╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ In the "psychiatric hospital" the patient tried to drown himself in the bathtub. Another on time pulled it out. The doctor says to the savior: - Your action shows that you are healthy. Tomorrow I will you- I'm writing home. Unfortunately, the guy you saved ended up dead with him - he hanged himself. “You are mistaken, doctor,” the patient says, smiling. There was no suicide - I just hung this guy out to dry. * * * - Doctor, the teeth you put in for me hurt a lot. - Great! This is the best proof that the teeth are like real ones! * * * The dentist, examining the patient, said: - What a hollow! What a hollow! What a hollow! - Why did you repeat this phrase three times? - the patient asks doctors - I only said it once. The echo repeated twice. * * * Female dentist to a patient, setting up a drilling machine: - Do you remember, Fedya, at school you sat behind me and stabbed me endlessly? me with a pin? * * * A patient comes to the dentist. The doctor says that the bad tooth is is about to be torn out. - How much will it cost? - asks the patient. - You see, since I am a beginner doctor and have experience in tooth removal - I don’t have any money yet, I only charge 100 rubles per hour. * * * Call. The dentist opens the door. Ten are standing in front of the door boys. “I need to pull out a tooth,” says one of them. - What about your friends? - They came to listen to me scream. * * * - So you said that you are pregnant! - the father asks menacingly your daughter. “Yes, dad, that’s what the doctor said,” she answers. - And from whom, I want to know! - I don’t know, dad, the doctor didn’t tell me anything about it. * * * The lieutenant calls his friend at work: - hi, idiot! - Do you know who you are talking to? - heard in the receiver unknown - whose voice - no - I am the unit commander - Do you know who you are talking to? - asks the lieutenant - no - well, that’s nice! - says the lieutenant and hangs up. * * * After the operation, a doctor comes to see HP: -It's a shame, but we'll have to npoonepupobatb you again. We are at the gloves forgot you in the abdominal cavity. - Well, okay, don’t make excuses, take 200 bucks and buy yourself a no- high * * * New Russian stops in front of a traffic light in a 600m Mercedes- se. Then a Cossack flies into his ass. There's a man driving shaking with fear. NR: Who the fuck are you?! Man: I'm a prose writer... NR: What the fuck are you talking about?! * * * A new Russian (NR) comes to the grocery store, walks past the counters: NR: - What is this? (P)seller: - apples... NR: - Wrap each one in paper and take 50 kg to the car! Moving on... NR: - What is this? P: - Plums! NR: - Wrap each one in paper and 50 kg in the car! Moving on... NR: - What is this? P: - Raisins, NOT FOR SALE!!! * * * New Russian and grandfather are lying in the hospital. Everyone is in a cast and can barely breathe. Well New Russian says: - And how did you, grandpa, get yourself into such a mess, do you understand? - Yes, son, I work at a car service center. Here, you understand, the engine is yours I lavished it on Zapora, taught all sorts of bells and whistles. I'm going This means that on highway 180, I’m overtaking Mears 600. So he went out to oncoming lane, and there is a KAMAZ truck. - And I, damn it, am going,you see, on the Merc 600, I’m looking at some guy Zaporozhets overtakes. Well, I decided that I was worth it and went out... * * * Sotheby's auction. A Van Gogh painting is on display. Starting price - $300,000. - $320,000! - $330,000! - $400,000! Then a bro stands up all in tattoos, with a gold chain and says: "MILLION!" Everything is down. A man approaches a place where they give out shopping and says: - You wrap it up for me beautifully and write: “Peter from the brothers!” Well, what to do, we wrote to him. He goes out into the street - they are standing there five Mercedes 600s. The man shouts: - Brothers, I bought a postcard! Let's go get gifts! * * * Two new Russians are talking. - Van, listen, yesterday Seryoga was in St. Petersburg in a 600 Merc with a guy on horse crashed! - And what are the consequences? - Well, Seryoga is in the hospital, soft-boiled... - What about that guy on the horse? - What does it matter to him? It's bronze!.. * * * They caught the pale-faced Indians, put them in a barn, and they They ran away for three days. They come (I) to the leader (B). Q: How did you get caught? I: So and so... Q: How did you escape? I: We sit for a day, we sit for the second, and on the third day the Vigilant Falcon discovers Rumored that the barn did not have one wall... * * * Night. A man gets out of bed to go to the toilet. He opens the door to the toilet, and the light in it comes on once: - Ooh! Electronics!! The door closes, the light goes out: - Well! Cybernetics!! And he goes to bed happy. In the morning, through a dream, he hears his wife’s screams: - Parasite!!! How long can you sleep in the FRIDGE at night!!! * * * A German, an American and a Russian met, and so they began to discuss talk about surveillance systems. German - my whole house is covered with microphones. I'm leaving for co- mandate, I come back - everything that my wife did, with whom I talked - Vala I hear. The American is #crap. My whole house is covered with video cameras, I come back - I see everything that my wife did. Russian is #crazy, unreliable and extra costs. I'm returning from business trips, I go up to the grandmothers near the entrance and say: “Great, damn!" They told me: “Are we the fuck?!! Your wife is like this...” * * * Two ghosts are walking through the old castle. Somewhere far away you can hear rustling... One ghost faints. Second: "What are you Do you believe in fairy tales about people?" * * * Two drunkards are walking down the street and one says to the other: - I bet you a bottle that the first wordmy wife when I If he sees it, he will be “honey.” - Look at yourself - drunk, dirty... - I bet! - Yes, I know your wife - she’s a witch... - I bet!!! - Okay, we bet. They come to his house. - Honey, open the door for us. - Honey?! May you die, dog!!! * * * The Englishman decided to sell his horse. The horse is thin, thin, just about to get his legs will last, no one wants to buy it. I walked past the gypsies and felt sorry Englishman. Ts: You blow it up through a tube, so it won’t be visible that he has the sides are sunken. A: How is that? The gypsy made a pipe, inserted it into the horse’s ass and began to blow. C: Got it? The Englishman took the pipe, took it out of the horse's butt, turned it over, inserted the other end and began to blow. C: What are you doing??? A: I’m very squeamish, and I can’t put something you’ve sneezed into my mouth. phone!
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