╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ The father gives instructions to his son before the wedding: - Son, I want to give you two pieces of advice. First: in a marriage contract make it a point that twice a week you will spend time without your wife spend the day in male company. - And the second advice? - Never spend this day in the company of men. * * * Somehow a commission had to come to one construction site and accept mother object. Well, in view of this, the foreman tells the students who did an internship at the facility: “No matter what happens, do looks as if everything is as it should be." No sooner said than done more accurately understood. The commission arrives, well, naturally they go and look they scream...Suddenly, with a crash, the wing of the building collapses. Everyone is dumbfounded. And a trainee is standing next to him and looking at his watch it’s impossible vaguely says: “Holy shit, 15.30 - right on schedule - niyu." * * * The new Russian returns from a trip to America. He is greeted friends: - Well, tell me the coolest impression of America! - Brothers! Turns out,our bucks are their American dollars! * * * When commissioning a panel house, they check the sound permeability bridge, there were two people in different rooms: - Vasya! Can you hear me? - Fool! I see you! * * * Competition for the best furniture for a small apartment: First place went to the chamber pot with the handle inside * * * And finally, about the quality of walls in panel houses: A man was staying with his friend while visiting. Night. Sitting in the kitchen no, they drink. And suddenly the guest notices a medical device hanging in the middle of the wall. pelvis - What do you care about your pelvis? - And this is a talking clock. - ?! How so?! The owner takes a hammer and hits the basin with all his might. From behind the wall: Two o'clock in the morning, fuck your mother!!! * * * A young writer complained to his father that he didn’t know what to call his new story. He, without reading the book, asks: -Are there drums in the story? -No. -Are there any pipes? -Not either. -Then call it “Without Trumpets and Drums.” * * * They brought one to prison and lead him along the corridor. They say: - Choose who to sit withyou will. Well, a man comes up to one door, looks through the peephole, and there is such a hefty muzzle sitting there and, out of boredom, hits the wall of the fist com beats. - What for? - asks. - For a drunken brawl: he can’t live a minute to face the I can't hit anything. A man comes up to the other door, looks, and there is also some the scoundrel sits. - What is this for? - For rape: fucks everything that moves. A man comes up to the third door and looks - there is such a ckpom- A little old man is sitting and quietly pounding something in a mortar. Well mu- Zhik was delighted and immediately asked to see him. They closed it behind them door, the old man asks: - What are you pushing there? - Yes, here's salt. - And why were you imprisoned, grandpa? Grandpa gets up, approaches the man, takes a pinch of salt, salts him and answers: - For cannibalism, dear, for cannibalism. * * * At the pharmacy: - I need half a liter of alcohol. - Is there a recipe? - Yes, a kilogram of sugar, half a kilogram of beets and a hundred grams of yeast. * * * As was common in the old days in the Chukotka party committee, The first secretary is a Chukchi, the second is Russian, the third is a Chukchi. Arrival the third one approaches the first one and complains that the second one is fooling him all the time. com calls.The first calls them both to himself and says to the second: - Why do you always call the third a fool? Second: - Ah... Now I’ll show you... - And he says to the third, - run to my office, look whether I’m sitting there or not... The third one picks it up and runs to the other end of the building. Second: - Well? First: - Ay-yay-yay! Why do you force a person to run? Call yourself I couldn't do something, however... * * * The boss says to the journalist: - Write an article about how the newspaper is better than TV. And not for- please mention the main drawback of the TV. - Which one? - Is it possible to fall asleep covering your face with TV? * * * A construction worker comes to the doctor: - Doctor, I'm constipated! The doctor examines the patient and says: - Lie down on your stomach on the table. The worker lies down, the doctor suddenly hits him on the butt with all his might. face with a baseball bat. - Go to the restroom. A few minutes later a happy patient appears: - Thank you, doctor! It helped me so much! What should I do now? Doctor: - Stop wiping yourself with cement bags! * * * "Your instructions say: “Press.” But nowhere does it say when to let go!"
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