ZX Time #07 31 января 2002

Юмор

and laughter, and a sin - anecdotes and aphorisms.

And laughter, and sin


                   Sent by Valery Debris


                  Meeks

The device will work better if you
turn it on.

Ah, once again, many many times

                   (E: \ WIN95 \ setup.exe).

- Delme, our boys were on

  fishing, we prepare them?
- Dad, Dad, Mom again with margarine

  talking ...

Bear walked through the woods, smoking a joint, suddenly
he needed was the case was away, well, he
cannot dig in and leave. Back - cannot gone. Fits
hare, takes him by the scruff:
- Oblique, you cannot take it?
- Neeee ...
Bear fox:
- You cannot zanykala Redhead?
- Neeee ...
Looks up, and there raven writes
Group of Eight and other aerobatics.
- Crow, you cannot know?
- What-a-tramp cannot? Destroy me

  sticks, I can not sit down!

Prapor said the soldiers:
- I have a little time, so that'll be the first
  We say, not thinking!

KP drives at speeds of toned completely black "600th." A cop 
with all forces blowing the whistle. Mercy's stops, the glass 
is slightly lowered. Cop: - Violates a citizen. Your document 
... From the window pops out the barrel. Cop:

- Where to shove the whistle? ? ? In Jo ... ??

  And already you can wear pants? No,

  no complaints ... happy ny
  Thi ...
The machine starts quickly. The cop even faster
includes radio:
- Sixth, sixth! At your direction

  excess should be a black Mercedes.

  Whistling not stop ... Yes, the devil
  useful only with a rod!

Stirlitz 10:00 pecked at the keyboard.
- Depends - thought Stirlitz ...
- Stirlitz - thought the BIOS and just

  case peep ...

Sale urgently:
Mysh beluyu, pycifitsirovannuyu, glaza pozovye.
Detckuyu vannochku c tsentrifygoy.
Pycckoe vicki "Civy merin.
Konyak "Hapoleon" bopodinckogo pazliva.
Hyzhnik. Camomy ochen nyzhen ... Had DO NOT
nyzhda, DO NOT prodal would.
Tyaletnuyu vodu of lychshix ynitazov Frantsii.
Gold tsep to velocipedy "Ukraina".
Cmiritelnuyu pybashku p. 44 vecelenkoy
pactsvetki.
Bodolazny koctyum 56 pazmepa firm "Condom".
Homeland.

That means an end to the war. The coolest camp. It turns out 
the guard to the crowd: - So! We lost this war!


  Thank you all! All free!

Call a leech another:
- I'm sorry that you tear off ...

Recently, American filmmakers
know that Beethoven wrote music.
"What a clever dog!" - Think American filmmakers.

Two gentlemen discuss the problems of private life:
- My wife may be engaged in hours of love
  mi.
- So what? Mine is also very passionate ...
- Yes, but in the morning, when I'm going to

  work, I have to look for these pro
  klyatye watch the whole apartment!

A teacher at the school:
- Children write a sentence: "In the corner

  scratches the mouse.
Fits Vovochke, zalyadyvaet his notebook and asked:
- Vovochka, and who "Vugluskr?

Letter arrives AM Kashpirovsky:
"Dear Anatoly, I have
the eggs were warts. After the first
your conversation, they disappeared, the warts were. "

In the surgery tumble guy. He has a fork sticking out from the 
forehead. Surgeon surprise stares at the newcomer.

- I do for you?
- Doctor, help me, the wife of the plug out to

  boxed - die!
- It's too late, my friend, my working day

  ended.
- Doctor, I bleed the same blood!
- I told you clearly said - a working day

  has already ended.
- Doctor, I'm in your office now the mind
  py!
The surgeon sighed heavily, suited to the man, abruptly pulls 
the plug from the forehead. Brandishing, sticks it to the 
peasant in the eye and wiping his hands on the gown - said:

- Go! Okulist still takes.

The lady looks to the gynecologist:
- Excuse me, I do not you still have
  Vila their panties?
- No, no, nothing visible - is responsible

  physician.
After some time he is faced with
her in the hallway.
- Got your panties?
- Found! - Joyfully replied the lady. - I

  them at the dentist forgot.

Congress of janitors from around the city. Noise
discuss social issues. On the podium
Uncle Vasya goes. All were silent: uncle
Vasya, quiet, uncle Vasya. Uncle Bob:
- Well, if # n # # b # # # # p - the hell with him at

  x # d!
- Correctly Uncle Vasya - without gloves pa
  the bot will not!

At the bus stop - and retired
boy. Retired:
- Aptchee!
- Cheers!
- Thank you.
- Please.
- Not worth it.
- What do you mean ...
- Do not get smart!
- Fuck you!

Met once two commanders Norton
and Wolf. Norton, as always, surrounded by
utilitok cute and with a full bag
viewer, and Volkov in splendid isolation,
but with the consciousness of its own perfection. And went to 
their dispute, who abruptly. - I like throw files from one 
computer 

  way across the room and fly to another

  fall - shows off Norton.
- I'm getting hit in the catalog, so it all

  at once and falls apart - boasts Wolf.
So arguing they argued, and decided that
Only someone the third can judge them. See on the sidelines a 
little guy goes limp, all decorated in clothing and with all 
pockets some devices sticking out. - Hey, man - said to him 
commander 

  Norton - allowed our dispute.
- Tell me, who among us is steeper - caught

  Commander Volkov.
- You are both not fit anywhere - is responsible

  man, - old already, no one satisfies
  We say you can not, it's time to dump you.
- Who are you, what we say so!

  - Rebelled commanders.
- I - Dos Navigator.

Cheburashka went for carp. Come. Worms forgotten. Wrote on a 
piece of paper "worm" and threw the bait. Look - it bites! Cut. 
Pulls. Hooked on a piece of paper "Carp."


In school geography lesson.
- Ivashchenko, Tell me what you know about

  Egypt?
- Well, Ebibet is a country ...
- Do not Ebibet, and Egypt.
- Yes, Egypt, in which they live, these ones

  Ebibtyane ...
- Do not Ebibtyane, and the Egyptians.
- Yes, the Egyptians. Are found there ebimoty and

  well ...
- Ivashchenko, not ebimoty and hippos. A

  what do you know about plants?
- About the plants? I know ... There are growing eboba
  would ...
- Do not ebobaby and baboeby, and in general, ca
  dis Ebaschenko, ebinitsa!

At Ensign lived parrot. And Prapor taught
him to say:
- I can say.
Parrot:
- I can say.
Prapor:
- I can walk.
Parrot:
- I can walk.
Prapor:
- I can fly.
Parrot:
- Well, you drove!

Stands a man, rolls the ball in his hands, sniffing. Another 
approach: - Do you Jo, man, you fool? Cho doing?

- Why, I can not understand, the. But it or

  plastelin ...
- Well, you're just a fool! Can not parse

  - Give here!
Picked up, twisted, sniffed:
- Similarly, it is unclear ...
Tasting:
- Like, the city. But it looks like ...
- Well, I think - from a reservoir zh.pe
  ling?

Vovochka sitting in the classroom, the teacher asks:
- Children, does anyone know the word for the letter

  "P"?
All pulled his hands, but Vovochka above all,
the teacher thinks, no, no I ask him, and then
again four-day vulgar lyapnet.
- Masha, tell us the word.
- Pelican.
- That's right, get to the place, well done!
- And now the children tell me the word bu
  HLC "F"! Again Vovochka pulls his hand above

  all but the teacher again its not raised
  ripped apart.
- Well, Pete tell us.
- Iron!
- That's right, sit down, fellow.
- And now the children, tell me a word on

  the letter "Y".
All are silent, one Vovochka pulls his hand
the teacher thinks, how could such an intelligent and
raises it.
- Vovochka Well, come on.
Vovochka making movements back / forward hand between her legs 
long and drawn-issue: "Ûûû ..."


Mom says the child:
- Sonny, I'll go wash my pussy.
And he says:
- Let the best will wash my grandmother, she py
  ki shaking.

The first of January. Call a friend:
- Jackdaw? Well spent the new year?
- Ah! As usual, in bed ...
- And there were many people?

- Ensign, Stick your and see

  whether the turn signal?
- Not running, running, running, not

  Working ...

Teacher:
- Who nibyd saved the life of a man?
Student:
- Yes, I replaced the contraceptive tablets
  yrs my sister.

Alcoholic with the experience to quickly and painlessly remove 
any form of encryption. 

- Hey, how's your wife in bed?
- Yes as you say ... Some say -

  well, others - that way ...

Born into a poor Jewish boy
family. Nebylo y him no igryshek, no books. If he was not a 
boy, emy it would be nothing to take their pyki.


There are two sperm in a woman.
One asks:
- Listen bro, soon to uterine Dawber
  msya?
- You Th fool, we just prior to tonsillectomy

  came ...

During the flight vdryg heard in the cabin rattle and squeak 
korpysa. One of the passengers paled, y he vystypil cold sweat 
at lby, and he clutched his fingers in the chair. Sitting next 
to him myzhik said quietly: - Do not get so excited! I often fly


  and mogy assure you that the guys there

  cockpit know what they do!
A passenger says:
- I'm a pilot! I know what they're doing!

Winter. Ukrainian village. Snow piled up for
Nemer night. Six o'clock in the morning. In one
hut the lights go out into the yard beyond
peasant, the small one in fufaechke, a hat earflaps. Takes a 
huge plywood shovel and begins to clear the yard of snow. Here 
on the porch goes huge babischa, in a night shirt, scary belly 
size on the belly are breast-sized basketballs and wild voice 
shouting: - Luda!

In other huts the lights, the villagers
overlook the courtyard.
- You are tiky podyvitsya on tsogo Dalby
  $ Ba! Cow doena, wife not $ Bana

  and wine, bitch, snig rozgriba!

At a reception someone asked George Bernard Shaw:
- That you're the most famous comedian? A

  Is it true that your father was a tailor?
- Yes.
- Why do not you become a tailor?
- It's hard to say. Purpose, and can
  Jette, freak of nature. For example,

  Your father seems to have been a gentleman?
- Of course!
- Why did you not have them?

Einstein was riding the train. Hungry,
He went into the dining car. Picked up the menu and
only then discovered that I forgot to score. He
asked the waiter, asking him to read the menu.
Looking with compassion on the solid,
gray-haired and well-dressed man, the waiter said quietly:
- Sorry, very sorry, but I also do not

  know how to read.

Once Einstein was asked how, in his opinion, there are 
discoveries transform the world.

- Very simple - he said - all of
  It is known that this is not possible. But

  is a funny man, who did not

  knows. He makes a discovery.


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