Lime Tree #26 02 июля 1996

Юмор

solid jokes - Short Stories: A train, spittle, Umbrella.

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Well, hello it's me again (that is, ARGON), you'll remember me
wrote in this newspaper, and before (column "TREE NEWS"), but 
unexpectedly stop writing. I consider it my duty to explain the 
reasons for I have "stopped". Sitting and stuffing text into 
another WORD'e Field "TREE NEWS", I was sad about the fact that 
I nebylo AY-processor. Suddenly sleduyushy day I got

the opportunity to voice your laptop, and I gave the dear sake 
AY'shki SPECCY for repairs there is no one to someone 
Bondarenko cool razbirayuschemosya in iron SPECCY. Bothering to 
one a night and tore from me, not a small amount of attendants, 
he gave me last time my GRM-1. Joy nebylo my end, but as it 
turned out I was glad did not last long. Just going to write 
again in the LIME TREE (glav. ed. Was 583-Soft), but the 
beginning of the session and I'm cool oblamalsya. And recently 
I broke my monitor (breakage and foolish by my calculation 
would take not much time). Now I sit on a color TV ("SUPRA",

without connectors SCART, but with tulip entrance), from his 
company, I achieved only in black and white images with shitty 
sharpness but thanks for that (well at least shaped as letters 
to WORD'e clearly visible). Although I have to do resche your 
monitor that's why I'm going to go to the country and plan to 
bring my PC along with monitor. By the way, I'll go this week 
(ie 13th July). In September, if everything goes through (not 
to be guessing - all can be!), I plan to write not only the 
"FUN" and prodalzhat write "TREE NEWS". Well, I tired to write 
on their loaded with "biography" and I start to actually own 
jokes. The first topic is:


STORIES.


            In the train

   Vova folded newspaper, and last look out the window, where 
the past trains ran through the trees and had already begun to 
run through the familiar yellow fence on which Vovk oriented, 
that soon his station. He thrust the paper into his pocket, 
Vova got up and, grabbing the handles on the stores, went into 
the vestibule, to the output. In the vestibule stood thick 
nasty man with a pig face. Releasing clouds of smelly smoke, 
man smoking a disgusting "belomorinu. - Fellow, politely said 
Volodya, who does not smoke, and absolutely not tolerate 
cigarette spirit. - Do you know how to read? - Well! , Grunted 
"comrade". - Here especially for people like you, There's a 
sign "Do not smoking! ". What, can not wait until the street go 
out? - What? -Nasty man dyhnul Vovka face. - In the car

Sit down, kid!
- Sorry, but I now leave, so I'm here and I stand. But this
does not mean that I have to breathe your nicotine.
- Do not breathe! Neigh-man. - Who do not you give?
- It says "No smoking", and you smoke!
- Are you highly educated and-screwed up man. - Most of all
should be, right?
- Just disgusting smell of smoke.
- Yes, I do not care!
- But if I'm here puknu what you will? Incidentally,
the sign "Do not fart!" not here, so I have a right. Huh?
- Fuck you!
- Well, "sighed Philosophy Vovk. - You asked for it,
blame yourself!
And Vova deafening farted.
A thick stench filled the vestibule. Fat smoker dropped
"Belomorinu, coughing and clutching his throat and fell 
unconscious consciousness. Smell spread, passengers clutching 
their noses, fled to neighboring cars.

Vova shook his head sympathetically.
- Because of a scoundrel with a cigarette so many people suffer 
such inconvenience! And Vovk kicked man lying on the floor in 
the ass. 

   The train pulled up to the station, the doors parted, and 
Vova went to fresh air.

Do not smoke in the trains, my friends! You can run into Vovka 
... ·················································· 
············· And in my opinion, "BELAMOR" not so smelly ... 
(note version) 
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·············             Gob


Standing in a subway car, an old man long natuzhenno coughing.
The train stopped. The doors opened.
The old man bent his head forward to get the saliva in peoem
between the platform and train.
The dark gap took his saliva. He did not manage to get his head
and the door hit him on his temples, and a new springy
opened, and he lost consciousness, stepped forward and swayed 
on the platform until the train pulled away.

And then he was taken back. He weakly waved his hands and 
collapsed, back down, on rails, hitting his head against the 
indifferent cold steel. Gray hair soaked with blood. It was too 
late. Nearby there was not a living soul. When after two 
minutes of tonelya escaped with a crash a train no one helped 
the old man to rise, and this machine of a single moment turned 
him into a bloody meat porridge. However, before this old man 
has already skonchatsya. What was left of him buried in a 
closed coffin. 
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·············                  UMBRELLA


In the subway car was a man in a hat and, wanting to hide from
everyday people's views, holding an umbrella over his head 
uncovered. But Passengers stared at him, and some even strove 
to look under umbrella and that was trying to say in this case. 
And finally a man saw that he will not rest. He awkwardly 
folded umbrella, inadvertently knocking to some old man's tooth 
and injuring an unknown old woman's eyes. When he made his way 
to the exit, they have no interest in all- looked at the 
wailing old woman and an old man laughing. 
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·············· Well all is enough for today, I was sweating, 
wait for my next creation in ribrike "humor."

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Date: 09.07.96 MDM 401-9029; 9:00 / 23:00
Time: 19:00 pm to 21:33 pm (c) Copyright by Argon
ZXNet: 095/350.1 Only for LIME TREE 26.

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