╔════════════════─────────────── ───────────────════════════════╗
│ CONTINUOUS JOKS │
╚════════════════─────────────── ───────────────════════════════╝
(C) MASTER SOFT
Two young veterinarians examine a sick cow.
- Go look in her mouth, and I’ll look in her ass.
They separated. A minute later one shouts:
- Hey, can you see me?
- No, I don’t see.
- So it's a volvulus.
* * *
The husband says to his wife:
- I think there is only one woman in our village who doesn’t
cheating on her husband!
Wife:
- Yes?! And who is this woman?
* * *
A Russian, a German and an American argued about who has better roads. Ame-
Rican says:
- Here you can smoke a cigar without ever touching the steering wheel.
The German is also not far behind:
- And I won’t spill the glass of schnapps that was placed on the
car hood.
Russian says:
- And here you put a brick on the gas pedal, and you sleep the whole way.
- What about the car?
- Where will she get out of the rut?
* * *
Two drug addicts went hunting and took their dog with them. All day
They walked around and didn’t catch anything. One of them says thoughtfully:
- It’s strange, either ducks fly high, or we pick the dog low -
dumped...
* * *
A man comes home without an eye and with his arm in a sling. wife
asks:
- What happened to you?
- Yes, I bet with one guy by eye that he wouldn’t give me a hand
will break.
* * *
A letter from the center to Stirlitz is notgot it. He reread it again
times. Still didn't get it.
* * *
Stirlitz came home tired, sat down and dropped his head on the table. Kat
she screamed in horror: it was Holtof’s head.
* * *
From the window, Schlag saw Stirlitz go out into the street and start fighting.
lie.
“And shoot me one little thing,” he shouted.
* * *
Two friends agreed on a party. One of them promises
Bring two girlfriends with you.
- Are they all right?
- If you drink, then nothing.
In the evening the doorbell rings. The owner opens it and sees a friend with
two friends. After thinking for a minute, the owner says:
- No, I guess I won’t drink that much.
* * *
A tourist asks a native:
- Isn’t it hard for you to climb palm trees for bananas?
- Ours doesn’t climb, the wind blows, bananas fall, ours takes.
- What if there is no wind?
- Then ours says: a lean year.
* * *
A rumble is heard in the train compartment at night. From the bottom shelf they ask:
- What fell?
“Wah,” the passenger answers, “my pants fell.”
- Why so loud?
- Oh, dear, I didn’t have time to jump out of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------
(C) RINDEX
Am I telling all the jokes for some reason? But I don't. Disorder. Here you go
a couple.
There is a meeting of the “new Russians”. Suddenly a quiet bell is heard.
One of the “new Russians” puts his hand to his ear and says:
- Yes. Yes. Everything is correct. Yes.
Then he says to those around him:
- Here, guys, a cell phone withdrag it around with you. Mounted
I put the phone in my hand. Comfortable.
They sit and talk. Suddenly the quiet bell rings again. Another pro-
puts his head to shoulder and says:
- Yes. Sell. Be sure to sell it.
Then he says to those around him:
- And I can’t put my hand to my ear, I’ll put my phone on my shoulder
installed.
They are sitting again. Suddenly a long and loud ringing is heard. And then there's one
one of the “new Russians” takes off and runs to the toilet. All si-
The kids are perplexed... He returns from the toilet and says:
- Excuse me, I got a fax...
* * *
Gulliver is king in the land of Lilliput. He's all right now
fed up and with nothing to do, he caught one Lilliputian. squeezed
fists him, so that one head is visible, and says:
- What are you doing?
Lilliputian, frightened:
- Nothing.
Guliver slams him with his other hand and says:
- Well, that's all then...
Well, as you understand, these jokes are better told and shown
at the same time. This is me, by the way...
----------------------------------------------------------------
(C) IRONMAN
We continue to introduce you to some of our statements
officers. Today, in your opinion, the new 29 highest
pointing.
----------------------------------------------------------------
(R)IRONMAN
COLLECTION OF STATEMENTS OF SOVIET OFFICERS
Textbook for junior and intermediate students
educational staff.
"OnCitizens don't need fools.
That's why I'm here."
Unknown ensign.
30. Be silent! Or I will now commit atrocities.
31. Why are you swearing so much! Then with these same hands you will
there is bread.
32. Why did you, comrade cadet, draw such an uneven square?
Are you colorblind?
33. Why did you grow your toenails like those of an eagle? At least
Climb trees.
34. Line up all those absent in one line.
35. A soldier has a head to think, and a brain to think.
36. A coniferous forest burns better than a wooded one.
37. Comrade cadet, don’t put on a smart face, don’t forget that you
future officer.
38. This is not England, you need to dig deeper.
39. A hole is welded to the bottom of the apparatus.
40. Well, how is it going, how is it going! Some kind of cow! A pig, probably.
41. Take the statutes and rewrite everything by heart.
42. The command “alle” is performed by running.
43. If you commit fornication, I will fire a rocket.
44. Shut your mouth - you can see your panties.
45. All our troubles come from the fact that the top button was undone
chickpeas
46. The more numbers, the more you don’t need.
47. This is fraught with side effects for you.
48. Platoon! Back to back in a checkerboard diagonal pattern
become!
49. Don’t procrastinate.
50. How do you walk?! The blow must be simultaneously, under the cut of the sa-
Poga comrade!
51. Company! Get into the bathhouse!
52. The steering servesto turn left, right and
other parties.
53. In the army everything is monotonous: everything is cut, dyed, sowed
but with sand.
54. Place the machine gun on the knee of your left hand.
55. You won't find it here!
56. Does your throat hurt?! Learn the Rules - you won't get sick!!
57. There are seven slobs in the company, and you wear your hair parted!!
58. The platoon went to the edge of the trees.
59. I don’t know how it should be, but you’re doing it wrong.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Share your thoughts about the article