ZX Club #04 16 сентября 1997

Юмор

Enjoy - Jokes ...

   Crawling on the street hacker, in the ass drunk
and to meet him is sober.

   -Are you drunk, you're last
week coded?

   -I picked up the code!
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   A drug addict on the street goes over the rope
a pull. Cop jumps:

  - What are you pulling the rope?

  - A che, pered to me it is a push?
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   In the executioner Jubilee 1000-I penalty.

  He was up all night ax rules sharpened
its like a razor. And in the morning execution.

   Sentenced lozhit head on the block,
executioner drops the ax, sentenced
asks:

  - So what?

  - Everything!

  - And why I am feeling nothing?

  - And you nod your head!
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   Masha got lost in the woods, came
the house bears. Ate there, the chairs
sat down and chose a crib is smaller and
I went to bed.

   The bears came home. Bear - Daddy
says:

  - Someone was eating from my plate!

   Bear - Mom says:

  - And from my plate eating!

   Bear is:

  - And my porridge eaten whole!

   Bear - Daddy says:

  - Someone was sitting on my chair!

   Bear - Mom says:

  - And on my chair, then sat!

   Bear is:

  - But my chair someone had broken!

   They go into the bedroom.

   Bear - Dad:

  - Someone was lying on my bed!

   Bear - mom:

  - On my same-someone was lying!

   A Bear:

  - Well, it's too late, turn off

   the light and go to sleep!
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 - Previously, when I stepped
critical days, for me it was
problemma. Now I know that the real problem - is when the 
critical days are not coming.

__________________________________________


  - Every Eskimo life should
do 3 things:

  Build yaranga,

  See a tree,

  Wash son.
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   Vo Vietnam War. In the thickets
Vietnamese, by contrast, also in the bush -
Americans. From the "Vietnamese" bush
came the quiet:-semeni! Nesy syudy
kulemet! That shvydshe Well!

  Bob: - Joe! We blow away - here again
These Bandera ...
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   The guy sits in a wheelchair for a cab. -What song will 
intone, master? -Turns to him the driver.

 - Wait, my leg hit the wheel.
 - Nn-n-o, go! But g-and-a hit in
wheel! ...
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  Papa, what prosperity and crisis?
 -How would you explain my son ... Prosperity - it's champagne, 
a Mercedes, a beautiful woman, but a crisis - it's lemonade, 
Metro and your mom.

__________________________________________


   Poor relative long lives with relatives, and no plans to 
leave. The hostess politely suggests: "You did not miss wife? 
-As well, reminding me! I will give telegram today, let come!

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   The store owner looks like new
seller Moishe serves customers:
 -Once you take the hook, why would you
does not take a fishing line? -Give a pair of coils.
 "But the fishing line to need a new spinning!
 -Perhaps you're right!
 "And without nets you can not do!
 -Well, let us net.
 -And as you enter the water without wading
boots?
 -Okay, I am taking the boots! When a buyer, having paid leave, 
the owner contact the seller: "How did you manage

to persuade the buyer, who came for
Crochet ... "He did not come for a hook.
He thought that we had a pharmacy, and came
for tampons: his wife's menstrual period. But
I explained to him that a few days at home
do nothing, and advised me to go on
fishing.
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   A young man tells a pretty
co-worker:-Ilona! Today I dreamed that I kissed you!

  -So it was you?!
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   In the office of the secretary began
labor pains. Director sends
his deputy to take her to the hospital.

   Some time later the deputy calls for
phone: "She gave birth to twins! My
died, and your weight 3,600.
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   Visitor cafe waiter is:

   -Shocking! In my wine-glass floats
Fly!

   -Do not worry, she has not
drink!
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    In the vegetable shop:

   -Say you have tomatoes?

   -No!

   A strawberry?

   -No!

   -Maybe apples have?

   -Listen, we do shop, rather than
Reference Desk.
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   "Said the radio station" Lviv
Hvylya: focus on women and girls! In
Lviv on the street. Banking wanders particularly
dangerous sex maniac! ... Go
tram 1, 2, 9 to the stop "center
- Str. Doroshenko.
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   Two Englishmen are walking down the street, suddenly
see is a dead horse. One another
says:

  -Let 'brought it home to me and
put in the bathroom.

  "But why, sir?

  -And here we have her put themselves sit down to drink
coffee, and there will my servant, John. I
tell him: "John, do me a bath"
he will leave then will come and say: "But
there is a dead horse! "and I tell him:
 "I know John."

   They attributed this horse, sit, drink
Coffee is John.

  John, do me a bath.

   John takes a few minutes
returns:-Bath is ready, sir.

  "But there is a dead horse!

  "I know, sir.
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   Two crocodile obkurilis, climbed on
shore, they saw - a hedgehog running.

   -Hello, little bun!

   "I'm not the bun, I'm a hedgehog!

   -What do you whack, the bun is!

   -No, I whack, whack - that's a needle here
paws, tail here ...

   -Well, let's ask the owl
who you are, the bun or a hedgehog

   Obkurenaya owl on a branch. Crocodiles:

   -Here, the owl, have kolobok, said
that he was a hedgehog.

   Yes, I whack, whack, whack.

   Owl (slowly, with great effort):

   -So here you are, REINDEER!
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   Found the wolf and the hare bubble. Steel
decide who will get it. Wolf and
suggested: "Let's wrong. Someone who more
'll kick your teeth, that and the bottle. "Hare
agreed. Wolf asked him to start
first. Took a running hare, but ka-a-ak with
Throw sadanet wolf's jaw.

   -Feft (six), - "Wolf,
spitting out teeth. Hare took the wolf by the ears
yes it could give him in the teeth. I Hear a little
ears do not come off.

   -Fyfyre (four).

   -Ka-a-ak fyfyre ?!!!!!!!

   -And I just fyfyre!


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