Nicron #31 24 апреля 1997

Самиздат

Story - Well, user, wait a minute!

 ° °

                      OU, user, wait!
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(C) MDF HACKER

    (A guide to extract the maximum pleasure
         of their duties)

            First Day

Today, as usual, Friday 13, at least for me,
NashegoBOFH. The morning begins with a call chief: "Today
on my desk otchet! "he roars precipitately into the tube.
"Without fail, I politely sent him doing some quick
passes over the keyboard.

"However," thinking, I added a silent umirotvorenno
tube, "otchetu pridetsya wait." "What?" .. " spiral
craw breathing in chief. "It seems like once a virus to me only
that asked ... "(none, of course, has not yet addressed - time
activate my new virus 2 hours, but it's nice to feel
himself a visionary).

"Well, then, of course ..." slow down the pace leader. Memories
about the virus destroyed the results for the year exist yet 
fresh in his memory. In silence I hang up the printer, turn it 
on and run test. Rotate the key in the lock - and I have no one 
hurt held particularly difficult mission Comanch'a. A knock at 
the door drowned out by the printer, the printer I can not hear 
- headphones mobilizuyusche sounds Tribal Dance, and from a 
state of total buzz I have only shows the feeling of hunger.


Lunch - is sacred. Turbo Debugger - on the screen, the handset 
- on the phone, door - wide open. Behind the door - all users. 
Last Minute views accompany me until I hung out a sign "Lunch. 
Without reasons not to bother. "and close the door. After 
twenty minutes door bomb enters the head. "Well?" hopefully asks

he said.

"I work. But what is not visible?" through the sandwich 
enlighten me pressing Ctrl-F8. Kind of a red line that appeared 
on the screen as usually fully satisfies his boss. Leaving, he 
even recalls nervous crowd: "Do not disturb!"


But can nick understand the importance of correct
digestion? Do not give it to them. And so, after a few minutes 
the most impatient (or foolish? However, in this case are one 
and the same) with a certain kind of knocking on the door and 
the threshold states: "The I have a problem! "


"Everyone in this imperfect world there is a problem," 
philosophically I declare I am thinking to myself: "If you knew 
what problem you are currently created! "


"But my problem is very important!" humming it. "I've not 
diskette read! And on her article of mine! "


"Well," I concede, "Let's ee here. Just be
warning: my drive is something junk. How would not
spoil. "" And you use the adjacent car, "suet head
user's mouth. "As you wish," agree (note, agrees with
Users!), I, and puts a floppy disk into the next car, where the 
head wrapped in a piece of skin (digger electronics - and there 
are no problems). Gentle rustling confirms that restore this 
disk is not on forces even to me, about chem I declare the 
user. "And I advise to copy all your floppy disks, and so far 
they have not died. Bring them here. " 

After the briefing (copy a: b:) I give him the opportunity to 
own copy a floppy disk. Drayverochek small monitors so that

directory are read. Happy, he goes, getting away from me
as a premium Norton Disk Destroyer (NDD) and farewell
check the hard drive more often.

Lunch is over, playing the mood was gone. Want entertainment.
I opened the door, take off my plate. Turn acclaim moe
appearance. However, not all. My mind immediately distinguishes 
nametanny from the crowd of a few individuals, marked my last 
stamp virus - the eyes, staring cross-wise. It's very simple - 
the whole display is from right to left, and I should not have

vex.

"Firstly, I discovered a new virus."
Tyazhely sigh. Remember, you rascal!
"Let's here a floppy, I've already written an antivirus."

And it gives! No, really, there is no limit of human stupidity.
It's about time already, and learn some life into a single 
organization with me. But however, as boring then would become 
a life! Thus, anti-virus. No No, he really finds the desired 
virus. But at the same time I shlet network files that contain 
anything interesting, and Roots carefully a couple of new 
viruses. Must I anything have to have fun!


"And now you go on one with their problems ..." unctuous
voice invite me. Come on, darling! The same hands are itching! 
"I first, I am! "Well, well, my friend, yes you exist yet and 
insolent! 

"Well, in our chem poser?" voice of the good doctor
enlighten me, enjoying the view of his self-confident person. 
Until it does not exist yet realized that it is pulling his 
hand convulsively squeezing a thick stack of floppies, or 
rather, a bracelet of his hours to table. Perhaps the time has 
come to inform him. However, the first listen ...


"I have here the archive, but it is very big, and they told me 
that need a program long ... "Ah, even so! He exist yet and the 
names of programs know! Pridetsya expand its stock of 
knowledge. "Oh, sorry, "I interrupt (estimate how important 
courtesy to produce the desired effect), but if you took steps 
to protect Your floppy disk by magnetic fields? Now I have 
here, for example, is a large electromagnet (You just put him 
on your floppy disk), directed against the Earth's magnetic 
field, and here it is neutralized. And when you carried them 
here, they could demagnetized. "


I took out the floppy and showed him the envelope pattern of 
the magnet, podnesennogo close to the diskette. He was not 
given to understand that "never, nie, nunca, jamais "line and 
characters are not translated as" not Remember!. "Well, there 
is no place for literacy classes. And how finely drawn out of 
his face! 

Archives, of course not escaped, the clock is also stopped. On
farewell to advise him to wear in a box of floppy disks or two
magnet, but be sure to constantly orient their poles
the opposite of the earth. Do not forget to watch this
process.

Exist yet three similar personality to him entertain me, but 
the four I can no longer move. Tomorrow and tomorrow. I can not

burst of laughter in the workplace. Run at night in search of
e-mail to the organization last week racy catchwords and
compromising and going home.

           (To be continued)