╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Petka and VI skipped logic class at the General Staff School. Well met the next day by teacher VI: -Listen, Vasya, I put so much faith in you, but you don’t want to come to my lessons- light. -And I’m not interested, what is this logic anyway? -Well, look: Do you have any matches? -Eat. -That means you smoke, if you smoke then you drink, if you drink then that means If you hang out with women, it means you are not impotent. Am I right? -Well, yes. Well, VI was surprised and goes to Petka. -You know, it’s in vain that we don’t use logic. -?! -Well, let me explain to you: Do you have any matches? -No. -Ha! Impotent! * * * A pregnant wife says to her husband: -You know, now there is radiation all around, children are born black and with two heads. 8)) The wife gave birth. The excited husband calls the maternity hospital: -Well what??? -Black. -And the head?!? How many heads??? -?!? One. -Well, thank God :))))))))) * * * A milkmaid and a machine operator are sitting on a heap in a remote village after working day, they are resting. The milkmaid asks: -Van, do you like Schiffer? He thought and said: -And for meI don’t care what slate or roofing felt, the chairman is all the same but you won’t question anything! * * * Winter. There is famine in the village, there are no cartridges to incite anything pour in the forest. Petka runs into the hut, holds a bird in his hand and deservedly shouts: -Vasily Ivanovich, I killed a black grouse! -What did you kill with?! We don't have any ammunition?! -Boomerang! -What kind of boomerang, where did you get it??? -I found it under your bed... -Bastard! If you take my socks again, I’ll break your blanket! * * * Two men are sitting, drinking vodka, generally having a cultural rest on fresh air. A crow flies past with a brick in its beak. One man says to another: - Van, look! The crow dragged a brick! Why is she? - This is the new Russian. The nest is undergoing European-quality renovations - ...... * * * - My wife now takes care of me so much that she even takes off her clothes herself Nya boots... - Is this when you come from the club? - Not when I'm going to the club. * * * Two programmers are talking: - What is he like? - Very sociable and friendly, you can’t even say that programmer * * * I bought a pound of salt. He left the store and said: - Something's not enough. They were underweight, you bastards! After a kilometer: - No, we still weighed it honestly... After another kilometer: - I asked for a pound! How much did they put in there?! * * * Judge: -Are you saying that you shot your wife by accident? Defendant: - Yes. She stood next to her mother-in-law, and I was a poor shooter. * * * Wife - Husband: - Last year we gave my mother a chair for her birthday. What surprise will we give her this year? - Now it’s better to supply electricity to it. * * * The salesman's apprentice says to the boss: - The client bought shoes, but will bring the money tomorrow. - What? He'll never appear here again! - No matter how it is! I put two left shoes in his box. * * * The medical examination of conscripts is underway. - What are you complaining about? - I'm nearsighted. - Nothing. You will be in the first trenches to see better!.. Next- wow!.. * * * Petka and Vasily Ivanovich are sitting on a tree.Suddenly, under a tree An elephant walks and starts shaking him. - Vasily Ivanovich, maybe he has a nest here? - You’re a fool Petka, they live in holes! * * * The traveler is asked: - It was already impossible to free your friend from the hands of the cannibals? - Unfortunately no. When we came to his aid, he was already removed from the menu. * * * It means that a man is walking along Red Square and leading a turkey on a leash- ke. A policeman approaches him: - Why with a turkey on Red Square? - Che got attached, there are people walking with dogs, and there are pigeons in general on their own. - Well, man, you lost it. The dove is a bird of peace. - Listen, I’ll be there if my little bird wants war. * * * Anek-pantamima. The morning after the New Year. In kindergarten ytpeh- nickname Santa Claus (DM) comes to kindergarten. <%-Q# (Heavily drunk) Greetings as expected with jokes, etc... (DM)... let's call the Snow Maiden! Children, whistle!... (children)... Fffff, Fffff (DH)... Well, who whistles like that %-). See how it should be: (Takes in a lot of air, puts two fingers in his mouth, tries to whistle aunt, then he bends over and he vomits deliciously...) * * * Goingsomehow a man was walking down the street. Everyone is happy with everything. Mood y it is simply excellent. In short, he walks and enjoys life. And then looks - there is a machine gun, with a large inscription: “For worsening mood!" Hey, he thinks: “Hey, what could spoil my mood now- nie? I just feel good and happy, my wife is lovely, my children are angels, at home - everything is OK, I like work! " Comes up, throws in slot a coin, and... there's a bunch of crap on top of it - Gu-gu-h! He walks on, downcast, angry as hell! Looks, there’s another one ahead goy machine gun Caption: "To improve your mood!" He thinks: “Hey, what can improve my mood now? I’m standing I’m covered in shit, I’m flowing around, I stink?!” But - he comes up, throws coins - ku... A bunch of crap - Goo-goo-h on a passerby!!! * * * At the ball. Natasha Rostova dances with Pierre Bezukhov. Dancing and dancing and says to him: - Pierre, there is a spot on your collar. Pierre got upset, went into another room, grieved, grieved and shot himself. Natasha is already dancing with Andrei Balknosky and also tells him: - There is a spot on your sleeve. Andrey went to another room and drank 2 bottles of champagne out of grief. and shot himself. Lieutenant Rzhevsky invited Natasha to dance, and she said to him: - Lieutenant, there is mud on your boots. - Ahhh don’t worry madam, it’s not dirt, it’s ha##o, it will dry out fall off on its own. * * * The 600th Mercedes and its lads are catching up with a Cossack at a traffic light. From ZAZ an angry man gets out, takes out a bazooka, scope, platoon, he'll freak out..... The lads are lying on the side of the road with tattered hands - feet. One to another: - That's what we are. Just imagine what he does with suckers... * * * In the morning, Lieutenant Rzhevsky leaves Natasha Rostova. - Lieutenant, what about the money? - Well, madam, hussars don’t take money! * * * One guy comes to a friend's dentist, they sit and chat, there's a ringing nok. The dentist picks up the phone, listens and says: “I need leave, you work here for me, write more prescriptions, just teeth don't tear it up." Well, he’s working, and then a woman comes in all dressed up de, in gold, and to him: “You have 500 bucks on you and pull out my tooth.” The guy thinks, I’ll try, maybe it’ll pass. He grabs the pliers and pulls them out. there's something in your mouth. The woman grabs her mouth, screams and runs away. Via time a pair of Mercedes 600s drive up to the hospital, they get out There was a crowd of brothers among them, and to the man: “Are you a dentist?” That one thought- Well, that's it, he freaks out and says: “Well, I am.” Here one of the brothers started he begins to take off his chains and gold and gives him the car keys. Man was stunned and said: “What are you doing?guys?" And his brother said to him: "Right now you're a woman “Did you pull a tooth?” He said, “Well, I did.” “Do you know what you did just now?” "What?" “You actually tore out my mother-in-law’s tongue!” * * * HIV and Petka are said to be spending the night in a hut, and Petka was so swollen that HIV cannot fall asleep due to gases. Well, HIV took over without thinking twice hose, one end slowly stuck into Petka's mouth, and the other into I threw away the window. That means he wakes up in the morning, looks - and Petka is all red and in attempts. - What happened, Petka? - Yes, at night he spread himself so much that his intestines came out. Forcibly about stuffed it hard...
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