Nicron #75 12 февраля 1998

Самиздат

Stories - 38 1 / 2 or a Big Mac in Texas.

            38 1 / 2
                or
        Big Mac in Texas

(C) Morozov,
7 "A" class
School 91

Illustrators:
Alexander Filyanov (FIL / Antares)
Nick Ionov (i.soft)
Alexei Antipov (Goblin)



      Film Studio Fax XX Century "is a thriller-a joke!

Producer - Yuri Morozov.

            Starring:

Steep Walker, Texas police officer - Chuck Norris

Mary Jane Gloria - Pamela

Catharine, Susan, Liz - Anderson
(Girlfriend, a student at the Law Faculty, University of Texas)

Black Bill, the authority
 Texas-based group - Sylvester Stallone
 "Sunny Bad Boys"

Major Isaev, Head of Department for Combating
Organized crime - Arnold Schwarzenegger

            Co-starring:

Tom Cruise
Vyacheslav Tikhonov
Oleg Menshikov
Kim Basinger

            In the episodes:

Riot Brigade Cherepovets;
Exemplary garrison of the Far Eastern Military District;
students were 91.

            Directed by:

Zalman King
Andron Mikhalkov-Konchalovsky

The creators are also grateful to staff at the restaurant 
Mc'Donalds Arbat Street, Solntsevskaya gang - for their

assistance.



              Act I


  Noon.

  Office of Inspector Texas Police Hardball Walker.



Range of a mess with computers, printers, scanners, iPods,
bestsellers. Midst of all this in a leather chair, a leather 
jacket, leather boots sprawled himself Walker, deep in thought 
dropping ash from Havana cigars on the Persian carpet. He chews 
a hamburger. He was concerned the increase in crime in the 
state. (Opens door). With the noise it enters Mary Jane, with a 
backpack, a miniskirt and in tears. She drops her desperation 
to "Pentium-2" "Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "and, 
stuffing a hamburger into his mouth, said: 

M-J: We can not go on vacation in Antalya. I flunked
"Criminal Law in Russia" and now I have to take the exam fee.

KU (Cool Walker): Too bad. We were just in June, delayed wages, 
and the prize will not give. Not disclosed a series of 
audacious robberies gang Sunny Bad Boys.


M-J: I'll have to earn. I agreed in the bakery at
Mc'Donalds-e. I will prepare the dough for the big poppies.

DF: Okay. And I'll do my thugs.

M-J pulls out of a backpack bag with a hamburger, both together 
and chew sigh.



               Act II


  Night. Central prairie. Comfort of your cactus
clearing members of the gang discuss the plan next
plaque. Says Bill Black:



BW: I know a diamond from this girl. She got the ring in
inheritance from his grandmother. Her great-grandfather was a 
pirate and seized a vessel belonging to an Arab sheik. Diamond 
worth a fortune but this girl has no idea. Your task - to steal 
it and to bring here.




  Bandits approving roar.

               ACT III


  Morning. Bakery. M-J ready for work. She wears an apron
front of a huge vat of dough. Here she took off the hands of a 
ring, a gift grandmother, and wants to put it in his pocket 
apron. Unexpectedly flung open the window and it collapse and 
people with guns in masks.

M-J: Oh ..
(In fright drops the ring in the tub).

             Act IV


  Day. Rancho Black Bill "concrete jungle". BW itself in 
extreme fury yells at his gang: 

BW: fuckers! You just have to trade down jackets at wholesale 
Dallas! I need a ring! Why do I need this stupid kneading?


Friend of BW, a sharp eye and steady hand 'brother nicknamed 
Ginger Val, soothes the boss:


PB: No problem, boss. A couple of hundred bucks - and our 
bakery, not to mention about the tub with the test. And with it 
the ring. After all, nobody knows about it. 

            The action of the fifth.


  There, after two hours.

PB: Chefs, bummer! Our dough into a passage that is in flight. 
From this already made cakes and sent to Moscow. It was the 
export order for the Russian Mc'Donalds-ah! We were late to the 
airport for three seconds.


BW: Goats! .. (More untranslatable idioms lasting one and a half
minutes). Quickly to harness my own personal Boeing "Wild 
Mustang." We fly to Moscow!


(Close-Up: aircraft, loading turmoil. Unnoticed in the luggage 
compartment sneaking figure of a woman with a backpack and a 
hamburger). 

            There are six.


  Evening. Office Hardball Walker. There on a Persian rug - all
police department. It was knocked down in the search for the 
missing Walker's girlfriend. Sam Walker nervously shakes off 
the ashes from Havana cigar in the bay CD-ROM "Pentium-2. 
Suddenly, squealing fax. 



KU reads: "Private Jet boss nicknamed 'ChB'v 16.30
headed east, coming from the airfield, "Central prairie.
In the luggage, possibly packed with a woman. "

KU: Prepare my business airplane "White Eagle"! Of 24 tons
kerosene, the same amount of whiskey and 38 hamburgers. We are 
flying in the chase. 

              The action of the seventh.


  After two days in Moscow.
Petrovka 38. The Cabinet of General watchful. For oak 
dvuhtumbovym table on an oak chair, wearing boots and a "White 
Sea" sits General himself. In his hand was a stale bagel home. 
He thoughtfully looks at the monitor "Electronics 32VTTS-202. 
On screen - the game "Minefield", written by his son Vitalkoy

Nicknamed the "Wolfhound". Stretch my legs under the table 
prevents the wallows there was once a former snow-white 
mini-tower "GRM 2 +. Before the general stands at attention in 
Major Isaev. 



Gene.: And yet, dear, this is an unusual little case of the 
abduction rolls. This is the fifth Mc'Donalds over the past two 
days! Take only buns. Oddly, my friend, very strange! All hope 
for you. I somehow do not like hamburgers. (Tries to bite a 
donut). Fro by Mc'Donalds-am, my dear, think head, you paid for 
it paid. By evening, waiting for you with the results. 

MI: Yes, comrade general!


              Action восьмое


  Noon. Arbat. Mc'Donalds. At the table - Major Isaev. He
tired intelligent face. Sergeant Udalov puts before him a tray. 
On tray - 38 Big Mac and a cup of tea.


MI (chewing): Strange, very strange ...



              The action of the ninth


  Ibid.
Bursts Black Bill and his henchmen. They stayed at a currency 
exchange office, changed the last dollars for rubles. 

BW (panting, cashier): - Big poppies at all! (Throws his arms 
on the counter rubles). 

Cashier: No, come to an end. Recent took here is the sergeant
mufti.

              The action of the tenth


  Novy Arbat street. Movement is blocked. Disciples 91-th 
school were talking among themselves: 

- In! Right now, again, "hog" go!

On the prospect lands plane Hardball Walker from it on the go
pop cops, led by KU and out of breath running to the
"Smolensk" in Mc'Donalds.

Pupils (Chorus): Cool-o!

            The action of the eleventh

Mary Jane, panting, on the move doedaya burger, flies in
restaurant.

            The action of the twelfth

Bandits surround Major Isaev. He choked with surprise a large 
piece of the Big Mac, starts wheezing, coughing and falls 
unconscious. 

  Turmoil.



  The cashier calls an ambulance, Sergeant Udalov - the special 
squad and fire brigade; Cool Walker and his guys are handcuffed 
to the Black Bill and gang members. At this time, Mary Jane 
quietly having finished up a hamburger, does Major Isaev 
artificial breath, as she had been taught in nursing school at 
the University. 

  Major begins to breathe, coughing, and his mouth falls
ring.

  (Close up): diamond, sparkling with all the faces.



            The action of thirteen.


  A year later. Texas.
Mary Jane autumn evening sitting by the fireplace in his house. 
In one her hand burger in the other - "Russian Criminal Code." 
Near it in the cradle peacefully snuffle babe.


  Suddenly, squealing fax.
Mary Jane reads: "Darling, for dinner late. The meeting with 
the Senator. Kiss. ​​I love you. Your husband Colonel FBI Mr. 
Isaeff. 

           The action of fourteen.


  Flat Mary-Jane. At the table - Colonel Isaeff. Mary Jane
one hand holds a half-eaten hamburger, the other - "Criminal
Code of the Russian Federation. "

Colonel: Be aware, my dear, the third attempt to pass the exam 
- the last one. Departure from the University - the bakery 
going. Need to know was that the jewels of Russia can not 
export! 

Mary-Jane looked wistfully on the middle finger of his left 
hand. There, in place of the ring, remained white stripe 
nezagoreloy skin. 

At this moment there was crying.

            Curtain)

Weeping increases.
And the viewer can not understand who is crying - baby awake
or poor, unhappy his mother ...

            Eppie-end will not be

[The film was shot on film Shostka production association "St