Anigdot No. 39 - Ku-Ku jambo and the river will become the sea! Radio MAXIMUM!

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          Ku-Ku jambo and the river will become the sea! Radio MAXIMUM!
 This is me being stupid and this is how I say hello to you, nnnnooo RAVE IS BEST!!!
In the meantime I'm listeningMAXIMUM eeeeeeeee! Damn, I'm so lost with the music
who would know bbu boo boo uh . I'm in a good mood for some reason,
This means I have a lot of things to write and tell you. What is it about?
me huh? WWWWWWWWWooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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that's awesome. In short, buy it and get going. And at MAXIMUM
song GERL POWER from SANPO (I think I wrote it correctly)!!!
 UUUUUU, and what news I have is ahhhh, that is, a little rumor,
that the famous MARIA LOPEZ oopsss :) just MASHA - wants to leave
from our SUPER SPECCY! Got it!
 AAAAAAAAAAAA AND THERE IS HAPPINESS, IT CAN’T NOT EXIST!! MAXIMUM!!
    So, everyone will go to the market in MITINO tomorrow and watch the pogrom!!
                 BAY!! See you in a week!!
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A drunk man (M) goes home and goes into the house
The doorbell rings and the girl answers (D)
M - what are you doing in my apartment?
D - did you fall from the oak tree? this is my apartment
M - sorry, I must have made a mistake
and leaves, walks around this house, goes up to that floor, rings
D - why are you being hooligan? I'll call the police
M - I'm sorry, I left again
walks around the house, gets up again, rings again, again D
M - Why do you live everywhere, but I live nowhere?!!!

- Darling, have you noticed how our daughter’s belly has grown over the past few years?
lately? - the alarmed husband asks his wife.
- Yes, indeed, but how could this happen?
- It seems to me that in the evening, when we go to bed, she is quiet
gets up...
- And ???!!!
- And climbs into the refrigerator for a cake.

One man complains about his wife to a friend:
-As soon as I come home, she immediately: “Come on, breathe!”
- So you do as I do - breathe on her with all your might.
- And what about the wife?
- It's falling.

Vovochka is accepted into the pioneers.
- How do you study?
- On 4 and 5!!!
- Do you help the elders?
- But of course!
-Who do you live with?
Vovochka blushes:
- Yes, there, with one...

South Georgian Wine Shop.
A vacationer approaches.
- Is there any wine?
- What do you need?
- Agdam
- Yes. (pours wine from a single barrel into a bottle,
sticks a label, gives it away)
The next one comes up.
- Do you have any “Southern Night” port wine?
- Eat. (pours from the same barrel, sticks a label, gives it away)
One more.
- Is there any champagne?
- Eat. The labels are out. Pour?

Lecturer(L) gives a lecture at the institute.
The noise in the audience gradually increases.
To attract attention
L: To avoid getting pregnant you need to...
There is dead silence in the audience.
(L) reads the lecture further. There's noise again.
L: To avoid getting pregnant you need....
Silence again. Reads the lecture further. Again the noise, and again
L: To avoid getting pregnant you need to...
An impatient voice(G) from the audience
G: So what do you need?
L: Drink tomato juice!
G: Before that or after that?
L: Instead!

In the program, Aunt Valya asks why Piggy didn’t come today?
- And he’s at home with the pig.

The broadcast of good night kids has begun, Aunt Tanya (T) is sitting,
Filya (F) and Stepashka (S).
Here (T) asks:
- Where is our Khryushenka?
And then (C) answers (cutting lard into very small slices):
- And he won’t be there today, henow there won't be any more

Lenin died, but he is not taken to heaven or hell - he made a revolution.
He sits and cries. An old Jew passes by, well, he felt sorry
Ilyich - put in a bag, approaches the gates of heaven and asks:
- Are you with Ka'pl Ma'pkc?
They answer him:
- Yes, he was for the poor, with us.
Well, he throws the bag there:
- Well, then you’ll get percentages for Kapitalchik!

A man runs to the pharmacy:
- Are there any bananas?
Saleswoman:
- No - this is a pharmacy!
Half an hour passes, the same guy bursts into the pharmacy and
asks:
- Are there any bananas?
- No, there’s a pharmacy here!!!
The man leaves disappointed, but after a while
returns again, with his constant question:
- Are there any bananas?
- Damn, yes NO, NO, here is A-P-T-E-K-A, what are you, an idiot?
The man leaves...
Second saleswoman:
- Listen, he will completely finish us off before the evening, give him a
a sign on the door saying there are no bananas.
And so they did.
After some time, the man bursts in again:
- Are there any bananas?
- No, don’t you know how to read?
- So, they WERE?

The patient says to the doctor:
- (B) How much do I owe you for ear treatment?
- (B) Twenty dollars.
- (B) How much, how much? Seventy ?
Doctor loudly:
- (B) Yes, two hundred, two hundred.

A man says to a woman:
- Let me kiss your virgin breasts.
Woman throwing her breasts over her shoulder:
- Yes, kiss me, it’s a pity or something.

Winnipooh and Piglet are walking along the road:
- (B) Where are Piglet and I going, to the store, and for"bull"
- (P) “Bull” for you and “bull” for me?
- (B) Fuck you @# Piglet!

Two people are relaxing on the beach side by side: a bandit (from the new ones) and
businessman. They sunbathe in general.
Suddenly - a cloud.
The bandit was different: Well, there you go! Came to sunbathe... etc.
Businessman: Don’t worry so much - now the breeze will drive away the cloud
...
Bandit: Well man! I didn't pull your tongue!

Racket (R) decided to attack Kashpirovsky (K). They're coming
R - Hey, (K), are you making money??? Pay.
K - (So calmly) How fast?
R - $50,000
K - (Takes out packs of bucks) Here, calm down.
(R) leave, but return a day later and bring (K) 100,000
bucks.
R - (K) Sorry, for the money, just remove the installation, bro
he's going to shit himself.
K - Well hecp#$te
(R) are leaving...
They endured a week of suffering from constipation.
But something needs to be done. They are afraid to go to (K), so we went to Chumak (C).
R - For 200,000 bucks, just remove the installation (K).
Ch - (He conjured his hands) Done!!!
R - Is this for sure??
Ch - Don't freak out, guys!!!

The light of the party warmed our batteries
The warmth of heating water
And many individual Jews
They are dissatisfied all the time, like the Jews.
                    I. Guberman

NEP. Rabinovich was invited to the Cheka:
- We are building socialism, but we have money
difficulties, and we are counting on you,
Comrade Rabinovich. Surely you have it hidden
gold. Hand it over.
- I have to ask my wife.
The next day he was invited again:
- What did your wife say, Comrade Rabinovich?
- She said: “let it notare building. I don't have one either
money - that’s not how I build!”

- The only difference I have with the Bolsheviks is on
arpaphomy issue, says Rabinovich. - They
they want me to lie in the ground, and I want them
lay in the ground!

Rabinovich, passing along with the November
demonstration in front of the stands, raises his hand and
shouts:
- Fiery hello! Fiery hello!
- Rabinovich, since when did you treat them like this?
do you like? - asks someone walking nearby quietly
Abramovich.
- I can’t directly say: “so that you burn!”

Rabinovich saw a camel for the first time:
- Just think what they brought the horse to!

- Rabinovich, look how beautiful the sky is!
“Yes,” said Rabinovich, without raising his head, “
This is what they can do!

Rabinovich was expelled from the party for three
outrageous attack:
1) when the party bureau secretary came to see him at
office, portraits of Khrushchev and Brezhnev hung there.
- Why haven’t you taken down this fool yet?
- asked the secretary.
- Which one? - asked Rabinovich.
2) having seen the magnificent funeral of a member of the Politburo,
Rabinovich said:
- What a waste of funds! I'd like these
The Central Committee buried all the money!
3) the secretary asked Rabinovich why he didn’t
I was at the last party meeting.
- If only I knew that it was the last!

- Rabinovich, you joined the party!
Rabinovich looks at his soles with fear:
- Where?!

- There were pharaohs and Jews. The pharaohs are extinct
the Jews remained. There were inquisitors and Jews.
The inquisitors died out, the Jews remained. There were Nazis
andJews. The Nazis died out, the Jews remained. Now
there are communists and Jews...
- What do you want to say?
- Nothing! The Jews reached the finals!..

A (M) snake trudges past the Pukshkin monument at night
(P) and here (P) to him:
(P) - Hey man!
(M) - ?????
(P) - Hold my cane and hat, I’ll be a minute!
(M) - !!!!!
(P) - Well, I’m a famous poet, etc., well, do me a favor.
The man agreed, took the clothes and (P) left. (M) waited the night,
Pushkin is not there, and he went to the mentorship - they say, this and that, Pushkin...
And the cops are the curly ones with sideburns?
He will answer: - yes, he is the one
- And this one is sitting with us
- he caught pigeons here and S%AL on their heads!!!

- Young woman! Can I see you for a minute?
- Will you have time?
- How long have you been able to do it?
- Skillfully - for a long time!
- Yes, I somehow...
- Somehow my wife, and me properly!

It means a Georgian comes to the haberdashery for women's panties,
comes up to the saleswoman and says.
- Give women's panties the largest size.
The saleswoman pulls out size 60 panties and is so happy
says:
- Will you take it?
The Georgian, stretching his underpants in his hands, says blissfully:
- Nat, but who will take it, get the phone number!

A little boy is sitting in front of the door of the house.
A man comes up to him and asks:
- Is daddy home?
- Yes.
The man calls, but no one answers the phone.
Then he angrily says to the boy:
- You say that father is at home, then why doesn’t anyone open the door?
- I don’t know, we don’t live here.

Two acquaintances meet.
- How are you ?
- Yes, here it is.I was sick, probably caught a cold.
- Is it true ? I also just recently caught a cold, but quickly
cured.
- How did you manage to do this?
- You see, my wife gave me good sex, and it’s like a cold
removed by hand.
- Class! Listen, is she home now?

- Doctor! My son has scarlet fever! - the father complains to the family
doctor.
- Yes, I know, I examined him yesterday.
- Is scarlet fever not contagious?
- Contagious. But your son is already an adult and should understand that
this is quarantine.
- Unfortunately, doctor, it’s too late - he kissed our
a maid.
- So isolate her.
- It’s too late - I kissed her too.
- Then you need to quarantine too!
- It's late, doctor. I’ve already slept with my wife.
- ...
- Doctor, why are you silent?
- I think that a lot of things are already too late...

A little boy (Baby) is sitting in the sandbox. It's getting late
it's getting dark...
A cop (M) approaches him and says:
- Boy, it's late, go home...
And in response:
- Fuck you!
M: Boy, I didn’t hear, please repeat.
Baby: Fuck you!
M: Boy, what if you hit your butt with your palm?
Baby: What if you hit the f#$y with a spatula!?

Married couple at a doctor's appointment:
Wife(F): Doctor(D)! Help! My husband (M) and I have nothing
it works!
(D): Have you tried wearing a seductive transparent one?
underwear, caressing yourself in front of your partner, getting into provocative
poses?
(M): I tried it, it doesn’t help.

(F) - Oh, my sweetie!
(M) - Oh, you are my sweetie!
(F) - Oh, my cake!
(M) - Oh youmy little carpet!
(D) - You should get out of here, otherwise I have diabetes.

At the congress, during Stalin's speech, someone sneezes loudly in the hall.
Stalin: Who sneezed?
Silence. The first row was shot.
Stalin: Who sneezed?
Silence. The second row was shot.
Stalin: For the last time I ask who sneezed?
A thin voice from the audience: Me.
Stalin: Be healthy, comrade. I am strict but fair.

Stalin-Gorky: Vi, Alexey Maksimovich, wrote the book "Checkmate".
Write a book "Father".
Gorky: I’ll try, comrade Stalin.
Stalin: Try it. An attempt is not torture, really, Comrade Beria.

The patient is on the operating table, very worried.
In front of him is a bearded doctor, calming the patient:
- Darling, don't worry! Now there will be anesthesia, surgery,
and you will very soon open your eyes and see my beard...
The patient opens his eyes and actually sees a beard:
- Doctor! How's that?! How am I doing?!!
- I'm not a doctor. I am the Apostle Peter...

Pink bald, good-natured doctor (D), smacking his lips contentedly,
Pehtrehobckue examines photographs of the patient sitting next to him
patient (P):
(D) - Interesting, very interesting. Yes, yes, very interesting!
(P) - Doctor! What's interesting?
(D) - I wonder what the autopsy will show!

2 Georgians talking:
(1) - Gogi, why is your donkey pecking at my corn?
(2) - He doesn’t bite, he hits!
(3) - He sniffs seven hectares, right???

America. Imagine the queue at the counter (don't shout, there's
There are also queues - I saw it myself) in Russianstore.
And an old lady stands near the counter and makes purchases:
(B) - I would like 2 kg of bananas, please. OK?
(P)seller - Okay.
(B) - and two dozen eggs. OK?
(P) - Okay!
Here someone speaks from the queue:
- you all speak English and speak English...
(P) - Indeed. Let's speak Russian. Okay?
(B) - Okay....

A Georgian asks his Russian neighbor:
- Slyushchay, darling, where did you get so tanned?
- I was digging the garden on Sunday...
- Wah, darling, come and sunbathe with me tomorrow!...

The marriage of a girl with a young Jew...
The next morning, the mother asks her daughter if everything is okay...
The girl whispers embarrassedly: “You know, mom, of course I knew
that they are cut, but why so short!”

It means a Georgian comes to the haberdashery for a hat, approaches
to the saleswoman and says.
G: Please give me a piece of paper, it’s more beautiful.
Then the saleswoman runs away and brings several hats
and lets him look.
G: Having examined several hats, he says: “What is more beautiful?”
P: Maybe I can give you Popakha?
G: Stupid, you're on your own! @#$% knock, I need a sliver!!!

A man appears to be walking down the street, passing by a sandbox
and sees a girl sitting almost bald and on her head there is a beautiful
such a bow. He asks her, girl, what a beautiful girl
You have a bow, but how does it hold on to you?
D: [In a rough voice] JUST FINISHED, SO IT STANDS ON!!!

A bear (M) is walking through the forest, so sad, he almost cries.
A hare (B) runs towards him.
Z: Why are you sad?like, where are you going?
M: Yes, I’m going to the military registration and enlistment office, the summons has arrived.
Z: Don’t worry, go to the woodpecker, he’ll knock your teeth out,
They don’t take people like that into the army.
M and Z: Let's go to the woodpecker.
The next day the same picture. A hare is walking through the forest
meets a bear. That joyful, cheerful one and all that
is already returning from the military registration and enlistment office.
Z: Why the hell did they take the knocked out teeth into the army???
M: Yes nave plofkoftofie nafli!!!

One night a donkey walks through the cemetery (O) Eeyore - Eeyore who,
and suddenly he sees Winnie the Pooh standing on a freshly buried grave
and cries bitter tears, holding a shovel in his right hand, and
spade is in his blood...
O: Vinnie, Vinnie, why are you crying?
V: Yes, I buried Piglet.
A: Well, nothing can be done, let’s remember the snout together!
Why is there a shovel in your blood???
Q: Why does he keep getting out!

Somehow a misfortune happened - the Shuttle made an emergency landing
in Siberia. There was a problem during landing, I had to act pohabtam
eject. We landed.
Snow. FREEZING!!!! - 60 Celsius. They are walking, therefore, in spacesuits.
They are looking for the nearest housing. A day goes by, two days go by...
By the end of the second week they look - a light in the night!
They come - and it’s true, there is a shack. They come in and an old man is sitting on
ovens.
- Do you speak English?
- Yes, of course, but what's the point?

From a statement by the Soviet government:
Yesterday, in the area of the Amur River, the Chinese side shelled peacefully
Soviet tractor plowing the land. In response, the tractor made threerocket salvo and flew away.
The chairman of the state farm, Major General Ivanov, warns that in
If such incidents happen again, seeders will go into the field,
winnowers, threshers and a vertical take-off combine.

- Where do you work, Vasya?
- State Secret...
- How long do they even last?
- Yes, just tweet for a grenade...

It means that an old Muslim man (M) is walking along a mountain road,
and towards us is a neighbor (C) with his wife.
The wife is in front, the neighbor, naturally, is behind.
(M) - Vai, Akhmet, why are you breaking the laws?! After all, in the Koran
It is said that the wife should walk behind her husband...
(C) - When the Koran was written, there were no mines on the roads.
Fatima, go ahead!

- We stand with one foot in socialism, and with the other we have already stepped into
communism, says the lecturer. The old lady asks him:
- How long, my dear, do we have to stand like this?

Filming about the October Revolution is taking place in Leningrad near the Winter Palace.
The Bolsheviks are advancing, the cadets are firing back.
From the gawking crowd they shout:
- Dear ones! Hold on until the last!

Vovochka comes from kindergarten in tears:
- The teacher always scares me: “He will eat the CPSU, he will eat the CPSU!”

After his death, Rabinovich was asked where he wanted to go: to heaven or to hell.
“Show me, and I’ll choose,” he asked.
They showed it to him. In paradise, the righteous sat at their desks, and the angels
read them editorials from newspapers. In hell they drank, played cards,
naked girls scurried about. Rabinovich chose hell, and then he
dragged onto a hot frying pan.
- How!? - he yelled. - YouBut they showed me something completely different!
- This is our propaganda point.

At the collective farm meeting in the anniversary year:
- Comrade Ivanova is awarded for excellent work in the field
a bag of grain!
(applause).
- Comrade Petrova is awarded for excellent work on the farm
a bag of potatoes!
(applause).
- For excellent public work, Comrade Sidorova is awarded
the complete works of Lenin!
(applause, laughter, exclamations: “That’s what she fucking needs!”)

An English lord is having breakfast. At this time on the street
An unimaginable noise is heard. The lord asks in surprise
servants:
- What's all that screaming on the street, Benjamin?
- Demonstration of prostitutes, sir.
- Well, what do they want?
- Salary increase, sir.
- Do they really get paid that little?
- I wouldn't say so, sir.
- Then why are they making so much noise?
Lady... sir...

It is told in a whisper): Little - little Mouse (M) walks along
path and drags behind him a small - small sleigh, and on
on these little - little sleighs there are three little -
small grains of wheat, and this small one - small
The mouse sings: (in a deep voice) “I WAS DRIVING HOME! I DRINKED$#$LA GRAIN”

A small, small Mouse walks along the edge of the abyss:
(in a thin voice) "pi-pi-pi (bass) OH BL# !!!"

They meet in a bar (V)olk and (Z)hayats, and the hare takes out 10 rubles,
and the wolf has 1 ruble chewed up, so the wolf asks:
(B) - Hey, oblique, how you ask your wife for money? I'm approaching
I ask my friend - he won’t!(Z) - How are you asking?
(B) - Well, drive away, I say, grandmas...
(Z) - Heh, and you come and say something kind:
"Darling, give me some money."
The wolf runs home joyfully, approaches his wife and says:
"Darling, give me some money."
And she told him:
 “Zayushka, I already gave you ten today...”

They put Russian (I)van and (D)john in the same hotel room
(the Russian spoke English, but the American did not)
Well, let's go to the bar in the evening. Ivan got drunk, and John spent the whole evening
sucked one glass sucked.
Well, it's morning. John rattles dumbbells, and Ivan has a headache...
Well, Ivan says:
(I) - John, go get some beer at the kiosk!
(D) - I’m doing exercises, but I can’t.
(I) - Well, you will go for a run and it will benefit me.
(D) - OK, but I don’t speak Russian...
(I) - Yes, I’ll write those 2 phrases in English letters, and you’ll be listed,
You will read the first one first, and then, after the answer, the second one.
(D) - Ok!
John approaches the kiosk, and there is an impudent (P) delivery woman:
(D) reading the first phrase) - Is there any drinking?
(P) - Nope.
(D) reading the second phrase) - Damn, I'm so za-al!

Once a simple (R)Russian tourist came to France and accidentally
ended up in a restaurant of dubious quality, where gays gathered,
lesbians, etc. (M)adam approaches him:
(M): What does Monsieur want, a girl??
(R): Nope
(M): Yeah, so Monsieur wants a boy??
(R): Nope
(M): Then what does Monsieur want??
(R): Fried chicken!!
(M): Oh-oh, monsieur is a subtle pervert

A soldier approaches the ensign
and asks:
- Comrade ensignCan I watch TV in the cockpit?
Ensign:
- You can.  Just don't turn it on.

Two professors are walking along the corridor of the institute and talking to each other.
Then a student runs behind a couple and accidentally hits one of the
them. The student, of course, is stopped. He starts shyly
make excuses and one of the professors says to him:
Young man, can you imagine that 2 scientists are coming now?
people, talk among themselves about the lofty matters of science, and be
maybe at this very moment the discovery of the century can be born, and you,
young man, they rudely prevented this!!!!
The student apologizes embarrassedly and leaves.
The professors continue:
- So, I throw her legs over my shoulders....

Doctor, I must be a lesbian!
- Doctor: Why is this????
- Yes, there are so many beautiful men around, but I don’t care about women
pulling!!!

Naval exercises are underway. A cruiser at a shooting range fires a salvo at a target.
Gunner: Flight 40 meters!
Captain: Small back 40 meters!!!

The Georgian came to the theater for the opera. The girl looks naked and runs.
Runs to the left - no man, runs to the right - no man. He ran away.
Vibezhal is a naked man. Run to the left - nat baba, run
to the right - net baba. He ran away.
Vibezhal on stage four naked women. Run to the right - no
man, run to the left - no man. He ran away.
Vibezhal on stage four naked man. Run to the right - no
Baba, run to the left - no Baba. He ran away.
Vibezhal on the naked baba stage. Vibezhal on stage nakedman.
Everyone shouts @bis, @bis, and guide @bis - no sofa.

A crowd of people is traveling on a bus. One guy moves down the aisle
and accidentally hits a woman.
He apologetically tells her this politely:
- Sorry, fish.
A stream of thoughts arises in a woman’s head:
"He called me a fish, a fish is a pike, a pike means with
with teeth, with teeth means a dog, dog means a bitch."
And she screamed at the whole bus:
 - Comrades! He called me a f***ing name!

A (M) snake is walking down the street at night. Reaches a crossroads and gets ready
turn to the right. Then a certain (P) passerby says to him:
(P) - don't go to the right!
(M) - why?
(P) - they will kill, rob...
(M) turns left.
(P) - don't go left!
(M) - why?
(P) - They will kill you, rob you...
(M) is going to go straight.
(P) - don't walk straight!
(M) - Why?!
(P) - They will kill you, rob you...
(M) - then what should I do?
(P) - So undress here....

Two friends (1) and (2) meet.
(1) I probably caught a cold: cough and runny nose
strong...
(2) Have you tried Efferalgan Upsa?
(1) At the dog??!! I don’t even take it from my husband!

The plane is almost landing, but the landing gear is not @#%, they are not releasing, flight attendant
preparing people for landing...
Stewardess(C):
- Dear gentlemen, we have a small problem!
People(H):
- Ah-Uh!
(C):
- Put your hand into the pocket on the seat in front, find in it
screwdriver, remove four bolts under your seat, remove
chair, put your feet through the hatch
- AND NOW LET'S RUNN BY FRIENDLYSTRIP!

- Can a woman get pregnant from valerian drops?
  - Maybe, if Valerian is no more than 60 years old.

- Where does the woman have appendicitis?
- As you enter, turn left.

- What can you take off a naked woman?
- Only a naked man.

- Where do women have the curliest hair?
- In Africa.

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Editor-in-Chief: Mr.ZERO, Ilya, t. 499-3117
Technical editor: M&G Corp., Igor, t. 496-6159

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