Editorial

SCENE+
Publisher and editor responsible for content: L. C. D., Prager Str. 92/11/12, A-1210 Vienna, Austria
Phone: +43/1 272 34 63 / +43 676 5022551 / Email: lcd.one@aon.at
Distribution together with SUC-Session: Thomas Eberle & Fred Dürkes, Rainäckerstr. 4, D-70794, Germany. Tel. & Fax: (+49/711) 77 50 33
Spectrum and SAM related advertisements as well as classifieds are free of charge and can take any form: text, picture, demo.

Hello SCENE+ readers.

Welcome to the newest issue of SCENE+, which I finished a bit earlier for the sake of Thomas Eberle's nerves, even though it was still two weeks behind the original schedule. The reason is simple: only the freshest software should go onto the disk! Not like last time. I received a few reader submissions from Thomas that I've lined up for the next issue, because brand new stuff takes priority.

Just like last time, there are several game title screens again, and there's enough material left for another issue; after that, the FunTop'98 graphics competition entries will follow, as well as some artwork by Werwolf/Fatality (not to be confused with Warewolf) — hand-drawn graphics look so much better than digis.

Since Boovie was a big hit, the full version of Boovie 2 is on the disk. The demo version of Way Out, a Lode Runner clone (yet another one), had also been waiting in line for a while. Frodo, a Sokoban clone, is also included, and last but not least, a 4K intro (what!?) that is actually a full Arkanoid game, and not a bad one at all (load it in USR mode). I hope to bag some nice surprises for the next issue, as there were some updates in the WoS archive (my games can now be downloaded from there too).

As for the demos, I grabbed the disk image of the 4K FunTop '98 intros from the net and converted them for the standard Spectrum (even before Chrysagon of NC managed to do it, yeah! I guess I'm not such a bad cracker after all). The first of these space-saving intros are Arcanoid, Tunnel, and SDM. The rest I will save for upcoming issues.

As a special feature, I put the song from Genetic Error onto the disk, as it took 2nd place at Doxycon (by the way, where is the finished demo?).

Well, thanks to my internet access, I can get my hands on the newest software, and this shouldn't be reserved only for users with a PC and internet. That's why I will continue to bring fresh soft to S+.

Have fun,
L. C. D.

The Super-DAU

(DAU = Dümmster Anzunehmender User / Dumbest Assumed User — a species of unimaginably low intelligence brought into existence through exposure to Windows.)

I work in computer retail, and this story actually happened just like this. The "DAU" customer came into the store and waited for a while near the PCs until it was his turn:

Me: Good day, how can I help you?
DAU: Yes, I bought a PC from you two years ago, but from the very beginning, there was no sound.
Me: Is the sound card properly configured and installed?
DAU: Most certainly, a professional did that.
Me: And still no sound? Is the volume in Windows perhaps turned down to minimum or muted?
DAU: No, I've checked that as well.
Me: Are the speakers properly connected and turned on?
DAU: I don't have speakers. I use headphones, and I've already tested them on my stereo — they work perfectly.
Me: And did you plug them into Line-Out or Spk-Out?
DAU: They are plugged into the headphone jack.
Me: Yes, but which of the two?
DAU: There is only one headphone jack on mine.
Me: And what label does it have?
DAU: There is a headphone symbol printed on it.
Me: And the jacks next to it?
DAU: There are no other jacks.
Me: Wait a moment... I don't know of any sound card that has only one jack on the back. We have never sold anything like that.
DAU: Oh, I couldn't reach the jacks on the back because of my desk, so I plugged the headphones into the front of the CD-ROM drive.

That is ultimate proof that DAUs really exist, and it gave us enough laughs for the rest of the day.

Here are a few more finds from the Internet (autsch.de):

Features of Windows 98:

• MULTITASKING: It is possible to crash multiple applications simultaneously.
• MICROSOFT NETWORK: Talk to other people about your Windows 98 crash experiences.
• MULTIMEDIA: System crashes with lots of graphics, sound, and animations.
• COMPATIBILITY: It can also crash old Windows 3.11 programs.
• Contradiction in terms: Microsoft Works! (That was below the belt, wasn't it?)

And now something for our English readers to laugh at too:

IF SYSTEMS WERE AIRLINES

DOS AIR:
All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etcetera.

WINDOWS '95 AIRLINES:
The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin to wonder why it has not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 23 feet it crashes without warning.

MAC AIRWAYS:
The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same, and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

UNIX EXPRESS:
Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.

C ya in da nex...