Nicron #53 11 сентября 1997

Humor - bad advice.

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                     Bad advice
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(C) G. Oster
(R) MDF HACKER

To expel from the apartments of different flies and mosquitoes, 
must pull off curtain and turn over their heads. Fly off the 
wall paintings, and C sill - the flowers. Kuvyrknetsya TV. 
Chandelier slam in parquet. And the noise of escaping, 
expansion mosquitoes, a frightened Stacey flies rush to the 
south. 

Visit often theatrical buffet. There's cream cakes, C
bubbles of water. As firewood, the cymbals are Chocolates, AND
through a straw you can drink a milkshake. Do not ask for 
tickets On the balcony and stalls. Let give you tickets to the 
theater buffet. Leaving the theater, walk away with an Under 
the trembling heart in belly sandwich.


Take a deep cherry juice and a white mother's cloak. Lay gently 
juice a cloak - A spot. Now that there are no spots on the 
mother's capes, cloaks should shove all in a thick cherry 
juice. Take Cherry Mama's cloak and a mug of milk. Lay gently 
milk - Will stain. Now that there are no spots on the mother's 
cloak, Cloak should shove all in a pot of milk. Take a deep

cherry juice and white mother's coat ...

Hands never touch anything nowhere. Do not get involved in 
anything and do not go anywhere. Get thee to the side silently, 
Become modestly in a corner And quietly stand without stirring 
until her old age. 

He was born a girl - be patient footpegs and jerks and 
substitute pigtails anyone who does not pull them off. But 
sometime later will show fico them and say: "Figushki! For you 
I'm not going to marry!" 

Tease is better out of the window, from the eighth floor. From 
the tank too well, When a strong armor. But if you want to 
bring people to the bitter tears, their safety, just on the 
radio tease. 

If the kitchen cockroaches marching across the table and hold a 
mouse sex sham fight, then you time to time to stop fighting for

The world and all your strength to throw in the struggle for 
purity. 

If you are waiting for punishment for bad behavior, for 
example, for the fact that in the bathroom you bathed your cat, 
asking permission None cat, nor my mother, I propose to you a 
way to escape from punishment - a head knock to the floor, beat 
himself with his hands in the chest, And howl and scream: "Oh, 
why I was tormented by a cat?" I am worthy terrible punishment! 
My shame only death atone! "In less than Half a minute, Like, 
crying with you, you are forgiven, so that comfort, will run 
for the lemonade. And then the calm cat for you tail lead to 
the bath, 'cause nayabednichat cat never fails. 

Girls should never anywhere to ignore. And not to pass them
Nowhere and never. They need to substitute the legs, to 
frighten the corner, To see at once they are: Do you spit on 
them. Girl met - Showing her quick tongue. Let them not think 
it is. What are you into it love.


Do not settle for anything with anyone and never. And who is 
with you agree, those sneaky call me. For all this you will 
love and respect. And everywhere you will be full of friends.


No offense to the one who beats you hands, And do not be lazy 
every time to thank him for that, so unstintingly, he hands you

beats, And could easily grab and stick, and brick.

Who would not jump out the window With my mother's umbrella, 
the one daring jumper is not considered yet. Do not fly it like 
a bird over agitated crowd, do not lie to him in the hospital 
with a bandaged leg.


If you are not yet firmly in the chosen way of life and do not 
know where to Labor would be a way to start, beat the light 
bulbs in hallways, People will thank you, you will help people 
save electricity. 

When you're a mother Leads to the dentist, do not expect mercy 
from her, in vain no tears lei. Shut up, both captive 
guerrillas, and stisni teeth so that they are not able to 
decompress the crowd dentists. 

If you bathe the whole family went to the river, do not bother 
my father with mom Sunbathing on the beach. Not satisfied with 
a cry, Give adults rest. To no nagging, Try to drown.


There is no pleasant experience than in the nose scratch. All 
terribly I wonder what there is hidden inside. And who look 
disgusting He let them and not looking. We're in a nose to it 
not climb, and let it does not stick.


If a bicycle Race you down the hall, And to meet you out
Bathroom Dad went for a walk. Do not turn off to the kitchen - 
the kitchen solid refrigerator, brake better dad, Papa soft, he

sorry ...

If you came to the familiar, say hello to anyone. Words:
"Please" "thank you" Do not tell anyone. Turn away and questions
Not to anyone's answer. And then nobody will say about you that 
you chatterbox.


Never wash your hands, neck, ears and face. This occupation is 
not stupid lead to anything. Re-stained hands, neck, ears and 
face, So why wasting time, wasting time to lose. Get a haircut, 
too useless, no sense. By the age of itself Oblyseet

head.

If the Pope or to his mother's aunt came to an adult and has a
important and serious discussion, should be back quietly to her
creep, and then a loud scream in his ear: "Stop!
Surrender! Hands up! "And when his chair with fright aunt falls
And shed itself of the dress tea, juice or jelly, it is probably
It will be very loud mom laugh, and are proud of their child,
Dad's hand you shake. Shoulder And dad would take you somewhere
lead. There's probably a very long time the Pope will praise 
you. 

For example, in your pocket Was a handful of candy, and meet
you have got your true friends. Do not be afraid and do not 
hide, do not rushes to escape. Do not shove all the candy 
wrappers together with a mouth. Walk up to him calmly, without 
saying another word, quickly pulled out of his pocket, pull it 
... palm. Firmly hand them shake, say goodbye slowly, and 
turning the first corner, Rush home quickly. To the house to 
eat candy, Climb under the bed, because there is, of course, 
you do not meet anybody. 

If you stayed at home without their parents, one, I can offer 
you An interesting game called "Brave cook" or "Brave

cook. "essence of the game in making all sorts of delicious 
dishes. Here I propose to start such a simple recipe: You need 
a daddy Pour the spirits of my mother's shoes, boots And then 
they smear with cream shaving, watering them with fish oil with 
black ink in half Throw in the soup that my mother cooked in 
the morning. And cooking with lidded Exactly seventy minutes. 
What will be will learn When adults come.


If you caught my mother for your favorite activity, for example,
painting in the hallway on the wallpaper, tell her that it is 
your surprise to the eighth of March. Called the painting: 
"Milla Momma portrait. "


Beat with sticks frogs. It is very interesting. Tear off your 
wings flies, let run about on foot. Practice daily, and come

happy day-you in any realm chief Will take
executioner.

See what's going on in every house at night. Turning to
wall of the nose, silently adults lie. Move their lips, they 
are in unrelieved darkness and with closed eyes, pulled the 
heel in sleep. She would not settle at night to go to bed. 
Nobody do not let you put to bed. Do you want to Years

Carry your baby under a blanket on the pillow, no pants?

Starting a fight with the Pope it sets out with his mother 
fight Try to surrender mom. Dad takes no prisoners. By the way, 
ask mom, do not forget there she-prisoners strap on the pope 
Denies Red Cross. 

If you are admitted to the hospital and do not want there to 
wallow Wait until a you in the ward most important doctor 
comes. Bite it, and immediately It will end your treatment, the 
same evening from the hospital, take you home.


If your friend is a birthday I invited you to yourself, you 
leave Gift homes come in handy the most. Try to sit next to the 
cake. In the conversations do not make marriages: You Twice 
during the conversation you eat less chocolates. Choose the 
pieces smaller, faster to swallow. Not Grab a salad with your 
hands, spoon more zacherpnesh. If you suddenly give nuts, Rash 
them carefully in his pocket, but do not hide there 
vareneTrudno will remove. 

If a mother in the store you bought just a ball and does not 
want Otherwise, all he sees, buy, Stand erect, heels

together, hand in hand arrange, open your mouth wide and
yell the letter "A"! And when, dropping the bag, with a yell: 
"Citizens! Panic! "- Buyers rush to the sellers in the lead, to 
you Podpolzet store manager and tell her mother: "Take all

free, let it just be quiet. "

If your best friend slipped and fell on the Show
friend's finger and grabs his stomach. Let him see, lying in a 
puddle You did not upset. A true friend does not like to offend 
their friends.


If you walked in his hat, And then she was gone, Do not worry, 
Mom Houses can be something to lie. But try to lie nicely

So, looking admiringly, with bated breath, listening to Mama 
Long lies. But if you've lied about a lost hat With her in 
battle unequal away from you spy, Try to mom did not go

In resent foreign intelligence, there it is not understood.