Lime Tree #13 07 февраля 1996

Самиздат

Lit.Stranichka - The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (Chapter 6).

As you probably already realized
We regularly print in "LITSTRANICHKE" "The New Adventures
Winnie the Pooh. "Me, for example, very pleased that
Some simple words are written with a capital letter.
Giant Thanks to the author - NOMY (and STEVER-y)

Chapter Five, in which Piglet abruptly breaks off with a 
Heffalump. 


       One day, when Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh and 
Piglet sat quietly drank a bottle of "Hello" (Piglet drank 
little, Recalling a headache), Christopher Robin has swallowed 
something that He had in his mouth, and said no to the cashier:


       - Hey, guys, we all n. .. u came. Today I saw
Forest herd Heffalump.

       - A herd? - Asked Piglet.

       You would have thought that he did not shed a drop of 
panties. 

       - About twenty, no less - said Christopher Robin .- And
just next to your house - he added, noting that Piglet
fear began to shake hooves.

       Piglet is not particularly pleased, and he quickly 
looked back in search of support. But such, he found only a 
hastily drunk glass.


       - I, too, one as a saw - said Pooh, pouring himself
another portion. - Well, you beast!

       - Che you drive? - Outraged by Christopher Robin. - When 
it did you see him?


       - Yes for Eeyore. That's when we celebrated his birthday 
- thirty-two years and seven months.


       - A donkey that ... - Disapprovingly remarked Christopher
Robin. - So, there was a Heffalump?

       - Do not believe me, ask Eeyore - said Pooh. - He told 
me himself that clearly saw a Heffalump and fourteen crocodiles 
in pink hats! 

       - And why did he drink so much? , Asked Christopher 
Robin. 

       He remained unanswered.

       Then they started talking about something else, and soon 
the time has come Winnie the Pooh and Piglet to go home. They 
went together, supporting each other and behaving very sober 
conversation. Piglet asked: "You enter, Pooh, the very essence 
of the root of my question? "to which Pooh replied: "Suck, 
pomolodeesh. 

       And then, just when they reached the six (or twelve?)
Pines, Piglet looked around for a Heffalump, and not finding 
any, he said: 

       - Pooh, you're not afraid of a Heffalump?

       - No.

       - And I'm not. So let's hunt them, or what?

       Pooh dragged from this venture. He estimated that it 
would be quite nice to shoot a dozen or Heffalump and fry on 
skewers, and then arrange a buhnyu ... 

       - Hey, Piatak, a machine you have? - Suddenly asked Pooh.

       - What are you, Pooh? Where?

       - A pompovuha?

       - Also no.

       - "Well, - said Pooh thoughtfully. Have to make a 
Cunning Trap. 

       - How? - Asked Piglet.

       - That's the whole point: how?

       They sat down to ponder the company.

       The first thing that occurred to Pooh - dig a Very Deep
Hole, and then Heffalump would come along and fall into the 
pit, and we approach, we take a very sharp knife, and ...


       - And why would he fall? - Asked Piglet.

       Pooh rubbed his nose with his paw and said, well, 
probably Heffalump will vanish buhoy, so he does not see the 
Very Deep Pit until he was half way down, because then it will 
be too late. 

       Piglet said that this was a very good Trap,
but what if the Heffalump would be sober?

       Pooh rubbed his nose again, and said that in our time 
can not be be sober, so that the trap will work in any way.


       Piglet said that now everything is clear, and, in his 
opinion, it is very very Cunning Trap.


       Pooh was very proud, and already felt like he was 
enjoying bites a large piece of kebab meat from a Heffalump, 
and drinks Absolut. 

       It remains only to decide what to use as bait.

       - Assume - said Pooh, Piglet - you'd like to catch m e n 
i. What would you have lured me to Western? 

       - Well, - said Piglet. - I'd go put the "Absolute." You
would it smelled and felt to him ...

       - Yes, I would have crawled over him there - excitedly 
said Pooh, just be very careful not to accidentally break, and 
I would take bottle and opened to her gently, and at first 
sniff, and then licked his neck, as if there is no more, and 
then stepped to one side and thought about it a little, and 
then I'd like a sip, and another, and more ...


        - Okay, calm down, calm down. The main thing, 
"Absolute" love all, and certainly Heffalumps too. You bring 
the "Absolute" and I vyroyu pit ... Hey, Pooh, wake up!


        Pooh is not just out of the trance, and when I came, 
stated that "Absolute" had long gone, there are only a couple 
of bottles of "hello". Piglet said that for the Heffalump come 
and "Hello" - "Shampoo" they just do not like.


        - So, "Hello." So far, Pooh. Go for vodka.

        - Well, - said Pooh, and walked slowly home.

        Arriving home, he went to the bar and took the top shelf
two bottles of "hello". One, to his surprise, was empty -
Pooh do not remember details of my morning walk with 
Christopher Robin. But the other was full of delicious liquid. 
Fluff opened it and smelled it. There was indeed a "Hello".


       - But can not vouch, - said Pooh. - Maybe it's five 
degrees. - We ought to try ... 

       - Yes, it really is, "Hi," - said Pooh, closing
half-empty bottle.

       Finally convinced of this, Pooh carried the bottle to 
the West, and Piglet looked up from the Very Deep Pit, and 
asked: "Got it?" And Pooh said, three-story mate: "Yeah, you're 
fucked, but, b ..., it not quite complete, at x ...". Piglet 
looked at the level, and said that this is not enough for a 
Heffalump and Pooh said that's enough. "He's already be buhoy" 
- he explained. 

       So Piglet put the bubble on the bottom of the hole, 
climbed out, and they went home.


       - In short, Pooh, tomorrow at six. Grab a beer at the 
same time. 

       - Of course, beer and vodka - agreed Pooh .- A 
sledgehammer you happen to be found? 

       - Kuvalda? Why?

       - Yes to score a Heffalump.

       - And we also wanted nozhechkom?

       - And suddenly he had elephant skin? Bring a 
sledgehammer. 

       - I only have my grandfather's ax - said Piglet. - It'll 
do? 

       - It'll do. Good night.

       And they went home.

       Several hours later, Pooh woke up suddenly from kakogoto 
nagging feeling. He has already used this feeling before, and 
he understand that this sense of meaning: he wanted a drink.


       He trudged to the bar, stood on a chair, fumbled on the 
top shelf and found nothing. 

       "...,... Your mother, - he thought. - I remember exactly 
what there were two bottles of "hello" ... Ah, here they are. "


       Pooh found the bottle and took it. It was empty.

       "Oh, this I am Christy drunk - remember Winnie the Pooh. 
- I remember exactly what was one more ... "


       And he began pacing the room, trying to remember when he 
had a drink and the bottle. 

       - Damn you! - Suddenly he remembered. - We catch it
Heffalump!

       And again he went to bed.

       But he could not sleep. The more he tried not to think 
about vodka, the more he began to salivate and seethed in

stomach. He stood up again, pulled out of the bar-liter can of 
beer "FAXE", drank, and again tried to sleep zasnut.No hard for 
him not go. Toward the end he began to haunt Heffalumps, each 
of which rushed to Pooh bottle of "Hello" and drank all clean! 
A few minutes Pooh lay silent and suffering, but when the five 
hundred and eighty-seventh Heffalump belched and bellowed: 
"Very good vodka, perhaps, is steeper and I have not tried," 
Pooh could not resist. He rolled out of bed, ran out of the 
house and ran straight to the Six Pine. 

       Actually, the way he moved, it's hard to name the word 
"rushed" - Winnie had not yet had time to be sober. Wildly 
swaying left and right, drunk bear walked up hill and down dale 
to the pit, cursing the entire three-storey forest mat against 
a Heffalump, Piglet, HM, "Hi" and others. Christopher Robin's 
Pooh straddle afraid, remembering the force of his iron fist. 

       And so, began to understand the pedigree Heffalump, 
Pooh, suddenly began to fall to the bottom of a Cunning Trap. 
There was a terrible roar and the sound of breaking glass. Then 
a desperate roar VinniPuha, rent yourself ass on a broken 
bottle. 

       When the pain was a little bit, Pooh decided to get out 
of the pit, but then he suddenly seemed to him that somewhere 
smell alcohol. Winnie sniffed and found that some vodka did not 
manage to suck in the earth. Hapless fanatic got cancer and 
started licking vodka from odorous puddles.


       Meanwhile, Piglet woke up. As the reader will recall,
Whiskey before he took a lot more than usual. So
the first thing he was drawn to the toilet to puke. Clearing 
the way inside, Piglet has decided to go to bed again, but 
suddenly he I heard a terrible roar we heard from some of the 
Six Pines. 

       - Oh-oh-oh! - Said Piglet. He wanted to escape, but he 
could not - because he was at home. 

       The roar continued.

       - Mom! - Said Piglet. But the mother of Piglet, 
unfortunately, was not. Then, to cope with the fear gripping 
him, Piglet up to the attic and brought a dusty bottle of wine 
purchased, it seems, is his grandfather. 

       - And maybe it's not Heffalump - Piglet suggested after 
the first cup. - No, definitely not it - after the second .- 
But in fact, - he stretched out significantly after the third - 
should be would go check.


       Piglet quickly threw on the shoulders of his jacket, 
took with him flashlight and a pack of "L'M" and went to the 
Six Pine. 

       A Winnie the Pooh is still licking the vodka from the 
bottom of the pit. Of course, it was no longer there, but Pooh 
felt that there is still a little bit, and He continued to 
lick, lick and lick ... 

       And in this time Piglet, throwing with a side of the 
butt and include a flashlight, looked into the pit.


       The first thing he saw there was Pukhov Ass.

       - E. ...- rattle! ... Heffalump! - Piglet cried, 
dropping the torch. -Help! 

       And he ran with all his yelling at the top of his lungs: 
"Slonopozhop! Zhopopotam! Slonozad! 

       He ran and screamed until he ran to the house of 
Christopher Robin. Seeing the green door, Piglet began knocking 
on her hoof, still shouting at the top of his lungs: 
"Christopher Robin! Free! Slonozhopopotam caught! "


       Soon the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and out of 
the house came Christopher Robin with brass gun in his hand. 

       - Is that you, Piglet? - He asked. - What, too hungover?

       - P-to-Heffalump! - Hardly uttered Piglet. - Gotcha. We 
caught him with Pooh. 

       - So, that's interesting - said Christopher Robin. - I
should also look at it.

       - Come quickly, or else choose ... - Said Piglet.
- And the gun grip.

       And they went. Arriving at the place, Christopher Robin, 
the first thing looked into the pit. It was dark, as in the ass 
(though this is not at odds with the truth). Christopher Robin 
had loaded his gun and fired. Then he took a minute, another 
... And then Christopher Robin Peering into the hole, he 
suddenly fell to the ground and began to hohotat.A time of the 
pit head appeared Winnie the Pooh. 

       - Che you Rzeszow? - He asked sternly .- And if you shot 
off me something? 

       But Christopher Robin went rolling on the ground - it's 
too it amused the thought that he did not hit at point blank 
range in the fat ass of Winnie the Pooh. 

       Pooh slowly climbed out of the pit and said:

       - No, no more Heffalump. Christopher Robin, with thee
bottle.

       - About what? - Christopher Robin was surprised, ceasing 
to laugh. - I did not get to you. And it is not, I thought. 
That's all Piglet.


       Eyes of Winnie the Pooh gloomily asked Piglet.

       - It's you, you beast? Then, in your mailbox! Got it?

       And then finally Piglet realized how stupid it was 
Piglet. He felt so ashamed that he rushed headlong back home 
and got into bed with a headache and this morning he almost 
definitely decided tie.


      And Christopher Robin and Pooh, make up, went to the plump
Eeyore.


                                Nomy Graphics Limited 31.01.96