Maximum #31 25 февраля 1997

Самиздат

solid jokes - A story about a woodpecker.

            SOLID FUN


 (C) Evgeny Shestakov (Tomsk)
 (R) KOLOVRAT


   Woodpecker is equipped with a beak. The beak of a woodpecker 
treasury. He hews. If a woodpecker is not hammer, then he is 
asleep or dead. Do not peck pecker can not. Because the beak is 
always outweigh. When woodpeckers hammer, then the forest is 
distributed. If loud - it means that the woodpecker is good. If 
quietly - bad, worthless woodpecker. 


   Woodpecker can jump from branch to branch as deftly as a 
sailor with bramselya on the bowsprit. Cleverly cast woodpecker 
flies at least 30 meter is stuck on a belt and hanging for two 
hours. The view from woodpeckers always negative.



   Strong woodpecker can peck for two. Giant woodpecker (in
nature is not found) can zadolbat a small elephant.


   Synchronous woodpeckers are found only in Australia and work 
in pairs, links, etc., up to a regiment. Birthday woodpeckers - 
Friday. Tolerated dose Woodpecker - 250 decibels, or 40 X-ray, 
or 150 volt, or 4 kicks. 


   In the liter jar woodpecker is impossible to drown. 
Woodpecker-male, made of reinforced concrete wide 32:1, is the 
best monument to the test. 200 woodpeckers, glued back to back 
in the form of solid panels, a luxurious sight. 


   Spanish temple is the only woodpecker in the world of chewing
bird, and his female, according to legend, can be put out of
hollow three-quarters.


   Living woodpecker differs from the usual temperature and 
efficiency. Underground woodpeckers hammering in the dark, with 
closed eyes, from memory. Their ancestors had fallen into a 
well padded woodpeckers.



   Particular type of rabid woodpecker does not exist, but the 
number of such in any population - 77%. Pink sings the 
woodpecker, as well as his dancing version, found mostly in 
places where alcoholics. 


   Almost all urban woodpeckers - disposable with plastic beaks 
9X12 and variable geometry wing. Industrial pneumatic 
woodpecker still causes controversy among ornithologists. In 
particular, it questioned his ability to reproduce, although in 
the Kuzbass so-called "breakers" woodpeckers sit in huge 
numbers on all the trees and even enjoy some civil rights, 
along with parrots. 


   The main food of woodpeckers of all kinds is soaked saliva
wood dolbanina. Also described cases of attacks on woodpeckers
bags of sugar and fruit pies. Each other woodpeckers, usually 
disdain. Conflicts of woodpeckers with people are rare, but in 
the Volga region to be feared temechkovogo woodpecker, whose 
victims are elderly people who neglect panamkoy. Speed Flight 
of the woodpecker - 340 meters per second, it suggests the 
solar flare, is not afraid of screaming and always carries it 
through. Complete opposite of him - a serene downy woodpecker 
lives, usually in the bushes and lilies of the valley 
nezabudok. He, in fact, not a bird, as spending their lives 
sitting, due to which its wings are fused, forming a coat, and 
the beak is only bottom half. Fed on alms.



   Pronounced hierarchy among the woodpeckers are not observed, 
although large woodpecker could easily izdolbit fine. In the 
case of external threat colony of woodpeckers unexplored until 
way distinguishes itself from the head (usually major) and 
defensive under his leadership. After the threat of such a 
woodpecker is pelican and leaves the colony. 


   Term maturity woodpecker in the egg - two weeks after
bumps on the floor hollows. Little woodpecker sitting quietly 
and eating things that it serves. The fundamental error of 
woodpeckers - vnutriduplovy overfeeding, because of which many 
are dying and have been unable to get out young birds.



   Hand woodpecker - a phenomenon as rare as the foot, because
that the woodpecker can tame only three now forgotten ancient
words. Home woodpecker kept wrapped in a soft portyanochnuyu
matter with care and treatment did not wake up.


   In recent times found dyaty - pro. Pneumatic variety is 
isklyuchitnlno two hundredth the size. Pneu do not fly because 
they crawl. Creep because he did not drown. Do not drown 
because float. Osnoscheny professionally nose with a rubber 
tip. Good for squeezing pimples on the left buttock. 


   In ancient times in Russia woodpeckers were walking in the 
princely baths hangers for clothes, crushed and fermented 
woodpeckers decorated with any meal, and a rare beauty 
bicapital woodpecker served prototype of our current coat of 
arms. And the last. If the kakomnibud carnival you will put 
Woodpecker - you are waiting for fame, success and great luck 
in love. 


   > Recommended Reading:


   1. "The Commissioners of the forest." M., 1962.

   2. "Our small nail." Detgiz, 1956.

   3. "Bird vs. tank." Military Publishing, 1982.

   4. "Goosey with his beak." M., Cunnilingus, 1994.