Humor - Stirlitz. Continuation.

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| .............     ЮМОР     ........... |
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... Forwarded by InfotekCondor.          
                                          
                                          
          (c) PCS Corporation             
          Publishing Division             
                                          
                                          
           S H T I R L I T Z              
                                          
                                    
      (Continued. Starts at #5.)       
                                          
                                          
 CHAPTER 2                 
                 
In Muller's office there was a safe, in which -  
tor Muller kept files on all employees -  
nicks of the Reich.  He often climbed with love  
to your safe for the next thing to  
replenish it, restore it in memory,  
just scroll through or activate it -  
twee.  But the latter rarely happened, because  
Müller, as a true collector, does not  
loved to part with the affairs of his sub-  
stoves. Almost everyone had safes with files  
Reich employees, except Stirlitz, butthere is no such extensive collection of works  
no one had it, not even Kaltenb himself -  
runer.  It was small and innocent  
hobbies of the Gestapo chief, his collection included  
Himler, Goebels, Schellenberg, Bormann,  
Stirlitz and even Kaltenbruner himself.         
The Obergruppenführer sat by the fireplace and  
flipped through Bormann's case, it was one of  
the most voluminous cases in his safe.  Muller  
whistled Mephistopheles' aria from Faust and  
re-read my favorite lines.               
 Partaigenosse Bormann was a small pa-  
bone. If Bormann failed to dosa-  
to give to someone, he considered lived life  
missing day.  If it workedco  
something to spoil, Borman fell asleep peacefully,  
with a kind, happy smile on his face.  
Bormann's favorite dog, who lived in  
his office, biting the officers' legs, and  
so everyone had to walk around the Reich  
in high boots.  Muller, who has  
I had flat feet, which made me very sad-  
gave. One day he had the imprudence to borrow  
went into Bormann's office in sneakers and was angry -  
but bitten on the left leg.  The dog has come-  
poisoned.  Since then he and Borman  
became the worst enemies.                   
 Borman was a fan of lining  
buttons on chairs, draw on the backs  
officerschalk indecent words, natya-  
give complex systems in dark corridors  
we are the ropes that we tripped over  
the unfortunate victim, at best, fell  
or was doused with water, in the worst case - get-  
I hit my head with a brick. Special love  
Bormann used water closets. Which  
only he didn’t write nasty things on the doors and  
walls about Reich officers, and sometimes re-  
drew from French boulevard journals -  
Nal obscene pictures.  Under one  
from such pictures he signed “this is Eva  
Brown".  The Fuhrer was offended and instructed him  
Well, Borman, find out who did it.  
For two months everyone in the Reich grovelled over-  
edited by Borman, and Stirlitz even came up with it  
version to protect yourself from suspicion-  
it is believed that this was done by a Chinese spy.  B  
In the end, Admiral Canaris suffered,  
who inadvertently won against Bormann in  
preference to his new secretary.  Secret  
tarshi were Bormann's second passion.  He  
every now I fired some people and hired others -  
gih.  Exchanged secretaries with Himmler  
Schellenberg, asked for a secretary  
Muller, but Muller refused. In the Reich Bor-  
they didn’t like mana, but they were afraid of him. For whom  
it's nice to see your name on the wall of the sorti  
ra?                                       
 Bormann was fat, bald and vindictive. A  
Bormann himself was busy with business at that time.  
Using a sharp knife, he carved on the toilet door  
inscription: "STIRLITS - CATTLE AND RUSSIAN  
SPY".  Smacking his lips in satisfaction, Borman  
pulled the string and went out. He is thorough -  
but washed my hands and with a feeling of accomplishment  
Dolga headed to his office.  Day  
promised to be successful.                      
In the office, Borman opened the safe, locked it -  
those with seven secret locks and pushed through  
head inward.  Yesterday he hung it in the safe  
plate in Russian: "Russians are-  
chicks are forbidden to eat!" Someone red  
I corrected the mistakes with a pencil and signed -  
sal: "Borman is a fool."Borman took out the Russian-  
Co-German dictionary translated and logically  
thought: "Someone corrected the mistakes...know-  
cheat someone got into the safe... it's not  
I...means this is a Russian spy...and plus co  
he knows Bormann personally.  Sledova-  
actually, I know him too. Borman for a long time  
thought.  Half an hour later he guessed  
search for fingerprints.  Another time  
it took him half an hour to find them. Apparently Russian times-  
the witch ate stewed meat.  The jar stood right there  
in the safe. "Here you can feel the work of Stir-  
faces. I wonder what Kaltenb would say -  
runer?" Borman sighed. With Stirlitz  
It wasn't worth getting involved, no matter what -  
if he comes up with it, it’s also Oka’s fault -  
you're chewing.  Everyone knew this.  Borman again  
sighed and took the pastor's file out of the safe  
Shlag.  He had been following the pastor for a long time and since  
interest.  This man had extensive  
female clientele. The pastor ran for love-  
women: old and young, beautiful-  
you and not so young, married and vice versa, and  
women reciprocated his feelings, which  
Bormann, whom women did not love,  
was very surprising and even angry.            
 "Why does one man need so many wives-  
shin?  I understand if they were  
firstly, secretaries, secondly, y  
me, and so... He probably works on  
someone's reconnaissance.  Most likely it is not  
our reconnaissance.  Therefore, foreign  
naya, - Borman raised his finger up, - his  
you need to touch..." And Borman, having called  
Isman, gave the order. From strong  
kick the door swung open, and in the cab-  
no, a gloomy and sleepy Stirlitz entered.     
 - Borman! Let me smoke!              
 "Stirlitz has run out of cigarettes, -  
thought Borman, holding out a cigarette case with  
the profile of the Fuhrer, which means he has a lot of ku-  
ril.  They smoke a lot when they think, it means  
he thought a lot.  Stirlitz just doesn’t  
he's thinking, which means he's up to something."   
 And Borman looked athonest eyes  
Stirlitz.                                 
 - How are you?                           
 - Bad. "I'm right, as always! - about-  
Borman was happy. - Exactly, something is up-  
lays ! You have to feel it."                
 - Would you like some coffee?                  
 - No, - Stirlitz shuddered. - Beam-  
beer. Borman pressed the button and entered  
secretary. Stirlitz had never seen her before.   
 - New?                          
 “Yes,” Borman boasted.             
 “Nothing,” Stirlitz approved.         
 - I like it too, - said Pol-  
puppy Borman. - Bring me some beer, dear.   
- I obey, partygenosse.             
The secretary brought beer and began  
wait for further instructions.            
 “You can go,” Borman waved his hand.  
The secretary, shaking her bed in disappointment -  
ramie came out.  Stirlitz took his eyes off  
door and took a mug of beer.              
 - Sit down, - suggested Borman, sub-  
pushing the chair.  Stirlitz with a familiar gesture  
he brushed the buttons off the chair and sat down. "Notice  
- Borman thought venomously, - Stirlitz on  
you can't take the button.  You can feel your hand  
Moscow."                                  
 Stirlitz’s eyes warmed.              
 “Good beer,” he said. "Dark,cat of a bitch.  He wants to deceive.  No, brother  
Isaev attacked the wrong person. Shouldn't we play  
should I joke with him?  What if he really  
subtly hint that Eve is interested in him  
Brown ?"   
 - Stirlitz!  But he’s interested in you  
Eva Braun! - Borman cried.             
 Stirlitz choked.  With Eva Braun he  
was encountered only once, and then at the reception-  
me from the Fuhrer. Stirlitz had a high opinion of himself  
opinions as about a man, but this thought is not-  
when it didn't occur to him.          
 "Eva Braun can become a valuable agent-  
vol.  We need to request the Center." Stirlitz  
got up and blew his nose into the curtain."Peck  
or not?" - thought Borman. Stirlitz pos-  
I looked out the window.                            
 - What legs this baby has! - said  
he verses, - Look, Borman.             
 Bormann took a Zeiss bi- from the table  
nocle and went to Stirlitz.  A minute they  
were silent.  During this time, Stirlitz managed to ob-  
think Borman's words, and Borman guessed -  
saying that Stirlitz distracted him.               
 "He's leading me by the nose," thought Borman and  
cleverly turned the conversation into a different direction.    
 - Listen, Stirlitz, you have such ob-  
extensive connections.  Could you get the mind-  
a small dog with sharp teeth.         
 -Can.  “This one can do everything,” I thought  
Borman.  Stirlitz often promised something  
Bormann, as well as everyone else,  
but never did anything.               
 Stirlitz shot at Borman another step -  
a stick of cigarettes, mechanically thrust the lying one  
on the table put it under his arm and headed towards  
output.                                   
 Borman rushed to the table and abruptly opened -  
digged the top drawer.  Near the door in  
stretched ten centimeters from the floor  
clothesline.  Stirlitz sharply re-  
burped through it and said "Goodbye-  
nia", disappeared behind the door.  "Professional-  
cash!" Borman moaned. Yes, Stirlitz wasprofessional. He did not flip through the stolen-  
every day in the corridor, as you would do  
in its place English or Paraguayan  
a spy, and chose the most secluded place in  
Reich.                                    
 Entering the water closet, Stirlitz discovered  
fresh inscription "STIRLITS - CATTLE AND  
RUSSIAN SPY".  Stirlitz diligently for-  
crossed out the word "SPY" and wrote the word  
"SCOUT", and at the bottom he wrote "BORMAN -  
ALSO CATTLE."                            
 Here he leafed through the pastor's file  
Shlag.  More things began to ripen in his head  
vague, but already a plan.                     
  
 And now the last section - Umor. B 
in this section Alex Zorg will tell us 
about...                                    
                                          
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|            Umor :)  |  
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Performed by Alex Zorg/Infotek             
             
Mazdaist of the whole world!!!          
 William Henry Gates III         
          
1993 was named by Forbes magazine as the most  
rich man USA Bill Gates - head 
wu from Mircosoft.  In those distant times 
it was a sensation. So many people 
It was incredible what could be done 
standing not on oil, not on weapons, but on 
computer programs ;)))))))Gates, still studying for math. faculty 
Harvard University no longer seemed quite 
seven normal.  He didn't have it at all 
friends: no one wanted to be friends with the little one 
a frail, bespectacled man with an intolerable character 
rum and delusions of grandeur. However, his classmate 
sources claim that he is not afraid of this 
gave. At lectures Gates pretended that all 
has known the material for a long time, and therefore often 
pretended to be asleep; however, it cost a professional 
I'm sorry to blather something like that, with which he, 
future director of Small Software, was not 
I agree, Billy immediately woke up with his 
in a raspy voice he cruelly ridiculed 
teacher, and then laughed loudly, 
completely alone. However, it is worth replacing 
to tell that Billy really knew ma- 
topics better than their teachers (therefore 
we should pay tribute to our century, in 
where people without intelligence go 
university teachers are much less likely ;)). 
   It is not surprising that the idol 
this intellectual freak became Pifa- 
Horus (the same Greek philosopher who lived 
in the 6th century BC). Of course,Billyunder- 
struck him, and decided to prove that “the number isthe basis of everything that exists", and "numerical 
relationships are the source of harmony of the Cosmos." 
   Of course, there is nothing surprising 
is that Gates, with his worldview, 
with gratitude, bowed to the power of art 
the natural intelligence of the computer. In general, having woken up- 
going to lecture once again, Billy didn't 
began to cruelly ridicule the professor, and 
I decided to just “leave” this one, not very 
the imperfect world familiar to him and completely 
immerse yourself in the “world of numbers”. Billy just 
I was eager to find like-minded people. He was driving around 
to colleges and universities and lured everyone 
talented students, promising them not so much 
golden mountains, how many round-the-clock work 
that and complete freedom of creativity. However, 
no matter how strange it may seem to him, but 
the dents called him an old senile 
much more often than he expected; and co- 
were announced with his delusional ideas 
ny units, which is also strange. 
One of the enthusiasts was Paul Allen, 
to whomGates immediately imbued with such confidence 
We are glad that we were not afraid to offer to create 
company on shares.  And... Billycreated his 
famous company of small & soft!!! ;)) 
At first Gateswith his crazy energy 
giya began recruiting employees for his 
фирму...                                  
                                          
  Продолжение потом...                    
                                          
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      | Infotek c 1998 , 20.10 |          
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