Mr.ZERO and M&G Corp. represent........
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▓ ▓▓ █ ▀▄▄▄▀ 02.02.96
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
┌┐ ┌┐ ┌────┐
││──┤│ └─┤├─┘
││──┤│ ┌─┤│─┐ BOYS AND G..... !!!!!!!!!
└┘ └┘ └────┘
As I wrote above, for those who are understanding, HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, well, we said hello to you. And why this I don’t know.
To the point, gentlemen.
But that is the case. As you remember, dear readers, we are a little
got lazy (yes, I already wrote this somewhere) and didn’t do it on time
as many as two (2) issues. But we are gradually getting tired of this activity.
What I mean by this is that we really don’t know whether we need
the work started 18 issues ago. Well, guess what we're up to
we tend toif not, we’ll explain: Write a text file with your
your opinion about our ANIGDOTs (you can also anonymously), and send it to
any of the BBS. Preferably on ALEX-BBS and STEVER on BBS. We are on
BBS'kah sit on Fri. and Sat..
Yes, then I'm all about sad things. Good news: next 2 issues
there will be big ones, these are the 19th and 20th issues.
I hesitated to type this text, because tomorrow I have to get up early and
go to Mitino, why figure it out yourself.
It's time to say goodbye and don't meet the ChAO!!!!!!!
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
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Cost - 200 tr. (at the MITINO radio market 250-300 tr.) Payment by
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----------------------------------------------------------------
Major (M) conducts an orientation lesson with a platoon of soldiers
on the ground.
M: Everyone look at the sky: here is the Bucket, and here is the North Star...
Private: Comrade Major, we can’t look at the sky: the hat is off-
delivers the catch!M: So.. PLATOON! Three steps back MARCH!
Lieutenant Rzhevsky was asked:
- Lieutenant, do you love children?
Yes. With pasta.
The (M) snake caught a golden (R) fish:
R (on the fly): Yes, man. Give me one quick wish and get out, eh
I’ve been caught for the third time today, and I can’t swim home.
M (taken aback by such impudence): Well, I don’t know... I... that...
think...
R: Quickly, man, quickly.
M: Well... this... at least make sure there is peace in Chechnya, otherwise it will be completely
It's not clear what's happening.
R: You know... I actually suck at geography... Do you at least
explain where it is.
The man begins to explain on his fingers.
R: No... it's long. Let's do something else.
M: Well... then make my wife a beauty!
R: Do you have a photograph with you?
M: Yes
R: Let me see.
The man takes out a photo.
R: (carefully studying the photo): So where are you talking, man?
is your Chechnya located?
Michael Gorby meets with people in Tallinn. Send a note:
"Mikhail Sergeevich, speak Estonian!" After a while
- again. he clears his throat and says: “They gave me two
notes asking to speak Estonian. If they send another one
, then soon all of Siberia will speak Estonian!”
As an experiment, the USSR decided to grant Estonia independent
bridge...
for 12 o'clock. That is starts at 6 am, finishes at 6 pm - and then...
commandant's zu
hour
At 7.00 Estonia declared war on Finland.
At 8.00 the Finns entered Tallinn.
At 9.00 Estonia signedagreement on complete and unconditional kanu-
tylations.
===============================================================================
Prison, cell, they bring in an old man. (H)prisoners ask: "Hey
What, grandfather, why were you imprisoned?"
(D)ed answers - Yes for the WEST.
(E) - How is it, show me, tell me.
(D) - No, guys, it’s better not to.
(Z) - Wow, Grandfather, it’s like we’re not sitting in the same cell, show me.
(D) - Yes, you won’t like it.
(Z) - Let's show it without talking.
(D) - Well, you asked for it yourself.
He took (D) a mug, poured into it, knocked on the door, a window opened
school, he threw the contents there.
(Z) - Oooh, grandfather, well done, he did a great job.
A choice swear word is heard behind the door. The door opens, a couple flies in
(M)ents with batons.
(M) - Well, that's it, fagots, everyone (peril has come, And you're a grandfather forever)
pohucb, move aside.
Once upon a time there lived (I)van the drug addict and (A)lenka the hemp. Once upon a time
grabbed (Z)mey Gorynich (A) and hid it with himself. (And) went ee cnaca-
t. He comes to (B)abe-Yaga.
(I) - Come on, old lady, tell me where (Z) hid (A).
(B) - I’ll tell you, honey, if you get me drunk.
Well, we drank 50, nothing. We drank 150, nothing. We drank
a liter, nothing. They poured 5 liters, (B) fell down dead,
I didn’t have time to say anything. He goes (And) further, he found (K) another bessme-
pthoro.
(I) - Come on (K), prick where (Z) is hiding (A).
(K) - I’ll tell you if you smoke me.
Well, they smoked a joint, nothing. Smoked 5 joints, nothing. Puff-
zeros at 20jambs, (K) fell dead, didn’t have time to say anything
at. He goes (I) further and sees a cave (Z). I went into it, and there (Z)
hides (A). (I) - So nepetak (Z), give it to me (A).
(Z) - I’ll give it back if you beat me.
Well, they injected the cube, nothing. They injected 10 cc, nothing. About
whether by liter, (3) at death.
(Z) - I have three rooms, in one there are drug addicts, in the other -
tutytku, and in the third...
He died (Z) before he could say that he was in the third room. Took (I) (A)
and they went to open the rooms. We opened the first one, and there the action
Really drug addicts, everyone got high, got high, got snorted. They come in
to the second room, and there are a lot of prostitutes there. What started there...
In short, everyone got laid, the company is already a big one, everything is fine. Here
(And) thinks, what could be in the third room? It's eating him up
curiosity. He went there and opened the door.
And from there the cops ran out and TIED EVERYONE!!!
A drug addict sits on the shore, completely stoned, fishing. Bam, go-
small goldfish.
(P) - Let me go, I will fulfill your three wishes.
(H) - I want a herd of mothers to run along the opposite bank -
ont.
It ran.
(H) - I want this herd to run back.
It ran.
(P) - Now the last wish, think carefully.
(H) - I want two herds to run along the opposite bank
mammoths
It ran.
(P) - Listen, (H), why did you need all this???
(H) - And I LOVE _cool_ parties!!!==================================================================================
Sitting in a train compartment (M)at with (C)yn (village), (F)woman and
girl.
(C) - Ma, I’ll go, nOccy.
Came out.
(F) - You’re a mother, and here is an unfamiliar girl, isn’t it a shame?
your son should put it that way.
(M) - Okay, okay, I'll talk to him.
Enter (C).
(M) - Listen, son, that girl is incredible, and you are a fool, nOccy.
- Hey, is this a laundry room?
- Dude, this is the Ministry of Culture!
- Hello, is this a bakery?
- no, it's creamy...
- I mean, where is the cream churned?
- no, I mean, where they dump the shit...
Winnie the Pooh is guarding his plantar.
He looks and Piglet comes up. He stopped and thought:
"Try - don't try, try - don't try..."
Tried:
"Tear - don't tear..."
Then Vinnie sneaks up and hits Piglet on the head with a club.
The hare, clutching his head: “Mow.
Vovochka (V) comes to school, with a black eye, on crutches
and a broken arm.
The teacher is shocked:
- Vovochka, what happened to you?
(B) says:
I'm sitting at home, there's nothing to do, Dad is playing pref with his friends, well
and I decided to take a walk, daddy allowed me, but until nine o’clock.
Well, I walked around a little, then went home afraid of being late, daddy
after all, I said before nine, I came home, I ran up to my dad and asked
what time is it, dad looks at his watch, says nine, second uncle
says whist, third pass...
Comes inA completely drunk milkmaid (D) is in the barn and is about to collect a cow
(K) milk - but he can’t.
D: B-b-urenuush-sh-ka, well, I’m sorry...
K: e! And don't persuade me! When you stop drinking, we’ll talk about it
, and now - move away!
D: w-b-urenushka!.. pz-sorry! Children ask for milk...
K: okay, OH FOR THE LAST TIME - hold on to your tits, right now
I'll jump!
Inspired by buying sausage in a store:
A man comes to the store (back in stagnant times), sees, bape-
This sausage costs 50 kopecks. He quickly bought 10 kg,
went home, gobbled it up. He eats, but the sausage is some kind of strange - he comes across
chips, broken chains. He goes to the store, to the seller:
- What kind of sausage do you have, with chips and chains!?
- What did you want, we will give you dogs from the kennel for 50 kopecks
kick out?
The narc walks and sees a boy sitting in the sandbox and crying.
- Boy, why are you crying?
- I lost my car.
- (taking out a syringe from his pocket) Don’t cry, you have a new machine!
- So it doesn’t have wheels!
- (filling out pills) Well, boy, you're ruining me...
But I remembered Carlson:
That means (K)arlson and (B)boy are lying in bed, resting after a hard
who act...
There's a doorbell.
(B) - Oh! This is probably my husband, hide quickly!
(K) - No big deal, I’ll jump out the window and fly away.
Well, that's what I did. A (M) guy comes in.
(M) - Yes. Who did you have here?!
(B) - No one.
(M) - Yes! Whose pants with the propeller are these?
A man walks along the rails, and a train whistles from behind him. Manwrapped-
I looked, looked and moved on. He was hit by a train. In three weeks
the man returned home from the hospital, sits in the kitchen, and his wife makes a kettle
I put it on the stove with a whistle and went out.
The kettle whistled, the wife came, and the husband took a stick and hit
teapot.
J.: - Are you crazy?
M.: - You need to crush them while they are small!
Clearly someone is sitting on the bomb and hitting it with a sledgehammer. Passes by
the man says:
-What are you doing!? She'll explode!!!
-Come on, I just have one!
Rzhev dance dance at a ball with a young GIRL. NEXT
day the girl's father asked him to tell him everything in detail, since he
(father) is worried about his daughter’s honor.
- Well, there’s nothing to worry about, I invited you to dance...
- Later?
- Well, then while dancing I told her about love...
- What next?
- And then I did what I always do - I stuck my hand
in her panties...
- So what?
- Well, have you ever hand-fed a hungry horse!
In the beautifully fragrant spring forest, on the green,
sunlit clearing, there is a magnificent white
piano. Behind it sits a beautiful girl in snow-white
dress and plays beautiful music...
An uncle approaches her and asks:
-Girl, what kind of beautiful music are you playing?
-YES SO!!! SHOPEA FUCK!!!
A hippie skating rink once moved.
An old lady walks by, sees a colorful rug lying there, and takes it
to my home, I put it in front of the door to wipe my feet.
After two and a half years, the granny decided towash... No sooner said than done: washed and hung
on the balcony to dry. Then the hippie caught a cold and died.
Petka Chapaya once asks:
- Vasily Ivanovich, what disease do you like?
- Scabies
- Why?
- I scratched myself and want more.
- Don’t you like it?
- Hemorrhoids. Neither to see for yourself, nor to show to people.
Two traffic cops are driving in a patrol car. One says to the other:
- Look at the roof, is the flashing light working?
He leaned out and shouted:
- It works: and now it doesn’t work. Works, doesn't work,
works....
Vasil Ivanovich (VI) and Petka (P) opened a store in which everything
yes. An eccentric comes and says:
-I want a couple of kilograms of crocodile tail!
(P) - Please. Take it.
The second one comes:
-And for me... a dozen platypus eggs!
(P) - Please. Take it and wrap it!
The third (3) comes:
-And I don’t give a fuck about four kilograms!!!
(P) - fuck your mother... - Vasil Ivanovich... (calls and speaks quietly)
here one came, whore, asking for 4 kilograms of “no fucking way”!
(VI) - Aaaand give it to me!
He took the eccentric, took him into the basement, turned off the light and said:
....-u, what do you see?
(3) - No fucking way...
(VI) - Here, take 4 kilograms and fuck off....
The following people crawled onto the island: a pilot, a flight engineer and a flight attendant.
A month later, the flight attendant said: “I can’t do this anymore” and died.
Another month later, the pilot said: “I can’t do this anymore” and buried
stewardess.
A month later, the flight engineer said: “I can’t do this anymore!”
and dug out the flight attendant.
(H)ark came to the (C)tomatologist and said:(H): Doctor... Pull out my tooth...
(C): Okay. Are you under local or general anesthesia?
(H): What, are you kidding me!? Generally speaking, of course!
And so 32 times...
A drunk man walks, looks at a puddle, and the moon is reflected in the puddle.
- Oh, now I’m going to ride on the moon. - He sat on it and sits.
A policeman is walking, sees a man and asks:
- Hey man, what are you doing here?
- I'm sitting on the moon.
- Well, sit, sit, now the lunar rover will come.
Once a guy got drunk on his payday, he got itchy and he got hooked
There's some chick in the pub. Yes, I’ve been denying it for a long time, but I can’t do this...
hour, I have such time now, but the guy doesn’t care about this matter
light bulbs - brought her to him...
In the morning he wakes up with a brick in his head and doesn’t remember anything. Twisting
With my head on the sides I caught a glimpse of my hands - and they were all covered in blood!
- Oh, damn it, the man started to remember, I’m the one from yesterday, probably
killed!
He walked up, staggering, to the mirror and looked at himself:
-Oh, damn it! Killed and ate!
Two Indians are sitting, talking, one says to the other:
- Listen, what beautiful names these white people have: Peter, Jim, Mike...
“Well,” says another, “the Indians also have beautiful names:
Steady Hand, Swift River, Hawkeye. So you're wrong
Rotten Tomato...
A little boy (MM) comes to the doctor (D) and complains:
MM: - Doctor, why don’t my fingers fit into my pockets?
D: - Bend them into a fist, and they will fit.
MM: - ??? How am I going to say hello to the boys?
The company sits and drinks. Througha couple of hours later we decided to go out onto the balcony
and have a smoke. They return to the room - a bottle of vodka from the table
disappeared. They started looking - it was nowhere to be found. Suddenly the clock opens,
the cuckoo melts and in a drunken voice
asks:
- Guys! In reality - how long?
- One o'clock in the morning...
- Well then, cuckoo.
A man was driving a car, and suddenly the tire got punctured. Looks - three
Narcs are sitting on a stump. He approaches them and says:
- Guys, do you have wheels? - they give him 2 tablets.
- No, guys, I need to get there...
- WELL, YOU ARE AN IMPRESSIVE UNCLE!!!
The narc fell from a 4th floor balcony onto the asphalt. A crowd has gathered - look
ryat. Another narc comes up, makes his way through the crowd and loudly
asks:
- What happened?
The first narc gets up, dusts himself off and says:
- I don’t know, I just came up...
Two Chukchi are riding in a tram. One approaches the conductor and says:
- Will I get to the station?
- Yes.
Second:
- And me?
Two narcs are riding on a tram. One approaches the conductor and says:
- Will I get to the station?
- Yes.
Second:
- And me?
Somehow two classmates meet (don’t think anything bad about-
one hundred studied at the institute together), having graduated from the institute for 5 years
back. One became a new Russian, all in Mercedes and etc., and
the second one works somewhere in a research institute, and hasn’t seen a salary for six months.
New Russian: Oh, Fedor, I can’t do this anymore - in the morning to New York,
at lunch to Amsterdam, in the evening to the Canaries... In the morning breakfast with business
partners, evening dinners with businesspartners, Believe,
Fyodor, I can’t look at the wine, I can’t touch the lobsters... Oh, Fyodor, ah
What am I doing all this to myself and to myself, how are you living?
Fedor: I haven’t eaten for three days already...
New R: Well, Fedya, you have to force yourself....
Two new Russians meet on Broadway.
One says: now I bought a tie for one and a half grand
Second: Well, you screwed up, there’s the same one around the corner for two and a half
(G)raf had a black thoroughbred stallion, and his neighbor, the marquise,
two thoroughbred mares: white and black. Well, they gathered together
tee. The marquise brought the mares, they were taken to the stallion's stable, and
The count sat the guest down to drink tea and ordered the smeller every half hour
report how things are going.
The count is sitting with the marquise, drinking tea, when the groom enters.
“How are things going there?” asks G.
(K) -Yes, your stallion fucks a black mare.
(G) -How dare you express yourself like that in front of a lady! Next time
don't say it, it's surprising.
(K) Leaves.
After half an hour:
(K) -Your stallion is still fucking the black mare...
(G) - You, yes I, if I do it again, I’ll fire you!!!! Speak don't give a fuck, but
surprises!!!
(K) leaves.
After half an hour:
The groom arrives.
(D), wanting to prevent another tactlessness:
Well, is the white mare already surprised?
(K) - Yes! Your stallion is still fucking black.....
- Hello boy, take the candy and take us to headquarters
Russians.
They go, they go, they go.
- Boy, what’s your name?
- Vanya Susanin.
- Hans, take the candy from him!
- Fuck you, boy!
Wewe'll find it ourselves.
A wolf, a hare, a fox, a bear, a hippopotamus and a monkey fell into one hole
They are sitting. My stomach is growling and I want to eat. Monkey says:
- Well, everyone is silent, right? Everyone is afraid to be the first to say, right? And I
I’ll say - you need to eat someone. Let's eat the long-eared one.
They ate a hare.
I still want to eat. But everyone is silent. Monkey again:
- Why are you all so full of water? Also, there were modest people!
But I have nothing to fear, I will say - the law of the jungle, someone needs
gobble it up! Let's eat the red one.
They ate the fox.
Not much meat either. I want to eat. Bear says:
- Let's eat the one who talks the most.
The monkey turns to the hippopotamus:
- Well, fat one, what's up?!
Petka approaches Chapaev:
- Vasily Ivanovich, and I’m Anku, then...
- Well, if it’s “too”, then get married!
- No, I just... ran her over with a tractor...
- Who is the omnipresent?
- A person suffering from urinary incontinence.
One high school student to another:
-You know, if you put on lipstick
the lips of a horse, this will probably be terrible!..
Three sisters, having gathered one evening, climbed up onto the sofa with their feet
and began to remember who and when experienced the most terrible feelings:
“For me,” says the older sister, “it was when I
gave birth to my first child...
“And for me,” says the middle one, “it happened during
first wedding night...
“And I,” says the unmarried woman, “experienced the most terrible impressions,
when our drunken nanny gave me an enema...
One girl all the timespoke mysteriously to one young man
person:
-Ugh! I'm bored with you! I want to sleep with you!
One friend to another:
-I think my boyfriend proposed to me yesterday. He said:
"It's time to end our friendship"!..
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HELLO:
Alex,Jam,VDV Corp.,Valery,BOS From LOSW,STS,409 Soft,PCI Soft,
STEVER,OLDMAN,Yurik,...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS:
IDEA by Mr.Zero & M&G Corp.
INTRO by Mr.Zero
EDIT by M&G Corp.
----------------------------------------------------------------
P.S. Gentlemen Sysop's kind request, help us spread
take ANIGDOT's.
MDM (095)496-6159
IGOR @ M&G Corp.msk.ru
MDM (095)499-3117
ILYA @ Mg.Zero.msk.ru
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