Humor - Let's rest. and read anecdotes and incidents from life.

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 ║ ─── HUMOR ─── ║      
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 Let's take a rest. and read jokes
and cases from life.             
                                
 text taken on IBM PC and nepenu-
san here. The author is not specified.      
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
 They told me such a case
tea. A man was traveling on a bus and
affairs on the seat. a next to you
put a box of chicken eggs
tsami.  Well, I bought it at the market. On his way.
On his way.  Controller enters (female)
on).                            
 - Your ticket? Checks the sign
cheat tickets. Suitable for a man.  
 - Your ticket?                
 The man gives her a ticket. Control
ler:                            
 - A per box???             
 - I don't have a ticket.          
 - I will walk to the end of the bus and
I'll be back. so that you have already paid. 
 - Okay.                      
 The controller goes into this too
time the bus stops at
at the bus stop a man gets off at him
A guy about 23-26 years old sits down.
The controller returns and approaches
dit to the guy:                    
 - Did you pay for the eggs?      
 Guy with the face of an idiot:      
 So what? I have the most??!!
  here the controller understands. what
the guy is not the same. Next packa-
there is no point in calling.  but the bus
rocked with laughter.          
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   I remember a couple of cases
from life:                       
 We are taking a taxi with a friend. On
front seat next to the driver
The client is sitting. my friend and I
behind.   comrade behind the driver -
la (left). I'm on the right. 3akypubaem.
We have ashtrays on the doors in the back
no. The windows don't go down. Docu-
pubaet comrade. and would throw it away
choke into the open driver's window. a
in the driver's window there is a ma-
a small plastic corner. Would-
the choke bounces off the corner and pa-
gives it to the driver by the shirt. Drive
body in a leather jacket and cuhtetu-
comb shirt.                 
(It's not so funny to tell - 
needed to see)              
 The driver begins to move
shoulders - believes that something is
flies.  I look at him and see.
what starts from under the collar
black smoke coming out (synthetic
shirt). The driver keeps twitching
stronger and stronger. Then lift up
he catches it and pulls it out from under
ass crushed bull!
(Climax - I choke on laughter.
my friend has eyes the size of...
reel) The driver throws out the
pokes the window and calmly says:  
 - Well.  Guys.  well you give -
found where the bull isthrow away!!    
--------------------------------
  On the same day I sit down in the evening
to the trolleybus. In the trolleybus long ago
ka. Two girls are standing. one above
head (so as not to get crushed)
holding the cake.  second - bouquet
ast.                           
 that. who is holding the cake. govo-
rit:                            
 - Now they'll crush my cake!    
 The words turned out to be prophetic!
Not only that. that her friend is slightly
caught actpamu's hairstyle
the guy standing next to him and from this
the aster fell asleep almost entirely
in his bosom.  A on the next
stop ee (the one with the cake
carried) pushed a little. and she
started to fall.  There was a girl
she's pretty - they didn't let her fall.
But the cake!!!!! It flies away from her
from hand  flies over your head
a man getting out of a trolleybus
ka.  and falls on the road in front
doors!  And not having time to do anything
understand the man is stepping on the cake!
Slipping. and sits up straight
mo on it (sponge cake
turned out).  Sitting on the cake. man
starts to turn his head (how
- I was just walking. and suddenly I’m sitting).
The girls' mood is falling (at
right.  on some sabantuychik
walked.  a gift - ...). oh when
the man stood up - I thought introll-
The glass of the bus is glazed with laughter.
melting - the lid of the box has come off
along with his leg. but he didn't sit down
on the box.  a straight to the cake!!!
There are roses from the cake on the pants.
cream around.  etc.  Well. girls
have fun. and the people in the trolley-
I laughed two stops in a row
without stopping!!                    
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A girl comes running to the programmer. 
- Nikolai Georgievich. there with me
some strange error: "nep-
correct format. game divided
on en".                         
Well.  he approaches the car. a there
written: Format another (Y/N)?.
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The girl is talking on the phone.
The employee shouts at her
room:                        
- Lenochka! Should you have an abortion?    
- Yes, yes. - she answers into the phone.
He approaches the car. wherever
that Lenochka was sitting. and press "A" in
answer to the question:                
Abort. Retry. Fail ?            
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It worked out once. that men-
ku in the passport.  in the national column
nality. wrote down "Jew" - not
I remember. How did this happen? Toli man
joked.    or that one.   who
designed.  but that's the point. that he
comes and speaks. they say what the
bullshit.  what am I like? to hell. Jew.
I am an ordinary Jew. Briefly speaking.  let's fix it.  Well
they say "OK" and take the pass-
port   They return it.  hold on to
anything.  or it fell from the computer
here you go.                           
                                
 Redirected "Jewish Jew".
                                
The man says: "PEOPLE!!! WRITE DOWN
ME IN THE RED BOOK!!!! I -
ONE AND UNIQUE
JEWISH JEW ON ALL WHITE
LIGHT!!!"                      
--------------------------------
Yesterday I got a lady.  working in
positions HEAD OF INFORMATION-
BUT COMPUTING CENTER set
question about that. can I RASFOR-
MAtUPOBAtb floppy disks. rrr!!!      
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^        
 Maybe. who can tell? how is this
do. and then she put me
dead end forever                
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 It is impossible to turn the minced meat
butt; and the meat from the cutlets is not restored
new.....                     
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Before the entrance to the theater for young spectators
TV poster:                     
Tonight:        
 "The Creation of Man"      
 in two acts.          
--------------------------------
     The shortest telegram from
request to send money:         
 "SEMIDENCY-FIVE-FIVE-RUBLE"  
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Sign on the road in Crimea:    
                                
 ╜─────────────────┐       
 │ <- labor │       
│ Yield -> │       
 └─────────────────┘       
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In Feodosia.  like. Imagine
picture for yourself: Tree. on a tree.
at the fork. sign "repair of cha-
owl" with an arrow.  indicating
vertically down. Under the tree -
urn.                           
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The organization will SELL protective helmets
suitable for playing chess          
WELL SELL wholesale quantities of left rear
these doors for cars NIVA         
WELL SELL wholesale quantities of three thousand
new (3000 rubles) bills INEXPENSIVE   
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LLC is studying the demand for pate from
beaks of Siberian hippopotamuses      
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 From the rock paintings it is noticed-
noah in one of the classrooms Donetsk
whom polytechnic.   "We will destroy
virginity as sexual
illiteracy! "               
 There was another gem there. B
corner of the desk.  so modest
slogan: "Let's die as boys!"
(apparently, a young man from a mountain facultywrote).  A below.  full length
desks with huge letters resolution -
tion: "WILL NOT GIVE!!!" And signature:
"DPI girls". And they didn't give it!
--------------------------------
 A working woman wishes to pose
dating a man over 55
years who doesn't smoke. doesn't drink and
doesn't think. that he is 25 years old.      
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    A funny document was found in
huge archives of the famous show
lokhoveda Konstantin Ivanovich
Priymy.  Knows the value of humor. himself
loved a witty joke. he doesn't
could.  Certainly.  do not make a copy from
which he came across in the abtor- archives
Rafa painter Petrokov. which
once undertook to do everything
renovation work in the Church of God
phenomena:                        
 ACCOUNT:              
 3a painting work. produced
given by the painter Petrokov at
renovation of the Church of the Epiphany.     
                                
                                
                                
                                
 1. Enlarge the skies and increase
give five stars - RUR         
 2. Make two virgin Marys
again for the baby - Zrub. 3. Tint the lips of Saint Bar-
bape - 2 rub.                    
 4. Make the god Sabaoth - Zrub
  5. Cover Dev once at a time
Myrrh-bearer - 9 rubles             
 6. Touch up the erased areas
Virgin Mary - Chrub.              
 7. Restore worn out members
to all saints - 8 rub.             
 8. Enlarge the spear of George Po-
poor bearer - 2 rubles.             
 9. Restore feather and tail
Holy Spirit - 1 rub.            
 10. Onpabutb clothes from Adam and
Eva - Chrub.                     
 11. Grease the wheels of Ilya Pro-
Roku - Srub.                    
                                
                                
                                
 12. Cover the Virgin Mary once
and make God - brub.          
 13. Paint to Nicholas the Ugodnik
beard - 1 rub.                  
                                
 Total:58 rub.         
painter Petrokov."
                                
 There is also a resolution on the account:
"Immediately pay this fool-
buy this amount. otherwise he connects everyone
tykh nepenorahut. Church Sta-
growth Kuzmichev. August 21, 1889
year".                          
                                
"Let's laugh at Filkina rpamo-
that"                            
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All these quotes are unchanged
not a single letter. not a single comma
- they all went to bed at the right time
on the desk of the police authorities.
                                
                                
How crimes were solved
the ancient Greek nose that ate
ten robber rubles. not so
it's really important. Revealed.           
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Nothing from under the broken lock
not lost. except for the broken ok-
on... Citizen A. shot from
pistol.who is drunk
able to wander around the city.     
--------------------------------
Liquid sent for examination
the bone has a strong smellself-
rut and taste of yeast.            
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Photography was carried out with
24-x until 1 a.m. during daylight hours
lighting.                      
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Criminal at the scene
drank a bottle of beer. ate half a kilo
sweets and 10 rub. coins.          
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Physical evidence of delivery
to the police department to bring him to crime
financial responsibility.         
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There are marks on the bolt heads
from the blunt impact of a solid
substances... A crowbar that is broken
the door is bent. and has the shape
unknown letter.               
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On the table there is a saucepan the size
rum: width - 15 cm, length - 17
cm height - 20 cm... On the floor
There is a corpse in the bedroom.  a next to
Tpynoba's wife sits with him and is bitter
crying.                         
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The clothes of the hanged man were close to
the body is not the same as on ordinary citizens
given. a dangled in the wind.    
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corpse.  pulled out of the water. was
warm.   but blue, so
showed no signs of life.     
The victim was lying on the bed
Russian nationality. judging by
the smell of alcohol is intoxicating.nose
he has a broken one. looks like an ancient one.
non-Greek.  Central figure
atskaya.  because he is wide
shoulders and narrow pelvis.              
--------------------------------
Upon examination, various
men's toiletries: boots
kick from the left leg. comb. let-
that bottle of vodka and drink
ny tractor driver.  who shot down
electric pole. next to the truck
torus  is in serious trouble
in that state.                  
--------------------------------
A fingerprint was found on
interframe frame surface
space.                   
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We direct the lock to the fingerprint
pictorial examination for installation
circumstances. in what way
the door was broken            
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  1. I was exposed to bodily
punishment - they cut my hair.     
 2. Please provide hay for my
parents.                      
 3. From my whole family. one
my member is able to work.         
 4. I am shell-shocked - concussed and
knocked off his legs.                     
 5. My rights were cut off. given-
given to me by the constitution.           
 6. He scolded me with words of polo-
of different origin.             
 7. I have one dependent
child and cow. and they charge me
milk.                         
 8. Currently I am deeply
pregnant with her second child.      
 9. I look young. but he's a jerk
health.                      
 10. As a result of poor conditions
Viy.  fell ill with an ectopic pregnancy
diversity.                      
 11. I live with my only one
sister. girl - 87 years old.     
 12. I myself am without my right hand. re-
the baby is 2 months old and also not working -
et.                             
 13. Help is given in volume. that she
suffered from incontinence since 1937
urine.  what the neighbors say
from the bottom.                         
 14. The military registration and enlistment office told me.
that I won't go to school through
right ear.                     
 15. From severe frustration I
lay on the bedding
information.                         
 16. He was wounded four times -
three of them are fatal.          
 17. Comrade Minister. please
make me a war invalid.   
 18. I was taxed - yay-
meat and meat.                    
 19. The commission awarded me the title
diagnosis of tuberculosis.             
 20. Statement of the bathhouse attendant: “I
fired and so dirty
yu.  that not a single bathhouse has me
will accept. a practice tolerance
the soul does not allow.              
 21. She smeared it on my jaw
yes.  what startedmass mortality
teeth.                          
 22. Citizen G. burst into
women's dormitory and grabbed
wrong places.             
 23. No inter-rape
we weren't there. he says. what
it was all ecstasy. and I am personal
but I remember. what's in the barn.          
 24. I live with my husband as Anna Ka-
pehuha: not scheduled. don't drink it
sana.                           
 25. Driver. be afraid of the place. where from
children appear.                
 26. Mr. D. has a
The next passage is littered with boxes.     
 27. After the milkmaid Iva-
Nova left the podium. at her for-
Lez chairman.       
 29. Citizens with a narrow neck -
com.  kerosene will not be sold
children                            
 30. Dog owners urgently
come to the dog breeding office and do
to vaccinate. those who did not show up. boo-
they were shot and hung on
doors of dog breeding in alphabet-
nom order.                    
 31. The patient was giveninjection in
right half butt. Dog services
waters: vaccination.  kynupobahue
tails.  instruction at mating.
kokep spaniel haircut.  con-
sultations.  obedience training
nyu.