Smehodrom - It’s 5 o’clock in the morning and we’re not laughing!

********************************
* CMEXODPOM *
* (P) Rusty and Ruslanych.   *
********************************
                                
 Hello! Arriving at the laughter
drome, where are we, cool DJs and magazines?
la "RST", or rather, it’s me and him,
pushing our brilliant carts.
It's 5 o'clock in the morning and we have no time
laughter (I really want a woman to eat,
drink, poop AND SLEEP!!!), 
that's why we are with impudent faces, creepy
hiccuping and making a lot of different noises
figurative sounds, pulled this
article from our colleagues from Rybinsk
ska (magazineADVENTURER'5), which
Ryum apparently wasn’t amused either
(I was terribly hungry for a woman, to eat, to drink
                                
                                
poop AND SLEEP!!!), and they too
stole this article from the English
o                               
magazine EXTASY-3, which also
it was no laughing matter...             
                               
                                
 16 THINGS YOU CAN DO 
BO GAME LOADING TIME FROM TAPE 
================================
                                
1. Turn on the tape recorder and go
watch Helen on TV and
guys, come back in five minutes-
hang on and break off, because this is
there was a game "Fighter bomber" in the co-
which needed to be stopped
load to select aircraft
that.                             
2. Run to the store for beer and
if there was no line at the store
and beer was on sale, then you like
times you will be in time by the end of the download.   
3. Run to the store again,
since you forgot to buy chips,
and break off again (see point
first).                        
4.Jerk off.  If you are being disturbed
loading sounds, then turn down the volume
tape recorder bone.              
5. Jerk off some more.               
6. Play shitty pocket-
new game.                       
7. Get a whistle or other
goy wind instrument and whatever-
please play.                  
8. Try to play in one
тональности со звуками загрузки.
9. Turn on the radio and tune in
so that the radio sounds match
со звуками магнитофона.         
                                
10.Brush your hair using the screen
monitor like a mirror. If you post
If you look at it, you can see in it
деть  контур прически, но, прав-
yes, it may appear on your head
there will be an explosion at a pasta factory
rike.                           
11.If you are going to press
acne, then it’s better to use
an ordinary mirror.12.Look out the window and imagine
those like you are wonderful notpaxa-
eat on Saturday.                
13.Read the description of the download
my games. There's nothing worse to look for
FIRE during the game.             
14.Drink a beer.  If you have a
there was a plan lying around, then curate it, and
by the end of the download you will be ready
you are about to switch to a virtual re-
                                
ality.                       
15.If you don’t have a plan, then pay
those beer, eating chips, but
be careful, don’t crumble it onto the keyboard
viatura, this may be reflected in
further work.              
16.Put on some music and enjoy
while sharing it, think about what you
couldn't do anything, ra-
working with the disk drive.             
                                
 Try this with a floppy drive
any of the above
SO WHO ELSE AND3 HAC SUCK? We personally strongly disagree with
Cear Bear (author of this article).
Our point of view is shared by
torus of the next article (very
We're sorry, we don't remember the name).  
                                
Well, we've really overcharged
so we went to smoke and
you are reading the following article from
the same ADVENTURER'a.           
                                
 16 THINGS YOU CAN DO
 WHILE THE GAME IS LOADING FROM THE DISK. 
================================
                                
1. 3anyctute loading and then
take out the floppy disk. Consider her
and put it back, enjoying it
further loading. Let it be
they are trying to do the brakes too
mine is with a cassette.                 
2. With a cry: “fucked!”,
Fuck you Helen.              
3. If you suffer from prematurepermanent death, then you can
masturbate.                        
                                
4. Let the brakes stick to themselves
description in the ass, much in-
It’s more interesting to find the buttons in time
Game name.                        
5. Light a cigarette, this is the only
what you have time to do.
But then you can notpehu-
indulge in smoking a cigarette,
without taking it out of your mouth.          
6. Pull up your socks, there's nothing
                                
it's worse when they lie under
table.                         
7. Open the beer. Of course you don't
you'll have time to drink it while I'm loading
the game is difficult, but at any time
ment you can press pause
and take a sip of beer.             
8. Open another beer, then another.
By morning you will clearly be leading the
I'm talking with my Speccy about theory
the origin of the world.             
9. Fart, it's nice and not
takes a lot of time.  Just
as much as needed to load
viz.                            
10.Burn (see point 9.).      
11.Scratch your ass.            
12.Try scratching and not yet
close your eyes in pleasure.
13.Break the tape recorder against the wall
shouting: "You're a slow piece
crap!!!".                     
14.Listen to the radio.  Speccy not
creates interference on frequency 96.3
FM.                             
15.If attached to a drive
candle, then it can serve as
vibrator.                       
16.And finally, introduce yourself
how "Typers" load
                                
"Fighter bomber".               
                                
                                
 Well, Cear Bear,            
 WHO IS THE BIGGEST SUCKER?    
                                
 So, now you know
what to do when loading then
                                
we moved on.                 
                                
================================
 Since we are complete quitters,
We will not write from ourselves, but
we will offer for your consideration the work of re-
byaT from Odintsovo ("SpectroFun"). 
================================
                                
 * * *            
                                
 SHOP HASOFAS        
                                
 We sat on the sofa in the store
Today we’ll explain to the girls why
the best option for them is
programmer.                    
                                
 LOT 1. PROGRAMMER.      
 WHY YOUR CHOICE IS THE BEST.   
                                
 Dear girls and women, you
decided to marry the program
mista? You did the right thing
boron, indicating the presence
why do you have a sharp mind and subtle
taste. Let's try to justify this
obvious idea on several
examples.                       
                                
1.  The programmer combines the
be the best features of a man with bo-
                                
the disease of Down and the captain of the distant
th swimming.  Every evening (for
except in the evenings when he
INTELliterally communicates with each other
gim programmers) he is at home behind
computer, but at the same time
thoughtsvery far.           
                                
2.  If he came home at that
the time you communicate with your
(or someone else's) lover, enough
say exactly: “Darling, this is mine
colleague. He doesn't understand anything about
computers." The only thing
the benefit you will experience
this is what a lover will offer in
next time meet at
go.                             
                                
3. If you suddenly want to
                                
he will not smoke or drink
You shouldn't be allowed to do this, because I myself
he does this all the time.        
                                
4.  He will never be irritated
I'm sorry to say that when you,
melted, you are preparing dinner, he is lying
on the sofa, staring at the newspaper
or TV. The programmer knows
its place is better than any training
dog bath.  It's behind the computer
term.                          
                                
5. You will never have to blow out
wash, what to give him for
holiday. At any celebration he
there will beI'm incredibly happy about the simple
a barrel of floppy disks from his favorite company. 
                                
6. You don't have to worry about
                                
evenings on what to cook
for him for dinner. Programmers are omnivores
.                               
                                
 HOW TO REALIZE YOUR DREAMS   
                                
 If your chosen one survived
all your checks are fully
ity (some of the checks
are given below), then get
it will be easier than ever. But os-
We would like to give you some recommendations
Mendations.                       
                                
1. When you came to visit him,
ask him to show you his art
Khiv. If he has less than 128 dis-
ket, he's still too young for
marriage. If he has more floppy disks
512, then he is either married or already
divorced (the rule applies in
geometric progression.  Vla-
Dealer 1024 floppies maybe
divorced twice and owner 2048
- three times). If he shows you
yoursstreamer (device
such), then, in principle, on him
you can hunt, but know that
he is a major.  Well, what if he is
mumble that his archive was devoured
viruses, gophers or moths, or
to say that his archive is at work
those, then READ VERY CAREFULLY read-
those next chapter.             
                                
2.  Find out when mail-time is on
his favorite bibbies. Then you
you won't suffer from the fact that
he didn't call on time. You always-
let you know when he is for you
позвонит (обычно - в пятом  часу
                                
morning).                          
                                
3. The night before the wedding,
point out his neighborhood.  Nothing
there's no harm in it if he's on
the wedding will be gloomy.  The main thing is
he will be at the wedding.            
4. Try to conduct a honey-
вый месяц в таком месте, где от-
There is no power supply. And after-
try not to be all sad later
life, remembering this month.    
                                
 HOW TO DISTINGUISH A FAKE      
                                
 B recently Chinese
underground pirate companies
they make a lot of fakes using our
products.  Some of these
fakes are not even visible
                                
external defects and have normal
small eye shape and quite
their systemic color is red, like
nose Without revealing all the secrets
products of our company, we will describe the non-
how many tests are there to distinguish
to protect our product from a fake. 
                                
1. Девушки без комплексов  могут
use the test to
rejection of the roughest sub-
loc. Ask the person who
he claims that he is a programmer
mister, show you my pussy.
If he shows you anything from-
different from PC, you can give
slap him in the face and drive him out.    
                                
2. When alone with the person being checked,
произнесите  фразу:  "Мама  рОд-
                                
naya!"  or “Dear mother!” Us-
a smart programmer will immediately say:
                                
"Where?.." and starts looking around
looking for a board.                  
                                
3. Invite your chosen one
somewhere where there is a computer,
and place it next to your computer
floppy disk If the floppy disk does not work -
immediately in the disk drive or in the car-
your partner's mana, or if
he won't even ask what's on this one
floppy disk, then it is fake.      
                                
4.  B the most inopportune moment
ask him a question like: “Love-
my, and a high-quality floppy disk is good
good or bad?" or "Dear,
what would you do if you
did they give you the freight?"    Real
the programmer will answer such
questions in any condition.      
                                
5.  If in response to your phrase:
"Darling, I want you to-
remembered me for the rest of my life!  he
drags you not to bed, but to tell
neru is a real program
mist.                           
                                
6. Somehow, being with him
Dina,ask him somewhere
scribble a three letter word -
int. If he writes INT, that's
system specialist, if he writes int -
applied scientist  And if he asks:
"Do you have those initials?" -
get out.                     
                                
 USER INSTRUCTIONS   
                                
                                
 The latest research studies
It has been established that the program-
you are creative, so
they are gentle, easily hurt, and
you need to communicate with them with great respect
caution. Otherwise you can use
spoil our product, or be
beaten herself, or may happen
there will be a collapse of the union (family, and
not republics).                  
                                
1. Never put your inte-
resources are ahead of his interests. If
You want a mink coat, and he
going to buy with this money
expensive peripherals, then you won’t be satisfied
stop scandals - he didn’t give in
tsya.  Better say: "Dear,
let's buy me a fur coat, and then I'll
                                
I'll put on this fur coat, and you'll do it
I have a wonderful GIF!"2. An over-drunk programmer likes
show Dendy, but it’s not in your hands -
Wait. He'll feel better immediately
but don't let him break it
Dendy - you will still need it in
next time.                  
                                
3. Try to study it
language.  For example, as a programmer
ski phrase: "Are you crazy for
your computer? How much can-
But should I wait for you in bed?"  sound-
cheat like: "Are you interrupting?
don't you react? I am now in
IRQO beds made the entire system two-
sit!"                           
                                
                                
4.  If it works, try-
be careful not to turn it on at the same time
one socket, iron, electric tea-
nick, electric stove, tongs, TV
visor, washing machine, etc..
The programmer who did not save his
program, it happens SCARY!!!   
                                
================================
                                
A piece of the Internet.        
 ------------------        
 !Perversions!           
                                
 Kama Sutra and Kama from the evening...
There was nothing between us, not even
cowards...The French have all the accents
do it at the end...Whoever likes it
it turns out, so that’s what it’s like... We’ll
don't look for common ground
                                
only vertically, but also horizontally
Rizontal...Looking for a scientific wife
at random...Nazi woman
has no identity, only gender..
Blowjob...I just created
chaos is beautiful...           
                                
================================
                                
That's it ALL!                    
They're probably already knocking on the door
WOMEN came, brought food, you-
beer. We went together to the mountain
Shki and now let's go SLEEP!!!      
 We apologize to our customers
tatelami for what,couldn't
write “Smekhodrom” yourself. In the following
current numbers "-=RST=-" we will
We try to write everything ourselves. And so-
we apologize to the guys
                                
from "ADVENTURER'a" and "SPECTRO-
FUN'a"for stealing from them
articles. Guys, we didn't do it on purpose
We won’t do it anymore (don’t kick us)
those).                            
--------------------------------
Let us remind you once again that all this
dregs we stole and wrote, THE
BEST DJ FROM -=RST=-:           
Rusty and Ruslanych.            
                       
 (C) SHADOW GROUP 1998
                                
 * * *