▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▄ and
▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▀▄ M&G Corp.
▒▒░▓▓▓▒▒░ ▒▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▄
▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░▒▒░▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▄
▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒░▒▒░▓▓ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄
▒▒░ ▒▒▒░ ▓▓▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▄
▀▀▄ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░▓▓ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄
░ ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒░ ▓▓▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▄
░░░░░░ ▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░▓▓▓▓ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄
░░░░░░░░░ ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒░ ▒▒░▓▓▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ▀▀▄ ▒▒░ ▒▒░▓▒▒░▓▓ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░
░░░▓▓░░░░▓▓░░░░░░ ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▓▓▒▒░▓▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░
░░░▓▓ ░░░▓▓ ░░░░░░░░░░ ▀▀▄ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▓▒▒░▓▓▒▒░ ▒▒░
░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░░░░░▓▓▓▓░░░ ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░▓▓ ▒▒░
░░░░ ▓▓ ░░░░▓▓ ▓▓ ░░ N ▀▀▄ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▓▓▒▒░▓▓▓
░░░░░░░░░▓▓ ░░░░░ ▓▓ ░░ O ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░
░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▓▓ ░░ M FOR ▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓ ░░ E YOU. ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░20.09.96░░░░░░░░░░ ░░ R ▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
___ ________ ___
! ! / __ __
!_-_! /--- / /! ! // /
--- --- -- -- -- -- / /
Yes, yes, yes people, BUT what did I want to tell you? Who can guess
The prize for that is a floppy disk with BUBBLER! I'm waiting ..... .... ... .. . !!!
No one guessed right, but the disk will remain with me! So what are we
wanted to tell you? I remembered... NO WAY TO SPEAK!
Because at the moment it’s FRIDAY, and everything is SUPER cool
on - SATURDAY!
Hey, I’ll give you great FREE advice - ALL TOMORROW TO MAGIC SOFT
, he will definitely have something new and very interesting!
P.S. We have loaded you with something after all.
____ ____ ___ ___
!! //\ \ //
!! / //__\ \//
!! //----\ !!
!!__/ // \ !!
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
---ADVERTISING---
I sell and collect phones with caller ID to order!
Some characteristics of the standard configuration:
- phone case type TECHNICA P-2308 (PANASONIC family)
- extended keyboard (23 buttons)
- giant flat red indicator (90X20 mm)
- ELLIS type Caller ID circuitry (for micro-processors of the INTEL series)
- software version RUSS 22C+ (SUPER NEW)
Main service capabilities of Caller ID "RUS-22C+" (ELLIS):
- notebook for 100 numbers
- memory for storing information about callers per 100numbers
- memory of outgoing numbers for 100 numbers
- 10 universal alarm clocks with 20 different melodies
- number identification mode when dialing on a parallel phone
- ANTI-Caller ID mode
- warning mode about listening to conversations by strangers
persons
- remote control mode
- digital volume control
- call forwarding modes (by time and number)
nenta
- mixed request mode, which provides number identification
by 99.9%
- "line capture" mode - this mode captures (busy)
ie) telephone line for your conversation, as soon as the line
will be released
- auto search mode for phone numbers using 2 or more digits
- mode of blocking access to a long-distance line, using
lock-lock provided in the TECHNICA housing
At the request of the customer, the Caller ID configuration can additionally
included:
- speakerphone (SPEAKERPHONE) of two types: 3-5 m. / 5-8 m.
- voice fee (electronic answering machine) for 1 min. / 4 min.
- extended memory for 256 numbers
The phone I purchased comes with a 2 YEAR WARRANTY!!!
The cost of a standard telephone configuration with Caller ID is 225 tr.
Assembly time is 3-7 days.
I also carry out:
- repair of caller IDs of any type
- replacing software versions with the newest ones
- replacement of housings + installation of large indicators
- memory expansion up to 256 numbers
- installation of voice cards for 1 min. and 4 min.
- installationSPEAKERPHONa
Voice board (digital tape recorder) is an electronic auto-
a transponder designed to record the voice of callers.
QUALITY GUARANTEED!!!
Call: 496-61-59 (IGOR) 19:00-23:00
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
The professor asks the student:
- Where does the woman have appendicitis?
- As you enter, turn to the right!!!
- How so?! Or maybe to the left???
- And it depends on which side you enter from...
They are traveling, so there is a girl (D) with a double bass on the bus, next to him is a man
(M) in a blue shirt and with trays of eggs, plying around the bus
controller (K).
(K): You have to pay separately for the double bass!
(D): Yes, have a conscience, it doesn’t weigh anything!
(M): Leave the man alone, he is engaged in art, that she
it's in your throat...
(K): Prepare the money, I’ll go back - pay for the double bass!
(K) leaves, stop, (M) got out, another (M) came in, but very
similar to the first one, also in a blue shirt, but without trays,
sit in the first place.
(K): Pay for the double bass!
(D): Yes, have a conscience, it doesn’t weigh anything!
(M): Leave the man alone, he is engaged in art, that she
it's in your throat...
(K): And you (M) keep quiet, otherwise you will pay for the eggs!
(M): ???!!! For eggs? Are they bigger than my double bass?
War, that means 1943...
Village, the Germans (H) have caught a man (M), they say that means
to him:
H: - russish shweina!tell where the Russian partisan is -
you will get a cow, a pig, a kypa, not to say - shot!!
M: - Oh, why wake up...
Okay, adversaries, over there at the edge, behind that forest...
H: getting on motorcycles...
M: (walks along the village street)
- Neither those cows nor those pigs gave anything...
Wow, you bastards! - it’s quieter, looks back at the edge, where on the aspens
the partisans are swinging:
- Yes, and it’s somehow awkward in front of the guys...
One day Kolobok and Rubik's Cube meet on the road.
Rubik's cube says to Kolobok:
- Hello! I'm a Rubik's Cube!
To which Kolobok angrily replies:
- What a bastard, do you think I’m Sharik-X@#yarik?
Newspaper article:
...
At the meeting with voters, Boris Nikolaevich Yeltsin was cheerful and
even joked:
- “Well, will you replace me as president?”
“We’ll replace it,” voters joked in response.
...
NR asks his wife:
- Honey, you don’t know where the $50,000 that we
postponed for a summer trip?
- Honey, I completely forgot, I bought myself such a wonderful fur coat!
- No problem, dear!
HP calls the travel agency:
- It's me. Listen, sunshine - change our route. Yes. From Hawaiian
islands to the North Pole... I told you so! 2 star
tent with a view of the polar station. No deer needed...
During a botany lesson, the teacher asks the children who and what mushrooms
knows...
Helen: - Russula
Igor: - Gruzdi
Vovochka: Fucking
Teacher - Vovochka!!!! Where have you seen such mushrooms??!!!
Vovochka: - That’s just itYesterday my mother called my neighbor to pick it up!
says:
“Let’s go, Manya, go mushroom hunting, maybe we’ll find the fuck!”
Little girl in the store:
- Give me a chocolate figurine for a ruble, please.
Seller:
- Which one do you want: a boy or a girl?
- Of course, boy, there’s more chocolate there!
Advertisement in a Korean newspaper:
"...I'll buy a meatier dog..."
The doorbell rings.
-Who's there?
- Did you call the racketeers?
- No.
- For a false call you pay 5 million rubles.
It means (B)olly he comes to (C)rach
B - Doctor! My ass is not good.
Q - What's good about it?
Winnie the Pooh caught a goldfish. Rybina says to him:
“Come on,” he says, “make three wishes.”
He let her go. Vinny walks through the forest and sees an oak tree with a hollow in it.
Here Vinnie says:
- I want to go into the hollow.
Well, I ended up there, and bees were flying around, stinging. Then Vinny
again:
- Second wish: for all the bees to die!
Well, there are dead bees lying around. Vinnie sits and eats honey.
Then Piglet walks past and sees Winnie the Pooh sitting in a hollow tree.
(in a small voice)
- Oh, Vinny! And you eat honey there, right? And I want it too, can I come to you,
Vinnie?!
- Oh, Vinnie, where did I go? Where did I go?!
The hare and fox opened the store. They trade for a month with the fox
Everyone buys in great demand, but from the hare - not a damn thing. Then the hare comes
to the fox and asks:
“Fox,” he says, “why doesn’t anyone come to me, but to you?”
are they bursting?
Lisa says to him:
- Someone comes to me and asks, for example, apples.And I say:
- There are no apples, but there are pears and bananas. That's what you do.
The hare left happy. A turtle comes to his store and
asks:
“Hare,” he says, “do you have toilet paper?”
“No,” answers the happy hare, “but there is sandpaper and
confetti...
Vodka in a glass rpahehom sparkles,
Caresses the gaze and disturbs the womb.
But if vodka interferes with studying...
Well, what the hell, this kind of study!!!
We declared a battle against drunkenness
And in that desire we are united
We destroy alcohol
In all surrounding stores.
This is coming, which means the Ship of the Desert (that is, a camel), meets
turtle:
- Hey frying pan, is there ice here?
- You're out of your mind, it's 40 degrees hot.
- So why the hell did they sprinkle sand on everything?
Two bald Jews are walking. A bird shits on one of them's bald head
He erases the dirt, looks at it thoughtfully, and then
turns to the second Jew:
- Hey, Moishe, don’t you have a newspaper?
- Why do you need it, Abram? The ass has already flown away...
There is a face of the Caucasian nation standing near the monument to Pushkin, and
sentences:
"Wai dzhigit, wai well done,... Wai dzhigit, wai well done!...ect"
Pioneer goes through:
- “Uncle, but Pushkin was never a Georgian!!!”
- “Which Pushkin? Which Pushkin? It’s clearly written right there:
"LAWN POS'EYAH!"
A Georgian gets out of a broken car and says pensively:
- Wow, I bought a car, I bought a license, I didn’t buy a ride...
Vovochka asks dad:
- Why is grandma in the yard?running in zigzags?
- To whom is a grandmother, and to whom is a mother-in-law!!!
Better bring another clip!!!
A drunk man (M) comes home and thinks about what to do to
the wife (F) did not notice. Well, he sits down in a chair, opens a book and
pretends to read.
Then (F) comes into the room and says:
(F) - What are you doing?
(M) - Yes, I’m reading a book...
(F) - Idiot, close your suitcase and go to sleep!
The Americans decided to send a spy to Ukraine. Prepared and
They landed their spy somewhere in the forest. An American is coming
through the forest, he sees a hut standing, and a grandfather nearby.
Well, he approached his grandfather and asked:
- Can you show Grandpa how to get to the city?
- Ne! I won't show you, amepukahcka bastard!
- What kind of amepekahe am I, I’m my own lad!
- What kind of fellow are you, you big-lipped guy!!!
Guide in the museum:
- Please note, this is Pushkin’s skull when he was 10 years old.
- And this is Pushkin’s skull when he left the Lyceum.
- And this is Pushkin’s skull after the duel, see, there’s a hole in it?
A citizen standing next to the party intervenes:
- Is it possible for one person to have 3 (three) skulls?
Guide:
- You, comrade, are resting, so rest.
- Come on, comrades Chukchi, to the next room.
A Chukchi comes out of a disco and sings:
- Stop deer stop dogs its my life.
The kid (M) got ready to watch "Good night, kids."
Mother: - There will be no transmission today.
(M): - Why?
Mother: - Brezhnev died...
(M): - Who is this? Piggy or Stepashka?
Once Ilya Muromets was driving along the road,sees a stone with an inscription
standard:
“to the left - ... to the right - ... if you go straight, they will make you a pederast.
“This makes me a pederast,” thought I.M. and went straight.
I reached Baba Yaga's hut.
However, he was tired, and Baba Yaga said to him:
- “Well, feed you, take you to the bathhouse - that’s easy with us, only
I can put you to sleep in two places: in the hayloft or
with my daughter in bed"
Ilya thought - nooooo with Baba Yaga's daughter.... no way!!!
And he went to the hayloft.
The next morning he wakes up - and lo and behold, there is a beautiful woman in the yard...
indescribable..
"Where are you coming from, honey?" - asks Ilya.
- And I am the daughter of Baba Yaga, and who are you?
- “What about me? I? I'm pi&@%rrrrraaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On the street, a young man is trying to meet a girl.
She: Sorry, but my heart is already taken.
He: But I don’t aim that high.
-Have you recently returned from a trip to Italy?
- Yes, what are you interested in?
- Please tell me, does it really have the shape of a boot, like
on a geographical map?
A man got lost in the forest.
Night, cold. I came across some kind of cave.
Screams inside:
- Is there anyone here?
Echo in response:
- No one - no one - no one.....
I decided to stay. He lay down and covered himself with his jacket. In the morning he gets up, and his jacket
no.
- Eh, and I don’t like them!
Echo in response:
- What did you think!?
Celebration of the launch of the first satellite.
A girl comes up to Nikita Sergeevich and asks:
(D) - Dad told me that you launched not onlysatellite,
but also agriculture. Is this true?
(C) - Tell your dad that I’m planting more than just corn!
The dude smoked so well, he goes into a children's toy store.
Poke-poke, to the seller:
- Do you have anything cool?
- Yes, that’s what we got - a groovy little mouse.
- What's so cool about it?
- Well, you start him up and let him go, and he will run.
Living mice will see him, crawl out of their holes and run after him
And the clockwork mouse will run out onto the bridge and jump into the water.
Well, the mice follow him - and they will all drown!
-...Listen, don’t you have a groovy cop?
Lenin climbs onto the armored car and begins:
- Comrades! Great October...
The crowd chants:
Lennon! Lennon!
- No, comrade, I am Lenin, the leader of the working proletariat!
Crowd:
Lennon! Lennon!
- No, comrades, I am Lenin, I am the creator of the Communist Party!
Crowd:
Lennon! Lennon!
- And x$# with you, comrades... Yestuday!
Two Georgians are driving in a black Mercedes.
Both are in suits. And the heat is terrible, the sun is baking.
One Georgian says to another:
- Listen, Gogi, maybe we can open the window?
- No, no! Let them think that we have air conditioning.
Dad looks, Vovochka came so happy.
Once, twice...
P: Vovochka, why are you so happy?
Q: I won’t tell!
Dad decided to keep track of where Vovochka goes. Well, then I went for
him. Looks like Vovochka is going into the attic. And in the attic there is some
car. Vovochka pokes his nose in there, throws three kopecks and taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well, dad liked ithe waited for Vovochka to leave and
attic Well, I put it in, so let’s go through my pockets - no
3 kopecks. Okay, he thinks. Throws 5 kopecks...
A minute later, Vovochka hears a terrible scream from the attic. From there
Dad runs out, covered in blood.
P: F@#d, Vovochka, what the hell do you have there, I put it there
, 5 kop. I quit, she almost tore my f#$ off.
B: Dad, for 5 kopecks. She sharpens my pencils.
Taiga. The blizzard is angry. It's a plague. Three approaches the plague
teams of reindeer. A Chukchi approaches the plague and knocks.
- Is Stirlitz at home, though?
- No.
- But where is she?
- However, I went to the taiga to hunt. Shtrilitsa the great hunter
however.
- When he returns from hunting, let him immediately come to us at
The Gestapo will register its radio transmitter, however. Otherwise,
however, let's turn off the electricity, however.
- What is your mother's name?
- Don't know.
- Well, what does her dad call her?
- Come here.
At the school of diplomats they give homework after the lecture:
"The plane of one of the African countries was accidentally shot down by our
Air defense. 320 passengers and crew members were killed. Need to answer
the received note of protest.
The next day...
- Vovochka did the best homework.
Vovochka stand up.
- For content - 5, but your grammar still suffers.
It's time to know that words are not written x#@ on x@# and x@#
separately, and the words Smelly Black-Assed Monkey, when addressed
to the ambassador of a foreign state are written with a capital letter.
Bfor once a Georgian wandered into a museum, walks and walks, and comes
finally to Picasso. Well, I was stunned, naturally:
"Oh - says - Kykasso, Kykasso!!!!!!!!"
Then a pioneer rushes up to him and says reproachfully:
“Uncle Georgians, it’s correct not “Kikasso”, but “Picasso”!”
And the Georgian told him:
"Slushchay, boy, what's your name?"
- "Petya"
“So go ahead, Katya, get out of here...
"Oh, Kykasso, Kykasso!!!!"
A man stands near the monument to Pushkin and says:
- Kushkin!
A boy standing nearby interrupts him:
- Uncle, this is not Kushkin, but Pushkin.
- Boy, what's your name?
- Petya.
- So, Katya, get out of here.
The wife and husband are in bed, everything is fine with them, they did the job,
resting.
J. - Listen, if I die, you will sleep with another woman,
yes?
M. - Well, this... Well, understand, I’m a man, sometimes I need this...
And someone needs to help me with housework...
Well, in general, most likely I will...
J. - So what, will you give her my fur coat?
M. - Well, probably... You can’t sell her so easily - dear, but
then you'll still have to buy it for another...
J. - So will you give her my bras too?
M. - You're kidding, she has breasts twice the size of yours!
A man is walking along the road dragging a donkey behind him.
The donkey refuses to go. He sees a car service not far away
located, somehow got there.
The mechanic comes out and asks:
- How can I help?
Man to him:
- But the donkey is stubborn and doesn’t want to go.
The mechanic scratched his head and said:
- To the overpass!
ManOf course he was surprised, but he drained the donkey.
The locksmith, without hesitation, takes an adjustable wrench and gives
the donkey in the balls, was blown away by the wind, instantly disappeared behind
horizon.
The man is perplexed:
- How am I going to catch up with him now?
And he told him:
- On the platform!
A wife and her lover are doing what they're supposed to do...
The doorbell rang - my husband came. What to do?
Wife to lover:
"Jump out the window!"
And he jumped. I remembered that it was the ninth floor, but it was already late.
Flies.
- Why the hell did I even come to her...
- And why did I cheat on my wife...
- What a scoundrel I am, a bastard...
- I love my wife madly and will never cheat on her...
Falls into a snowdrift, remains alive.
He carefully shakes himself off, muttering:
“When I was flying, I said all sorts of nonsense and raved about something...”
One day a man came to a tavern.
Well, as usual, I took the extra. Went outside to pee and took off
pants and fell into a snowdrift. A Caucasian man is walking
nationality sees his bare ass sticking out of a snowdrift.
Well, of course he didn’t miss this opportunity. How he did everything
I put the trash bag next to it. He wakes up a little later and sees a thrasher
lying next to him, he was delighted and ran back to the tavern.
He flies up to the counter and says to the barmaid:
- Man, give me some red water.
He goes outside again to pee, takes off his pants and falls into a snowdrift.
Lo and behold, the same man comes back, and there’s an acquaintance already there
butt sticks out. I was probably happy about this too
turned up. I reached into my pocket, and there onlyquarter, again
I put it next to it. He wakes up and looks at the quarter and lies there
I was more delighted to fly headlong.
The barmaid asks him:
- What's red again?
- Yes, no Man to cognac, otherwise your little red one gave me
my butt hurt.
The British send a spy under the guise of a student - for naturalization
A week later he is sent back.
- How so?
- Yes, so: everyone sleeps during lectures, I write - they exposed me.
They send the next one with the appropriate instructions.
They will send it out in a month.
- How so?
- Yes, so: during lectures everyone sleeps - and I sleep, in the dorm everyone drinks -
I don't drink.
Exposed.
The third lasted six months.
- How are you?
- Yes, like this: everyone sleeps - and I sleep, everyone drinks - and I drink, the whole session p
they gave it, but I failed English.
The flight attendant enters the aircraft cabin:
Dear passengers, look to the right - the right engine is not
works, look to the left - the left engine does not work.
Now look down - this is the crew wishing you a pleasant
flight.
Revolutionary sailor Zheleznyak speaks on the phone:
- Hello, this is Aurora, is there any beer?
- No.
- Where is it?
- In Smolny.
- Hello, this is Smolny, is there beer?
- No.
- Where is it?
- In Winter.
- Urrrraaaa!!!
There is an exam in progress.
Everyone is sitting, everyone is standing.
Then the door opens and a drunk student stumbles in:
- Eek! Professor, are you taking an exam from a drunk student?
The professor thinks:
“What a good student, he’s drunk as hell, but he came for the exam,”
andsays:
- I'll accept it!
Here the student turns 180 and yells at the door:
- Guys! Bring in the drunk student!
███████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████
Editor-in-Chief: Mr.ZERO, Ilya, t. 499-3117
Technical editor: M&G Corp., Igor, t. 496-6159
███████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████
Share your thoughts about the article