ZX Pilot #18 06 января 1998

Юмор

COMICS - Anecdotes

     COMICS



   Vasily Ivanovich Petka in the bath wash. Petka said Vasily 
Ivanovich: - Vasily Ivanovich, but your feet dirtier than me. - 
And I, Petya, in fact and older will be. 



   Perfume department. Suitable eccentric to the counter: - I 
bottle triple and a bottle of clove. - Well, why do you nail? 
Lift just two bottles of a triple. - Do not. With us, lady. 



   Jew comes to dokotoru:

   - Listen, doctor. I come home the other day and my wife is 
with her lover. I say: "What - what is it?" I'll take ax and 
Porush all the furniture! "And she told me:" Sam, go to the 
kitchen drink a cup of coffee and relax. "I go into the kitchen 
and drink coffee ... The next day, come home, and she whore, 
with a new lover. I scream: "What is it? I beat the whole tea 
service!" And she: "Sam ... go to the kitchen and drink a cup 
of coffee ... calm down." I'm going the kitchen, drinking 
coffee. Calm down ... Dr. ... Doctor, you are to me Tell me, I 
do not drink too much coffee? 



   Made guy girl offer. And the girl to him and says: I Will 
get for you, if you will be giving a three-story, "Lada" the 
latest model and a member of half a meter in length! 

   Upset boy, comes home and tells all this to the Pope.
Dad thought clutched at his head and says:

   - Well, from the five-story three-story villas, I could do, 
"Volvo" her we also sell and buy a "Lada" can, but that with 
your meter a member to do I did not even pridumamayu ...




   Moldovanin lies at the cell broken. Going by a passerby: - 
​​What happened? - Yes, came from Odessa, beat a pancake. - A 
number remember? - Yes. 44 - 45 .- A series of some kind? - A 
series on the boots do not put.




   An eccentric in a hotel room asked, his answer is no mole
rooms. And it begs a very well-if only for the closet any.
Him and say - okay, there is one suite, but he has a bad fame,
there are already 8 people hanged. Eccentric response - I'm not 
superstitious. Well assign it to the room, show him everything 
he asked - and how supposedly hanged. The maid says - that all 
8 of that door handle. - ?!?!?!?! Can not be. - Yes here so we 
could. In the morning the cleaning lady opens the door - a man 
hanging on the door handle, dead of course. - Christmas Tree 
Green is one more interesting. 



   - What is your yesterday ended a quarrel with his wife? - Ask
friends of his friend.

   - It crawled on my knees, - proudly answered. - And
that she told you? - Get out from under the bed, dastardly 
coward! 



   The man buried his wife, comes to another in search of 
sympathy and warmth. They drink vodka in the kitchen. In an 
emotional impulse people endured grief, asks rhetorically:


   - You do not know what to lose my wife ... - I know - in the 
hearts responsible friend - it is almost impossible.




   It takes place in France. His mother, referring to his 
father, says: Dear, our son, in my opinion, already big enough 
and it would be time give him his first lessons in sex 
education. Talk to him as man to man, start a conversation even 
with the butterflies. 

   The father calls his son in a frank conversation. - Pierre - 
strictly he asks - Do you remember, last week we went to a 
brothel? - I remember my father. - Well, Pierre, in butterflies 
is the same thing.




   In his prison cell asking newbie: - Why did I? - For 
poaching. - How much slapped? - 15 years. - What are you, man, 
who poaching "tag" for you? - Yes, I fish drowned. Cast

dynamite, he ka-ak sharahnet. Surfaced two bream and twelve 
divers ... 



   Inspekor traffic police stopped the car. Checking the law, 
he suddenly smelled the smell of alcohol, and immediately 
offered the driver to blow in the tube. " He blew, and, 
naturally, "tube" revealed the presence of alcohol. 

   - Do you have a faulty unit - said the driver. - I have a 
wife does not drink, let him try to blow. Let's see what your 
"tube" show.


   Blew and wife, and again "tube" revealed the presence of 
alkogolya.Vot see - the driver was outraged - with a faulty 
instrument go on a busy highway. - Nothing like it's your wife

too drunk. The device is clearly stated this. - What a device! -
shouted the driver. - Here let the child blow into your "tube". 
AND he pulled out of the car a tiny boy. He unul, and again

'Tube' showed the presence of alcohol. The Inspector shrugged 
his shoulders, apologized and walked away. Husband, a factory 
engine, gleefully told his wife: - Well what a fool, washed? A 
scream - do not let your child drink, do not let child to drink 
... 



   By visiting Odessa runs in search of repair shop hours. On 
one street he sees a huge clock face and hurriedly rushes into 
the room. 

   - Can you have an urgent repair watches? - He asks the man 
behind the counter. - No, - replied the man - we can not repair 
the clock. - What is - angrily asked the newcomer - is not this 
hour workshop? - No, - he tvechayut - hour workshop is not? - 
What are doing here? - It makes circumcision .- Then what the 
hell you're hung over the entrance to dial? - And what would 
you like us to hang out there? 



   - Sorry, you are selling fresh fish? - Yes, I sell fresh
fish. - But why is it floats belly up? - So she sleeps. -
But why does it smell? - Did you that when you sleep, do not 
smell? 



   By the shores of India suitable Russian ship to the land 
beyond passengers and crew. One of the men carries a parrot on 
his shoulder. Met him a fakir with a snake around his neck. 
Faqir: - I've heard Russian sailors have a lot to drink and not 
get drunk, right? - Pour. Sailor misses three glasses, the 
fakir asked a lot there yet he can drink, meet a parrot: - 
five, ten, and twenty and then you face nabem and worm your 
sklyuem! 



   At dinner my wife does stray remark to her husband: - What
are you doing? After all, do not eat soup with a knife. - And 
what do I do if it flows through the plug?




   Covsem little girl and boy are considering a book Brehm
"Animal Life". Arguing: - Maybe! - Do not be! - Maybe! - Do not
can! Let's go ask! Resort to the kitchen: - Grandma, and you 
have may have children? - What are you, dear, of course not. - 
I told you said she was male!




   A fisherman throws the bait. Twine wildly jerks. Fisherman 
its quickly pulls. Terrified, the worm on the hook: - Are you 
mad? I was there just have not eaten! 



   Went to kindergarten for a walk in the woods. Caught a 
hedgehog. - Children Who is it? - Asks the teacher. All are 
silent. - Why, Children, ... We also learns about his poems, 
sing songs, yesterday story of the whole group read! ... 
Vovochka: - A - AAAA !...- takes hedgehog, and, stroking, 
blagogveyno whispers: - Here's what you ... Lenin! 



   Stewardess passed by the cabin, announcing: - Citizens
passengers, our plane comes in to land, and please fasten your 
seat belts everyone, but it would be like with the last flight 
... One of the passengers asked: 

   - And that was the last flight? The stewardess, as if 
incidentally, he answers: 

   - Those who were not strapped spread over the interior. 
Well, those who strapped looked like alive.