ZX Pilot #15 18 сентября 1997

Юмор

COMICS - Anecdotes. The poem "The Adventures of a spy."

   A man complains to a friend: - My neighbors are unbearable: 
yesterday the whole night until dawn banged on the wall! - Poor 
man, you're not allowed to sleep! - Well, truth be told, I 
still have not slept - rehearsing solo on trombone.




   - Colonel, - asked the young lieutenant - when you
were young, what were your favorite hobbies?

   - Hunting and women, Lieutenant! - And for whom are you 
hunting? - For women, the lieutenant! 



   The market woman, contact the seller: - Where's your horse?
What horse? I'm selling rabbit. Where do you see? - How much? I
I look at the price tag.



   All the post. Suitable Major .- Name? - Private Petrov!
- How many people in the company? - Seventy! - And in the 
battalion? - Two hundred fifty! - What are you telling military 
secrets? Suddenly, I spy? There is a shot. Soldier: - Look what 
you bastard! 



   Running through the woods herd of hedgehogs. Ahead of the 
old hedgehog, shouting:-Jerzy! - Oh-oh-oh! - We are running? - 
Ah-ah-ah! - The earth hums? - Oo-oo-oo! - Well, what we not a 
horse? 



   A student on the exam in German. Examiner: - Sotavte 
sentence in German: a frog jumps in the swamp. Student: - Ayn 
moment! Der frog bog der plop, plop der, der plop!




   Is a man on the stairs. The boy said to him: - Uncle, we have
steps are slippery. - Shut up, punk-lyak-lyak-lyak.



   Male looking for a saw. Not finding, asked his wife: - You 
do not know where our old saw? From the kitchen a voice of 
Tiffany's: - If I Saw it is not so old.



° ° ° ° °



   After yesterday's. Here it is, full of life! After a 
lackluster Week of literary work. Finally ...


   The sun struck from the zenith. Yesterday's worth column. 
Difficult remember, because you can not wrinkled his brow. 
Tolkoo one eye century closes, the other arm. Of the money only 
then that sank into the lining. A feeling that in the hands of 
someone else's lap. Several times bring your hands to your 
eyes-not a damn thing there. From your body constantly smell of 
fish. The more trash - more. Lie down, walk, sit, stand 
impossible. Organism any position rejects. Interferes with the 
body of an organism, not on whom to count. 

   Pyaterchatka this head does not take: it is difficult to get 
a tablet. The tablets have to lick off the table, since the 
brain recently Team hands. Doubly surprised when he saw his 
feet. Something I do not understand: if I'm face-down then boot 
socks as they should be? And how many of them there often?


   And although the tie keeps well pants, apparently just 
walked nesklko into the yard, and apparently lost 
consciousness. Apparently, not income, but, apparently, did not 
return. 

   And what's more - a dumb question in her eyes. Morgan, 
Morgan question remains: where, with whom, when and where to 
now? And why in the window still standing trees, and under the 
bed, pounding the wheel? 

   We will wait for flashes of memory or information from the 
outside. 


° ° ° ° °



   - Comrade Major, in the distilled water bottle?

   - Yes, but I do not remember - it is acid or alkaline!



   Fellow students! In the Soviet army has a new tank. He
withstands temperatures from -300 to +300 degrees Celsius. That
You say? Physics tells you that there are no less than the 
-273? Well, comrades of a tank of physics might not know.




   Fellow student, when you get captured, you will be long
torture, and to you and say there will be nothing. And not 
because you such proof, you just do not know.




   - Comrades students, explaining that such a binary system
notation. For example, 111 - it's six. Because two of
first degree, plus two in the first degree, plus two more in 
the first degree. And so have agreed that the two in degree 
zero - is unit. Therefore, the 110 - is five: two in the first, 
plus two in the first plus two to zero.


   - Comrade Major, as well as in the binary system is written 
zero? 

   - Um ... uh-uh ... Interesting question. But you, comrade 
student Think home, and on the next lesson, and tell all!



° ° ° ° °


Spy adventure.

When I was a kid
World is knowable, I very quickly;
Beholding armor guitarist
I instantly got out of diapers.
Barely at the foot of sensed force
And they began to move,
I heard the tale of tortillas,
Which could swim.
I still hear from Spy
Which for two cars
Of bourgeois gum fetched
And children sold as I could.

All that is heard from him
I'll try the right to recall
But he's been such a pilgrim
That too many knew.
I remember he smoked Pall Mall
In the home locked up smoke
And quietly hoarding money -
He loved them without legs.
He walked on one leg
With a large turban on his head
And in the folds of the blue raincoat
He was hiding from the light of day.

Perhaps the place to start
Tell you a story
(His spies he wrote)
And I told gently;
And he said: "All this - the truth."
All this happened to him.
It all started when, in the park
He had seen - a tree grew.
The fact that the story is true
I'm sure eloquently;
And in one hand taking the reins
I tell her now.


How it started I remember
But I do not want to tell everybody;
Nails ached, but it does not hurt -
I soaked them in the creek.
And sitting by the creek on a stone,
Dreaming about a hot tub,
Decided to go camping
And bought a ticket on the steamer.

On the boat sailed not long;
I went down near the mountain;
There, near a Volga
And evil lived mosquitoes.
So as not to lose the opportunity to freely
I rubbed the ski turpentine,
Took prozapas with a jam
And began to climb.

From the beginning all was grass
And the worms on it swam;
In the sand flew moshkara9;
Often elk come across.
Before the forest was far
And I went too high;
And skiing, getting tangled in the grass
Hinder his thinking mind.

But despite all the hardships,
I faced
My small store jam
Has not yet reached me.
And once again without feeling grief
Morning I met the seashore;
And the skiing took off, and sat on the chair -
Not bad at rest!

When vacation was over
And rested his head,
I saw the design cycle,
Who did not realize at first.
Ah, if only you knew:
That sea dug samurai;
To my failed campaign
Closed all the sea passage.

But I do not give up so quickly
And I did not turn back;
What to do soon realized
And in the sea shustrenko dived.
And even though I soaked shirt
But the big turtle
In the sea of ​​strange caught;
In the shell has turned a shovel.

I have one spade snail
The entire bank into the sea had cast away
And the sea was a dirty mess;
In the palm of her I was leaving.
So I crossed the sea,
A samurai fell into a mountain;
Slaughtered them with anger,
That are not afraid of me their obstacles.

And I'm chewing my jam,
Walking along the palm trees and mud,
Was in the greatest of wonder
From the impressions on the road.
At the top of the mud livestock floated
Some sort of beluga howled;
Blood from whale creek flowed -
The shark was eating, choking.

But that's behind a barrier -
I am the sea for a left;
And waiting in front of the vertex;
There is snow without any rules.
I heard the Eskimos there
Again rebuilt BAM;
And there's probably a cold,
And I, fool, go there.

Doubts were growing rapidly,
I wanted to turn the house;
And the winds suddenly colder,
In my face began to blow strongly.
Go much further did not want
Little thought in my head spun:
"In his last moment
I see only the person Yakut. "

I started to retreat westward,
There I was in a hurry all day long;
Snow under your feet like a wool
Creak, naveivaya laziness.
Here's edge mountains - to him I went,
As the stones fell heard
And she began spinning in my head
Little thought, as I descend down.

I thought long and hard
And the thought of one just caught:
I grew my hair black;
Rope woven from it.
At the bottom rope down;
One hundred days of dangled over the abyss;
And under his feet like a dream
Ran a river in the background.

When a very very down,
I hate to just become
The rope is not how my wound,
To the bottom is still lacking.
And in many meters above the ground
I hung with anger evil;
And birds in cool air
Laughed at me mischievously.

I'm so hung I do not remember how many
And thought how can I be saved;
I'm afraid that will hurt
Kohl and I'll jump down.
But, confirming fears
Ended is my jam;
From hunger so as not to die
I decided to just jump into a river.

I flew, right, a very long time,
But the air is not ringing in the ears;
And soon I plopped down in the Volga;
And there already sailed Sultan.
He sailed on the ship by
And leaning through the railings
Quietly in Rechenka vomit
And did not notice the fallen.

He wanted to be I brought
There, where transport and people.
But when he saw me:
I washed away: I need a freak!
He swam to shore a
And the nearest store
I immediately went for a meal:
Kohl I am hungry, then the wicked!

Few in the strength of Shope,
I went to the bus to look for:
To not get lost
Decided povorochat home.
In happiness next to the store
Children rode on the trolley, there is a tram road;
Why walk on them to go?

I rounded up childrenov with trolley;
What to take immediately after the lever
I used to in the local shop
Learned the way: where and how?
And while there was no tram
I am a fast wind overtaking
Drove his camera forward;
And along the way spitting on the people.

What's next - I will not say:
All the adventures behind;
Dear I ate sour cream,
Well, to jam - no-no-no.
As I summed it
Now not to forget;
Do not eat it now,
Well, and sour cream - hoo!