Tales - 13 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A FOOL

Poem.

Versace braces in a spacious Lincoln 
the cigar smokes, the Bordeaux sparkles 
I’m coming to you to confess involuntarily... 
to ask.... no, sorry, that’s not it.... 

In a tracksuit with money purse 
shaved head, in short, not bad... 
I’ll tell you, “Listen, little one... 
...like...specifically...No, not like that again... 

Black Volga, security at the entrance, 
the cop salutes when he sees me 
Mobile, call..."This is Putin, Volodya.." 
no, it doesn’t fit... bullshit again.... 

In the player "Decl", a parrot outfit 
"Fanta" for dinner, only "Hip-Hop" in my head 
“Hau a yu, Baby? The topic is... 
lame dehu... To hell, no, stop! 

Horn glasses, drape coat 
The research institute did not give salaries for August 
sock with a hole, patch on trousers 
"I would like.." No, that's stupid. Sorry. 

Dirty, unshaven, garden under fingernails 
"Belomor" reeks of vodka in your teeth. 
“Fucking, I came to see my fucking mother...” 
...No, it won't do. Too much again. 

How can I appear before you like this? 
for you to say, “How good! 
Here are cigarettes and coffee with cinnamon 
What do you want, bunny? Why did you come? 

No imagination, honey, no.... 
efforts are in vain, and thoughts are meager 
I'm coming to you about... blowjob... 
...What? Do you agree?! I'm taking off my pants!

             * * *

Two men are traveling in one compartment. Night. All
sleep. Suddenly, a man from the bottom shelf 
wakes up from a wild stench. Looks - that's it 
The walls are covered in shit and so am I. He wakes you uphis 
neighbor:
- Man, wake up - you're crap!
- And I’m not sleeping...

             * * *

Reading the headlines in the newspaper...

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
man.
Serves him right, bloodsucker, I hope he 
They'll shoot you!

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
military.
The military knew what they were doing! 

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
policemen.
They can’t protect themselves, and they can’t protect us either. 
trying to defend!

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
journalists.
These journalists are always minding their own business!

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
oligarchs.
This is all a showdown over money!

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
gifted children.
This was the future of our country!

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
women.
Well, let's read what he did with them, 
before killing?

The leader of the gang that killed three people has been detained 
old women.
Don't feel sorry for these, they'll die soon anyway

The leader of the gang that killed three cats has been detained
Cats? What scum! Yes, I would kill him myself! 

             * * *

Anecdote :0)

- Moishe, you know, Syoma is still a homosexual!
- Shaw, he borrowed money and won’t give it back?
- No, in a good way...

             * * *

13 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A FOOL

1. You are never asked to make a face. 
   simpler.
2. You have the cards in your hand, and no one else has them. 
   they are no longer there.
3. Everyone affectionately calls you “Kiryusha” and 
   They treat you to cookies.
4. You have a lot of glass.
5. You smoke tobacco, steal matches,You kiss girls.
6. Your parents found you in the snack.
7. You graduated from a special school with chocolate 
   medal.
8. You killed someone, and you for it 
   there was nothing.
9. You demand that your wife turn away 
   when you make a stash.
10.You ate the medical history to go to 
   army.
11. You hit the goalkeeper with all your might, in 
   while I’m standing open on the right.
12.You have a negative IQ.
13.You're lucky!

             * * *

The new chess piece is an ensign. walks 
wherever he wants and what he wants he takes.

             * * *

Pedestrian classification...

A pedestrian is a creature with the number of legs 
from two to four, outside 
vehicle on the road and not 
doing work on it...

Initially, the entire community of pedestrians can 
be divided into two main subgroups: 

pedestrian is safe (something like: pedestrian 
underground, trained pedestrian, pedestrian 
intimidated etc.) 
and a crazy pedestrian 
(described in this classification). 


1. Crazy anthropomorphic pedestrian

1.1. The aunt is senseless. 

Description. 
Individual female, undetermined 
age, often with one or more
bags. The roadway passes from 
constant speed, in completely doubtful
bulian state, not looking at all 
nowhere - neither left, nor right, nor forward. 
Occurs everywhere, maximum 
probability of entering the roadway - 
end of the working day. Hazard categoryon a 5-point scale - 3. 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
If found on the road - not in any way 
don't honk in case!!! Right there from high 
most likely the "effect" will work 
chaotic oscillation"! (more about 
see below) Reduce speed, 
calculate the trajectory, go around, 
keeping a safe distance. 

Methods of struggle. 

a) exercise “beep from behind” - how 
you can more unnoticeably roll up behind your back 
to the individual; being strictly behind him 
with your back, sharply press the signal. In case 
lack of a sustained remission in an individual
sii - repeat the exercise every time 
subsequent meeting, until skills appear 
safe behavior on the road; 

b) driving with the mufflers removed; 

c) driving with low beams on.


1.2. Granny is a fool. 

Description. 
A female individual, pre-retirement or 
of retirement age, often armed 
staff. The roadway passes from 
with an extremely determined expression on his face, looking 
straight ahead, with constant or 
increasing speed. Occurs 
everywhere, most likely places 
localization - markets and mini-markets, 
grocery stores and roads leading to them 
adjacent. Hazard category 
5-point scale - 3. 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
When detected on the road - clearly and 
clearly declare your 
further actions. To do this either 
stop yourself and let it pass, or 
move without changing speed or lanemovement, and signal with a continuous beep. 
If you don't want to honk or
stop - slow down, 
calculate the trajectory, go around, observing 
safe distance. 

Methods of struggle. 
a) “beep from behind”; 
b) driving with the mufflers removed. 


1.3. The pensioner is senile. 

Description. 
A male or female individual 
retirement or super-retirement age.
He looks around frantically and begins 
cross the road unexpectedly and 
unmotivated. At the slightest sign 
danger triggers the "chaotic effect" 
oscillations", during which the individual 
starts to rush around the road 
parts, anticipating by half a second any 
your maneuvers to avoid 
collisions. Found everywhere 
most likely localization locations - 
public transport stops. 
Hazard category on a 5-point scale - 5. 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
Stop and skip. 

Methods of struggle. 
Invincible, because it’s too late to retrain, 
but killing is a pity... 


1.4. The drunk is suicidal. 

Description. 
The individual is usually male, 
unkempt, indeterminate age 
and social status. Characteristic 
feature - drunk in smoke. roadway 
moves with varying speed, according to 
strange and unpredictable trajectory. 
The road situation is absolutely not 
controls. The look is cloudy, in 
space, less often - under your feet.Maybe 
cross the roadway in company
similar, which seriously reduces the 
low chances of avoiding an accident. Beloved
technique - unexpectedly fall in the middle 
roads, after which it takes a long time to try 
get up and continue moving. Meeting-
usually occurs in the evening, most 
probable locations of localization - exits from 
courtyard areas and pubs, as well as 
public transport stops, 
surroundings 24 hours a day 
kiosks and pavilions. Hazard category 
on a 5-point scale - 4. 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
If you have free time - 
stop, move off the roadway, 
opportunities for outreach 
work. Otherwise - reset 
speed to a minimum, carefully calculate 
trajectory, with extreme caution 
drive around at maximum distance. 

Methods of struggle. 
a) a trivial fight; 
b) driving with the mufflers removed. 


1.5. Children. 

Description. 
Male juveniles (usually) 
floor. Characteristic feature - 
absolute recklessness. On the road 
some usually run out in groups of 2-3 
people, sometimes they do not move along it 
across the movement of vehicles, and along...
They might start a game of catch-up on the road, 
tag, jumping rope, hide and seek. Trajectory 
movements are chaotic and unpredictable. 
Self-preservation instinct, knowledge of traffic rules and 
ability to analyze traffic conditions
- completely absent. Meeteverywhere, most likely places 
localization - neighborhood general education
institutions, exits from courtyards 
territories. Hazard category 
on a 5-point scale - 6. 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
Stop and skip. 

Methods of struggle. 
a) globally - implementation and promotion in 
broad popular ideas of contraception; 
b) locally - educational work, 
somehow: stop, chat, treat
beer (if possible), ride, 
explain the rules for safe passage 
roads. Oddly enough, it works... 


1.6. Traffic police 

Description. 
Traffic police officers on the road 
parts outside the vehicle type 
"garbage truck". Characteristic feature - 
are sure that they are doing something on the road 
work. However, this statement is not 
true that 
also allows us to classify this subspecies 
anthropomorphic individuals to Pedestrians (see. 
definition at the beginning of the classification). 
Equipped with wands and radars. Consumed 
thirst for profit. Found everywhere 
most likely localization locations - 
near complex intersections, railway 
crossings, sections of road with half-erased 
markings, areas are not motivated by anything -
speed limit, controversial or 
invisible road signs etc. Category 
danger on a 5-point scale - 2. 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
At the time of stopping, be sober, have 
in hand documents for usedvehicle and license 
appropriate category, or adequate
missing components amount of money. By 
opportunities for representatives to pass 
of this subspecies of the pedestrian tribe, 
being out of visual contact 
(for example, going to the left lane and hiding behind 
passing heavy vehicles, 
walking in the right lane). After passing - 
warn oncoming traffic 
means of approaching danger 
flashing high beams. 

Methods of struggle. 
a) in case of illegal actions 
traffic police officer - contacting the Service 
own safety (optional); 
b) in case of a controversial situation - exact 
knowledge of the relevant traffic rules, and 
also legal and by-laws, and 
link to them (if possible); 
c) in all other cases - return 
traffic police officer as little as possible 
amounts of money. 


2. Crazy zoomorphic pedestrian. 

2.1. Dogs. 

Description. 
Four-legged creatures with a tail
for wagging on one side, and mouth for 
biting and barking - on the other. Characteristic 
feature - extremely negative attitude 
to any vehicle that has 
less than four wheels. They are distinguished by their special 
dislike for bikers. On the roadway 
run out both individually and in groups up to
ten individuals, randomly changed 
speed and direction of movement, loud 
by barking they call their own kind to help; 
strive to maliciously get under the wheels 
or biteby the leg. Instinct 
self-preservation in individuals completely 
missing. Found everywhere 
most likely localization locations - 
car garage complexes, courtyard areas
rhetoric, holiday villages, rural 
terrain. Hazard category 
on a 5-point scale - 4. 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
Slow down, calculate carefully 
trajectory of movement, if possible not 
engage in protracted positional battles. When 
the first opportunity - to break away 
from pursuit and leave. 

Methods of struggle. 

a) global - pneumatics, baseball 
bat, organization of Sonderkommandos from bikers 
b) local - if you often appear in
habitat of specific individuals of a given 
subspecies (any specific 
car garage complexes, courtyards
territories, areas of individual 
buildings etc.), there are enough of these individuals 
just feed it a few times. 
Tested many times. Works. 


2.2. Birds. 

Description. 
This subgroup of pedestrians includes 
precisely those birds that cross the road,
but they do not fly over it, namely: geese, 
turkeys and chickens. Out onto the roadway
both individually and in groups. 
They move (with rare exceptions) perpendicularly
dicular to the movement of vehicles, with 
constant or increasing speed. 
They have a strong instinct 
self-preservation - at the sight of someone riding on them 
trying to leave the vehicle 
roadway. Meetusually in 
rural areas, less often - on the highway. 
Hazard category on a 5-point scale 
- from 1 to 2 (depending on time 
days). 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
If detected on the road - reset 
speed and honk. As a rule, 
this is enough. 


Methods of struggle. 


2.3. Cattle. 

Description. 
Quadruped ruminants agricultural 
animals. Sometimes they move to 
accompanied by a shepherd, who often 
so drunk that he ends up in the same 
subgroup of pedestrians, like his charges. 
The presence of a shepherd nearby, which is typical, 
can either decrease or increase 
probability of an accident. Out onto the roadway 
both individually and in groups. Moving 
(with rare exceptions) perpendicular 
movement of vehicles, with constant 
speed. Usually found in rural areas 
terrain, less often - on the highway. Probability 
Road accidents increase sharply at night 
and periods of morning fog. Category 
danger on a 5-point scale - from 2 to 5 
(depending on time of day and availability 
next to a drunk or sober shepherd). 

Recommended actions during a meeting. 
Reduce speed, calculate trajectory, 
drive around, keeping a safe distance. 
In case of complete overlap with the herd 
roadway - stop and let pass
In the event of a particularly unpleasant or 
boorish behavior of a shepherd who is near
also in a state of alcohol 
intoxication -stop, make sure 
the absence of a whip in the hands of the shepherd, 
carry out explanatory work. 

Methods of struggle. 
No. 

             * * *

The guy ended up in jail. Looks around. Then 
issues to cellmates:
- It's boring here, bro. I'm here in 
Two chicks saw off the prisoner. One 
chest (shows), the other - in the ass.
Here the boss stood up:
- Don’t show it on yourself, it’s a bad omen.

             * * *

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks 
condoms. The pharmacist shows him 
different:
- We have white, black and Mickey 
Mouse. The man thinks: "White is too
Usually, Mickey Mouse is something for children." 
I chose black. Despite this, his wife 
Nine months later she gives birth to a black baby. 
He grew up and one day asked:
- Dad, you’re white, mom is white, why me? 
black?
- Be glad you're not Mickey Mouse.

             * * *

- Young man, why are you endlessly 
Are you laughing? 
- I wouldn’t laugh endlessly.

             * * *

Somehow all the deputies are standing in the corridor in front 
the office of the first person. The cleaning lady is coming. 
- Why are you all here? 
- Yes, they will listen to us right now. . . 
- “Star Factory” for me too! 
  They will fuck you! ! !

             * * *

A young mother and her baby are traveling to 
bus, and a Georgian is sitting next to him.
Mom tries to breastfeed her baby 
and the child turns away. Mom:
- Well, eat, eat! (Childturns away...) Otherwise I’ll give my tits to that one 
uncle! (The child turns away...) Eat,
Eat, otherwise I’ll give my tits to my uncle!
The child doesn't want to again.
The Georgian cannot stand it:
- Too much of a girl... Make up your mind, otherwise I 
I'm already passing the third stop!

             * * *

Folk diuretic. 
Rutabaga, radish, sorrel tops and flowers 
chop and destroy the fern. 
Drink eight beers instead.

             * * *

At the lecture the teacher:
- What are you saying? Does the brain look like an ass? 
Amazing imagination! Although in the very 
there are actually similarities...

             * * *

The race is on. Commentator:
- Attention! To turn at speed 
15Okm per hour suitable for Swedish racer.
He slows down before turning 
up to 8Okmh and... fits well into 
turn! But to this same turn 
American racer approaches at speed 
180 km/h.Before the turn it resets 
speed up to 11Okm/h and... fits well
turn!
Look! The Russian is coming here 
racer at a speed of 200 km/h, in front 
by turning it increases speed 
up to 300 km/h and!.. with a shout: 
“The hell are you standing here?!” 
paving a new route!!!

             * * *

Lost dog, red color, left ear 
torn, right side burned, limping 
front paw, responds to name
"Lucky"

             * * *

- Girl, what do you prefer - rondo 
or minuet?
- A rondo, thisWhere?

             * * *

A man rides on his "penny" and 
a traffic light crashes into a BMW. They come out of it
four persons of Caucasian nationality with 
very unfriendly persons and are directed
to the man, and are clearly going to beat him. 
Man: 
- Hey, wait, wait, there are four on 
one thing is unfair... 
Caucasians: 
- So, Kakha, let’s take his side... 
Man: 
- But excuse me, it’s still not fair, 
there are three of you, and only two of us. 
Caucasians: 
- Maga, let’s also be for them... 
The man doesn’t let up again: 
- Again, unfair, now we 
three, and there are two of you... 
Caucasians: 
- Hey, man, why are you standing here, go? 
on your own way, don’t interfere in our affairs, 
we'll figure it out ourselves...

             * * *


Thank you so much:

Eraser from Delirium Tremens by 
Text Viewer.

D.J.CONT FROM JVC by music

Paul Pavlov by trd.speccy.cz

             * * *

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