╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Two men got into a conversation on the street. Suddenly one: - Let's get out of here quickly! Over there, you see, my wife is standing with my lover. bovnitsa! - What, did you go? This is MY wife with MY mistress!!! * * * Pre-election rally. The speaker shouts from the podium: -Don't vote for communists! They will come to power and exhaust everyone silhouette! In the crowd, one girl tugs another by the hand: - Let's get out of here. And don't believe this nonsense! This is all just a preliminary boron promises! * * * A student programmer submits his coursework to the Associate Professor. He flips through the explanation deftly, nods, hums something to himself. Then he takes the drawing, draws expands and: - Young man! In my opinion, this sheet is not a standard format! - Yes? Isn't A1 800x600??? :( * * * On a dark night, a thief enters the apartment. He begins to rustle and hear- Shit voice: - Jesus sees you! The thief begins to nervously shine his flashlight around the apartment and stumbles upon on a parrot. - YouWho? - Mohammed! -What idiot could call a parrot Mohammed? - The same one who called the Rottweiler Jesus! * * * A Jew and a new Russian are traveling in the same compartment on the train. New The Russian always pesters the Jew: “Tell me, how is it that you, Jews, do you know how to do business?" For a Jew this at one fine moment finished, and he replies: “You see, I’m eating herring now. We’re all we eat a lot of fish, it contains a lot of phosphorus, and that’s why we are so smart - e."HP then says, "Sell it to me for $10." The Jew refuses. Then HP raises the price: $20, &30, $50, $100. A Jew over a hundred agreed hesitates, and HP eats the herring. At the stop he runs into the train car. topah, comes back and says: “What an idiot I am! I bought a herring for $100, but could have been for $5." Jew: "Wow, phosphorus is starting to work!" * * * Two Ukrainians are talking. One says to the other: (1) -I love the French. (2) -For what? (1) -They did two good things for Ukraine. Firstly -- they built Odessa, and secondly, they burned Moscow. * * * The dog market is noisy, bustling, deals are being made. Some kind of a citizen examines from all sides the dog that came to him to your liking. - He hasfamily tree? - he asks the salesperson tsa. - Why? He uses anyone. * * * Inscription on the parachute: "Please be so kind, if it is not difficult for you, kindly request, we will be deeply grateful to you, do not consider for your hard work, thank you in advance, pull this ring." * * * The man's iron was damaged. I decided to ask my neighbor from the top th floor. She gets up and thinks: “What if her husband is at home. that I am her lover. What if she has a lover and decides that I’m her husband? He’ll also bring you down the stairs...” Lost in thought, he presses the bell. On on the threshold - a neighbor. - Fuck you with your iron! * * * Two drunken people are walking down the street in the evening. (1)(2) 1) Vasya! Do you see the Jew walking ahead? Let's punch him in the face! 2) Come on! He’s healthy, he’ll give us more! 1) Why do we care?! * * * Stirlitz stole important papers from Borman and went to take photographs them to the toilet. Suddenly Borman appears in the toilet: - Stirlitz, you are surrounded. I have a thousand soldiers with me. “And I have the equipment with me,” said Stirlitz, tugging at the rope. * * * Conversation between two smart guys: (1)(2) 1) Do you think there are people on Mars? 2) This is only a scientific hypotenuse. 1) But gastronomy says... 2) Well, I am not a contingent in these matters. * * * A herd of sheep stopped near the ranch and stared at the gate. -What are they watching? - they asked the shepherd. - After all, the gate is old? “The sheep are new,” answered the shepherd. * * * - Izya, hello. First of all, I slept with your Sarah. And secondly, How do you like it first? - Firstly, I haven’t lived with her for a year now. Secondly, she has si- Phyllis, and thirdly, how do you like it secondly? * * * "If he continues in the same spirit, he will end up in Bern quite quickly,” thought Stirlitz, looking at him quickly moving away with the avalanche pastor. * * * Holmes and Watson walk along the valley. Suddenly they hear: - Oooh! Watson asks Holmes: - Holmes, is that the Hound of the Baskervilles howling? “No, Watson,” Holmes replies calmly. - This is Sir Henry before- eats his morning oatmeal. * ** Cheburashka and the crocodile Gena are sitting in the trash heap. Suddenly Gena Chebu- Rashka grunting on the back of his head. - Gen, for what? - Stop picking potatoes. Eat everything. * * * - Please, invite Rabinovich to the phone. - Who do you want, older or younger? - Senior. - They both died. * * * - Ensign, lean out and see if the turn signal works company - Works, doesn't work, works, doesn't work... * * * - Comrade Major, your order has been carried out! - I didn’t order anything. - And I didn’t do anything! * * * - .... a walkie-talkie is installed on the armored personnel carrier. - Tell me, are the walkie-talkies based on lamps or semiconductors? - I repeat, the radio is on an armored personnel carrier. * * * - Sergeant! Build a platoon! - What the hell? - Then don't.
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