TV script "SALVATION - 911" - (C) Rostislav Krivitsky.

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     ║ TV script "SALVATION - 911" ║ 
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(C) Rostislav Krivitsky 

                Depression 
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 HOST>  In this program we talk about
I talk about all sorts of terrible cases.  We would be pleased
we kindly told you about all sorts of funny
cases, but then the program would be called
not "Rescue 911", but "The Muppet Show", but
Rescuers in "The Muppet Show"would look
stupid, and that's why we... (muttering of the presenter
fades away).
MANAGER>  There were a lot of people this evening
calls asking for rescue, and to
have time to put them in our file cabinet
alphabetically, I turned off the phone and turned on
la answering machine.
ANSWERER> Please note: the most
building salvation is our salvation! Size
Call 911 for your ad!
DISPATCHER> But the bell rang forced
forget about everything.  I just sat there
all day on the phone, remembering how I
name. 
WIFE> It was me who called. The fact is that we can
his husband experiences depression from time to time
Russia At such moments he becomes simply
a terrible person.  He stops cleaning
teeth and wash, does not comb hair and does not
irons his trousers. 
HUSBAND>  That day I woke up cheerful and happy
selym. It was snowing nicely outside,
I had beer in the fridge, I was in a good mood
mine was excellent.  But then I pos-
I looked at my wife and realized that I would have
depression. 
WIFE> In the morning I looked at my husband and realized
that, despite the good mood,
there will be the biggest depression, I'm in it
I'm never wrong.  The first signs of trouble
I discovered it when my husband sat down to read. He's very
very well read, but always when he starts
reading his favorite book, he looks at
I and he are both depressed. 
HUSBAND>  As always, I sat and read pornography
physical magazine, occasionally looked at his wife -
and I began to feel depressed. I'm
I didn't realize that my wife was worried about me, but
I couldn't do anything.  After
my wife said for the fifteenth time that I
Apparently, depression is setting in, she
has begun. 
WIFE>  The husband jumped up and with his favorite book
the guy locked himself in the kitchen. And I called the service
Rescue 911. 
ANSWERER> Congratulations!!! This is a thousand
call to the "Salvation-911" service during the month
today and you win an invitation
ticket to Sunday's funeral service in Las Vegas!
SMITH>  John and I arrived just in time
me. The situation was critical.  Man in
in a state of depression, he locked himself in the kitchen and
shouted that he didn't want tosee no one. 
JOHN>  First of all, he could go blind, but
The worst thing was not this.  At least some water
and there was plenty of food in the kitchen, beer, like
explained the mistress of the house, a maxi-
for half an hour at the most economical consumption
lenition. We realized that we don't have time.
SMITH> John and I put on the antidepressant-
new suits and went into the kitchen. I said
to the man in the kitchen that we are from the rescue service
and we will definitely save him with God’s help
power if he believes in it. 
HUSBAND>  I was sinking into the abyss of depression, but
couldn't do anything about it.  On the street
It was disgustingly cold snowing, I forgot to wash my face
the beer in the fridge was sour and quickly
was ending. Who did I really upset?
Xia, after reading a couple more pages of his favorite
my magazine.  and then two people came into the kitchen
masks of Santa Claus and Mickey Mouse. They
asked if I believed in Salvation, and offered
whether to be saved immediately with God's help.
I was afraid they were religious fanatics
and called 911. 
JOHN> The man was depressed
very bad, and we began to take him out of this
oh state.Smith started singing funny
a song about cowboy Billy who got shot
whether the Indians, and I scattered horses around me
fetty and danced the Tin Woodman dance
from The Wizard of Oz. 
SMITH>  We had a lot of fun, and it was
it’s so important to convey a grain of our weight -
pour on this unfortunate man. 
HUSBAND> When the ritual chants and
rituals, I couldn’t stand it and threw a can
beer and a magazine in the sextants. Spilled beer
axle on their clothes, confetti stuck on top,
the pages of the magazine stuck to their hands and
were printed on them.  The fanatics looked
completely stupid, they became somehow daring
It was hard to breathe, and I felt very happy. 
JOHN>  Smith and I had a wonderful time...
triple when this crazy guy started
a can of beer in my forehead, and a pornographic
magazine - in Smith. 
SMITH> John immediately caught pneumonia and
I started sneezing, and confetti got into my mouth, and
I coughed. Our mood was spoiled
Finally, we decided to leave. 
WIFE>  I have lost all hope,when from
Rescuers came out from the kitchen.  They were able to
studies of the deepest depression. It's fun to follow them
My husband walked along laughing, alive and well!  I
rushed to him. 
MANAGER>  Smith and John were brought out
out of depression in just a week
but this is our job - to help others
gym, sacrificing himself. 
HOST>  As far as I know, in this
family has never happened to anyone again -
ss bouts of depression. It cost my husband or
wife to hear something about beer, Santa -
Klaus or the rescuers, they immediately started
laugh. And next week we will tell
Let us tell you how we managed to neutralize the se-
Mew crazy people waking up neighbors at night
with loud laughter.

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