Reading - Gentlemen, newspaper men, when releasing your publication, you are responsible for it, try to present the material not only interestingly, but also competently.

                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
 This is the stark truth     
 (Corrector)     
                                          
 but if someone is interested in something     
what luxury I have. Chow...  (Warlord)     
                                          
 Criticism.                             
                                          
 I would not like to particularly criticize but
my newspaper, but as a proofreader I was
It's just painful to watch. Align
manual text is still forgivable, but why?
Is this how you mock your language? If you have
Dear employees SPECINFO, problems with
commas, then it was possible to at least right-
is it correct to write? I hope you know about
existence of such a thing as spelling
Chinese Dictionary?                          
                                          
 Here is a small list of new words, 
created by the newspaper  SPECINFO:             
                                          
                                          
 Music = music                 
 example = example                 
 none = none                
 for a long time = for a long time  (or maybe
                           another word?)
 more = more                     
 I say = I say                 
COMPATIBLE = compatible             
prostate = simplicity (it turned out straight
                    mo medical term)
 wires = wires                
 paint enemies = crumble enemies         
 request = request                 
 gosettes = newspapers (you had to se-
                           call it that)
 successor = receiver (successor ?)
                                          
For unknown reasons, the newspaper felt
obvious lack of letterss "n",and in general, such
the impression that the texts were typed blindly
and in a terrible hurry (grab the bags - station
departs).  By the way, have you ever seen
on the keyboard the letter  "th"  ?  It seems not
saw.  Gentlemennewspapermen releasing their
publication, you are responsible for it, post-
try to present the material not only to
interesting, but also smart.                   

                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
 After a little criticism of our
colleagues, it should be noted that"Reading"
was washed out primarily as a section of di-
interesting and informative reading,
so make yourself some fragrant tea,
take the beer out of the refrigerator, take it from
cat, mother's favorite canary, set
monitor (or TV) outside the fall zone
direct sunlight andcontinue reading
our magazine...                     
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
 Advantages of modems over women.     
                                          
                                          
01) Babes don’t know how to download mail to 28800,
    How does the Fido-Grandfather Modem do it?       
02) Babes don’t know how to download at all.        
03) Babeza beeps even after connection.
04) Babez cannot be ATMOed when she
    yells.                                 
05) When the boss tries to send you mail
    that woman starts like crazy
    "screaming" into the phone instead of
    tell ATA.                          
06) Babez is too small            
 TranssmissionBuffer.                  
07) When connecting to a random woman
    Cases of HandshakeFailure are common.        
08) It is generally impossible to install with Babesa
    EMSI Session.                         
09) Babeza has no correction at all
 errors.                               
10) If a woman suddenly has a corrected
    tion of errors, then certainly software.     
11) Babes are not able to transmit pain
    our packages.                           
12) Not detecting babeza in the DIAL TONE tube
    (unlikemodem) starts to beat
    The phone is not at fault.            
13) Babeza doesn’t pick up the phone for a long time when it rings
    ke (she does not know the combination ATSO=0).  
14) Babeza doesn’t know how to hold a session with her teeth,
    Babesa simply doesn’t value her.          
15) Babeza will curse anyone who tries-
    I want to call her at 04:30.              
16) If you turn off the power to the pair
    недель, то она уже не оживет.         
17) It's hard to get a woman to put down the pipes -
    ku.                                   
18) Babeza is not HAYES compatible.           
19) Babeza will be offended if you insert it in her ass
    telephone wire                    
20) It’s difficult to put a Babez into an ISA slot.     
21) Babeza will not work equally under
    DOSand under UNIX.                 
22) Babeza will be offended if you let her be used
    friend for a week.                    
23) It's impossible to play DOOM.
24) The behavior of the woman cannot be controlled
    jumpers on the rear panel.         
25) When fucking with a modem you can experience discomfort
    how many orgasms in a row?               
26) You can use several
    modems, and none of them will be offended
    at you.                               
27) Having damaged the woman, you bear criminal charges
    responsibility.                      
28) Indicators on the front panel of the babeza
    do not reflect her behavior at all.       
29) Babes often make mistakes when typing numbers
    measure.                                 
30) It's easier to get divorced from a modem.           
31) If you send a file to a woman,
    then she will send you to hell.      
32) No need to remember when the modem is on day
    birth.                             
33) To start a new modem, you do not have to
    It would be nice to meet his mother.     
34) The modem does not have children, even if you
 you fuck with him without protection.    
35) It is impossible to obtain information about Babez,
    using ATI commands.                
36) Babes distract from reading mail.  
37) If you snatch the speaker from a woman - semi-
    It's a very unpleasant sight.      
38) The modem unquestioningly obeys your
    our teams.                         
39) NotThere are "cell phones" and radios.
40) Having a fast modem, you have an excellent
    modem                                
41) Babeza will not agree to live between
    IO Card and VideoCard.                  
42) Babeza does not support ZModem.        
43) Modems do not age, but only leave
    fashion.  You can upgrade your modem
    as much as you like.                   
44) A rare modem weighs more than 400g.        
45) For a woman there is not much difference between
    0 and 1.                                

                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
 Orderunpacking mag drives
thread disks "Iskra 005-70" and "Iskra
005-71"                                   
                                          
                                          
[one fine day the corrector got
"INSTRUCTIONS for the computing machine" caught my eye
proprietary electronic program control
my "Iskra 226" and the computing complex
mu "Iskra 1256", of course, is not a corrector
was able to pass by such a “pearl” and in re-
As a result, this article appeared - reprinted -
ka andz "INSTRUCTIONS..."]                   
[Notes enclosed [here] ]        
                                          
1) cut two belts from steel tape,
tight-fitting box, remove the lid from the box;
[don't forget to stock up on metal scissors
lu and a heavier crowbar - you will get more -
I'm a professional burglar!]           
2) remove the plastic bags with
accessories, accompanying and operating
documentation, check the presence
amount of accompanying documentation and stock
parts according to the operating kit
tion documents; [NB: the mere presence of polyethylene
packages with some documents and accessories
internally does not at all mean receiving
providing you with everything you need. Check it out!] 
3) remove the sealing inserts from the corrugated
cardboard, using belts to remove
Include the drive and spare parts box, remove from
storage belts and polyethylene inserts -
shi;                                      
[leave the straps - you can hang them on them
a representative of the manufacturer,
if you suddenly have it!]           
4) remove the polyethylene membrane from the drive
shock, remove the wooden planks, remove
cotton cover, remove the foam
gasket;                            
[gaskets are needed in case of critical
days on your drive]                 
5) release the power cord from the twine, with
remove the paper from the power cord plug;      
6) before putting the drive into operation
dismantle the red bracket  [sapper
makes a mistake only once!], fixing the
retku linearengine in transport
position, for which remove the casing from the shield
com, unscrewing the eight screws [at your leisure
read Murphy's laws regarding unscrewing
removing screws and removing all kinds of casings],
remove the cover, first dismembering
fan power supply connector, installed
Please see details 1,2,3.                        
 Save the bracket to fix the carriage
linear motor, in case of transportation
ki driveya [how to install the bracket for a month
then, read above].                        

                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
[in no way should any
What are the parallels between the following article and
our magazine. Although you know. See Fig.1]
 Messages about undocumented        
errors inWin95                
                                          
                                          
WinErr:001                                
Windows is loaded - the system is in danger   
WinErr:002                                
No errors - for now...                 
WinErr:003                                
Dynamic link error - all damaged
 files                                    
WinErr:004                                
Stray error - no big deal     
WinErr:005 Attempting to switch to multitasking mode
 - the system is puzzled                     
WinErr:006                                
Insidious error - found on the hard drive
Desqview program                        
WinErr:007                                
System cost error - on annapthoe
collateral insufficient amount spent
WinErr:008                                
The window broke - protect your eyes from splinters
cove of glass                                
WinErr:009                                
A terrible flaw has been discovered - one
God knows, one hundred it could be         
WinErr:00A                                
Overflow of advertising brochures - almost
The goods box is full                         
WinErr:00B                                
There is not enough space on the hard drive - there is
elk only 50 MB                     
WinErr:00C                                
Pigish memory allocation error - not-
we need more! More! More!          
WinErr:00E                                
The window is open - don't peek            
WinErr:00F                                
Unexplained error - explain how it works for you
it worked                            
WinErr:010                                
Reserved for future errors     
WinErr:018                                
Irrecoverable error - the system has been destroyed.
Buy a new one. Old license no longer  
valid                             
WinErr:019                                
Ошибка пользователя - НЕ НАША ОШИБКА!     
NOT OURS!                                  
WinErr:01A                                
OS has been overwritten - please nepeuhct. everything
software again. We're wild  
we blame                                 
WinErr:01B                                
Wrong error - you shouldn't have
receive this message. Next time 
you will be punished for this...                 
WinErr:020                                
Error writing error code - information about
remaining errors will be lost         
 Please stop sending us
error messages. This is our system. We
developed it, we created it and we use it
We've been using it longer than you. If you are gender
you think it's missing some
properties, or the system is not so effective,
as you would like,SHUT UP!  Remove-
go to hell, we don't need you.  See
fig. 1.                                   
                                          
 Forget about your stupid problem; yes-
Let's talk about some properties of
neck operating system.                 
                                          
 1) Options. We have introduced a huge variety of them -
gesture. So much that you'll need
a couple of smart guys to figure it out
documentation. So many that the cancer whistles
before half of them are used
used. So many that you won't succeed
use them correctly in any case.
However, the number of options is not so great
importantly, because we have established some
Some interesting values for options and names
get rid of them...  2) By default. We have installed a lot
omissions. We like them. If it were
if it were not so, we would have made it silent
something else. So put yours away
dirty hands from our omissions.  Not tpo-
screw them up. Consider them predetermined.
"Predetermined defaults" - sounds un-
sucker! If you change them and your system
freezes, shut up. See. rice. 1.         
                                          
 3) Language processors. They work
great. Receive as input the original materials
sts and often generate object files
as a result of your efforts. You don't hpabut-
What is the resulting code? So much the worse for you!
You can even try to make a system
new calls from it. In all cases when
yes it fails, use assembler,
how we do it. We spoke with the developer
chicks language processors and they think
just like us. They say  "See fig. 
1".                                       
                                          
 4) Debuggers. Yes, we have debuggerski, we accompany one, and the other uses
we use it ourselves. But anyway you don't
must make mistakes, it's just an empty
such a waste of time. We don't want to hear anything
talk about debuggers;  this topic is new to us
tepecha. See fig. 1.                     
                                          
 5) Error during loading. Do not bother
attention. Why give yourself an ulcer?  you
after all, you still won’t want to give us
your car so we can look into yours
problem, and we probably won’t be able to solve
get together anyway.  Yes, and if
something will break in between
17:00 and 18:00 or 9:30 and 10:30 or 11:30 and
13:30 or 14:30 and 15:30, then do not waste your
It's time to call - we are not there. See
fig. 1.                                   
                                          
 6) Command language. We developed it
on its own, it is excellent.  He us-
only we like that we named the language
in our name. Indeed, we are so happy
smoldering and happy with it that we created it
once for all our operating systems
topics We even try to keep the team
This language remains unchanged from version to version,although sometimes we are radically nepecmatpubaem
it. See fig. 1.                         
                                          
 7) Execution of programs in real
time. We have achieved this.  Who else could
do such a wonderful job? What, sis-
the topic seems slow with its 18th
process priority levels?  None
problems, install npuopu- for all processes
tet 1. In any case, real time is not
as important as it seems. We even from-
changed the name of our group to avoid
twist from the words “real time”. And we already
a long time ago we advised all of our
users trying to work in
real time, look at Fig. 1.     
                                          
 Finally, put your
error message. Love our system
or leave her, but do not express your dis-
contentment.              
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
    ---------------------------------     
    !               _               !     
    !              {_}              !     
    !              ¦ ¦              !     
    !              ¦ ¦              !     
    !           .-.! !.-.           !     
    !         .-!  ! !  !.-.        !     
    !         ! !       !  ;        !     
    !                    ;         !     
    !                   ;          !     
    !           !       :           !     
    !           !       ¦           !     
    !           ¦       ¦           !     
    !                               !     
    !_______________________________!     
                                          
                Рис. 1.                   
                                          
                                          
                                          
 ; Word & Deed editor v7.0 (c)            
 ; Article partially written and          
   fully composed by R.V.A.               
 ; Music composed by DJ IRONMAN           
 ; ЛЮДИ (C)1997 ALFA Group (tm)