(c) E. Ilyasov, 2001.
Special for "Fantadrome".
All I know is that I don't know anything.
Ancient Greek wisdom
Man is a friend to man. Man to man
wolf Man to man Log. Range
opinions can be very wide - after all, we
We live in a multipolar world. Each of us
uniquely and uniquely born, lives
and goes into eternity. He leaves, taking with him
Invaluable experience, collected bit by bit in
throughout conscious life. Takes away
a unique collection of trials and errors discovered
ties and misconceptions, ups and downs. German-
many people decide to leave part of their wisdom
forgive those who have not experienced this, do not forgive
felt and maybeTo be, did not deserve, -
you and me. Aesop, Khayyam, La Rochefoucauld, Kry-
fishing... But doesn’t it happen that you read
falling into other people's aphorisms, we are amazed,
Realizing that this is all about us? Is it possible
the opposite happens when conclusions are drawn
made from naturally stuffed pine cones,
can it make someone else think?
The proposed collection was replenished in
different times under different circumstances
and because of this it is noticeably subjective and even
is somewhat contradictory. But like a splinter
the mirror reflects a fragment of the whole, and
A bunch of these smart people, often in the back of their minds
volume of thoughts, reflects a piece of the author's
"ego".
So,
SMART THOUGHTS
Epigraph: In every joke
there is some joke.
Whatever is done -
- everything is for the better.
Tursky V.P.
Nothing in the world is more valuable than my nerves.
Ilyasov E.B.
A good guest does not stay long.
Ilyasov E.B.
Before you enter,
think about how to get out.
Ilyasov E.B.
We are all a little angels
and a little bit of a bastard.
Ilyasov E.B.
If they give you lined paper, -
- write across.
Xumehec
Don't ask stupid questions
if you don't want toget stupid answers.
Ilyasov E.B.
Strike the iron without leaving the cash register.
Ostap Bender
If you did, sign that you did;
and if you didn’t, -
- Sign twice what you did.
Tursky V.P.
The most important thing in the profession of a swindler is
- this is to get away in time.
Mikael Korkis
Happiness is not in money
but in their quantity.
Paul Getty
Money has only two states:
Either they don’t exist, or they don’t exist at all.
John SteinBeck
Don’t have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends;
if you borrow three rubles from everyone -
- It will be three hundred rubles.
Ivanov
Generosity is not determined by how much you give
person, but by how much he has after
this is left.
L. Novozhenov
The sixth grade is also not Marriage.
Pugach A.B.
Whatever the child amuses himself with,
If only the vodka didn't gush.
Loktionov V.
It's better to overeat than not sleep enough.
Dronov I.N.
If something hurts you, rejoice;
nothing ever hurts
only among the dead.
Ilyasov E.B.
It's good when our desires
correspond to our capabilities.
Even better whenour capabilities
correspond to our desires.
Ilyasov E.B.
What is natural is not Ugly.
Ilyunkina S.B.
We cannot expect favors from nature
after what we did to her.
Konyakhin B.
All diseases from nerves,
one syphilis from love.
Vishnevskaya M.D.
From every hopeless situation
there are at least two ways out.
the author is unknown to me
There are no ugly women
there is little vodka.
Kuidin A.
A bad weather guest is three times more expensive.
Ilyasov E.B.
Nothing brings people together like that
like public transport.
the author is unknown to me
When laughter meets stupidity
the last one dies.
the author is unknown to me
Every match saved -
- a blow to world imperialism.
the author is unknown to me
A woman is a bullet with a displaced center of gravity
ty: hits right in the heart, hits the card-
manu and comes out sideways.
the author is unknown to me
There is no trick against scrap.
the author is unknown to me
Kissing a smoking girl -
- it's like licking an ashtray.
the author is unknown to me
Youth is a disadvantage
which is fastpasses.
the author is unknown to me
Every impromptu
must be well prepared.
Ilyasov E.B.
I'm already so old
that I have the right to memories.
Arzumanova A.A.
Without buzz there is no life.
Ilyasov E.B.
Man is such a thing
who always does the wrong thing
and not then.
Ilyasov E.B.
You need to hurry only in two cases:
when there is a fire and when they give money.
Ensign Vasyuta
A smart thought comes later.
Krasnova T.
Thoughts converge among fools
geniuses and lovers.
Ilyasov E.B.
Normal heroes always go around.
Barmaley
Man has three ages.
One is written in the passport,
the other - how much does he look like?
and the third - how much he feels.
Ilyasov E.B.
Finger ring - neck collar.
Pugach A.B.
Only a few words are offensive,
if you apologize in time.
Ilyasov E.B.
If you want to be happy -
- Be it.
Kozma Prutkov
Each cigarette suits your Future
little Chernobyl for children.Nikolay Kovalev
To be offended means to take revenge on yourself
for the mistakes of others.
the author is unknown to me
Can protect you from yourself
only vodka, woman or loop.
Ilyasov E.B.
There are two of us -
- me and my salary.
Sergeeva I.B.
You'll be chasing three hares -
- You’ll catch at least two.
Ilyasov E.B.
Where humor is not lost -
- nothing is lost there.
Sumerin
A Happy Marriage has six parts,
one of which is fate, and the other five
- trust.
HaBBard
From non-compliance with safety precautions
a person can not only die,
but also to be born.
K. Melikhan
If you joke with a smile,
then everyone laughs at the joke,
and if you joke with a serious look,
then only those laugh at a joke
who understood it.
Ilyasov E.B.
If the game is played without rules, -
- set your own rules.
the author is unknown to me
I can step on your throat when necessary
own song. But I don't intend to permanently
eagerly wipe your feet on it.
Ilyasov E.B.
Whoever remembers the old is out of sight.
And whoever forgets the old things will be out.
Catherine IIIf there are no difficulties, -
- we need to make them.
If you can't do it, -
- we should at least come up with them.
Ilyasov E.B.
Demand is not a sin.
Pushkin A.S.
Not a single good deed
does not go unpunished.
Pugach A.B.
Every joke has its share of a joke.
the author is unknown to me
A secret known to more than one -
- is no longer a secret.
the author is unknown to me
Better average intelligence
than higher education.
the author is unknown to me
Who will survive his own death,
Will live a long time.
folk sign
When your hands work,
Less headache.
Ilyasov E.B.
Shakespeare was wrong when he said that all
the world is a theater, and the people in it are actors. All
the world is a circus where everyone considers themselves
by the public, although in reality he is a clown.
Ilyasov E.B.
Never say never.
T. Anders
If the eyes are the mirror of the soul, then never
talk to children and friends in the dark
glasses
Ilyasov E.B.
Only a fool could think of moving
to move mountains - after all, no one pays for it.
Ilyasov E.B.
revivedead people - even though it’s a good thing
dear, but ungrateful: after that they have -
his character is spoiled.
Ilyasov E.B.
Pity is the man who today
cannot become smarter than yesterday.
Ilyasov E.B.
The Moor has done his job
the Moor can leave.
Othello
The mistress is the same wife,
only with a quality mark.
Kvasova E.
From the world by thread - to the naked noose.
Ilyasov E.B.
One born to do cannot give.
Kovalyonok Yu.H.
One mind is good, but three is better.
Zmey Gorynych
At least call yourself a pot, -
- Just don’t go into the oven.
Ilyasov E.B.
When writing letters, do not forget that they
will be included in the last volume of the complete collection
Your writings.
Ilyasov E.B.
Love ends when in love
in my person those little things begin to irritate
chi, which used to touch.
Ilyasov E.B.
There are so few holidays in life,
that it is sometimes worth arranging them yourself.
Elena
Epilogue:
Most of the smart thoughts here are mine.
But it's not my fault,
that my own thoughts
come to my mind more often than others.Ilyasov E.B.
* * *
About the author:
Last name, first name, patronymic: Ilyasov E. B.
Date and place of birth: wrong time and wrong
in that place.
Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.
Profession: White coat, guru, photographer.
Hobbies: see "Profession". And more children.
Marital status: hard to say.
Contact address: 412302, Balashov, st.
Krasina, 82.
_________________________________________
(c) Evgeny Borisov.
Stariya.
Koalo-Nskiy
epic
Saga of
temporary
driver
The stars in the sky are shining
The night is quiet and calm.
Koalas sleep on pillows
Everyone dreams as one.
Suddenly one koala flinched
He stirred and woke up.
Blinked, stretched
And again to Bokovaya.
But I couldn't sleep
Because a thought is an idea
Got inside with him
And it doesn’t give me peace.
Stings like a sharp splinter
Like a mosquito itching above your ear,
Everything moves the koala
He wants to get up on his feet.
The koala got up and went downstairs
And he walked forward through the forest
In the middle of the night in the dark
There is no sleep in either eye.
How long or how short did he walk?
How he walked - he himself doesn’t know.
But he found in the middle of the forest
Something very strange.
(That was “Record”, TV.
Old, lamp,waste.
Someone probably threw it away
Well, I forgot about that)
The koala began to figure it out
In the essence of this subject
He wants to find out
What, why and for what.
What is this detail for?
And where is the wire?
And why is the screw screwed in?
And in general, why is everything here?
His ears began to smoke
From zeal and effort.
Thought works like a tractor
He rushes forward without haste.
With your ears cold in a puddle
Right along with your head
Our koala has figured it out
In this device finally.
Once you understand the device,
He got to work.
We need to redo the thing
But as it is here, it won’t do.
The thought-idea triumphs:
The koala is covered in sweat again.
Resolders the lamps
He twists and turns the wires.
If only there was a scientist nearby
Physicist al electrical engineer,
B was surprised for a very long time
Mouth open wide.
Our koala is making a diagram
Straight against the laws
Lenz, Joule, Kirchhoff
And Einstein at the same time.
About the laws of those koalas
Ours has not even heard of,
And without hesitation the scheme
Sculpts as he himself intended.
Finally everything is ready.
Everything is as the koala needs.
Everything is in place, everything is fine,
So you can turn it on.
The koala clicked the switch.
There was a humming sound inside the thing.
The lamps burned brightly
The kinescope lit up.
Switching channels
Twist the setting also
Got immediately a koala
What he wanted so badly.
Look at the picture on the screen
Something is moving and dancing.
And in the dynamics there are sounds
It matches that picture exactly.
...physicist and electrical engineerI would have completely lost my jaw
Seeing a miracle before my eyes,
What did the koala do?
The TV works great
But there is no outlet nearby
Even dead batteries
You can't see it no matter where you look.
Physicist al electrical engineer
I would run away very quickly
And B came back faster
Bringing your colleagues.
There are pictures on the screen here
After all, it’s not like they’re there!
For science represent
Enormous interest...
Our koala is watching TV
He doesn't understand a damn thing.
All the pictures are for him
Sheer nonsense.
But those pictures are wonderful
They have their effect -
our koala feels,
That he is satisfied.
The TV suddenly crackled
Turned off the screen instantly
He spat a stream of smoke into the sky...
You know, it's completely broken.
Thought-idea, what I wanted
Got it from a koala
And immediately she flew away
Out of his head.
Our koala looked back
I was very surprised.
He's so far from home
Never left!
And even stranger
This thing is smoking.
He did something to her!
How could I?.. Wonderful things!!
But to break your head over this
He suddenly felt lazy.
And he went forward again
Straight to your home.
Before the light came the koala
To the native eucalyptus.
He climbed onto a branch and fell
Sleep on the pillow immediately.
The koala slept all day.
It's no joke - I didn't sleep all night
Yes, I'm tired too
From work that night.
And no one was surprised
That a koala snores in the middle of the day.
After all, koalas are lazy
They often sleep during the day.
And our koala woke upI remembered something very vaguely.
Did he have a dream or something?
But some kind of wonderful dream.
Koala wanted to tell
To everyone else about that wonderful dream,
But I became very lazy...
So no one found out.
__________________________________________
Menu of the restaurant "KRASNAYA BURDA"
COLD APPETIZERS
Assorted meats "Sapper's Mistake"
Assorted potatoes
Sleek cucumbers
Low-grade cucumbers
Pork salad
Winter salad under a fur coat
Elephant ear jellied meat
Jellied meat from two hands, Macedonian style
Fierce jellied meat
Peasant oil, knotty, strained
new
Squid Troopers
Cool egg, in a leather jacket
Kolbasa "Ostankinskaya" (525m)
Sausage "Plennaya" (Formerly "Language")
Beef noses
GorBushka (red bread)
SEASONINGS
Pine nuts, walnut style
Khmer-Sumerians
FIRST COURSES
Shchi nanai-da-opa (Nanai cuisine dish)
Consommé with mummitrolls
SECOND COURSES
Boiled roast
Handmade dumplings by sculptor Neiz-
famous
Dumplings in your own pot
Unknown roasted bird
"Come to me, Mukhtar!" (Korean dish)
Pork in our own barn
Gummi bears in their own juice
Kotlita in Kiev style with piv
Vera Pavlovna's fourth squash
Oatmeal "See-er"
DESSERT
Homemade bun (in tights and slippers)
Cupcake "Capital", 40 degreesCake Zhovto-Byskvytny
Cake "Congratulations on your fiftieth birthday"
the day of completion of advanced training courses -
tions of food processing workers
thinking, dear Mikhail Petrovich!
Jam as a process
Jelly "Am I a trembling creature, or do I have the right?"
Gingerbread keychain souvenir
Pancakes with a bar
Sugar gauze
Sugar lips with fudge
Horseradish-Brulée
DRINKS
Fruit drink "Garlic"
Compote of tendons
SNACKS
Champagne "AI-93"
Rice vodka (with sawdust porridge)
Beer "Armenianskoe", three stars
Moonshine "Formula 1"
Cocktail "Bloody Gelding"
TOBACCO
Smoking makhorka "Krupskaya"
_________________________________________
ALL ABOUT Woodpeckers
(ornithologist's notes)
The woodpecker is equipped with a beak. Woodpecker's beak
official If a woodpecker doesn’t hammer, then he
Bo is sleeping, or Bo is dead. Don't peck the woodpecker
maybe. Because the beak always outweighs
wat. When a woodpecker chimes, then in the forest
given. If it's loud, it means it's a woodpecker
good. If it’s not loud - bad, worthless
woodpecker
A woodpecker can jump from branch to branch
as deftly as a sailor from Bramsel on
Bowsprit. A skillfully abandoned woodpecker does not fly
less than 30 meters, stuck to the waist and vi-
sit for two hours. Woodpeckers always have an opinion
negative.
A strong woodpecker can hammer for two.
Giant woodpecker (in the wild)I don’t meet-
standing) can debt a small elephant.
Synchronized woodpeckers are found only in Avs-
tralias and work in pairs, links and
etc., up to the regiment. Birthday
fishing - Friday. The dose tolerated by a woodpecker is
250 decibels, or 40 roentgens, or 150
volts, or 4 kicks.
It is impossible to drown a woodpecker in a liter jar.
possible. Male woodpecker made of jelly
zocrete on a scale of 32:1 is the most
the best monument to my father-in-law. 200 woodpeckers,
glued end-to-end in the form of a continuous panel,
present a luxurious spectacle.
The Spanish temple woodpecker is
the only chewing bird in the world, and his
the female, according to legend, is capable of tall
three-quarters of the way out of the hollow.
A live woodpecker is different from an ordinary one
temperature and performance. Under-
terrestrial woodpeckers hammer in complete darkness, with
eyes closed, from memory. Their ancestors
There were dead woodpeckers that fell into the well.
There is no separate species of Raging Woodpeckers
exists, but the number of them in any
Population fight - 77%. Pink singing guy
bodies, like its dancing variety,
occurs mainly in the form of hallucin-
tions.
Almost all urban woodpeckers are disposable
tall, with 9x12 plastic beaks and adjustable
fixed wing geometry. Industrial
the pneumatic woodpecker still causes
controversy among ornithologists. In particular,
questionedhis ability to
reproduction, although in Kuzbass it is so
called Woodpeckers sit in huge
quantities on all trees.
The main food of woodpeckers of all species is
there is a piece of wood soaked with drool
Nina. Cases of attacks by woodpeckers have also been described.
fishing with bags of sugar and fruit pie
gi. Woodpeckers usually communicate with each other
howling. Cases of conflicts between woodpeckers and people
rare, but in the Volga region one should be wary -
Xia crowned woodpecker, whose victims
become elderly people who neglect
Panama hat. The flight speed of such a woodpecker is
340 m per second, it is aimed at the sun
ny Blik, is not afraid of screams and is always happy
will see the matter through to the end. Complete opposite
to him - Serene downy woodpecker,
living, as a rule, in thickets of lilies of the valley
and nezabudok. He is, in essence, not
like a bird, because it spends its entire life sitting,
because of which his wings grew together, forming
coat, and the beak has only the lower half
guilt. Lives on alms.
There is no pronounced hierarchy among woodpeckers
observed, although a large woodpecker can easily
can gouge a small one. In case of external
threats to the woodpecker colony have not yet been studied
SETS OUT AS A BOSS
(usually a major) and defends himself under his leadership
leadership After repelling the threat
the woodpecker becomes a pelican and leaves the co-
loniya.
The period of full maturation of a woodpecker in an egg is
two weeks from the moment of impacthollow floor.
The little woodpecker sits quietly and eats everything,
what they serve him. The main mistake of woodpeckers is
intra-hollow overfeeding, due to which
Many people who were unable to get out are dying
young birds come out.
The tame woodpecker is an equally rare phenomenon
something, as well as a foot, because to tame
woodpecker can only be three now forgotten
in ancient words. The domesticated woodpecker
appears wrapped in a soft footcloth
teria and with careful handling do not spill -
is worried.
In ancient times in Rus', woodpeckers served in
princely baths with walking hangers for
Linen, crushed and pickled woodpeckers decorate
any feast, but rare in beauty
those two-headed woodpecker served as a prototype
our current coat of arms. And one last thing. If
at some carnival you will dress
woodpecker - fame, success and great success await you
good luck in love.
Recommended literature:
1. "Forest Commissioners". M. 1962.
2. "Our little nailer." Detgiz.
1956.
3. "Bird versus tank." Voenizdat.
1982.
Source: TV program "OrBita",
Saratov, 1999
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