(c) Steelzer/CrZ/Triumph
A waking nightmare, or a dream comes in the morning.
It seems like I'm exhausted... For another stinking day, my fucking
life became shorter... I was returning from work in late autumn
in the evening, crowded with stinking grandmothers and sweaty farmers
bus. It’s no wonder that such left-wing thoughts pop into your head...
Tried to turn my attention to work... See you tomorrow boss
I need to write a couple of small programs, then write about a meter of text... Oh
How, I'm tired of all this! No matter how you turn it, everything got into your head
heavy thoughts. Am I really going to spend my whole life working in a cheap market?
office, hanging on the contract like a dog on a leash? It seems that
so it will be... Only for me the noose will tighten with each
new day more and more... Have I really become a loser,
which I used to despise - all day at work, neither at home nor
personal life, not a single joy? I was strict
principles, life was in full swing... it was a hobby, no, a second life,
That's where I was myself! I was free as a bird in freedom
flight, and now I look more like a plucked chain... To whom
I wonder if you need at least something from what I did on this
fucking job? No one! Who knows me? Nobody!..
The city ran past the foggy window... Bright advertisements flashed,
rushed andfaces disappeared... Life was in full swing outside the window... but I didn’t
there was room in it... Work, shitty apartment, damn computer,
spoiled health... no friends, no girlfriends... Here and there,
every evening and every morning... And what is all this for?.. For the sake of money?
Did I really trade my life for a bunch of pieces of paper that
spend it on nothing? And there’s no time... It used to be
time...
Every Saturday we went to the radio market, discussed that yes
se... I had my own group, I was doing business, and what I
did what people really needed... Foggy consciousness
as if all the memories had passed through an invisible barrier, they
surrounded me like butterflies in a summer meadow... I surrendered
imbued with all my past impressions... The world around me
as if I had faded away, I went into the fairyland of unfulfilled hopes,
jumped through the barrier of time, saw the universe gone
seconds... Time has ceased to exist for me, everything is empty and
unnecessary, or rather the last three years seem to have been erased from my
consciousness, only the taste of missed opportunities remained, the smell
unfinished, unfinished, undrawn... Everything that I
did the last three years become such a small grain of sand in the sea
huge ugly rocky cliffs... The desire to return,
turned out to be three years earlier... It soaked me through and through...
Falling into the darkness of past twilightwas heard from somewhere far away
a quiet whisper "Young man, what..."
Everything... _I_ disappeared, scattered into billions of stars and again
began to come together to become someone in another world...For
short moments of existence in agony that seemed like nothing
next to eternity, the whole truth of the universe gathered into me and
instantly dissipated, changing and absorbing parts of my
mind... I knew, no, I felt oblivion enveloping me
with its sweet veil, covering my gaze with a snowy pattern...
the spiral of eternity draws me into its vortex, another second, or
a year, what a difference, and the light will scatter me throughout eternity...
A bright light shines straight into your eyes... no, it can’t be, I’m
died!.. I open my eyes, get out of bed, and immediately turn on
speck, insert the disk with the sources, and start writing my own
beloved program... The nightmare, life is gradually forgotten
acquires its former rhythm, and an hour later I no longer remember anything about
my old life...
How rarely is a person given a chance to correct the mistakes of the past...
And not everyone can do this... You just have to not do them
in the present...
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08/23/999 03.57
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