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▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
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▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▀▄ M&G Corp.
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▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
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░░░░░░░░░▓▓ ░▓▓ ░░░▓▓ ░░ O ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░
░░░░░░░░░░ ░▓▓ ░░░▓▓ ░░ M FOR ▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░░ E YOU. ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░13.09.96░░░░ ░░ R ▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
___ ________ ___
! ! / __ __
!_-_! /---//
! ! // /
--- --- ------ --- --- / /
I hope you weren't too scared? I decided to get a little creative!
And why, yes, because...... We are almost having a mini anniversary
We're great - keep it up guys! You can’t praise yourself, no one else
no praise! Yes, but the week turned out to be hot.
Sooooo much stuff!
What do you think I mean? Shall I answer?! About everything! NEW : --->>>>>>>>
1) Once again MAGIC SOFT pleases us with a new toy with a super-duper
graphics and music.
The game itself is on a whole disk and contains 80 (eighty) stages and
it's called DOBULE XINOX!!! Buy and enjoy!
2) What do you think could happen between CPS and PROFI CLUB!
I also used to think that there was nothing in common, but I was deeply mistaken.
Now the workers from these groups have united, not in general, but in
work. And now PROFI CLUB is the official DISTRIBUTOR
PROGs from CPS H.G.
PROFI CLUB is currently distributing a new game under
called BUBLER! 128 ONLY!!!
The game itself is all 3D-ACTION and contains 5 super cool stages.
I'm not even talking about INTRO and branded CHEAT MODEs (I did say that, after all).
Buy this game for interested users and
Regional dealers can be contacted by phone:
496-61-59 (Igor) M&G Corp
490-70-44 (Denis)STRYKER
or on Saturdays and Sundays at VALERY (Valerka) - when you go
to the market across the field. SO IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GAME!!!
3) News for RAVERs. An audio cassette appeared in Mitino
entitled "RUSSIAN SIZE and Professor Lebedinsky". So, there
recorded such MIX's as: La la fa, Blue frost, Sleep my boy -
little guy, It’s fun to walk through the open spaces together, etc. etc..
SUPRE MIX - IS A SUPER BEST REMIXS.
P.S. RAVER where are you and where are your articles and thoughts!!!!!
____ ____ ___ ___
!! //\ \ //
!! / //__\ \//
!! //----\ !!
!!__/ // \ !!
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
---ADVERTISING---
I sell and collect phones with caller ID to order!
Some characteristics of the standard configuration:
- phone case type TECHNICA P-2308 (PANASONIC family)
- extended keyboard (23 buttons)
- giant flat red indicator (90X20 mm)
- ELLIS type Caller ID circuitry (for micro-processors of the INTEL series)
- software version RUSS 22C+ (SUPER NEW)
Main service capabilities of Caller ID "RUS-22C+" (ELLIS):
- notebook for 100 numbers
- memory for storing information about callers per 100
numbers
- memory of outgoing numbers for 100 numbers
- 10 universal alarm clocks with 20 different melodies
- modenumber identification when dialing on a parallel telephone
- ANTI-Caller ID mode
- warning mode about listening to conversations by strangers
persons
- remote control mode
- digital volume control
- call forwarding modes (by time and number)
nenta
- mixed request mode, which provides number identification
by 99.9%
- "line capture" mode - this mode captures (busy)
ie) telephone line for your conversation, as soon as the line
will be released
- auto search mode for phone numbers using 2 or more digits
- mode of blocking access to a long-distance line, using
lock-lock provided in the TECHNICA housing
At the request of the customer, the Caller ID configuration can additionally
included:
- speakerphone (SPEAKERPHONE) of two types: 3-5 m. / 5-8 m.
- voice fee (electronic answering machine) for 1 min. / 4 min.
- extended memory for 256 numbers
The phone I purchased comes with a 2 YEAR WARRANTY!!!
The cost of a standard telephone configuration with Caller ID is 225 tr.
Assembly time is 3-7 days.
I also carry out:
- repair of caller IDs of any type
- replacing software versions with the newest ones
- replacement of housings + installation of large indicators
- memory expansion up to 256 numbers
- installation of voice cards for 1 min. and 4 min.
- installation of SPEAKERPHONa
Voice board (digital tape recorder) is an electronic auto-
transponder intended for voice recordingcallers.
QUALITY GUARANTEED!!!
Call: 496-61-59 (IGOR) 19:00-23:00
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
The drug addict got high and wandered into a phone booth,
dials the number: 2.....3....3.....3....2....2..2
- Hello
- Tell me, this is 2333222
- Yes
- Oh%#really!
The wife says to her husband:
- Do you know that our daughter-in-law is walking?
- That's her problem.
- But she is cheating on our son!
- That's his problem.
- But she’s cheating with you!
- These are my problems.
- What about me?
- And these are your problems!
After the wedding, the newlyweds hung a piggy bank over the bed and
agreed that every time after making love, the husband
will put 5 rubles there. When they finally opened it
piggy bank, my husband was very surprised:
- How can that be? I only put fives there, but here there are chervonets,
and quarters...
- Well, not all men are as greedy as you!
- Darling, why are you against our marriage?
Isn't my income enough for you?
“That’s enough for me, but on what means are you going to live?”
- What is this man doing under your bed? - asks the husband
wife.
- I don’t know what he’s doing under the bed, but if you saw what
he does it in bed!...
(M) - A man calls our office with a Caucasian accent
"Receive the fax." The fax fails once, twice, three times.
I'm tired of saying "send a fax through the FAXNet system."
And I have a fax, it’s eating!!! Panasonic,very good.
Question: - Will there be pork chops in 2000?
Answer: - Yes, it will be potatoes taken from pigs.
Village.
A guy came from the army.
He is asked:
- like in the army?
(p) - ah, stupid $#%zm.
- how's that?
(p) - I'll show you tomorrow.
Next day. 5:00 am. The whole village hears blows
bell
The whole village gathered.
(p) - my father and I are getting firewood, the rest are free.
The man sent his wife to rest, while he relaxes at home,
lies in bed and dozes, mother-in-law comes in with a broom,
he says to her:
- _MOM_, did you decide to clean up or _FLY_?
A dwarf (K) enters a crowded bus, there is a trash
blonde(B).
(K) - Hey, brown-haired girl, move a little!
(B) - Sorry, but I’m not brown-haired!
(K) - Well, yes, I can see better from below...
The Hare (Z) opened a company, and the Wolf (B) ran into him
(B) - So you will give me $100 a month, and if
no, then look.
Comes (Z) to the bear (M) and says:
“They say the wolf overpowered me and won’t let me pass.”
(M) - Don’t be afraid of the scythe, when he comes, ask him:
"Where's your hat?"
(Z) - There is nothing to do.
Here comes the wolf:
"Well, where is my money?"
(Z) - Where is your wolf hat?
(B) - What other hat?
A bear with a sewer hatch comes up from behind and hits the wolf with a turnip.
bang, bang...
(M) - And here is your hat!!!
Left (B) from the hospital, angry at the hare, the Hare went to (M) again, and Misha
and says to him:
"When he comes, ask him:
"Where is your watch?"
The wolf comes for money, and the hare comes to him:
Where are yourswatch ?
The wolf got scared, began to look around faster, saw empty
around, and says (in a relieved way):
- Here's my watch.
A bear approaches, again with a hatch:
(M) - And here is your hat!!!
That means one guy (P) is undergoing a medical examination
Doctor(D) tells him:
(D) - Everything is fine with the heart, bring urine tests tomorrow,
sperm and feces.
(P) - Doctor, I don’t have time tomorrow, maybe I’m just panties to you
I'll leave it!???
A new Russian is driving a COOL car.
Stops at an intersection, and behind him is a #$@%$ constipation
crashes and is not bad.
Coming out of the car:
- Listen, if I weren’t there, how would you slow down?
A Chukchi and a Russian are sitting in a cinema and arguing:
R - I bet this woman will throw herself out of the window.
Ch - No, it won’t throw away.
The woman threw herself out, the Chukchi lost his bet.
R - Okay, that doesn't count, I've already seen this movie.
C - Me too, but I didn’t think she was such a fool that she would second
throw away once.
Two idiots in a mental hospital.
One hammers a nail into the wall with a head.
The second one tells him:
- Are you crazy, this is a nail from the opposite wall!
A woman (B) is walking down the street with a large bag on her back.
- Grandma, why are you carrying such a big bag????
B - So, soon the commies will come to power - again nothing in
there will be no stores! So I'm stocking up.
- Who will you vote for then?
B - So for them, dear ones!!!!!
A woman (B) stands near a commercial stall and asks for alms.
- Granny, aren’t you tired of standing here????
-So, soon Yeltsin will be re-elected for a new term, then I won’t -
I'll play in the box.
- Who will you vote for then?
- So for him, dear, such an impressive man!!!
At school the teacher says to the children:
Tomorrow is our day dedicated to VOSR
(Great October Socialist Revolution).
Therefore, who has grandparents who can tell
bring something.
Mashenka: My grandfather Winter took it.
Sashenka: And my grandmother fought with Chapaev.
Vovochka: And my grandfather with Vladimir Kuzmich Levin himself
talked!
Well, the next day Vovochkin’s grandfather says:
- As I remember now, I’m standing at my post at Smolny.
Winter, cold. So I’m standing there, trembling, and suddenly I see some guy
goes and drinks vodka.
Well, I found out that it was Levin and said:
"Vladimir Kuzmich, let me take a sip."
And he told me:
"Fuck you!"
And the eyes are so kind...
The young woman (F) decided to go to church to forgive her sins,
repent. She comes, and there is a line of people just like her.
There is nothing to do, I stood in line. Willy-nilly I had to
listen to what others say:
- Father, I cheated on my husband 2 times, I lied to him 10 times...
Pop (P):
- It’s bad, but what can I do? Light 2 candles and read the prayer 5 times.
- Father! I cheated on my husband 6 times, but that was 2 years ago, and now
hasn't changed yet. only a year ago I got the money from a friend
borrowed, and she left for the States forever...
P:
- I sinned. Well, hmm. put it. hmm. 3 candles and...hmmm...read the prayer 2 times.
...
It's our woman's turn.
F:
- Oh, Father, I confess, I cheated on my first husband 7 times... And on the second -
not once in the entire year of marriage. But the third one is a problem, I
She took a lover and cheated on her third husband with him 20 times...
But then we had 2 sons and a daughter, since then - I have never...
True, I also offended my mother yesterday.
...
He counted and counted P, rubbed his forehead, even wrote it down on a piece of paper.
Then he couldn’t stand it and said:
- Listen, you are... go and #$% somewhere else 2 more times, yes
Apologize to your mom, you sinner, I’ve been struggling with fractions since childhood
very bad!
City Bank. Quiet rustling of business papers. Working atmosphere.
Suddenly a man runs in dressed as an Indian with masochistic
inclinations.
Well, with pistols and other robber’s ammunition.
M: I’ll shoot everyone right now, money for a barrel!
Well, everyone is rushing to collect money.
Once, near one of the cashiers, the phone rings. She picks up the tube
A pleasant voice from there:
G: Hello, is this Citibank?
K: Yes....
G: Tell me, do you have any strangely dressed men there with pistols?
K: Yes....
G: You know, he's crazy, but he's almost not dangerous, he has
obsession with the game. You approach him from behind and say:
"Pooh!" so quiet...
as if there was such a quiet, quiet shot from a pistol....
K: Ok...
he approaches the bandit from behind and says "Pooh"
Bandit: Ah! falls as if he died...
Citibank manager:
- Everything is fine, gentlemen, our security system has worked.division,
the robber is neutralized, you can continue working.
, or some other way to hang noodles more beautifully
And then a voice:
AND THERE IT’S AS IF I WAS ALIVE!
- Hello ba... young lady! young lady! I'm smol... Smolny I tell you!
I? sailor Zheleznyak. no... well, young lady, give me Smolny.
Yes, Smolny is for me... well, in the end! sailor Zheleznyak.
Hello! Smolny? Smolny? Lenina for me.
Sailor Zheleznyak. Yes, the revolutionary sailor Zheleznyak.
I'm L-e-n-n-a. Yes. Lenin.
Hello? Lenin? Lenin? This is the revolutionary sailor Zheleznyak.
Hello Vladimir Ilyich.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FUCK X$#?
P.S. With our quality of telephone communication, this is not yet possible!!!
The Germans came to the village. There is no one.
They look, an old man is sitting on a bench.
- Great, grandfather.
- Great.
- What is your name, grandfather?
- Ivan.
- Here, Ivan, gingerbread. Can you show me where the partisans are hiding?
- I’ll show you, why not show me.
- What’s your last name, Ivan?
- Susanin.
- Give me the gingerbread. We'll find it ourselves.
Three soldiers are playing cards in the guardhouse.
An officer enters. They manage to hide the cards.
The officer asks:
- Did you play cards?
- No, Your Excellency.
- Who are you? - the officer asks the first soldier.
- Jew.
- Swear on the Torah.
- I swear I didn't play.
- Who are you? - asks the second soldier.
- Typkmeh.
- Swear on Kopahe.
- I swear I didn't play.
-Who are you? - asks the third.
- Russian.
- Swear on the Bible.
“Your Excellency,” says the Russian, “if they don’t
played then withWho could I play?
A traveler dying of thirst trudges through the desert.
Suddenly he sees a large vessel.
With a cry: “Water, water!!!” he rushes to the vessel.
A skeleton crawls out of the vessel and asks:
- Where?!
- I don’t like cats, they smell, they have fur...
- Well, you just don’t know how to cook them!
The patient turns to the dentist:
“I don’t even know what’s worse: giving birth or having a tooth pulled out?”
- Decide quickly, I need to know at what angle to stand
armchair
The visitor remarks to the waiter:
- The soup reminds me of a solution of washing powder.
- Strange, this is one of our signature dishes.
Excuse me, do you often drink a solution of washing powder?
The woman came to the doctor, he examined her and asked:
- Are you sweating under your arm?
- You know, I don’t sweat under Mishka, but under Grishka I sweat more.
The husband and wife were placed in different rooms in the sanatorium.
A week later the husband says to his wife:
- I can’t live without a woman anymore, let’s go and retire.
They found a secluded place. They had just gotten down to business when they
discovered by the administrator.
She announced:
- You will be fined. Man, you have 10 thousand, and you, woman,
50 thousand.
- Why is there such a difference? - the husband was indignant.
- I caught you, man, for the first time, and the woman - for the fifth time.
One boy wanted to become a woman so Tampax would help him
learn to swim.
Two vampires enter their vampire bar:
First: Bartender! A mug of blood of the 1st group!
Second: Bartender! A mug of blood of the 2nd group!
A third subject enters andasks for a glass of boiling water.
Well, the vampires think, this one is not ours, now we’ll kill him!
The third, taking out the used Tampax and putting it in a glass with
boiling water:
- I wanted to indulge in some tea!
June 17th 7 a.m. Korzhakov wakes up Yeltsin
- Boris Nikolaevich, I have two news, one good,
the other is bad.
- Give me the bad one!
- Zyuganov received 54% of the votes.
- ???!! What about the good one?
- AND YOU 75%, Boris Ikolaevich!
Petka caught Chapai from the river and pumped it out, but the water came out of him
it just lashes, it lashes...
Kotovsky drives up and says:
- At least get his ass out of the water, otherwise the whole Urals will
(that’s what the river is called) pump it!!!
So HP and the programmer(P) are on the bus. They are in a hurry.
Suddenly the bus breaks down.
The driver comes out and calms down:
- Guys, calm down. I'll try to fix it myself in 30
We'll go for a minute.
(HP) - What a half hour there!!! Now I will call on my c.t.,
The technician will arrive and everything will be fixed quickly. 10 minutes - maximum.
(P) - I know the fastest and most accurate way to repair it.
Let's log out and re-enter.
Two flies enter a restaurant.
The first one asks for the signature dish (g#$but):
- I would like a large portion, please, with pepper, garlic and onions!
Second:
- Same for me, but without garlic. I'm going on a date to kiss
I will...
- What can you take off a naked woman?
- Only a naked man.
- What can you take off a naked man?
- Naked Georgian.
- What can you take off a naked Georgian?
- One and a half kilograms of wool.A man is walking with flowers. He sees that there is also a man with a
flowers.
Well, he begins to think:
“With flowers means to my mistress. I’m also going to my mistress, that means
he is to my wife. My wife has two lovers - Petya and Vasya.
Vasya is working today, so it’s Petya.”
And says:
- Hello Petya!
- How do you know me?!
Piglet (P) and Winnie the Pooh (V) are walking through the forest and suddenly they see a barrel
honey
B: Pyatak, let’s quickly go home and get some spoons, while I’ll keep watch.
Well, Piglet ran for spoons, came running an hour later and saw
an empty barrel and next to Vinny on the grass.
P: Vinnie, Vinnie, where is the honey???
Q: Go away, you pig, don’t you see that I’m feeling bad?
A woman can forgive a man
even if he is in no way in front of her
not guilty.
Tell me who your wife is, and I will tell her
I sympathize with your souls.
Logic can be dialectical,
mathematical or formal.
Everything else is women's logic.
If there are housewives,
does that mean there must be wild ones somewhere?
Give a woman a million red roses,
and she will say that one is enough for her,
but white.
My husband is not at home until late in the evening.
The wife thinks:
“Well, probably again, the bastard will run out drunk.
The husband comes and brings flowers, champagne, chocolate, etc.
The wife is pleasantly surprised - second love!
They had dinner and went to bed.
Her husband pushes her in the side, saying come on.
She told him:
- Oh, Van, I can’t do it today!
Husband:
- What are you, stoned or something???
Vasily Ivanovich distributes salaries:
- Anka - 10 rubles
-Petka - 15 rubles
- Vasily Ivanovich - 50 rubles
- Total - 75 rubles
- Total, Total, where are you? Strangely I got the most
but didn't come.
Pink bald, good-natured doctor (D), smacking his lips contentedly,
Pehtrehobckue examines photographs of the patient sitting next to him
patient (P):
(D): Okay, very good.
(P): Doctor, what’s good?
(D): It’s good that I don’t have all this.
There are 30 (A) climbers in a chain, the last one is (D) oktop.
Suddenly the first one (A) is bitten by a snake, he says to the second one:
“I was bitten on the x#@ by a snake, ask the doctor - what should I do?”
The second asks the third, the third asks the fourth, ....,
ask y (D).
(D) - “We need to suck out the poison!”
Twenty-nine - “We need to suck out the poison!”
Twenty-eighth - “We need to suck out the poison!”
...
Third - “We need to suck out the poison!”
Second (to the first) - “The doctor said that you will die!”
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Editor-in-Chief: Mr.ZERO, Ilya, t. 499-3117
Technical editor: M&G Corp., Igor, t. 496-6159
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