Rhyme...
the small apartment smells of nicotine,
I got drunk again, you drunken brute,
I don’t care, bastard, about you and your daughter,
I eat my belly, I drink my kidneys.
I asked you to take the trash to the trash heap,
I, as usual, can’t get out of bed,
I bring me pitiful pennies from work,
I run to my neighbor - a painted Jewish woman,
daily drinking ruined your life...
- I'm tired, dear. That's why I make kvass.
* * *
- Mikola, do you love your home country?
by putting it on the domain "ru"?
- What?
- So it’s “Russia”!
- From, bastards! And I thought, Ridna Ukraine!
* * *
Hymn of the Onanist....
Passers-by jerk off, police jerk off,
Firefighters jerk off in our capital,
An accountant jerks off and an athlete jerks off,
Cool businessman jerks off furiously
They jerk off with calloused fists,
They jerk off the calloused penis with their hands,
Tatar, Mordvin and Hades jerk off,
Only the damned stands and stands
Many guys are broad-shouldered and strong,
They wear excellent caps on the turnip,
Masturbation style is fun and dashing
Only their hands are crooked
Whatever they did to him, poor fellow
They jerk off the poor guy with sandpaper,
They jerk off the unfortunate man with a piece of pumice,
Jerk off with the evil sea sand
They jerk off, trembling with rage in the foam,
They jerk off a sea urchin with needles,
They jerk off a land hedgehog with needles,
But nothing good happens
They jerk off without knowing any limits,
They jerk off and rub furiously with a brick,
Severely swollen and in terrible pain,
But he doesn’t cum, and then stands there
Politicians jerk off, scientists jerk off,
They jerk off straight,curves, twisted,
Smart people jerk off and fools jerk off,
Only they just can’t finish.
Writers jerk off, readers jerk off,
The inhabitants of the psychiatric walls jerk off,
A plebeian jerks off, an aristocrat jerks off,
Evil Arafat jerks off in Israel
Sharon jerks off on sacred ground
Putin quietly jerks off in the Kremlin,
All the prisoners jerk off in the absence of a woman,
Arabs jerk off in their Palestine,
They jerk off, dipping in honey and sour cream,
The Taliban are jerking off in Afghanistan,
They jerk off, forgetting about their wife and whore,
The US Ambassador in Riyadh jerks off
The piglet on the platter is jerking off with might and main,
A Bedouin on a camel jerks off,
The French jerk off, forgetting about the blowjob,
Hackers jerk off on the Internet
Geniuses and degenerates jerk off,
Both the elders and the accelerated jerk off,
Candidates of Sciences jerk off with all their might,
Without resting my calloused hands
They jerk off in colonies, in free countries,
Submariners jerk off in submarine boats,
The pilot jerks off with all his might at the helm,
So his plane is shaking.
Both oligarchs and pariahs jerk off,
Parliamentarians jerk off in parliament
Together the government jerks off muda,
Lawyers jerking off with all their might in court
Surgeons masturbate the liver with a scalpel,
Girls pull their little hands to the clitoris,
Soldiers jerk off a gun at a shooting range,
And physiologists are jerking off a frog.
They jerk off for life, not for fun,
The whole school jerks off together under their desks,
In glorious academic research institutes
Scientists jerk off their dicks together.
The cook in the kitchen jerks off into a bucket,
Physicists in the atom jerk off the nucleus,
They jerk off, completely immersed in masturbation -
No, to commit sexual intercourse!
Power is uselesscharisma is powerless
We can't get rid of masturbation,
Do not ban or re-teach,
So you'll have to jerk off to death!
* * *
Catch a cockroach in the kitchen and carefully
take a closer look at it.
If the cockroach is cheerful and healthy, then y
you're all right at home.
If the cockroach is lethargic, take care of your wife,
she doesn't feed you well.
If the cockroach is strictly black, you
waiting for a promotion.
If the cockroach is red, she is in love with you
blonde.
If the cockroach is green, it's big
money in foreign currency.
If a cockroach moves its whiskers all the time, you
energetic, active person, you can’t
sit idle.
If the cockroach freezes, you are a philosopher. damn!!!
If a cockroach looks surprised, the surrounding
those who hate you value you little.
If a cockroach is scared, you are a person who can
insist on your own.
If a cockroach is bright blue, horned and speaks
in a human voice - congratulations, you
delirium tremens.
Now measure the cockroach.
If the length of the cockroach is less than 1 cm, it’s on you
you can rely on in family life.
If the length of the cockroach is more than 3 cm, you
searching person.
If the span of a cockroach's whiskers is equal to the length
your nose - you are an inquisitive person.
If one of the cockroach's whiskers is noticeably shorter
second - you have not yet realized your
possibilities.
If the total length of the cockroach's whiskers is
the length of his body multiplied by the root
square diameter of its belly and divided
by the logarithm of the number of his legs - youckpy-
a smart and meticulous person.
If the cockroach's legs are evenly distributed
all over his body - you need it just in case
a chance to see a psychiatrist.
If the length of a cockroach is equal to its width -
that means it's a bug. Release the cockroach.
If he runs straight, you still have
ahead.
If he runs to the left, he's waiting for you
exciting meeting.
If he runs to the right, engage
service: they're hooking you up.
If he runs back to you - oh you
interesting person.
If he doesn't run at all, he's fucking dead
* * *
About programmers and admins
Programmers are fat.
Because they are sitting.
And the admins are skinny. Because they are running.
However, there are skinny programmers. But not
one must think that this is an exception to the rule
- these are retrained administrators.
There are also fat admins.
These are lazy programmers.
Programmers smoke quickly because it's a thought.
Because she will leave and you will have to think about her
again. The admins have no thoughts, so they
smoke slowly. They do it at those moments
you when everything works and nothing crashes.
That's why they rarely smoke.
Programmers go to lunch themselves. They
bring a lot of food to the office and it’s delicious
smell. They eat it right on the keyboard. Because
what a thought.
Admins order food for the office. Because
if they follow her, something will fall.
And you'll have to run to the office with half-eaten food.
hamburger Because admins love
eat from McDonald's.Because it’s delicious, but it won’t make you fat
threatens. If they're not lazy
programmers.
Programmers leave work at night. Because
what a thought. Some of them leave in the evening
and think a thought at home. Some who have
there is a laptop, they think it’s on the subway.
Admins don't go home. Because if
they will go home, something will fall. And
I'll have to go to work. And they go to work
they don't like to walk. And they don't go. They are there
live. They usually have a separate nest
behind a separate door, often locked
to a separate lock.
Programmers sleep on their days off. Usually this
Wednesday or Monday. Because it's a thought.
On Monday there is no thought yet. But on Wednesday it comes
transition from one thought to another.
Admins sleep in the nest. Due to a separate
During this time, snoring is sometimes heard.
Admins rarely sleep more than ten minutes.
Because if you sleep more,
something will fall. And you'll have to wake up
as needed. And admins love to wake up
ourselves, even if it’s ten minutes later.
Programmers drink beer. Mostly light
and a lot. Because it's a thought. While she
floats - you can think of it. The main thing is that
didn't drown.
Admins also drink beer. Because if
If something falls, they won't care. Admins
they love it when they don't care. And programmers love
when they don't care. That's why they often drink
beer together. And they don’t care together. After
This is why they are sleeping. But not together. Admins are sleeping
in the socket, and the programmers are on the keyboard. When
they wake upthey drink beer again.
Because I want to. Because they are admins.
And programmers.
* * *
Blue comes to the store:
-Girl-a-a-a, d-a-a-me, please
loaf of ka-albasy??!?!
Saleswoman:
-Should I cut it or not???
- Of course not, I have an ass,
not a piggy bank...
* * *
An old grandmother gets on the bus.
He sees a young man sitting.
She addresses him:
-Young man, give me your seat!
-And I'm fucking!
Grandma to him again:
-Young man, give me your seat!
-And I'm fucking!
Grandma asks:
-Young man, are you nothing more?
can you tell?
- Scuba gear!
-What does scuba diving have to do with it?
-And I'm fucking!!!
* * *
Passing the safety test.
The student gets the question: “What is
step voltage?
Answer: "The tension that arises between
with both feet when you grab
bare end."
* * *
rhyme
Bye-bye-bye-bye,
Don't lie on the edge -
The little gray top will come
And he grabs the barrel.
And then the bear will come
And he will snatch off a third of the legs,
The fox will take out the pen,
The bunny will suck out the eyes.
Worms will crawl under your nails
The lynx will put its claws into the heart,
And some red cat
Your throat will immediately overload.
Guts horn bcnopet bull,
Moose will tear out your tongue
And the dog from the yard
It will chew the thigh bone.
...The cat will lick the eye sockets,
The boar will bite off the buttocks,
The liver will be eaten by a mole,
The bull will tear his mouth with his hoof,
The hedgehog will drag you awaytongue,
The brain will open a worm,
The woodpecker will gouge the skull,
The moth is already sitting in the lungs,
A badger will bite your heart,
It will settle in your nose,
And the cheerful flowers
They will grow through your buds...
This is what it will be like from a child -
Just a spine and a spleen.
Blood dripping from the ceiling
Death, of course, is not easy.
* * *
Electronic secretary.
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