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ZX Club #04
16 сентября 1997 |
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Enjoy - Jokes ...
Crawling on the street hacker, in the ass drunk
and to meet him is sober.
-Are you drunk, you're last
week coded?
-I picked up the code!
__________________________________________
A drug addict on the street goes over the rope
a pull. Cop jumps:
- What are you pulling the rope?
- A che, pered to me it is a push?
__________________________________________
In the executioner Jubilee 1000-I penalty.
He was up all night ax rules sharpened
its like a razor. And in the morning execution.
Sentenced lozhit head on the block,
executioner drops the ax, sentenced
asks:
- So what?
- Everything!
- And why I am feeling nothing?
- And you nod your head!
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Masha got lost in the woods, came
the house bears. Ate there, the chairs
sat down and chose a crib is smaller and
I went to bed.
The bears came home. Bear - Daddy
says:
- Someone was eating from my plate!
Bear - Mom says:
- And from my plate eating!
Bear is:
- And my porridge eaten whole!
Bear - Daddy says:
- Someone was sitting on my chair!
Bear - Mom says:
- And on my chair, then sat!
Bear is:
- But my chair someone had broken!
They go into the bedroom.
Bear - Dad:
- Someone was lying on my bed!
Bear - mom:
- On my same-someone was lying!
A Bear:
- Well, it's too late, turn off
the light and go to sleep!
__________________________________________
- Previously, when I stepped
critical days, for me it was
problemma. Now I know that the real problem - is when the
critical days are not coming.
__________________________________________
- Every Eskimo life should
do 3 things:
Build yaranga,
See a tree,
Wash son.
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Vo Vietnam War. In the thickets
Vietnamese, by contrast, also in the bush -
Americans. From the "Vietnamese" bush
came the quiet:-semeni! Nesy syudy
kulemet! That shvydshe Well!
Bob: - Joe! We blow away - here again
These Bandera ...
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The guy sits in a wheelchair for a cab. -What song will
intone, master? -Turns to him the driver.
- Wait, my leg hit the wheel.
- Nn-n-o, go! But g-and-a hit in
wheel! ...
__________________________________________
Papa, what prosperity and crisis?
-How would you explain my son ... Prosperity - it's champagne,
a Mercedes, a beautiful woman, but a crisis - it's lemonade,
Metro and your mom.
__________________________________________
Poor relative long lives with relatives, and no plans to
leave. The hostess politely suggests: "You did not miss wife?
-As well, reminding me! I will give telegram today, let come!
__________________________________________
The store owner looks like new
seller Moishe serves customers:
-Once you take the hook, why would you
does not take a fishing line? -Give a pair of coils.
"But the fishing line to need a new spinning!
-Perhaps you're right!
"And without nets you can not do!
-Well, let us net.
-And as you enter the water without wading
boots?
-Okay, I am taking the boots! When a buyer, having paid leave,
the owner contact the seller: "How did you manage
to persuade the buyer, who came for
Crochet ... "He did not come for a hook.
He thought that we had a pharmacy, and came
for tampons: his wife's menstrual period. But
I explained to him that a few days at home
do nothing, and advised me to go on
fishing.
__________________________________________
A young man tells a pretty
co-worker:-Ilona! Today I dreamed that I kissed you!
-So it was you?!
__________________________________________
In the office of the secretary began
labor pains. Director sends
his deputy to take her to the hospital.
Some time later the deputy calls for
phone: "She gave birth to twins! My
died, and your weight 3,600.
__________________________________________
Visitor cafe waiter is:
-Shocking! In my wine-glass floats
Fly!
-Do not worry, she has not
drink!
__________________________________________
In the vegetable shop:
-Say you have tomatoes?
-No!
A strawberry?
-No!
-Maybe apples have?
-Listen, we do shop, rather than
Reference Desk.
__________________________________________
"Said the radio station" Lviv
Hvylya: focus on women and girls! In
Lviv on the street. Banking wanders particularly
dangerous sex maniac! ... Go
tram 1, 2, 9 to the stop "center
- Str. Doroshenko.
__________________________________________
Two Englishmen are walking down the street, suddenly
see is a dead horse. One another
says:
-Let 'brought it home to me and
put in the bathroom.
"But why, sir?
-And here we have her put themselves sit down to drink
coffee, and there will my servant, John. I
tell him: "John, do me a bath"
he will leave then will come and say: "But
there is a dead horse! "and I tell him:
"I know John."
They attributed this horse, sit, drink
Coffee is John.
John, do me a bath.
John takes a few minutes
returns:-Bath is ready, sir.
"But there is a dead horse!
"I know, sir.
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Two crocodile obkurilis, climbed on
shore, they saw - a hedgehog running.
-Hello, little bun!
"I'm not the bun, I'm a hedgehog!
-What do you whack, the bun is!
-No, I whack, whack - that's a needle here
paws, tail here ...
-Well, let's ask the owl
who you are, the bun or a hedgehog
Obkurenaya owl on a branch. Crocodiles:
-Here, the owl, have kolobok, said
that he was a hedgehog.
Yes, I whack, whack, whack.
Owl (slowly, with great effort):
-So here you are, REINDEER!
__________________________________________
Found the wolf and the hare bubble. Steel
decide who will get it. Wolf and
suggested: "Let's wrong. Someone who more
'll kick your teeth, that and the bottle. "Hare
agreed. Wolf asked him to start
first. Took a running hare, but ka-a-ak with
Throw sadanet wolf's jaw.
-Feft (six), - "Wolf,
spitting out teeth. Hare took the wolf by the ears
yes it could give him in the teeth. I Hear a little
ears do not come off.
-Fyfyre (four).
-Ka-a-ak fyfyre ?!!!!!!!
-And I just fyfyre!
END
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