Nicron #28 03 апреля 1997

Юмор

Humor - Dembelskaya rocket ordinary Kochkurkina.

 ° °

         DEMBILSKAYA ROCKET backbencher KOCHKURKINA
 ° °



(C) MDF HACKER

         Chapters from the book 2 / 3 pieces
            Part Two


  Political officer sent to us on the charges after a 4-year
Artillery School. These only dream, as if
increase the number of stars on the meter. Problem in his 
diploma were simple, like sunflower seeds. In the civic 
institutions such offer freshmen. When I asked him, as the 
trajectory projectile - the curve, whether it is possible to 
put a gun to the side and shoot around the corner, he thought, 
said that probably can, but ordinance is not allowed.



  He believed, for example, that between the nuclei and 
electrons in an atom is the air, mixed up the boiling point of 
water with a right angle, and recently I have great difficulty 
persuaded him that, even in sinus combat conditions is greater 
than unity does not happen. Coming out of the office, I got 
into operation the company, pending divorce. Our company 
commander - Captain - former colonel, demoted for drinking and 
written off to us, obviously not yet had time to sober: - 
Announce the availability of personal composition. All missing 
put in a single file. Who does not anything that will punish.



  Ubegaylo! - I! - Ubegaylo! - Here! - Of course, here. Kuzia x
you get to. This was a favorite joke company commander. We 
heard it on the Each divorce. Would be better if the captain 
was serious - so he turned out funnier. Generally, to develop 
it completely pulled on colonel. Nobody believed that it 
demoted for systematic binges - during which the army ranks is 
not denied. He could night in a shootout never miss, but usually

among the dead raiders was not found. He could run
a couple of hundred meters in a gas mask with a closed valve. 
He could head hammer a nail into the wall, if the other side, 
of course, not stood another colonel. In general, normal 
colonel. 


  For the captain he was too stupid. - Over the last week of
all sites recorded 200 crimes. Will listen
statistics? From the right edge of one said: "It is better 
shorter, how many killed, how many stolen. "Six months ago

say: "read out the whole list - it was interesting that can
mess things up a military construction. But soon lost interest, 
since of military criminal builder can do anything. - In short: 
five killed, three accidents with polusmertelnym outcome, six

raped, beaten ten people. The rest - small things -
hazing, stabbing, mass ethnic fighting. Theft of
2 million, total time - 98 years of disciplinary battalion.


  Over the past year been an unprecedented rise in crime - in
Each soldier has an average of three thefts and two
death. - The company commander looked affectionately system. - 
Hurry, and you all jail. So. As you know to check out our 
staff. Captain walked around the tables and poured its contents 
onto the floor. - Why still the order is not removed? You men, 
or where you are in the den live or what? Look, wait. Now will 
deal as should punish anybody. Where I is normal and where

merciless. What does you stink at the barracks? In the pants 
laid on fear? - Do not know, Captain, until you no stink. -

It gave voice to the duty company. - A bull someone lying on the
sex? - Nobody's fucking, Captain, smoke on health. -
Enough talk. Mother, like small children. I'm accustomed to you
discipline.


  Or stop smoking, or one of two things. Patients have? Company
silent. Medical unit has recently been passed it by, because its
manager - a former veterinarian Basil with a 4-classroom 
education saying: "In the army everything - through the well 
..." and indeed, all even angina treated with vedernyh enemas. 
- Be warned: if you drink an acid solvent for longer with soda 
chatter, and if you slurp glue BF, it is best squeeze. If you 
sleep on production, block the trailer from the inside rather 
than outside and make sure it's trailer, and not transformer 
vault. And then as in war: in the month of the man is losing. 
Everything. Roth, come out based on the work in a checkerboard 
pattern in a line of four.



  Sergeant-Major! Warrant officer jumped out of the petty 
officers on the move doedaya with a thick piece of bacon-thick 
layer of chocolate. - I! - What am I? - So exactly! - Why so 
sure? - Hurray! - You fool! At the head of a leading Column 
check box. Company to build on the parade ground and moved on 
the job. Part Two Production Head site Lieutenant Kryuchkov, as 
usual, was sober and scolded the guard for theft of a tower 
crane. Of course, there were stealing everything from masterki 
to power substations, but to steal tower crane - what am I

heard for the first time. - No, but you show me the lads who for
night crane dismantled. Yeah I'm using them a long time the 
object would finished. - The lieutenant waved his hand and said 
in the direction of our Company: - Roth, concrete will not 
accept today. Will take on his chest. Joke.



  Everything to do cleaning jobs. As for me, I would
concrete is better accepted. Though some use. Yes, and safer. A
had recently had nothing to do pit wall leveled, to shine,
and then it turned out that he was vyryn two meters to the 
left. And there, where we dug, it was a radioactive burial of 
an intensity that the company immediately - without the two men 
and a lieutenant colonel, chief of construction - without the 
two stars. Or by order of another geezer digging the trench, 
ran into a high-voltage cable. Company was left without two 
hands and three legs, and an officer's residence - without 
light on the week. Again, what about cleaning. Last week 
neighboring company steppe resulted in the order. Well, there 
to tulips on one side and watched the dust was gently trampled.



  Well, not all of the steppe, of course, and so only the area 
that Commission had come from the General Staff could survey of 
the "jeep." Five or six square miles, not more. At the same 
time demolished a couple of geodesic trikapunktov. I remember, 
then the section chief indignant: "They brought me say that you 
have found. I do not glands are needed, and the exact spot 
where they stood. "I went to their workplace - caravan 
electricians, and unexpectedly stumbled on Kochkuru.



  "But - I thought, when surrendered gaubvahta, it still
left to sit there for two days. "As if answering my thoughts,
Kochkura said: - During the three packs of "Prima" for me there 
one babai was serving. I want to start 113 hit the road. 113 
Playground - cast start to launch rockets - was the center of 
the informal communication Baikonur, in some sort of dissident 
nest. He was is enormous - in three to four times greater than 
normal starts. 


  No wonder that the missile, launched from it in the seventies,
(Rumored to be on the moon and maybe beyond that), not far gone 
- to the nearest barracks. In this case, killed in an explosion 
(again, by rumors) about 15 people - 3-4 generals, up to a 
dozen colonels, and soldiers - all without an account. After 
the accident, abandoned the project, all the most valuable 
thing was removed and left to mock Protection. Since only under 
the ground was 12 kilometer floors, profit was nothing.



  Sorry that my appeal to the (1981) almost everything that can 
be had to make - were taken away, all you can drink - drank, 
all that could break down - broke. But shortly before the 
launch reached construction battalion, and here is started! The 
underground floors settled deserters spivshiesya Civil 
Engineers and other rag-tag. From time to time platoons 
commandant succeeded after a long siege with "cherry" to clean 
the floors, but valiant military construction, like 
cockroaches, once again filled the gap. 


  Among the tenants were a lot of my dungeons with Kochkuroy 
friends. So I agreed immediately, without delay, and we went to

way. The spring sun warmed Kazakhstan, here and there lay
broken or abandoned machinery, smell tulips and burnt
tar. - By the way, "said Kochkura - tower crane is not stolen, 
and took popolzovavshis dembilya with neighboring parts. From 
my pickup. I think - just be free - and then play! They 
dembilsky chord distance - lay on the roof of the second 
building. Their chief site thinks they are a month is not 
right, and they are using tap for the week all sbatsayut and 
citizen. 


  A missile of this without my autograph, so to speak, my
blessings, not big trouble. More precisely, this will be my
the latter, dembilskaya missile. - Come on, Kochkura, we do
dembilya six months soared, a few more runs we'll see. - Do not
We argue, starting today, at seven, we'll see. Part
third


  Threshold dungeons By this time we passed the outer
elektrozagrazhdeniya start, long shot by soldiers for the needs 
of Heating dungeons, and climbed to the first level through

vent. The first level was heavily mined
He served as a public toilet. Although for many years here, all
caked and turned to stone, but water seeped out here, creating a
on the floor a unique flavor.


  However, we were not here for the first time and quickly 
found a passage on ladder. We needed a short cut to the lowest, 
12-th level. At this level all the sides left moves with thick

rusted cable bundles. Who said that the moves associated
together all the sites, who - that they were right in the 
Kremlin case of nuclear war. In any case, it is known that 
those who went there for a long time, usually not returned.



  In my memory only Kochkura was one of the course
10 kilometers in search of silver wire and back, for what
and earned the nickname "stalker". True, one of the moves nimble
boys from a neighboring company gone far enough and
found large amounts of alcohol, but to pull them failed.
Kochkura believed that through the floor could be reached for 
further nerazgrablennym treasures start.


           (To be continued)



(C) DELEALAN