Handy Hints and Lifestyle Tips

                 Handy Hints and Lifestyle Tips                 
                               By                               
                   Psi-co of The United Minds                   
                                                                
Here are some handy hints that me and one of my friends thought 
up during a double English period and never got round to sending
into Viz. Err... and thats basically it !                       
                                                                
If your garden is bothered by unwanted pigeons, why not build an
electrified bird table.                                         
                                                                
Save money on prostitutes by shagging sheep.                    
                                                                
If you want to impress your friends when they come round. Put   
your toaster on its side under your TV and tell them it's a new,
expensive Japanese video.                                       
                                                                
Tease old men by tying plastic bags over their heads while they 
are asleep.                                                     
                                                                
Amuse your children by giving them a box of matches each and    
telling them to go and play beside a petrol station.            
                                                                
Save money on expensive stamps, when with a red felt tip and    
some time practicing you can forge any franking machine         
signature from the local business of your choice.               
                                                                
Amuse your children by teaching them an interesting game, where 
every time they see a Policeman they shout, "Pigs! Pigs! Kill   
the Bill!"                                                      
                                                                
Believe it or not you can't grow tobacco plants by sticking your
cigarette butts in your Mum's rose Bed. It's not clever and     
people just laugh at you.                                       
                                                                
Save money on expensive booze by drinking cold tea and when you 
wake up hit yourself in the head with a hammer and cut your feet
off so you fall over.                                           
                                                                
Get free meals by going to supermarkets and telling them you're 
an E.C. food inspector and need to test their produce.          
                                                                
Play a friendly joke on your friends by sticking strips of      
magnesium down their cigarettes.                                
                                                                
                 (Wha-Hey, That's The End, ED.)

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