...and here - Christmas.

music: Beautiful song
    from: Macros; idea by Joker


Evgeniy Borisov
Staritsa


           Christmas.
      Hours before dawn.

    “I should have walked along the road,” I thought,
feeling like my legs are falling into
the snow is higher than my ankles, and like my boots
The boot is generously raked in.
    It was about six o'clock in the morning of seven
January.  Five minutes ago I left the house
Granny and began the journey.
    I was returning home.
 The path is not close: ten kilometers to
the regional center, and then even further by bus. C
Recently, the seventh of January is a holiday.
This meant that even walking along the Great Road
Hey, I could only count on myself. On
there is no hope for a ride. Who will go to that
early, and even on a holiday, and even on such
what disgusting weather?
    It was warm, just above zero. Above mine
head like a concrete ceiling hung low
clouds and from these clouds fell flakes of wet
snow. And the wind, as if on purpose: damp, strong,
on a collision course.
    It is under such circumstances that I
started his way.
    The adventures began almost immediately. B
I usually don’t enter grandma’s village
horn, andalong the path behind the vegetable gardens - like this
It's getting closer. As soon as I left the gardens,
how I immediately lost this very path.
It started snowing last night, it will probably be covered
fell.  Yes, and I wouldn’t fall asleep - I still wouldn’t
find.  January seventh, six o'clock - night
yet.  All that illuminated my path was life
daylight of two lanterns in the village, which
ry reached me only twice reflected
run: first from the snow, then from the concrete
clouds  Go find snow on the snow when you
you see only black spots of houses, trees
trees, groves on dark-dark gray, slightly
lighter than black background.  And go back... B
village of dogs. I really hate it when
I'm being barked at. And I walked straight through the
le heading for noticeable trees, behind which
with which the path descends into the ravine.
    I got there numb from the cold
ankles... You'll get on the road, it's snowing there
I'll scoop out the Boots... I went downstairs,
crossed the bridge and almost immediately got stuck in the snow
knee-deep. It got snowy overnight. There's already a way back
It wasn’t - the road is nearby...
    After a few minutes, breathing laboriously with
With boots full of snow, I got out to the
horn.  My legs are almost nothing anymore
felt.  Unbuckled his boots, emptied
snow, buttoned it up again. Then he straightened up,
I adjusted my backpack on my back and walked on.
    Here is the neighboring village nearby. There's fo-
Naray More, lighter.  I'm not afraid of dogs
now- the road goes away from the village.
I pass by a club standing on the outskirts. Mi-
mo farm with water tower. Further to-
horns goes out into the field. It's completely dark here.
Black Weeds on the right, Black Weeds on the left.
A wide strip barely brightens between them -
road.
    I'm coming.
    And then it began...
    This has never happened to me before.
started.  How many times have I walked like this to heaven?
center and in pitch darkness and in the weather
lousy - never...
    It actually started when I walked down the path
lost. I felt scared. Although it seemed
why would. I know these places well, no way
I wouldn't get lost. But fear took over and
living.  And I can’t figure out where he’s coming from
took it.  I just feel that from everywhere, from
all sides immediately fell on me. Immediately
bad thoughts came into my head: “Don’t fail-
Would pour into a hole." This is on the field... And after all
I knew perfectly well that there were no holes here.
Near the ravine another knocked: “Suddenly someone in
sits in ambush, there, in the alder forest on that
slope of the ravine "... I'm breaking it, I'm tearing it apart
Delirium: “There is nothing there and there cannot be anything in
at this hour and in this weather." Doesn't let up
fear doesn't go away.
    Near the villages it was still tolerable, but how
I went out into the field, fear took over me completely,
go  The first thought in the field: “Well, like wolves
they'll fly."  And I imagined how they swooped in,
yes, it’s so clear... It pierced right through me, right through
my back went cold: I saw wolves in these
places.This is where I regretted that fantasy was good
I have... It seems like living wolves to me
every stalk of weeds... I walk along the side
I look around in fear. And nothing more
I don’t see myself, only the road and the wolves.
    I don’t remember how long I walked like this.
Then suddenly it clicked in my head that
These are not wolves, but wolfhounds. Werewolves. Oops-
ri.  Monsters... As they say, remember
damn... I mentioned it here. How rushed after this
all kinds of evil spirits, that’s how the horror began.
All sorts of vampires settled on the sides of the road
ry, ghouls and Freddy Kruegers... Wolves
among them almost like brothers
chewing.
    I know, I feel, if I hold back my fantasy,
The monsters will fade, the horror will subside, but not
gu. I can't! I don't control my imagination -
fear, this incomprehensible fear, rules her...
My heart is beating like a machine gun, just look at it...
Ruzhu will jump out, and his legs are about to
A quick step will break into a run. Where to Be-
reaping out of fear?!  Where in the middle of the field from
him to hide?! Lord!!..
    Here my hand itself created the cross... And
I felt better. Just a drop, but how?
a weight lifted off my shoulders... Second, third...
I already made the tenth cross myself. "Lord,
help!.. Lord, carry me through!” The horror has subsided.
The fear has subsided a little. I sighed easier.
Looked around...
    The rural road will soon come to an end
- will connect with Bolshoi.  On the other side
Big onthe village slope stands with lanterns
shines.  The road itself also goes downhill:
there is a river nearby. And I saw that in the village
those headlights came on. Car! He'll go now!
And my little legs carried me away. "If only
have time!..” the headlights had already begun to move when-
Yes, I jumped out onto Bolshaya. Down the slope
He ran faster. "If only I could make it in time!" Ma-
the tire is moving. For some reason it's moving slowly...
    I made it!
    Previously, cars came running to the bridge across
river, to the place where the road from that village
Jealousy connects with Bolshaya. Got up, talked
I looked at the car better: It’s not a truck, it’s not
car - road grader. The shovel
turned right, driving slowly, snow on the road
gi removes.
    I waved my hand and stopped. I'm to
doors and climbed into the cabin... So I can calm down -
but it became so good... I settled down with Bo-
ku from the driver on some iron box,
and we moved on.
    The wind is blowing outside the window. Snow sparkles in
beams of headlights towards us. Somewhere down there
Pata sometimes scrapes the asphalt. And there is no more
no ghouls, no Freddy Kruegers. And not
get them through here. No way.
    We arrived at the regional center leisurely, without
adventure...
    Walking to the bus station I realized what was wrong with me
happened. Today is the seventh of January. Rozh-
childhood... How is it with Gogol? "...damn,
who was left staggering last night
in the White World..." Evil spirits are walking and Be-
lasts on the last night, and in the last hours
before dawnespecially. Apparently I'm in the sa-
My pandemonium and I was pleased.
    When I approached the bus station, it was snowing
no longer walked, the nasty damp wind died down,
The sky was getting brighter every minute and it was completely
It's not scary.

    01/26/96.
------------------------------------------

Alexander Mikhailov
Tver


      TYPOGRAPHERS IN EPAILORS

      Commander of the Anti-Aircraft Battery, where am I?
served, Captain Budzovich took me to his
motorcycle to the railway.  By train
It wasn't long to go, and now I'm on another
station, where someone I already knew was waiting for me
Captain Saranchuk, executive secretary
editors.  One captain conducted, the other
met. We headed through the military
line to the printing house. Along the way Saranchuk
I asked if everything had been given to me.
      - Everything is fine, but for some reason
The shoes are signed with a different name.
      - So yours was stolen! - with conviction
stated the captain.
      We approached the building, which is a month old
two years ago, when I was going to the army, I took it for
school.  It turned out that this was the division headquarters.
Opposite is a one-story printing house building,
in which I had to spend the pain
most part of the service.  Behind the front door there is no
Large hallway and a pair of doors, behind one
of which two are editorial rooms, behind the other
- three rooms of the printing house, also enfilade,
and a tiny photo lab room.Following the last one is the back door to the courtyard,
where from the other corner of the house is the door to a small
a room separated from others. There on-
one of the headquarters services was in motion, and in its
"pre-Bannike" stove, from which in winter
The heating system was roaring.  That is
the building's rectangle appears to be divided lengthwise
length in half. One half is the printing house,
the other is the editorial office from which the ku-
juice
      The first room of the printing house
small, it has a tiny stove and "American"
kanka" - compact printing machine
Forms and other small products. I follow-
The main room is the largest, there is a collection of
real reals, further - less, there is
flatbed printing machine, on which printing
the newspaper is hidden.
      In a large room from a huge magic
Western rock music was playing loudly on the tape recorder.
ka. Two soldiers were dialing while sitting on a wooden
drawers behind low cash registers
mi, advanced from reals (set of capital)
fishing), which I was very surprised by. Usually set
cashiers place the cash register on an inclined surface
in real life and work while standing. I was immediately put in prison
dial, but it turned out that the layout
fonts in these cash registers are of a new type, and I
I only knew the old one. So I couldn't new
wipe your nose with your colleagues by showing your speed
set, what the captain expected from me, love-
shy to educate subordinates.
      Both soldiers were called up for six months
earlierme.  Red-eyed, similar to
The guy's rabbit, nicknamed Spirit, was called Yura
Dushin, and the thoroughbred - Vitalik Hekpaco-
vym.
      The latter was proud of his noble
origin.  They called him from VyBorg.
Apparently his grandfather was a big fan of
poetry, because a colleague is not only
surname, but also had a poetic patronymic -
Ovidievich.
      Vitalik's favorite topic was women.
Dreamed of a free marriage:
      - I will go left, she will go right,
Why limit each other in sex. What
Naturally, it’s not UGLY.  In general,
A wedding is a ceremonial entry into...
operation.
      He called Edita Piekha: “Go to
x...".  V., who did not like the Soviet stage,
Talik was fond of Western rock music, which
which sounded all day long. And the tape recorder and
the recordings belonged to the photographer Oleg Lyuti-
Kovu.  Before the army I had not heard either the Beatles or
other similar performers, but to me right away
I liked this direction of music. "Jesus
Christ is a superstar" seemed to me
nial rock opera, but how was it different
I still didn’t understand it from the classic one.
      Yura also loved rock music and even
sang to one of the melodies of this opera: “After all,
You and I are hipari..."  He called himself
Yurohip after the name of the group "Uriah Xun".
He asked me what I remember about the red
with the help of Dickens' vile hero Uriah Heep, in
after whom the group is named. B freetime Yura is ready Was for hours catching on trans-
resistor radio wave receiver, not on one
noah without stopping. I remembered the legend
about the Shah, who gets the most at the concert
liked the cacophony of the customized or-
kestra.  Having learned that I love opera and theater
phonic music, Yura nicknamed me “Torch-
com" ("sticks out" from the music).  However, neither
This and no other nicknames caught on.
      Dushin was from the Rostov region, from
Novoshakhtinsk, which he liked to call No-
Voshtatinsky, because for him everything is “civilian”
(that is, from the USA) It was tempting. RaBotal
he is a service technician at a sewing factory, but in ma-
I didn’t understand the tires. During the day he often left with
factories and walked around the city. And in the workshop I loved
Allegedly for repairs crawl under the table and there
look under seamstresses' skirts.
      Yura had a characteristic speech. Instead of
“two pieces” said “two pieces”. Having eaten at
table herring, made interested
look and asked again:
      - What did you say? - while trying
put your hand on your back. But everyone already knew
his habits did not allow him to use his
tunic as a napkin.
      Having learned that my mother is a doctor, I decided
specify her specialization:
      - Why is your mother?
      When his friend Chirwa in a letter
asked him to explain what sex is, he told him
wrote that this is “e..la and Bladstvo.”
      I learned all this on the first day
datingnew colleagues. Before
At dinner, Yura handed me a soldier’s bowler hat,
in which I had to bring from the dining room
Ti cabbage soup for the typographic dog. Dining room
was located nearby. Before entering the
before I dipped my hands into a basin with stinking lick-
scrap, since disenchantment was raging in the unit
teria.  The soldiers shook their hands over their basins
com, without wetting them, and went to the dining room. On
The duty desk stood on a small dais
officer, the latter sat facing the hall. Above
The officer's head was circled by hordes of flies.
      After lunch - a short rest time.
Yura hastened to instruct me to sweep the floor in
printing house, which I willingly did, because
I liked this process as a child. When I
Vitalik began to sweep away garbage everywhere,
curled:
      - On the contrary, we swept around the corners.
      After cleaning, Dushin thrust it into my hands
twenty-liter canister and showed where
there is a column.
      In addition to Yura, Vitalik and Volodya Ermolo-
va - the head of the printing house, the rest are soldiers
dates were in the hospital due to di-
zenteria.  Thanks to this I got here
in the summer.  They wanted to take me to the printing house
only in autumn.
      We went to the barracks to spend the night, satisfied
but located far from the printing house. B
barracks of the commandant company, where the pi-
Sarya and other staff members, I met
his fellow countryman, whom I remembered from Vol-
Khovsky military registration and enlistment office. (He is then indignant
came from a young manfemale venereologists: "Look
what, they exposed her head!”). Upon learning that I
I now serve in a printing house, he asked the urgent
question for him at that time: “Strongly
f...ut?"  I looked confused and he
explained: “Well, are they being bullied a lot?”
      The next day I landed on "GuBu"
- guardhouse. In the morning I took the canister and...
stomped for water. The pump was located nearby
from the printing house, I walked along the path Closer
to private houses. Parallel to the elevated
nii There was Betonka, along which a pat-
steering wheel He detained me, saying that I had
There must be a route sheet. It's good that I
I didn’t have time to use the column. Until ha-
I walked along the watch, holding a voluminous one in my hands,
but an empty canister.
      From the "lip" of everyone caught by the patrol,
sent to move the logs opposite the tit-
pografii.  I even saw him coming out of the re-
of the captain, who was heading to headquarters.
      All the soldiers had diarrhea, so they
We worked neither shaky nor weak - let’s put it down
The log is standing.  In the evening of all "Gubars"
we lined up at the headquarters, and the officials came for us
ry.  The captain picked me up. He was surprised that
They demanded a route sheet from me.
      Feeling uneasy in my stomach, I
went to the medical unit located in
far away. It was crowded, so the night
I spent sitting at the table, laying on it
head and pulling his tunic over his face, something
Wouldn't be bothered by numerousflies. Nika-
there was no treatment there, and I considered it
The best thing is to return to the printing house the next morning.
      Little by little they began to return from the state
fed the rest.  Corporal Lushnikov Was
driver, but learned to type and layout
newspaper.  The last skill caused him
Great arrogance and desire to call oneself a met-
ranpage. However, in my memory he practically
I literally didn’t do anything because I thought
that he plowed his own. The homeland received from him
in full, and now six months before demobilization he
has the right to rest. Loved to hum the dog-
nu: “DemoBels are going to distant lands.” And the hour-
mi stood at the open window, killing flies.
I really wanted to get married and start a family
Mostroevsky orders.
      One day I went to the restroom, located
located among private houses near the printing houses
raffia  Returning, he stated that in the next
There was probably a girl sitting in the booth, he
divided it by subtle melodic sound.
      Corporal Lushnikov dreamed of resigning
junior sergeant. Somehow he brought me to
capter and boasted of a dress uniform with
sergeant's stripes, and also showed demo-

Belsky album. In it on the first page
A certificate of honor with tanks and
Lenin. The middle of the letter is cut out and pasted
en portrait of the Future DemBel.
      Lushnikov has sliding stripes. He was walking
in the garrison as a junior sergeant, and, see-
a patrol appeared in the distance, moving two stripes into one
well on every chase andbefore the patrol
appeared as a corporal.
After him another ephraine appeared
tor Sasha Malashov, nicknamed Golovaty,
shared:
      - In the hospital, all the soldiers walked around
the corridor slowly, holding on to the wall, something
I wouldn't start leaking into my pants from sudden movements.
      Then Misha Leonov returned, very
aptly nicknamed Pterodactyl.  Apparently
photographer Oleg, Biologist by education, tried his best
vocation. Similarities between Toothless Misha and the ancient
A toothy bird was amazing. Also
they called him Leon. When on radio news
mentioned the French city of Lyon, Jura Du-
Shin noted:
      - Look, Leon, they're talking about you!
      Misha decided to force me to clean up
not only the printing house, but also the editorial office,
ending with the words:
      - Otherwise you’ll get it in the forehead!
      This settled the matter. I don't like threats
therefore he did not obey. In the forehead I, co-
Of course, I didn’t receive it. Misha Was a coward. to me
and in the future I had to re-use it
to squabble.  Every time he met resistance, he
immediately went into reverse. I remembered the geese
seen in childhood. When I passed by
they tried to bite, but it was worth starting
wave your hand at them vigorously, they will obey
but they turned and went where they were going
niche.
      It became clear to me why Yura Dushin
hastened to delegate typo-cleaning to me
raffia and carrying water. The whole trinity was one
no call, but for some reasonMisha and Vitali
together, the two of us cleaned a small room
daktion, where there was no garbage, but Yura
one - all the rooms of the printing house, where after
the seal had to endure a lot of damage -
noah Papers. And he also went for water. Either
he came later than them, either because of the supple-
His friends managed to saddle him. Now
he transferred these powers to me, and the editor
The three of them began to wash it.
      Misha was also from the Rostov region.
Short, black-haired, he looks
He would have been handsome, but his appearance was spoiled by ne-
nice lips and nasty character. Leonov
said that after the army he would become a lesson or
policeman.
      Before joining the army, Misha worked as an electrician.
However, when in the printing house it was necessary to repair
thread of the electrical wiring, do not contact it
Yes, yes, it’s understandable. He told what
his work in civilian life consisted of:
      - Let's dig one hole for the post, and
then we “wash” her until the end of the shift.
      He called his fellow countryman Yura Kore-
fan. Sometimes it will scream at the entire printing house:
      - Corefa-a-a-a-n!
      He also called the Spirit a catfish, that is,
a purse, a prostitute. Possibly because
Well, when Yura walked, he turned his backside, and
It wasn't just girls that interested him. When
Vitalik saw a soldier bending down,
he had a desire to shoot in the ass
salt, Yura expressed eroticism out loud
cical wish: “I wish I could blow it!”In the dining room in the soup tank for ten
dozens of flies were floating around.  When the soup
Misha poured it, then he loved to say,
pushing away insects with a scoop: “Meat, meat-
sho." The lisp was not so much due to the lack
Teeth, how much I fooled around.
      Loved swear words: “Well, x...
wildebeest", "Yal (yal boots) - so that... one hundred
yal", "Chili, what the fuck... jerked off", "Opal"
(cigarettes) so that the f... doesn't fall off." Instead
"heartburn" said "heartburn".
      Or turn to a fellow countryman:
      -Are your hands clean?
      - What?
      - Take my f... piss.
      Later than me, who came to serve in the ranks
graphy Vasya KiBitkin liked to say:
      - Dear Vasya, I took off! - sometimes
replacing the last word with “eat...lasya”.
      However, such a rich language was not
only at Misha's. I learned a lot of new things in the army
words and catchphrases: “Who are we sleeping with?”
“Havat” (is), “Don’t sew on the p... sleeve”,
“S gulkin x...”, “P...y barked (covered
las)" and many others.
      My colleagues didn't like typing.
Dushin said that after the army the printing house
It will go around ten kilometers. I don't
once I recalled the lines of the poet Nekrasov, saying
stated on another occasion: “And the horror of the people
at the word "recruitment" was like the horror of a
no..."
      In civilian life among recruiters Analysis
was considered the lowest qualification, in art
the Mei printing house prefaced this operation
liked to study"grandfathers". Layout designer
don’t stand over your soul with anticipation on the dial
articles for a newspaper issue - maybe not
hurry. Nekrasov worked promptly, but deliberately
but created for me the glory of a Fast Typewriter,
nicknamed Linotype. Therefore, urgent work
Now they were giving it to me, not to him. Even though he
he was far from “old age”, he became under-
take a look. Sometimes I got so carried away that
I just sorted out the article I just typed, which
which they haven’t yet managed to insert into the newspaper
strip.  I had to type again; other
once and for another reason. Yura will come to
galley with a set, strokes it, strokes it. Neo-
Expectedly, the set crumbles. Dushin leaves
for a second, then comes back and loudly
exclaims, trying to create an alibi for himself:
      - What an asshole scattered NaBor! - but
everyone knew whose hands it was.
      In the cold hallway stood Big
A barrel with a garth - in a well-developed font. And
Now the time has come to send the hart to the font
foundry for remelting - structures -
put it in boxes and nail it up. In the Barrel
besides the font there were a lot of yellow pieces
ice.  Everyone immediately realized that Yura was using
shaft Barrel for small needs.
      He often let out gases quietly,
Why did his friends call him “Spirit”?
They said the word “vile” and didn’t believe it
excuses:
      - It’s not me! SEARCH!
      Once while on night duty he
put it in a piece of paper andthrown out of the window. B
another time he wrapped his belongings in a piece of paper and
put it on the back door shelf. Sasha Mala-
seam while on duty wanted to fry a car-
sickness.  Unfolded the frozen piece of paper, but
Instead of lard I found shit.
      Dushin printed a newspaper in the army, and Leo
newly laid out the newspaper pages. Once upon a time on B-
ral Blank. When I looked at the result
labor, then I thought that my elderly colleagues
lay down on the Borshchits If only a little kondrashka would have been enough: “Such
can never be!"
      Our head of the printing house, foreman
Ermolov, nicknamed the Frog by the soldiers,
He was called up from the Orenburg region. On
me, a young soldier, his wide stripes
on the uniform made an impression, he
started to look smart and important, but soon I saw
that all this is exaggerated. He was already a "grandfather"
therefore I did nothing, but when
the captain began to imitate the stormy action
activity.
      He communicated mainly with his lands
Lyaks - German staff clerks. Except
clerks fellow countryman Ermolov Was a general
the driver, also a “grandfather”. Sometimes he travels along the
This town has a divisional commander's car.  Soldiers
stand at attention and give
honor, but in the cabin there is only the driver with his
mi girls who have already given their “honor”
They gave it away a long time ago.
      One of Frog's fellow countrymen is a clerk
Eberle, who already had a wife and child, got into
I'm taking Leonov's bait. After the order was accepted
then it was translated fromone soldier
"sana" to another. They put on "Banks" - blows
belt  In the evening in the barracks I heard peaceful
Leon's rantings with the clerks and his
I request to translate into “pheasants”, as they called
soldiers who served for a year. The Germans complied
wish and gave a receipt for this
shy Leonov. He came up to me:
      - Sanya, let’s do “Banks” for you too-
I'm betting.
      - Go away!  - I said, and he lay down
sleep.
      And in the morning a scandal arose. B typography
both the editor and the head of production came running
literary department, and officers of the commandant company.
It turns out that Leonov filed a report addressed to
the head of the political department, in which he stated,
that the old-timers beat him with a belt. To ra-
port attached their receipt.
      - Germans are Germans! - noticed re-
daktor.
      The matter was hushed up. Once again we will see
share Leonov's "shitiness".  And not only
metaphorical.  One day he went to the toilet,
putting on Lushnikov's peacoat, completely new
cue - “The fly didn’t eat”, as they say
soldiers. And he fucked him up. Corporal Lushnikov,
of course, he stank, but even though he was
"grandfather", it was difficult in this
m surpass
Misha.
      Leonov also showed himself as an amateur
animals.  Was at the KoBel Rex printing house.
Forced vegetarian, because pi-
only those brought to him in a cauldron
mi, from which there was no smell of meat. And so
Rex got very sick. Walking alongprinting houses and
suddenly he falls down as if knocked down. It seems that
death has come, but no, it is rising. Call
The bathroom veterinarian discovered that he had a
reBito is light.  Everyone was sure that it was
the work of Leonov. An editor whose wife
Worked in a store, brought Rex some bones,
but the animal had no time for food. Soldiers
We cooked them for ourselves. Rex died before my eyes
zakh, when I was on duty, and my colleagues were in
club on the film. Rex was breathing heavily, and
Tom stopped. The next morning Leonov buried the dog
in the far corner of the yard, while brazenly laughing
yes:
      - Sasha, bring Rex cabbage soup.
 Autumn has come. Foreman Ermolov and ef-
rector Lushnikov began to prepare for demobilization
liu.
      And then the day of their dismissal came.
Lushnikov first tore off the stripes, then again
sewed It was unclear whether or not the young
our sergeant.  Clerk, fellow countrymen of Ermolov,
helped.  The editor later recalled more than once,
what else is still going to be appropriated
another message to the head of the printing house Ermolov
title, and he already has new shoulder straps. Know-
cheat, the clerk has already been entered where necessary. Here we go
they tried their best here. Lushnikov even rep-
burped through the title. Sergeant went home
vol.
      The editor wrote him a note that
Lushnikov worked as a page maker and printer.
(Lushnikov later sent a letter to the editor.
The army certificate did not help, in civilian
which printing house didn’t even let him in,
had to go back topre-army profession
driver).
 Mine hung on a common hanger for a long time
a brand new overcoat, not yet “equipped”
(that is, shoulder straps and buttonholes are not sewn on). Che-
res some time after the dismissal of Lya-
gushki suddenly discovered that instead of mine
hanging an old torn overcoat, not worth anything
fit.  My colleagues and I immediately realized
that this was the work of the foreman, who,
well, I helped one of the fellow countrymen clerks, but
the editor, who respects Ermolov, never believed
I thought he was capable of this.
      To the editor of the newspaper, Major Agarkin,
before a new head of the typography was appointed
raffia  The staff is limited to four people,
the other three are seconded. For
six months before dismissal should have been introduced
a soldier on the staff, so that the person would be listed as
lygraphist. It so happened that everything should
information, except for the head of the printing house, There were
already busy.  Therefore, Major Agarkin decided
Appoint Malashov as chief, although capital
Tan was strongly against it.
 I was with Malashov from the first day
good relationship.  He even gave me
your corporal photo. Golovaty, what's his name?
colleagues called, sometimes he asked me:
      - You don’t drink, you don’t smoke, BaB don’t f...,
Why then live!?
      However, he himself was quite secretive
and when asked by a colleague whether there are many “spun-
ki" comes out of him, answered:
      - I don't like being undressed.
      Purposehe took it calmly:
      - It sounds loud - "the head of the printing press -
raffia", and only seven people subordinate to
ni!
      At first He was equal with us. Somehow
the entire printing house went to the post office
we are building. The boss walked from the side, moving his hand away
ki from the body, as if he was carrying suitcases. He was told
moose: if you press them, It will be colder.
      - Damn Amur rotan! - scolded
he climate of the Amur Region, which many
the soldiers contemptuously called this inconvenient
in a clear expression.
       A patrol came across. Route-
We didn’t have any sheets. We gave a fuck
together with Malashov.
      But apparently the authorities hit hard
into his head, and we soon saw how
a position can change a person. He's on-
He started to fuss and find fault with everyone.
Even the leader of the world proletariat called
him irritation. Enters one evening
the editorial office where I sat and read, looked
on the shelves with volumes of complete collected works
Lenin's opinion:
      - Lenin, fuck... in your mouth.
      He began to present first one, then another
Gomu stupid demands, pointlessness
which it was useless to prove. Perez-
started going to the barracks.  Cold! Next to
There was a large printing machine on the bed
for daytime sleep for those on duty at night. on her
started sleeping at night.
      IN OCTOBER the temperature reached forty degrees -
frost, but there was no snow at all, which
seemed verystrange.
      Bathhouse Malashov in my memory
never visited. And now he’s stopped wanting
go to the dining room. Cold! We brought
food for him. He even stopped going to the toilet
go.  Cold! And climbed Big on the black-
Duck.
      I've already quarreled with him. He
got so sick that a little more and prop-
It would have happened.





      Once he was drinking with Dushin in
Editor's office:
      - When I quit I will do everything,
so that you would be appointed chief.
      But he doesn’t have time to hand over the throne to the Spirit.
was carried out since Golovaty reigned
just a month, which seemed very
long.  Captain Saranchuk caught him on
drunk.  The bed was thrown away. The duty officers began
sleep in the barracks during the day. Editor soon
I would forgive Malashov everything, but Saranchuk
insisted on his own. Sasha got caught in his old age
years" to the usual part, however, not quite
Ordinary, because in it the “grandfathers” had to
"plow" on an equal footing with the young. Captain in
met him during a business trip, then
told:
      - All jacked up!
      Vi-
talika.  He was only interested in personal
life, he didn’t care about the rest with you
a rich bell tower. He didn't like to work, but
I didn’t force others either. However, his acceptance
bodies were never eager to work, but others
there was no need to force it. Itypesetting
newspaper, Vasya KiBitkin naBiral, Sasha Soko-
fishing printed forms on a small machine, and
the newspaper was printed by a young soldier, Altaf Zaki-
ditch  So the work moved on and without participation
tiya trinity.
      To the "young" soldier Altaf Zakirov
It was 25. The difference of five years seemed to us
significant, and it was also felt that
he is used to leading. And he looked older
of his age.
      Although we are very different, we quickly get along
foxed  He even once wrote a letter to my
Grandma, in which he “complained” about youth
in my face. Grandma responded in letters
about him respectfully, sometimes calling him Mukhta-
rum  Despite all the severity, Zakirov loved
mischief.  Somehow he grabbed my letter and Be-
gala with him around the printing house. I was racing first
after Altaf, then threw ashes at him -
a shell he stole from a deaf-mute woman
neighbor, to whom he went to drink, and
sometimes for “love”. When I pulled out
hands Altaf his letter, then in anger destroyed
shaft Usually, colleagues tried not to leave
send messages from home in plain sight. If Yura
Dushin saw someone else’s envelope opened, then he loved
He beat aloud with expression to read the letter.
Only I could leave letters without fear
from my mother, whose handwriting is almost indecipherable
We're melting, yes Altaf. They wrote to him from home
tarski  Until the age of seven, Zakirov did not know Russian.
no language, but, like many Tatars, he spoke
Absolutely no accent, it’s true that it would befool around, could masterfully imitate a speech
a person who doesn’t know Russian well. Grandfather Al-
Tafa made sure that he was ten years old
grandson was circumcised. When Zaki's mother
Rova found out about this and was very indignant.
      The editor of the newspaper, Major Agarkin, immediately
warned Altaf that in the Future he would
you want to make him the head of the printing house.
It was felt that he would be the commander
demanding.  He knew how to obey so that
then they could not reproach him. Somehow we
went to the barracks.  It was cool and Altaf
put his hands in the pockets of his soldier's trousers. Misha
Leonov wanted to find fault with the new
mu:
      - Altaf, your hands are not supposed to be in your pocket-
keep it up!
      Zakirov ignored the words
hooligan Misha, who never lived
according to the charter.
      - Hekpac, aren’t you the boss, say-
live,” Leonov decided to insist.
      Vitalik, to whom everything was before the lam-
kidneys, reluctantly ordered to take your hands out of your pockets
new Altaf carried out the order in good faith.
      Yura, Vitalik and Misha often introduce themselves
wondered how they would become "grandfathers" and
live happily ever after.  Their dream came true
ahead of schedule - "old people" should call them
It was only six months later, but they already
turned out to be the “oldest” in the printing house,
and even with a boss - a friend. Therefore
We relaxed to the fullest. Every night they went to
AWOL. We ran to the dance, why?nap-
chatted fake tickets. For some more
Bald Mountain (although there are no mountains except the hills
there was no one around), from where Dushin brought the cat
Nochka, who has grown into a smart cat.
       When she was already growing up, somehow
Itza and the clerk dragged a black cat, wanting
mate animals. But the cat doesn't agree with the cat
wanted to organize a sex show. Later the cat
ka got pregnant on her own, but Yura
often squeezed her that she resolved to throw out
we breathe.
      The Trinity was incredibly bored. From
You can't do anything idle. One day I'll
forked a newspaper strip, bending over the tally
rum  Heard a conversation that made me
turn around.  Leonov's pants are down,
blood is gushing out of the buttocks. It turns out that Hekpa-
Sov, having nothing better to do, shoved a knife in his ass-
prostrate  At that moment the person in charge came in
Secretary Saranchuk.
      - Comrade captain, I climbed into the attic
and got caught on a nail there, - he didn’t give it away -
give Misha a friend.
      Dismissal order - for soldiers
sacred. They are cut out from newspapers and pasted into
Dembel albums. That's why our soldiers
after the order was published they always left
galley typed. Why not use it here?
printing house capabilities. They printed the order
separately on good paper and bronzed
under gold. There were many people who wanted to buy
th.  The cooks from the canteen where we ate
for this they gave a large piece of butter
la.  Of course, the next morning on his tablesIt was
very little, which caused dissatisfied murmur
soldier. Oddly enough, my colleagues are...
they were sincerely indignant at the lack of oil.
Leonov also traded in order-
mi.  The stigma itself is in the cannon, but he decided
report to the editor, although only Blagoda-
rya he remained in the printing house. Captain Sa-
Ranchuk had long wanted to send Leonov to
part.  But our boss felt sorry for everyone. He
even while the captain was resting, he sent Leo-
new on vacation, which outraged Saranchuk:
      - I’d rather give Mikhailov two from-
launch! - the captain didn’t like Bezdelnikov.
      Leonov collected forms printed
for the store where our husband's wife worked
fa, and decided to send them to the censor: here,
like, what does an editor do? Captain pro
knew about this idea. He built us and ordered
Bring Leonov your suitcase. Except
left Forms prepared for the censor,
Saranchuk discovered a lot of Bronze
orders hidden by Leonov for implementation
tions. Announced the outfit to him.
      However, the captain’s contempt for Leono-
it didn’t stop Wu from once “ordering” the milk-
I'm sewing a pet dog, but somehow entrust
Misha get me a cap, because I can’t
what I wore to go on vacation - mine was stolen
dena.  Leonov through his "corefans" in
I got a cap from the regiment.  Oddly enough,
it was signed with my last name. Apparently
taken from my namesake.The denunciation failed, but the censor himself
we soon saw it with our own eyes. Major Gromyko
I came to read the newspaper one day and looked in
from the editorial office to the printing house. The army is an
Mia, someone should keep an eye on the newspaper
I didn’t say too much. At the same time in hell
veterans sent congratulations to the editorial office
postcards with open text
volume indicated the full name of the division, fa-
militia and the position of commander. Censor Gro-
myko Was part-time. Main it
position - garrison commandant. tall,
square, with a powerful voice. Thunderstorm garni-
zone.  Everyone was afraid of him. He walked peacefully
sat with us during the day.
      And in the evening we are led by Nekrasov
Let's go in formation to the barracks. As always not in
Bypass, and the direct path through the hole into the Concrete
nom fence, she shortened the path once every
two.  The loophole has been closed many times, but it
arose again and again. Behind the fence of us
patrol was lying in wait. Only Sokol had it
a normal overcoat (we used it,
to go to the post office when someone
a package arrived from us). The rest were
dressed inappropriately. On KiBitkin's head
officer's hat, fastened with a button. I
in a peacoat without shoulder straps... Find fault with
what.
      The printing house is fully staffed, except
Dushin, who was on duty, ended up in the guardhouse.
From there they called Commandant Gromyko, asking
force what to do with us. We thought: he
will give orderslet us go, because it’s so different
harshly I talked a few hours ago, but
The commandant ordered to stay there all night. We
sat in a stone chamber, and in the morning we
taken to the printing house on a truck with garbage
rum  The boss met us at the door of the editorial office,
did not comment on what happened.
A confused Dushin was waiting at the printing house. In the morning
he was sitting in the dining room alone. And behind the next one
at the table the "flyers" - soldier-saints - were laughing
zists with blue shoulder straps. Their dining room would be
la next to the printing house, so the boss
insisted that we eat there. It is co-
sit in the dining room We were on patrol last
in the evening.  Knowing which road we go to
barracks, they caught us to carry out
thread plan. Everything was planned. Somehow
we collected social obligations of some ar-
Maya warehouses, one of the points in which
The main goal was to reduce theft by so much
some percent.
      But we only went to the entire printing house
the first time of Nekrasov's reign. Then
the trio stopped sleeping in the barracks, nights
spending AWOL.  Nekrasov brought
girls to the photo lab. Saying goodbye to
again, he said enthusiastically:
      - Beautiful people - Babs! Only now
somehow the captain will come at night with pro-
Surely, for... he'll take me off the girl...
      Major from the medical center of Battalion, who
tographer Alyosha Moskalev, who replaced the fired
Gosya Oleg Lyutikov,took pictures, said
Is it necessary to quickly dry the film?
ether.  The military medic brought what he asked for. Sol-
the dates poured ether into the cap and took turns
they stuck their faces in there.
      - It seemed to me like I was running all over
the globe, - Dushin shared his impressions -
mi...
      Nekrasov walked around the summer yard of Bo-
soy.  His feet became black with dirt. On
put on his hands something like a chain - lead
Wrapped the whitening material with adhesive tape and
I made heavy bracelets for my wrists.
      One day we came from the dining room. And pa-
The glad and black doors are wide open, come in whoever
you want, there is no one.  Door to the editorial office,
True, it was locked, but we opened the lock -
or scissors, so we can say that
editorial and printing house accessible to all winds -
us. The duty officer is Leonov, but the whole trio is in sa-
movolke. And I almost got caught in that ve-
black
      Zakirov, KiBitkin and Sokol in typography
fii were engaged in personal affairs. I was sitting in
editors, read.  Suddenly through the window
for the proofreader, I heard a noise and walked into the
graphy. As KiBitkin later said, he
I was reading it too, a stranger suddenly burst in
drunken major kicked the ball out the window:
      - What are these Grandma’s slippers on but-
gah!  - and the editor prescribed low-top sneakers for us,
so that they could walk indoors without boots.
      What happened next happened before my eyes
zakh. I wanted to sneak past the major.
      - We need to ask permission from the elder -
what's uprank. Now I'll pour it on you
mine! - There was a basin with dirty water on the floor.
      Swept off the Big Printing Press
remnants of the Trinity feast and dishes. Passed
to the back door. There in the Barrel lay a replacement
ka - old soldier's clothing. Ordered to take out
throw her outside.
      - We'll burn it!
      We carried it out, but he canceled the fire, and
ordered everyone to line up.
      - Lousy intellectuals. Agarkin and his
Shuriki.  I'll disperse you all.  I can do it myself
Be an editor. I, like Peter the Great, two-
I have eleven specialties, but I don’t
They even let me become the chief of staff of a division.
Now he is acting, but now
They won’t make you a boss, because
ray!
      We realized that our guest is acting. on-
Chief of Headquarters, Major Vasiliev. He looks like a Jew
It didn't look like it. After a few more threats
he left.
      The next morning the editor told us about the complaint
Bach Vasilyeva.
      - Comrade Major, he was drunk!
      - This changes things, but it’s necessary
prove!
 We were sure that the trio would get-
Xia, but the drunken major was satisfied with the explanation,
that the chief and the rest of the soldiers in the barracks
meh. The trio were lucky. Nobody talks about them being AWOL
didn’t tell the authorities, but what they said
they stopped washing the floors, the photographer was very angry
Alyosha Moskalev. He complained to the officers.
The editor instructed me to convene a meeting on this matter.
water meeting. (I have never been at school or
institutewas not involved in public activities
activity, and in the army he became a Komsomol organizer
by chance.  One day, while leaving, the editor suddenly
I remembered that we don’t have a Komsomol organizer. Right there
in the doorway and voted for the first
the proposed candidacy, as always
principle: “If only it weren’t for me”). Order
I took the major very close to my heart.
I stayed up all night, mentally preparing my speech about
"hazing". I was not so worried about
shi Loafers, how much are those bullying
over the "young ones" that I saw in others
parts.  He began his speech from afar, but
the editor immediately interrupted me:
      - You are not prepared at all! - and on-
An “exchange of views” ensued.
      Everyone spoke, except the always sleepy one
Falcon and the cowardly KiBitkin. Leonov in
justification told how he was bullied -
Xia a certain Plis, when Misha was “young”.
The editor was not outraged by Misha’s story.
laughter, and stormy laughter. MEETING ENDED
nothing.  The officers left.  Apparently the captain
on the way he suggested something to the editor, after five
minutes they returned. The chief ordered:
      - The floors will be washed by the person on duty.
      The sexual issue was settled, and the rest
nothing has changed. Trinity is still not
which she didn’t do, but at the same time she wanted Dushin
I wanted to show myself as a strict corporal. He
reported that from tomorrow we will all be
Let's do exercises under his guidance.
yours.  His attempts to show power somehow
evencaused an ironic remark from the captain -
tion:
 - Dushin became a grandfather.
      But it never got to charging. Leonov
never hid: if caught, everyone
will lay down - “Disappear, everyone!” Buddies
they knew this very well, but they didn’t even try
to shun the “corefan” they hate.
      Drunk Leonov knocked on an unknown evening
hit an officer on the head. Misha was taken to
GuBu. There he laid out everything: about self-will
ki, and about fake Tickets, and about girls.
      Sergeant Nekrasov and Corporal Dusha-
were demoted to privates, and the whole trio
fell into the guardhouse. I stayed the longest
Leonov - a whole month. From "lips" to your own
The trio in their greatcoats brought us lice. Having learned
that we have insects, Disgusting
Captain Saranchuk stopped entering the
graphy.  Communicated only through the window for
proofreading.  The major was not bothered by the lice. He
told how in childhood with other boys
I collected them in a matchbox with pine nuts and
threw at passers-by.
 At our leisure, we wandered around the corners,
unbuttoned their pants and searched
lice.  I became convinced that Mayakovsky had a very
exact image: "The sun's louse is creeping in."
      (However, it is also surprising that in art
I encountered lice less often than I could have
Would. Linen received from the laundry in the process
shivas we often saw "mandavosheks" like
the soldiers call the children lice. But Lingerie
General. The same onespanties wear hundreds of salts
date  You wear it for a week, throw it in the wash, and
you get those that were worn by a friend before washing
goy soldier - and so on hundreds of times, until...
are worn.  Same with winter underwear. Winter
The linen was provided. It was warm, but they gave
something like in the fall - cotton
long johns.  Some soldiers, what would it be
warmer, they wore sweaters under their tunics and
covered themselves with overcoats on top of blankets. But that's it
this was prohibited, so from time to time
The company commander was checking to see if there was a
marking soldiers with non-standard clothing. Her
he called it a lice. One day we came to
moment of such verification, although usually diligent
tried to come to the barracks Closer to battle,
to go straight to bed.  We had to
get into the general formation. Lieutenant with tin-
with his evil eyes (later he drank himself to death)
approached each soldier in turn, and
check the unbuttoned collar of the tunic
I wondered if there were any extra clothes there. If it is found
ruffled a sweater or something similar, then
forced them to take them off and put them in a pile for later
next combustion. It was my turn.
He felt his chest: “Take off the lice!” I raz-
zeroed surprised eyes.  He stuck his hand back
times: “Oh, that’s hair.”  The company thundered from
laughter. Later, when they saw me, the clerk joked:
"Take off the lice!")
      Our “guBars” had some impressions
a lot.  Yura especially loved to tell stories.
Commandant of the garrison instead of Major Groma-ko, removed for abuse of power, became a
Pryluka's captain. The entire garrison, imitating
the commandant began to speak through his nose. Yura
often pronounced the words Prilu-
ki addressed to the Idle Goobers:
      - The general is riding, and they are sitting!
      However, Priluka could not cope with
their responsibilities. They returned Major Gro-
myko.
      The boss was ready to feel sorry for Leono again
va, but Captain Saranchuk insisted that
he was sent to the unit. Nevertheless,
Misha again spoke to Major Agarkin. After ear-
yes Leonova is still in the editor’s office for a long time
there was a strange stench, but there was no source
could have been found. Photographer Alyosha Moskalev, mine
floor in the office, found under the flaps with
newspaper files, a glass of shit. Som-
There was no doubt whose hands this was.
      (After Leonov was fired from his
village moved to Rostov. There I contacted
a woman who already had three children, made
she got one more and ran away. When you tell him
whether he had a son, he is a mocker -
ski remarked: “Well, the Motherland needs for-
stink bugs!" When I'm in Tver on Teatralnaya
square for the first time I saw a Bust of Pushkin's work
sculptor Belashova, he was surprised by him
similar to Leonov)
      The head of the printing house was "young-
doy" Altaf Zakirov. Discreet Altaf ni-
did not show any emotions, perceiving it as
due. He knew how to be serious, even when
yesjoked or fooled around. Big swearing-
Nick, in front of a lady proofreader he always did a sol-
dates a strict remark, and such
nom, as if he himself never expresses himself.
I was surprised when one day he asked:
“Girls, where are you going, are you so good?”
two eight-year-old friends walking along Concrete
ke, they answered: “F... fuck, uncle!”
      In civilian life, Altaf of his subordinates
he called them nothing else - elderly printers,
like p...torn pieces. He said about women:
      - They are created to be
f...li.
 Incredibly clean Altaf every
I washed my tunic for a week, others
they did this very rarely. Having become the boss
nickname, held general meetings on Saturdays
Cleaning  We scrubbed the floors with soap and brushes,
in which Zakirov took an active part.
      One day he went to the editor's office,
on the move, leaving Hekpacoby to get ready:
      - Will you come with me!
      Dushin and Nekrasov were sitting on the table.
Vitalik was in no hurry to carry out the order, well
preened. Yura to him:
      - What, Nekrasishka, bench press ass?!
      Altaf is back and Vitalik is great
flew in.  So the last months of service
"grandfathers" Vitalik and Yura were led by
scrap of "young".  Towards the end of the service Vitalik
celebrated my wedding in the army.  He's with his fiancee
I met long before that. She Was
conductor on the train he was traveling on
from the army on leave. Editor provided
newlywedthree days vacation, although he
I didn't rework it without that.
      "Old people" quit, "grandfathers"
I, KiBitkin and Sokolov became. I'm on principle
I didn’t want to “grow old.” Besides, I este-
I actually didn’t like the bent ones of the old-timers.
squeezing the buckles on a belt hanging
“on the balls,” as the soldiers put it. Although
we spent the night in the barracks, where there were orders
about General army, but I slept on the second tier,
and not on the first, as usual, “grandfathers”. So to me
I liked it better - nothing spills on top -
Xia and more air.
      Photographer Moskalev longed to become a "de-
house,” the sleepy Falcon didn’t care about anything,
Well, KiBitkin wouldn’t mind being a “de-
darling,” but humbly accepted the new order
dock installed by Zakirov, rare for
army.  Under Altaf, “hazing” in the printing press
There was no fiy.
      However, there are no angels even in the army.
One story turned me off from Altaf. And
We didn't part on very friendly terms, although we
there was nothing to divide.
      Once I was walking from the unit to the printing house,
carrying letters and newspapers. On the way I was stopped-
there was a Buryat-like soldier with glasses. He
asked to see the result of the football patient
match in the newspaper. And then he started talking:
      - They promised to hire me as a correspondent
to the editor. In the battalion where I am currently serving
We have two majors - Fox and Chaika. "De-
"You" are seriously bullying the "young people". Well
yes, if only they wouldn't touch me, butthe rest
I don’t care, - the last one offended me -
nya phrase.
      Soon he appeared with us. Tolya Kar-
pov There was a one-year soldier.  B free from
business trips, Tolya was used as
Typewriter  He often typed his articles
straight from my head. In civilian life, Karpov pre-
taught German at the institute. At least
he lived in Buryatia, but his roots were White
Russians. He caused great antipathy in me.
with my self-importance.  Altaf him too
I immediately disliked it.
      Zakirov studied correspondence for a very long time.
Nominal department of the printing institute
and apparently he had some scores to settle with
teachers. I often remembered how one
from them he snatched a cheat sheet hidden from
students on the chest.  Military service gave
Zakirov has the opportunity to be at least partially compensated
show your hatred for university professors
tel.
      One day Tolya was sitting in the editor's office.
torah while studying German. Zakirov to all of us
whispered that they would be "filed up."  Then he ordered
line up and announced to Karpov the order for
dirty collar. I don't like this method
I liked it, which is what I told my former friend.
tele.
      Young workers appeared in the printing house
dates.
      Volodya SoBolev was called up twice.
I passed the “quarantine”, and then it turned out that
there is nowhere to put it. Returned home
having already learned how much a pound of soldier's bravery costs. And
I waited six months for a new call. He was taken intodiator to prepare Sokol's shift.
Before the army, Volodya worked as a driver in Altai.
He drove a milk truck. Often on a wooden stick
stringed a piece of butter and stuck it in the tank
well. The milk was stirred while moving.
and it went astray, I brought home a big piece
butter. I quickly taught the smart one and
savvy Volodya typeset the newspaper
(after Altaf was fired, he became the boss
nickname of the typography).
      At the same time a tall and
handsome guy Petya Vasyuk. Despite
slimness is somewhat awkward, besides
stupid His stocky hands reminded me
plowman's hands.  With such big fingers
It was difficult to grasp the small letters,
That's why Peter was taught to type.  He Was
Karpov's fellow countryman and there's a lot of "drinking" at home.
      Then another “young guy” appeared.
Pyotr Lukichev was a clone of Leo in character
new. He said that in civilian life with a purpose
for shocking purposes he dressed absolutely identically
nakovo - clothes, shoes, hats.
      Altaf liked to drink after hours
me, without forbidding my subordinates to do so. Sa-
The mogonka was bought from a deaf-mute neighbor.
      Lukichev decided that it was possible not to obey
to engage in official work, blackmailing with the fact that
will talk about drinking.
      Altaf, without hiding his anger, said:
      - I won’t drink it myself, but neither will you
I'll allow it. And I will arrange a heavenly life for you.
      I served with these three soldiers
six months and thenquit.

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