Reprinted from cont. - Dedicated to graduates of military departments (part 2.3).

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│ PRINTED WITH CONTINUATION.		       │
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 (C) Kuzma Pacifistyuk
 (R) Fedin Pavel


	     Dedicated to graduates of military departments
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			Part 2. CLASSES

    HELLO, TR-RYSH SOLDIERS!... Well, I don’t understand, damn it.  More
times. Hello, tr-rysy soldiers!... Have you lost your sense of smell?
whether or where? We'll say hello before lunch. Once again, and so that I
I'm deaf!!! Well, that's a different matter. Attention, dammit!  Sergeant,
report the absence of personnel presence.  Who
not everyone - we will punish him. Where did you come from when the platoon was being built?  B
was there a toilet? You should fucking go to the theater...

    Everyone, sit down, let's start classes. Hey, you three, both come to me!
What are you looking at, I tell you! Why are you coming to me with such
hands, with such legs? Who did I command to all of you to “sit down”?
The command “sit down” must be carried out by running, and not wandering around according to Lenin-
sky room. Sergeant, I see that the discipline in your platoon is completely
we forgot how to do this. Damn, I've been telling you everything so far
through my fingers, but now I warn you with the one hundred and first Chinese pre-
warning: if I catch anyone seriously for something, it will be
it will end, and it is unlikely that you will be able to delay it any longer.  Because
that the beginning is half the battle, and the end is everythinghead!

    Let's check yesterday's knowledge. Khabibulin! What is Motherland?  Wow,
damn... Moos like a horse in a frying pan... What, no more
never literate? The homeland is your mother, understand?  Repeat iai-
itchy. Petrov, now repeat - what is the Motherland? Mother is nearby
Whoa Khabibulin?! Hmmm, damn it... As Admiral Su correctly said,
thieves in the Russo-Japanese War, the bullet is a fool, and you, Petrov, are a fool
cancer, and this theorem does not need to be proven as an axiom.  Here, be it,
one comedian came up and asked if it was possible to replace this with this, so
I then told him no. First there, then here. And if co-
Mandir said - ferret, then no gophers!

    Okay, let's start tactical training. This is the layout
called a layout. Localities, that is, where you and I are located.
Whose lip slapped there - doesn’t it look like it? The layout should not be similar
bench press, it should be beautiful. For example, bridges across rivers -
As a rule, they are built across the current. Okay, let me give you an introduction. you
here, at a distance of visual memory from the first landmark.
The landmark is the top of a birch pine tree. But here it will be clean
Le, not a tree, not a bush. And suddenly tanks come around the corner!
Let's take X tanks... No, fuck it, X is not enough, let there be Z tanks.
By the way, the soldier should know that the steering of the tank is
lives for turning right, left and other directions.  So,
tanks advance in groups of two or three.What will yours be?
wrong actions? Here's a piece of paper, draw a diagram.  What?
Draw wherever you want, but only in the center. Khabibulin, what are you talking about?
I drew such an uneven square - are you color blind, or what?  Well,
damn, warrior...

    So, mark your location on the diagram with a three-
naked color. So what are you going to do, Petrov?
You dig in behind a bush with a mortar... Okay, dig in.  Only
immediately give me a definition: what is a bush in this case? Hmmm, yeah
bet... Can’t you say more in Russian? Bush
there is a natural shelter, which is an owl-
a collection of branches and leaves growing from one place.  Got it
to your ass, which you are trying to think with! Well, here's your mi-
nomet. Show me what you will do with it. What are you doing with him?
you're doing it, huh?! Petrov, if you are a moron, then just say so and don’t-
why break weapons? The way you do it doesn’t happen at all!  What
that means - how should it be?! I don't know how to do it, but you're doing it wrong
right. You can't break everything, you have to sit on something! That's it, you're killed.

    Khabibulin, take your weapon. What did you think? It's like at war here -
They killed the commander, take another’s machine gun. Come on, Khabibulin, - from
What is the mortar frame made of? Made of cast iron?  Wrong, and
remember, in the army there are three types of metals: rust, stainless steel and
lumen What about the gun frame? No, Khabibulin, that’s incorrect.  From the samematerial. The textbook says this in black and white
new ink. How does it work? Wrong, it works like this:
one, two, three - and you're gone! I didn't finish my education, damn it. I put it negative
minus. Tell me, Sidorov, how does a shell fly from a gun?  Not
you know, $b-na-x... Remember - first by parabola, then by inertia-
tions. What is the value of the sine of the tangent along the angle of flight of the dream?
row? Yes, somewhere around two. And in wartime it can reach
four. And the more numbers, the more you don’t need. Don't get your hopes up, Si-
I'm glad I'll give you a C for this. I'll put it on, but it's easy for you -
What won't happen from this? What do you want to ask, Petrov?  Will there be
can the gun go around the corner if it is placed on its side?  Hmm, fuck... I
I'll look in the directory. Good question. You still move your bicep...
the left hemisphere of the brain itself whenever you want.

    Okay, let me give you another introduction. GASES, dammit! Let me explain: according to
mande "gases" such poisonous substances fly in that once
you breathe in, and you don’t need any more. Cause pain in muscles and bones
heads. Anti-protective device - gas mask. Have you put everything on? Pi-
trays upstairs, now let's run to the attack. And so that I don't hear anymore,
how someone there stupidly jokes about a cap, as if it looked like
I'm hungry for the female organ! By the way, the cap is put on the head,
damn...

    So, that's it, let's go on the attack. Another introductory one - next to yours
A nuclear bomb is falling at the epicenter!What are your actions? I'll give you - eavo-
roll into a sheet and crawl to the cemetery! This is the task of citizens
Russian defense. Moreover, if you are responsible for it, then you must mark
You should say that you should crawl, $b-na-x, quietly, in order to prevent pa-
nicknames And the soldier must continue to run to the attack! Automatic only
hold in outstretched arms so that the molten metal does not drip
on boots. Your homeland didn’t give them to you to spoil them.  And not
believe rumors about radiation. Many sailors do not recover for a year or two
hut from nuclear submarines, and their wives are giving birth at this time
normal, healthy children. And at the same time, what kind of mentality do you need to have?
ku to survive all the damaging factors of nuclear destruction!

    Remember, soldiers: any business can be done in three ways -
mi - right, wrong and the way they do it in the army.  Although
in the army, and much is unclear, but everything is correct.  Therefore, your
keep your doubts to your own benefit, and don’t be like
the stupid bird ostrich, which from the height of its flight did not lower
maps the strategic line of battle. And on this score there is
two opinions: one is erroneous, the other is mine - you can’t catch fleas if
Don't you understand the idea? Of course, if not direct, then combined
You will still receive a defeat, but that’s what you were raised for.
loss to the army. Or there may even be a fatal outcome... Sorry
thank you for being harsh, but this is your responsibility, otherwise it’s oursthe occupation is not worth a dime. Don't imagine scary things
horrors, the soldier’s head is for the sake of it, so that it can be eaten. Du-
mother, in order to think, the command must, and we have already developed this
Let's fight. The main thing for you now is to remember what I said.  Sweat-
Well, the military secret is not that you study it, but that
YOU are studying this. Otherwise, they will take you prisoner, they will beat you there, and
you have nothing to say. But you, for example, Sidorov, know that
Should highly sensitive documents be burned before reading?  Teach-
Learn, warriors! This is no joke for you to giggle, but Armed
Strength! Study now, otherwise the war will start, you will run like this
attack, and then I won’t be next to you, damn it!

    So, in the next lesson there will be some increase in content
of the scope of work. Tomorrow we have field training and drill
preparation. We perform in the evening at dawn. Uniform - no
weapons. And now everyone is free, only a narrow circle of restrictions remains.
humble people.


			Part 3. FIELD EXERCISES

    ...THE SWARM MARCH! The way you walk! The blow must be simultaneously
exchangeable for the cut of a comrade's boot. Free! This is the battalion commander
he doesn’t go on foot - he takes a GAZ-24 or a deputy tech with him. And you
drag on for like three days! Stop! Ryaz-two! Report the presence of people.
Line up all those absent in one line.  And stop co-
rit, or one of the two! Otherwise you’ll start a whole fire here, and the pine-
nya forest burns better than a wooded one! Are you in the ranks or where? And remember-
Anyway, it’s hard to learn, but it’s easy in the affected area.

    Private, why is your scarf blue?  The scarf should
be green, and blue is the color of the intended opponent. Yes
, $b-na-x, I’ll give an introduction. The company went out to the edge of the trees. Stay there
listen here! Now we will dig in. Because defense must
must be continuous, flexible and secretive, that is, similar to a
hose dug into the ground. Dig a trench from me until lunchtime. If you
If you fornicate, I'll launch a rocket. The first platoon is to the right, the third platoon is to the
le-, second platoon all around! Private, is this your first time...
have the moons fallen? Who did I tell you around?! The team should
do it quickly, running if possible!  Who hasn't understood yet?
Let me explain: at the “run” command, the legs bend at the elbow, and very quickly
tro.

    Private Khabibulin! You dig like you're stroking a woman's ass.
This is not England - you need to dig deeper. So, damn, now co-
in quick dashes from me to the next oak tree.  Take fire
top positions! Why are you lying here? This is not where you belong!  A
If you don't like this activity, you'll find something else to do.  you
soldiers or what? Otherwise, all this isn’t worth a damn!  Auto-
Place all mats on the knee of your left hand. Why are you cringing here, like
on fried nails? There are only two commands: "put
weapons" and "put down weapons". Afterthe end of the firing, combat and
training cartridges must be returned to their original condition.  By
Based on the results of the training, each fighter will be either rewarded or punished.

    Stand up, be damned! Upon returning to the unit, no lights out!  B
bed - only through me! We will all be built in the trash heap
bath. So, fuck it, everyone's got a car. People will pass first,
then we'll go. What, the car won't start?  Let's go, then start
come on! What's your head like? It's right to think, and brains -
to think. What wheel? A wheel is a wheel, and nothing
go twist it. Don't be afraid, there is always a spare driver in the company:
the car will break down, or something else. And don’t do everything here mind-
new people - you are future warriors! After all, many of you will soon
In the future they will become sergeants, and this is a terrible thing! Remember, sol-
dates that the honor of your unit is part of your honor!


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


  ^BE - a difficult to translate decent expression inherent in the environment
him to the command staff of our army. Derived from contaminant-
tions of some idioms of obscene vocabulary, probably archaic
origin. Simply put, swear words gathered together in a cunning heap.
You swear in front of everyone, but there is nothing to reproach

  ^^EB-NA-X is a completely translatable, almost decent expression, especially
tal is similar to the first. Most characteristic of teaching
composition of the military department of OmskPolytechnic Institute.


			     END.