In general, as predictors assure, two events will soon take place.extraordinary events in the world: the end of the world and the third coming
Chernomyrdin... which is actually the same thing.
Reprinted by FOX
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