Sinclair Town #01 31 марта 1995

Юмор

Ha hacker - This section is intended for people with a sense of humor and abusing them. "100 anecdotes about the Chukchi."

            Ha-hacker



   This section is for
people have a sense of humor and
abusing them.

   As previously promised, we
continue today, "Chukotka
theme. "This is a collection of 100 jokes about Chukchi" 
Convert to IBM without any problems.



         WARNING:


   Papanui and Mamani! Some
stories have a strong
theme! Kids this concerns you too!

   We did not remove these jokes out of respect for the unknown
the author of this book.


   All enjoy reading ...



     SRT STORIES ABOUT Chukchi


       Moscow 1986-1989


    Necessary Foreword


     To encourage acceptance
collection of materials compiled by
requests all the time to remember that
offered anecdotes are not
in no way nationalistic / which once again underlines the 
epigraph. An anecdotal way of Chukchi is not, I hope, an insult 
to the representatives of the popular. 


    Chukchi is not a nationality,

    Chukchi is diagnosed.

1. / Memory K.. W. Chernenko /
Once Chukcha wanted to become Secretary General of the CPSU 
Central Committee. AND was.


2. Once Chukcha resulted in pogranchast Geologist and says:
"However, a spy caught." His
ask: "What makes you think,
that this person is a spy? "- So
but I go, I see: is this man and the rock hammer knocks. I ask: 
"Who are you?" A he: "The chief of the party." Chukchi not

fool Chukcha know who we
Chief of Party.

3. Once the Chukchi asked:
"The Chukchi, you want to become an Honorary Academician of the 
Academy of Sciences Soviet Union? "Chukcha thought and said:

"However, it is good for an even -
academician, on the odd - fish
catch

4. Once Chukcha brought Received his novel. Editor read it and 
said: "Do you realize obscenities ... You would read the 
classics. You read Turgenev? A Tolstoy? And Dostoevsky? .. "-

"But, no, Chukchi - not the reader, Chukchi - a writer."

5. Chukchi came home from Moscow and said: "The Chukchi in 
Moscow was Chukcha was clever, all

knows: It turns out that Karl Marx,
Friedrich Engels, not four, but two, and the glory of the 
Communist Party - no man. "/ version:

...- Not a Jew. "/ / Version:" ...
therefore, a sculptural group
"Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels"
rename to "Karl Marx
Friedrich Engels and his comrades ", and
of the same name a herd of deer
halved. "/

6. Once Russian Chukchi says: "Let's play: I'm guessing
riddle guessing - I'll
give the ruble, not - you tell me. "-" Come on. "game." One 
inside red, outside black, and brilliant. "-" Seal "-" None. "

- On-Leon? " - "None." - "Then
I do not know. "-" One gumshoe. "Chukcha puts the ruble." Two 
inside red, black and shiny from the outside. "-" Seal "-" No. 
"- "On-Leon?" - "None." - "Then do not

I know. "-" The two rubbers. "Ruble ...
... Night, sit Russian and Chukchi
play. "1689 in the red,
outside of black and shiny. "-
"Seal?" - "None." - "Deer?" -
"Nope." - "Then I do not know." -
"1689 galoshes" ...

7. Chukchi returned from the army, while
His wife - the child. "However, from a child: I'm not
was it? "-" So in fact you're a photo sent from the army, 
remember? " - "But, but then there I am before

Belt ...

8. Sit two Chukchi on the shores of the Arctic Ocean. One says:
"If you want, I'll political
anecdote to tell? "-" However,
No, but it still exiled Kuzia anything. "

9. Came the Chinese representative to the Chukchi: "To fight 
with you will. You how much? "-" Man

five hundred would be. And you? "-" One
billion. "-" Tut-tut, but
Where are you going to bury? "

10. Chukchi man tells his wife: "Do not
Do you know why they say about us,
that we are / knocks on wood /
? Wife: "Keep." Chukchi: "Sit down,
I myself open. "


11. Once Chukcha bought cabinet
internal mirror. Opens
his home: "My wife, look for me
brother's wife came to fit: "And
with some woman ... "

12. Chukchi speaks at s_ezde:
"Comrades!" Before the Great October Socialist Revolution, we, 
the Chukchi, undergoes two feelings: hunger and coldness. Now 
we are three feelings: hunger, feeling cold and feeling deep 
satisfaction 

13. Chukcha comes to Gosplan.
"However, 3000 bricks have." -
"Why?" - "The economic experiment." Dali. Comes Chukcha
a year later. "However, 3000 bricks have." - "Why?" - "The 
economic experiment." Dali. Chukcha comes a year later.

"However, 3000 bricks have." -
"Why?" - "The economic experiment." Dali, but decided to see 
what he does with bricks. Come see: he sits on the Chukchi

shore, throwing bricks into the water.
"What are you doing?" - "However, I think: why the bricks are 
square, and the marks on the water round? "


14. Once they put the Chukchi and
monkey on a desert island.
Come - in the Chukchi huge
ears, and a monkey bump on his forehead.
Repeated the experiment. Come
- Again the same thing. Again repeated the experiment and 
decided trace. Views: Chukcha bulge ear: "It's that noise?"

Monkey - knocking himself on the forehead -
"In the pre-pad!

15. Chuksky National Theatre
staged the play "Caesar and
Brutus "in the three offices. Act One. Comes into play
Big Chukcha, beats his fist into his chest: "I - Caesar curtain.
 ACT II. On the scene big Chukchi Chukchi smaller. Big: "I - 
Caesar Less: "I - Brutus curtain.

 ACT III. On the scene big Chukchi Chukchi Chukchi and a little 
smaller. Big: "I - Caesar Less:

"I - Little Brutus:" I -
Big Brutus: "And you - Brutus?"
Curtain.

16. Chukcha came to Moscow. Rides
in a taxi in the city. Suddenly, across the path - the old 
woman. Driver - the right and the old lady to the right, 
voditelvlevo and old left. Barely missed each other. Go

further. Chukchi said: "The Russian
Hunter - a bad hunter. If
Chukcha door would not open - left
to old

17. Chukchi warned that Moscow taxi drivers - crooks. Chukcha 
came to Moscow to ride the taxis. He driver says: "With

You have three - twenty-five. "Chukcha
thinks: "The Chukchi is not a fool, Chukchi
do not be fooled. "And the count down begins: once - 
twenty-five, two - Twenty-five, three - twenty-

five.

18. Once assembled in the Chukchi
Moscow. He said: "Bring
deficit. "-" And where is it? "-" A
as you see all - it means for
deficit. "And so Chukcha in Moscow. I caught a taxi and the 
driver says:" Carry a deficit. "- "In the GUM? In CUM? In 
Petrovsky Passage?" - "However, to turn longer. "The driver 
drove Chukchi to GUM. Went to the Red Chukcha

area, and saw all the Mausoleum and the taxi driver said: 
"However, I get up here, and you in the evening for

I stopped by. "night cabbie
came and asked: "Well?"
- "However, no luck: while up to
the counter has reached - the seller is dead. "

19. Ride in a taxi in the front seat beside the driver Chukchi
and in the background - Georgians. Driver
asks the Chukchi: "You are where?" A
Chukchi and can only in Russian
ask: "How Diehl?" - Kudakuda? " - "How Diehl? -" I do not 
understand "-" As Diehl? Driver turned to the Georgians: "What 
he says "-" Patamuchto


20. Once Chukchi Moscow taxi driver put forth a riddle: "Who's 
son my mother, but not my brother? "-

"However, I do not know." - "I myself
Chukcha returned home and tells a riddle: "Who is a son of my 
mother, but not my brother?" - "Do not know it. "-" Moscow taxi 
driver but



21. Chukchi got a new apartment and pokazyvet guests. First
room: "Here's my Tundra."
Second room: "Here I
tundra. "Cuisine:" Here I
tundra. "Toilet:" Here is my
tent. "He asked:" And where
You walk to the toilet? "-" In the tundra

22. Got an apartment and Chukchi
boasting to friends: "Flat
good, only a wash basin
strange: I press the handle, the water begins to flow, wash 
hands still have time, and brush your teeth -

no. "

23. Once Chukcha came into the store: "However much this 
accordion worth?" - "We do not sell the Chukchi accordion." 
Chukchi went dressed by Khokhlov. "Skilki

bude accordion worth? "-" We
Chukchi accordions do not sell. "Go on, disguised under a 
Georgian. "Pa-achem this accordion?" - "We

Chukchi accordions do not sell. "-
"And every time you learn
I - Chukchi "-" And only Chukcha can call an accordion battery 
Steam Heating. " 

24. Once Chukcha went to the store: "However, shampoo is?" -
"There is only" egg "-" But, sorry. I fly like a wash. "

25. Once Chukcha bought a refrigerator. He was asked: "The 
Chukchi, why do you refrigerator? "-" However, winter warm: 
winter on the street -40, and -4 in the refrigerator. " 

26. Once Chukcha came into the store: "But you have color TVs?" 
- "Yes" - "Then please give green."


27. Arrives at the camp in the Chukchi
corduroy jeans. He was asked: "Why do you corduroy
jeans? "-" But to each louse on his track was running. "

28. Chukchi sink and cried: "But the water I drink! However, a 
lot of drink! However, overnight stay here


29. Two Chukchi are suitable to the head of the train. First: 
"This the train will take me to Leningrad? "-" No. "Second:" 
And me? " 

30. Once the head vokzala
see: Chukcha suited to the wagon
trains and fights him on the head,
suited to the next - and the head comes to the third - and the 
head, etc.  Chief says: "The Chukchi,

You crazy? "-" However, no
Chukchi soft coach is looking for. "


31. Once Chukcha rode the train.
Arrives - all black and blue and
abrasions. "The Chukchi that with you?" -
"However, on the top shelf was traveling
all the way down fall. "-" So
What you have not changed so
who rode on the bottom shelf? "-
"However, the swap could not - there
There was no one. "

32. Once Chukcha approaches
Kassam-distance trains. "Tell me, and the train is 975
on Berkakit "-" No. "-" A
Train 1007 is on Berkakit? "-
"Nope." - "And the train goes to 911
Berkakit "-" No. "-" Where? "
- "On ...!! -" And this is through
Berkakit? "

33. Once Chukchi traveled in the same
coupe with a girl. Chukchi tucked in
teeth of plaque and
sits playing on it:
"Dzzinn! .. Dzzinn! .. Dzzinn! ..
 Maiden: "Come on. Chukcha postponed his musical instrument and 
looked out the window. After a while The girl came out, changed 
clothes, came back and sat down very seductively. Chukcha 
looked at her. Maid: "I want to?" - "I want to." - "Well

let's just quickly Chukcha
grabbed the plate of teeth: "Dinh
- Ding - Ding - Ding - Ding

34. Chukchi asked at the ticket office of Aeroflot: "Airplane 
to Chukotka how many flies? "-" Wait a minute ... "

- "Thanks."

35. Tolls Chukcha in the Politburo
CPSU. "Hello, I want to become a member of the Politburo. What 
to do need? "He answered:" Are you

an idiot? "-" And this is necessary? "

36. Once returned from the Chukchi
Moscow and says: "However,
Moscow saw. slogan "All in the name
man, all for the good of man "saw, and this man saw."

37. Chukcha runs down the street and shouted: "Freedom to 
Gorbachev! Freedom Gorbachev stop him." Chukcha you crazy? "- 
"However, just on the radio heard: "In conclusion, Michael

Gorbachev said ...

38. Chukchi man tells his wife: "The restructuring - is how we
in the taiga in the hurricane: the top of the noise
at the bottom of the darkness and cones are falling. "

39. At the request of his fellow Chukcha went to Moscow to find 
out when would be communism. Chukcha comes to the reception to 
Gorbachev and asks: "When will Communism? "-" Look at this: You 
see, there is my Volga, Volga Lukyanov, Volga Ligachev. Here

when will stand beside your
"Volga", then, consider, and will
Communism. "returned Chukchi
camp. "I learned?" - "I found out.'s
you see, are my boots, your boots and more boots. That's when 
the next will stand boots Gorbachev

Then, consider, and will be communism.

40. Two Chukchi are looking at the sky.
"However, the plane flies! Government -" However, it is 
unlikely: when the government was still

around motorcycles: "tr-rr-r."


41. One day, walking on the Chukchi
Red Square. Stopped
looks at the clock on the Spassky tower. Suited man. "Like it?"
- "I like" - "Would you?" - "I want" - "Let a thousand rubles, 
and Wait for me here, I'm the stairs

'll run. "He took money and fled.
A few hours later Chukcha realized that he had been deceived. 
Came home, all told. Came

his brother in Moscow. Stands on
Red Square, looking at his watch. Suited man. "Like it?"
- "I like" - "Would you?" - "I want" - "Let a thousand rubles, 
and Wait for me here, I'm the stairs

'll run. "-" Oh, no! Chukchi is not a fool! Wait for you me, 
I'll run over 

42. Won Chukcha "Volga" for a lottery ticket. Comes in and 
says: "Give me a red" Volga "." And to him: "Do you want a 
black 'green' blue? Yellow? A red we have not. "-" Ah, so - 
says Chukcha - then return to me my fifty cents. "


43. Once Chukcha bought "Volga"
and went to their camp to brag, but as a brake forgotten.
Circled, circled, and
smash into the stone. Machine - pieces himself - in
Hospital Opp. Returned through
while home from the hospital and said: "The doctors said
well, that there is no brain, but it would be a concussion. "

44. Once bought Chukcha
"Lada". Came to them to yourself
in the camp. Emptied the nation admires. One Chukcha rubbed 
lights. "However, what big eyes

Another pat on the roof. "However, what a strong third skin 
pulled over the exhaust pipe. "However, - male


45. Drove a car to travel Chukcha. All of his camp
farewell. After a while came a telegram: "Arrived fine, come 
back so and so." All camp poured to meet him. Waiting for the 
Chukchi - no him. Day of waiting, the two are waiting. Through

month visits. He is asked
Why this delay? "However,
there - three speeds, and vice versa -
one, get tired and my head backwards on the road to follow. "

46. Once Chukcha with his son hunting in the forest. See - the 
protein. Pff! "However, - skin." See -

elk. Pff! "However, - the meat." See - geologists. Pff! Pff! 
Pff! "However, - the matches."


47. Chukcha sits with his wife and daughter in the tent. Above 
chumom flies helicopter. Chukchi said: "Again

big machine flies again, bearded men come, fiery
drinking water will be beating me, / wife / beat you will
/ Daughter / you ..... will:

        EEKSPEEDIITSIYA

48. In the taiga froze Geologist. His
found Chukcha, brought to his home, fed, watered, with its
my wife laid to sleep. Geologist in a burst of gratitude, 
invited him to visit me in Moscow. And now

after a while gets
from the Chukchi telegram: "I'm going,
seen. "geologist thinks:" Well,
fed, satiated, but do not put the same
it with my wife ran to three
stations, found a "girl" and
persuaded her to have sex with ten of the Chukchi. A Chukchi 
said: "You're a good friend, so I

you with your everyday wife lay me? I'll lay me with his
front wife. "Chukcha returned
from Moscow, said: "A good city of Moscow" A good friend
Geologist! His wife had a grand
so good! - Still with
... drips

49. One geologist lost,
a few days on hunger strike, was overgrown and
frozen. Crawling and sees: sitting
Chukchi, and next - the mountain of fish.
"The Chukchi, give the fish - to die!" .. " -
"However, I can not - the boss must ask," - "And who
your boss? "-" I myself
Head - "Head, give
fish - however, take much
want

50. Once pregnant Chukcha comes to the doctor. "Doctor, stomach 
bloat," - "Yes you are pregnant - "However, there can be no - 
husband taiga, "-" And you, perhaps with

other men slept - "C
men - no, a geologist was asleep, so he's safe sex, "
- "What?" - "However, I rag
on the face throwing. "