ZX Pilot #19 12 февраля 1998

Юмор

COMICS - Anecdotes

     COMICS



   - Did you know? Bought at the bazaar floppy disk, and it is 
with the hole! - So this side of the synchrotron - a hole is 
there. - What-a sinhrootverstie? Directly in the center hole, 
three fingers intermeddle! 



   The young man went for the girl. Her mother says - Please do 
not delay. At that the young man answered - Do not worry; to 
eleven Your daughter will be in bed! 



   The girl's father yells at the young man from whom she is 
pregnant - you marry my daughter or not? - As I have choice?




   For many years Stirlitz wandered around Berlin. And he could 
not understand that it issues: whether the feverish look of 
intelligence, then Is Trailing behind the parachute.




   On the Berlin route was a black Mercedes at a speed of 120 
km / h. It Mueller gave final instructions to Schellenberg. 
Near fled Stirlitz and pretended not in a hurry. 



   The doorbell rang to Mueller. He opened it. On the threshold 
stood a young man with a parachute behind him, on his chest 
hung 48 Komsomol badges. "Camels are to the north" - he said. 
"Camels are going to ..." - said Muller: "Stirlitz lives on the 
floor above. "




   Borman opened the safe and saw there Shtirlitsa. - Stirlitz! 
What do you doing here? - What? Tram waiting. Borman closed the 
safe and thought: "What a tram in my safe?". He opened the 
safe, but Shtirlitsa was no longer there. "Probably left - 
thought Bormann. 



   Stirlitz got up early in the morning. Pozaranku was the best 
Romanian Scout. 



   Stirlitz beat for sure. Certainly fought back as best he 
could. Stirlitz not knew what could such a strong boxer.




   Stirlitz was driving on the Berlin route. Standing at the 
crossroads Pleischner. "Pleischner" - thought Stirlitz. 
"Stirlitz" - thought Pleischner. Stirlitz rode 60 miles. 
Standing at the crossroads Pleischner. "Pleischner" - thought 
Stirlitz. "Stirlitz" - thought Pleischner. Stirlitz drove 60 
mil.Na crossroads again stood Pleischner. "Ring" thought 
Stirlitz. "Fun" - thought Pleischner. 



   Already many times Pleischner jumped out the window, but the 
Soviet ampoule did not broke.




   Passing on Flower Street Stirlitz saw in the window at home 
in front of 33 cast-iron iron. "This is failure" - thought 
Stirlitz. 



   Stirlitz Gestapo.Na out of his head had fallen brick. 
"Here's your time "- thought Stirlitz." Here you two "- thought 
Mueller, throwing second brick.




   Drunk Stirlitz out of the cafe "Elephant", he tripped and 
fell in puddle. So he prolezhit 20 minutes, it's habits 
developed over the years. 



   Stirlitz slipped and fell on the pebbles. Pebbles and 
screamed ran away.




   At the meeting with Bormann Mueller gave Shelenbergu note. 
Shelenberg read the note: "Stirlitz, you fool." He grinned and 
passed a note Stirlitz. They all laughed at himself, and only a 
Stirlitz knew that he was given another Hero of the Soviet 
Union. 



   Schwarzenegger came to his mistress. Only began to undress, 
they heard the call. "This man" - she cried. Arnold tried to

hide in the closet, but do not fit. Under the bed he did not
fit and decided to hide in the closet. Husband, going to the 
apartment I saw the giant pants. No one was found in the closet 
and under the bed, he opened the toilet door. "Well, he found?" 
- Said Schwarzenegger. "No - no, I'm still in the bathroom 
look" 



   On the balcony of the third floor stands naked man. Location 
- the top of a voice: "Man, I'm afraid of you." He raises his 
head and sees on the fifth floor balcony of a naked woman. - 
Why did you afraid of me? - And you my iznasiluete. - How can I 
rape you, if you're on the fifth floor, and I'm on the third? - 
I've just quickly to You go down.




   The wife wakes her husband. "What, aerobics - the husband 
screams. "No. Do what you should nature. "" Do not disturb 
sleep - leaves her and turns to the other side. Their anger 
comes out onto the balcony and inhuman voice cries: "In this 
city there is one man?" From the house opposite the voice says: 
"And what is that drink? 



   Dr. Watson spent the night with a young prostitute. Morning
She opens her eyes and said: - Ay-ay-ay, if not ashamed, Doctor
Watson? What would Mrs. Hudson and Mrs. Mortimer? - How do you
of them know, my girl? - (Hoarsely). This is elementary, my 
dear Watson ... 



   The husband comes home and opening the door sees a naked man 
gladyaschego pants. Walking into the kitchen saw the second in 
a bathroom and the kitchen third frying eggs. In a rage, he 
runs into the bedroom, shouting: 

   - My wife! What is it?

   - Well, to begin again reproaches ... suspect ...



   The young man tried to get an exemption from conscription,
Recalling the short-sightedness. He presented a certificate 
from the ophthalmologist and even led to the draft board on his 
bride, so she confirmed his physical disability. Seeing the 
bride, the Commission immediately freed the young man from 
military service because of his extremely poor eyesight.




   During the passage of the medical commission at the 
recruiting office depressed candidate recruits on the team 
medic, "Sit down" obediently sat on a chair.


   - Best service, without limitation - followed by a conclusion
physician.

   - Next, please. - Listen, - protested now
no longer a candidate, and the recruit - because you do not 
even bother to examine me. - Nonsense, - said the officer. - My 
team did you hear, your eyes examined the chair, and you have 
enough brains to fulfill my order. So go to Saigon, my boy!




   Committees on Health inductee vacha asked if we could write 
in the papers that he can not be used in the melee. 

   - Why? - But you said that my long-sightedness.



   The recruiting station recruits was asked what his
education. - I studied at Berkeley, Los Angeles, Priston, in
Columbia University, and have the title of Doctor of Medical 
Sciences 

   - Record - ordered the chairman of the drafting commission 
secretary - a conscript can read and write. 



   One man was sent home with written notice of the results of 
medical examinations that he had several days ago on the 
recruiting office. "Unfortunately, the need to inform you -It 
says - that the results of tests you are sick with 
tuberculosis, venereal disease and have a weak heart. "After 
hour has come a new notice: "An error has occurred. You got the 
results of another recruit." The man wrote a written response 
which read: "Sorry, but your correction came too late. I 
committed suicide 40 minutes ago. " 



   James left the recruiting office with a summons in hand. His
met a friend. - I want to congratulate you, James. This is the 
most happiest day of your life .- Why? So I am not in the army! 
For send in the army, I should arrive here tomorrow. - That's 
why I I say that today you have the happiest day.




   Officer to recruit volunteers for the army was delighted when
I saw a young man entering his office.

   - I read your poster with a call to join the army - said
young man, very good! Hence, we decided to become a volunteer?

   - No. - No? Why did you then come to us? - I would say that 
you hoped it to me. 



   On the treadmill group of soldiers get ready to run and wait 
for the sergeant will start from the starting pistol. Woman 
watch these competitions, "said her friend: 

   - Look at these unfortunate soldiers: they have to do 
everything at gunpoint.




   Visitor, leaning over the table at the reception of the 
hospital asked the attendant if he could see the privates John 
Collins. 

   - I fear not - said the duty, for a moment looking up
from their papers. - Can you tell at least how's he doing? -
insisted the visitor. - Things are going well for him - was the 
answer. - Well finally, I am glad to hear it. And then I had a 
week lying in the ward, and nobody tells me nothing. Broken 
privacy. Therefore, I changed clothes and went down here to 
inquire about his health.