Periodical Spectrum publication.
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The newspaper is published once every 13 days
* * *
Internet is evil...
I met you on the Internet
You were so mysterious
She asked me all the questions
And she sent me her photos
And after a month of communication
I decided to look at you
I made an appointment at a cafe
What happened next was simply terrible!
I didn’t recognize you right away
In the photo you were slimmer
I went into the cafe, touching
Shoulders on the door jambs!
And on the face, to be honest
Everything was somehow wrong
And the fact that I was mistaken
So it's the photographer's fault
And I decided that without a bottle
Don't tell me how
I bought gzhelki and dumplings
And also juice and chocolate
And I drank about two hundred grams
You started talking a lot
And I didn't know what to do next
How can I calm you down?
I walked you home
And you staggered slowly
And having handed over to my parents I thought
O life! You're still good!
* * *
Dictionarysysadmin..
PROCESSOR is such a square thing with
propeller. Flight characteristics
to be confirmed.
INTEL - production plant in Ireland
propellers and aircraft engines.
SAMSUNG - the world's first personal
computer. The name came about when Bill
Gates called out Steve Jobs in his heart
Sung.
MICROSOFT is something very big, just
huge and terribly hard.
There is an assumption that this is a TV.
OPERATING SYSTEM - computer like
It is known that it was invented in order to
write something down for him. Here's what's in
they write him down and call him O.S.
NETSCAPE is one of the so-called. navigators. More
there is Norton Navigator and Disk Navigator.
NAVIGATOR - a device for installing general
course.
THE COMMON COURSE is where we are all going.
WHERE ARE WE GOING? - now for sure
It is established that we are moving forward.
WHO SENT US THERE? - Gates, in the book
"A Road Ahead"
EMAIL - the latest invention
nuclear physicists. Scientists from Russia and America
managed to make electrons spread apart
mail.
LOTUS is the one who prepares cc:Mail 7.0
CC:MAIL 7.0 is what Lotus is preparing. When
cooks - we'll find out if he doesn't forget
tell us.
INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY - as you know,
people know how to convey information. But
it can be conveyed in different ways. You can
transmit information in a whisper, shout,
muttering, wheezing, puffing,
inhuman gaze, idiotic
gestures, etc. That's exactly whathow do we her
we transmit, and is called I.T.
CYRIX - a square like a processor, only
a little more.
CORBA - a corruption of the name of the popular
film with the participation of S. Stallone.
WWW - a unique phenomenon from the world
insects Spiders to lure flies into
network, draw beautiful pictures and write
texts in HTML.
HTML is when someone wants to highlight
line of text, he writes around it and , and
then turns on the navigator and opens it
this text, looks and rejoices.
A floppy disk is such a square, very
similar to a processor, only without
propeller.
VIRUS - freely distributed
program, which, however, is nothing
does. That's why it's free.
PERSONAL COMPUTER is such a creepy
a black hole where it can easily
a whole person will fail. First into her
money fails, then time, and
then - the owner of this money and time.
MANICURE is a device that represents
cathode ray tube in plastic
case and used for display
video signal coming from the video card
computer.
INFORMATION - more complete name -
"unnecessary information" Sequence
bits in groups of eight.
HARD DISK - unreliable electronic
device. Unnecessary clogs very quickly
new information thanks to the unique
ability to attract it. Cleaning the railway
is much more labor intensive and
longer process than writing to itunnecessary information.
MONITOR is a word borrowed from
French language. Means very
small handbag.
SYSTEM BLOCK - an operation that
precedes a systemic shock.
The user is known to strike first,
and therefore all modern operating rooms
systems are designed using
"block-blow" technology, which allows
give back.
RIDICULE - from English. ready cool - ready
cool. Doesn't mean anything either
has nothing to do with computers.
PSYCHOLOGIST - file on a web server with a list
mentally abnormal users,
who connected to this server.
ANTI-VIRUS is a program that displays
list all available files in one
line and very quickly so that you don't
managed to read it.
DATABASE - the base to which in the fall
students and professors go to prepare
data.
JAVA is one of the few drinks that
programmers are allowed to use
working hours, unlike beer, which
they use it instead.
YAVA - Moscow cigarettes produced according to
Sun Microsystems licenses.
WINDOWS - we, however, did not see it ourselves, but
according to a fidoshnik friend, this is
some terrible thing, somehow
related to computers. Probably
something like boiled onions.
PAYMENT - 1) money with which you have to
to part; 2) a small rectangle,
which is stuck inside the computer, after
which is why the latter stops working.1-2-3 is a calculator program that
lets you count to three and then
get home by taxi.
OS/2 - Gerstner's law, according to which
each operating system takes up
disk one second part of the volume from
next version of the same system.
MMX - special processor extensions.
Processor with MMX is usually 2-3 mm
wider than usual.
CORPORATE USER - pathetic,
a stuffed creature who has no
the right to choose your own computer and programs
for him.
MODEM - modulator-demodulator. Absolutely
wonderful device that can take
any number modulo, and then
restore its original value.
TIP - a little trick-advice. This
very, very small trick. Like this
like telling grandma what you ate
one serving of ice cream when really
actually ate sixty-four.
COMPATIBLE - inconsistent. C. means
complete incompatibility of one device
or programs with another or with the whole
class of other devices (programs). Yes,
for example, if you see on the box
the inscription "Microsoft Windows 95 compatible",
know that what is in this box is not in
under no circumstances should it be placed next to
a box painted with a cloudy sky,
which is in your closet.
DNS is a system that gives names. How
known from the history of mankind,
It has long been customary for many peoples to give
newborn names for easy access
to them.The system that people used
was imperfect. The newborn was called
usually like his grandfather. Thus,
if the grandfather did not die at the time of birth
grandson, dangerous duplication arose.
In addition, the system did not assume
assigning passwords. Duration
life has increased since then, and humanity
was forced to invent a new system.
Now everything is much simpler. Everyone has
person has a name, suffix and password. And
all this thanks to DNS (Davaj Name Skoree).
FIBER - fiber that is sold
wholesale. A special type of fiber that
It is more profitable to sell wholesale than retail.
That is, fiber that is faster in bulk
will sell out. And then tinker, sell in
retail is long and tedious.
* * *
Fuck, what a bore.
Outside the window the weather is drizzly,
fucked up in the fridge:
two cheeses and a cucumber.
There is no vodka. And there is no beer.
No, not life, but complete nonsense.
* * *
We are all seriously ill...
It is common knowledge that people on Earth share
on normal people and those who are engaged
computers. Moreover, the first with each
the year is getting smaller and smaller.
So, about computer diseases in detail.
STAGES OF DISEASE, SYMPTOMS,
TREATMENT METHODS:
First stage (mild)
Symptoms: A person sits down at a computer,
turns it on, works and goes home to
end of the working day, after which
remembers the computer until the next morning.
Appetite and sleepheadaches and
no diarrhea.
Treatment: No treatment needed temporarily.
Second stage (featherweight)
Symptoms: The patient has increased
great interest in computers, expressed in
unhealthy excitement engulfing him
upon seeing the specified object. Appetite
normal. Restless sleep with screaming
yelps and squeals. Delays on
work for 2-3 hours and tramples the buttons.
Treatment: Remove the patient from the computer,
take medical alcohol orally 3 times
per day 0.5 tablespoon. Computer
remove literature out of reach.
Meet me from work.
Third stage (moderate)
Symptoms: The patient is late at work
more than 4-5 hours after the end of work
day, saving money for a home computer.
Begins to use computers in everyday life
new terminology and does not respond to
widened eyes of those around. Appetite
elevated. Restless sleep with
shouting computer words and
causeless laughter. Comes in sharp
excitement at the sight of a computer or
meeting with a patient of stage 3 and above. B
In this case, the disease may progress to the 4th
stage.
Treatment: Isolate the patient from society
and from the computer, take the money, get married.
With violent behavior and refusal of treatment
administer intragastrically 1-2 ladles of vodka with
port wine "777", mixed in
proportions 1:2. Do not give a basin.
Stage four (severe)
Symptoms: Sickbuys a modem and
computer. Speech is replete with various
computer words and their combinations.
Invents new words, saves money for
dedicated telephone line. Appetite
greatly increased. Eats any food at any time
time of day if available. Sleeps 3-4 hours
per day, because at night calls via modem and
each connection emits the screams described
in the 3rd volume of the book "Life of Animals" (chapter
1 mating behavior of a male rhesus monkey
period). Sexual desire is reduced. Vomiting
work, delirium and diarrhea are absent.
Treatment: Treatment is only possible when
hospital.
Fifth stage (Hopeless)
Symptoms: The patient starts a BBS,
to whom he devotes everything free from calls
and programming time. Speech is slurred
consisting of 80 percent or more
computer jargon with special terms.
No appetite or sleep. Eats only what
what falls within line of sight,
regardless of the type and quality of the product,
and only pays attention to those around him
in the event that they pronounce phrases
computer related. Sexual desire
is completely absent, because periodically
feels a feeling of deep satisfaction
from the line on the screen "Connect 48000..."
holds a night vase near the computer and
a pack of tea that he forgets to dilute
water.
Treatment: Not subject to treatment.
* * *
- Why do women rub their eyes when
wake up?
- Because they don't have eggs. * * *
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